If I Fall (18 page)

I felt like she was weakening and if I didn't press her then, I'd never get the chance. And then I wouldn't get to go on Friday and Aidan would be disappointed and so would I.

“
So,” I said. “I've done what you asked. Haven't I earned the right to spend a little time with my friends?”

She sighed and frowned.

“And you were the one who seemed concerned that I wasn't really friends with Jada anymore,” I pointed out. “That I was spending too much time with my boyfriend. So I'm trying to be friends with her again and to do that, I have to spend, you know, time with her. She invited me over. If I say no, then she's gonna assume I don't want to hang out with her.”

She set her glass down and wiped her hands on her napkin. “I'm not letting you spend the night, Meg. I'm firm on that. I'm sorry, but I'm not.”

I thought fast. “OK. But can I at least go...over to her house for awhile? At least go watch a movie or something with her?”

She didn't say anything.

“Sara, come on, please,” I said. “It's Friday night. I haven't screwed up. I've done everything you've asked. If I can't even go hang out with a friend, what exactly am I supposed to do?”

She stood from the table and took both of our plates. She walked them over to the sink, rinsed them off, then stuck them in the dishwasher. She leaned against the counter and folded her arms across her chest. “A movie.”

“Yes,” I said, seeing a ray of light. “Just go hang at her house, watch a movie, TV, whatever. Girl stuff.”

She stared at me for a long moment. “Alright.”

I thrust my hands in the air. “Victory!”

She smiled, shaking her head. “Whatever. Eleven o'clock. I'll pick you up at eleven.”

“Midnight,” I countered.

She shook her head. “Eleven.”

“But if I'm having dinner with you, that'll only give us a few hours,” I said. “Midnight.”

She started to say something, then stopped. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Midnight. I drop you off and pick you up.”

“Deal,” I said, standing from the table. “And now I have homework to go do since I'm in good kid mode.”

She laughed and waved me away. “Yeah, right.”

I practically skipped back to my room, shut the door, grabbed my phone off the nightstand and texted Aidan that I was in for Friday.

He called two minutes later. “We're good?”

“Well, sort of,” I said and explained to him what I'd managed to negotiate.

“
Ah,” he said, not bothering to hide his lack of excitement. “OK.”

“
I know it's not perfect,” I said, the short gust of wind in my sails from feeling like I'd won something with Sara now completely gone. “But at least I can go out, right?”

“
Yeah,” he said. “Absolutely.”

“
You don't sound thrilled.”

He cleared his throat. “Well, I mean, it's not what I was hoping for, you know?”

“Well, me either. But it's the best I can do for now.”

“
Alright, well, we'll figure it out,” he said. “Hey, I gotta roll. I'll call you later.”

I set the phone down on the bed. I felt like I really had won a mini-victory with Sara, convincing her to let me get out on Friday. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was something, more than I'd gotten from her since she'd moved in. I'd taken a risk and thought I'd come away with somewhat of a win.

But Aidan had made it seem as if I'd lost completely.

I leaned back on my pillows and hugged my knees to my chest. I knew he didn't totally understand. He did what he wanted at his house, his mother completely oblivious to what he did and allowing seemingly everything. There was no one looking over his shoulder, checking on him. I knew he liked that.

And I had, too, and I'd certainly taken advantage of it. But what was I really supposed to do? Just openly defy my aunt and walk out the door and ignore the rules she was placing on me? I knew her. I knew she wouldn't allow that. She'd tie me up in my own room if she had to.

So I knew he didn't understand. But it hurt me that he didn't seem to even try to understand, to think about what it was like to be me for a minute, having to deal with all of the crap that had been dumped in my life.

And it didn't surprise me at all that he didn't call later, either.

TWENTY FOUR

“
You want me to do what?” Jada asked.

It was the next morning before school and I'd purposely gotten there early to wait at her locker. I'd spent half the night awake, trying to figure out how to swing Friday night. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I had to talk to Jada. If anything went wrong, I'd need her to cover for me and the only way I could do that was to talk to her. She hadn't bothered to hide her surprise when she saw me waiting for her.

“There's a party,” I said. “That I really want to go to with Aidan. And Sara won't let me go.”

She frowned. “Your aunt?”

I nodded.

“
Why your aunt?” she asked, opening her locker. “What does she matter?”

“
My mom,” I said, realizing just how long it had been since Jada and I had really talked. “She, um, went to rehab. My aunt is staying with me.”

Jada looked at me, stunned. “Jesus, Meg. I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

I shrugged. “I know. Not your fault. If anyone's, it's mine. I've been...absent.”

She stared at me but didn't say anything. Her stony silence stung more than any words she could've said to me.

“So, anyway,” I said, uncomfortable with the silence hanging between us. “I've been stuck in the house with her since she moved in. She won't let me do anything. And I really want to go to this party on Friday night. The only way I could convince her to let me out of the house was to tell her I was going to your house.”

She pulled a book from her locker, shut the door and put her hand on the combo lock. “So what exactly do you want me to do?” Her tone was hesitant.

“Nothing, really,” I said. “I guess I just wanted you to know. That's all. She's gonna drop me off at your house and pick me up there. I'll just meet her outside.”

She nodded slowly and locked the lock. She hugged the book to her chest and leaned against her locker. “Meg, is it OK if I ask you something?”

