If I Can't Let Go (If You Come Back To Me #2) (7 page)

In compassion.

“So…” she began shakily, determined to get them back on steady ground. “We can safely say that, although your father was no stranger to drinking, his behavior on the night of the crash was unusual. He was bitter and surly that night, when he was usually the essence of charm. He typically drank socially, or at home, but you never saw him heavily intoxicated. He likely drank alone at some point that night. Well past his normal limit.”

“He
wanted
to get smashed,” Liam stated bluntly.

“Yeah,” Natalie whispered. “But
why?
”

Liam shook his head, obviously frustrated at not knowing the answer. “Most people get totaled like that when they’re upset about something—breakups, sudden deaths…stuff like that.”

“Right. Nothing like that happened in your family, though?”

“Nothing that I know of.”

“Your mother and father…were they getting along okay? Did you ever hear any fighting?” she asked hesitantly.

“No. I was only fifteen at the time, I know, but I’d say the same thing now as an adult. My mom and dad seemed to have a great marriage. They were like kids together sometimes. My mom has never really gotten over my dad’s death.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment as Natalie tried to incorporate this information into what she already knew.

“The fact that he came to Harbor Town on a Tuesday—that’s got to be relevant. He must have learned about something or found something out in Chicago and that was what upset him,” Liam said, breaking the silence.

“Something about the Langford investigation, maybe?” Natalie wondered.

Liam shook his head. “No, like I said, he knew no charges were going to be pressed in regard to the SEC’s investigation.”

“Maybe he found out some other insider secret at his company, some wrongdoing that no one knew about. And it upset him.”

Liam grimaced. “Maybe, but that doesn’t seem to fit.”

“Why?”

He paused, as if searching for the right words. “You had to know my dad. The way he acted on the night of the crash—it wasn’t like a ‘business’ thing. It seemed…personal.”

“You were really struck about what Roger Dayson said
about coming upon your dad that night on the beach, weren’t you?” she asked quietly.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” Liam admitted gruffly. “I can’t even fathom it, to be honest. I can’t picture it in my mind, my dad standing on that beach sobbing.”

Neither of them spoke while Natalie finished her dinner. An oppressive fog seemed to have settled around them. One haunting thought kept echoing around in her mind.

She was the one responsible for putting Liam through this ordeal. What right did she have, to make him suffer for his father’s mistake?

“To hell with this,” Liam said so abruptly she started. He hitched his chin and grabbed her hand where it’d been resting on the table. “Let’s go dance.”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

“What? You’re not going to try and tell me you don’t like dancing,” he said, a small smile flickering across his mouth.

She couldn’t tell him her like or dislike of dancing wasn’t what was causing her to hesitate. It was the idea of being in Liam’s arms.

She let him draw her out of the booth, but she shoved on her glasses first. The bar and dance floor might be crowded.

He didn’t let go of her hand as they walked through the intimate dining room toward the bar. Natalie breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw there were only two other couples slow dancing to a jazz classic on the small dance floor. Liam turned and slid his left hand along her waist, his body instantly shifting to the beat of the music.

He pulled her closer, his hand spreading along the middle of her spine. Their bodies brushed together.

It was just a dance. Natalie knew this.

Her
mind
knew it; yet her body seemed to be screaming that it was something much, much more.

She stared blindly at a spot just below Liam’s shoulder
while the band played. Her heart began to beat erratically when she felt him lower his head. His chin turned, nuzzling her, his short goatee whisking across her temple.

“It’s like holding on to a dream, feeling the way you move.”

She glanced up—couldn’t have stopped herself if she’d tried. What he’d said didn’t seem to match up to his expression. He looked strange…like he was irritated…or torn?

“Don’t think I go around saying crap like that,” he added stiffly. “I mean…it…it wasn’t crap. It was the truth. Honestly.” She saw his strong throat ripple as he swallowed.

An uncontrollable wave of sensation went through her at the sight of