It wasn't, but I said “Sure.”

“
I'm not goody-goody,” she said. “You know that. And I have no trouble doing something that might get me in some trouble once in awhile. We've done stuff before, right?”

I nodded but I couldn't really think of anything. At least anything that compared to all the things I was currently doing.

“But this...” She frowned, then stared at me. “Is he really worth all of this?”

“
All of what?”

“
Lying to your aunt,” she said. “Losing your friends. Being his little tag-along.”

Heat rushed into my face. “Hey, Carter and Logan are the ones who don't seem to want me around anymore. Anytime I see them, I hear what they say.”

“Yeah, because you just bailed us,” she said. “I'm not saying they aren't being jerks, but...you just bailed us. For him. And now you want to lie to your aunt just to go to some party with him? No offense, but this doesn't sound anything like you.”

I looked away from her. I was wrong. Her words stung more than the silence.

“You forgot the part about me being a tag-along,” I said bitterly.

“
Well, that isn't like you, either, Meg,” she said. “I'm not trying to be hateful...”

“
Too late.”

She waited a moment, then nodded. “OK. I'm sorry. I just don't get it. None of us do. And you wanna know the weird part?”

“Not really.”

“
You're never smiling,” she said. “It would be one thing if you looked happy when you were with him. But every time I see you? You don't look very happy.”

My cheeks burned as the bell rung. People shuffled around us, hustling to get to their first class.

Jada finally shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever, Meg. Tell her you're coming over. It's fine. Let me know if you need anything else.”

She walked away before I could say thank you.

TWENTY FIVE

Aidan was already on the weed patch when I got outside for lunch. Scotty was stretched out across from him like usual and Lauren was between them, poking at a salad in a plastic container.

I sat down next to Aidan. “Hey.”

He smiled at me. “Hey yourself.”

Lauren gave a half-hearted wave and Scotty just laid there.

“I got it figured out,” I said. “For Friday.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? You can stay out the whole night?”

I bit my lip, then shook my head. “No. I meant I talked to Jada and it's cool if I use her as an excuse to get out of the house.”

The eyebrow dropped. “Oh, right. OK. Cool.”

Scotty snorted and was shaking his head.

“
What?” I asked.

He raised his head up. “What what? Nothing.”

“So what? A bee flew up your nose or something?”

He frowned.

“If you've got something to say, just say it,” I said.

He stared at me for a long moment,
in a way that seemed anything but friendly, then laid his back down on the grass.

“
It's cool,” Aidan said, his hand covering mine. “If that's all you can manage then we'll deal.” He leaned over and kissed me. “We'll deal.”

For a moment, the anger and frustration I'd felt for most of the day was gone, his lips taking it right out of me. All felt right in the world again.

“You'll pick me up at Jada's?” I asked.

His hand tightened around mine. “I'll pick you up anywhere.”

And just like that, everything felt right again. He was touching me, focusing on me, being the way he'd been since we'd been together. It didn't matter that his friend was being a jerk or that I'd lied to my aunt. He was paying attention to me and that was what I wanted. What I needed.

“
I'll work on the times,” I said. “To get picked up. I'll see if I can have her drop me off and then you can grab me there.”

“
Cool,” he said, grinning at me.

“
You wanna meet me after school?” I said, whispering into his ear. “You could come home with me.”

Something flashed through his eyes that I couldn't read, but he nodded. “Yeah. Totally.”

“Meet you at your car?”

He kissed me. “I'll be waiting.”

So I spent the rest of the afternoon daydreaming in my classes, tuning out the voices that bored me to tears and instead spent the time thinking about what I'd be doing with Aidan after school. And Friday night. And who knew when else.

The only problem was he didn't show up after school.

I'd chucked my books in my locker and rushed out to the senior parking lot. I looked in the usual spot for his car, but didn't see it. I wandered the lot for a moment, but it wasn't huge.

I didn't see his car anywhere.

I pulled out my phone and called him.

No answer.

I texted him.

No answer.

I stood there for a moment, watching people stream around me and cars tear out of the lot. I kept expecting him to pop out of the school and tell me he'd parked his car somewhere other than the senior lot. But the more I looked, the bigger the knot got in my stomach.

He wasn't coming.

“You alright?” a voice asked.

I turned around. “Oh, hi Dez. Yeah. I'm OK.”

“You sure?” she asked, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. “You look kinda...I don't know.”

“
Just looking for Aidan.”

“
Ah,” she said, glancing around the parking lot. “I haven't seen him. Sorry.”

“
It's OK.”

“
He's like that,” she said.

“
Like what?”

She shrugged, one corner of her mouth turned up into a smile. “A little...forgetful. Spacey. Just a guy, more than anything.”

I nodded. “I guess.”

She studied me for moment. “You like him?”

I hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah, I like him.”

“
I mean, like,
like him
like him?”

I didn't know what the right answer was.

“I mean, you seem really into him,” Dez continued. “And that's cool. He's just...just Aidan, I guess.”

I watched a car go past, music booming from the windows.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

She adjusted the bag on her shoulder again and jingled the car keys in her hand. “You seem really nice, OK? And it's not really any of my business. But Aidan...he doesn't usually hang out with nice girls.”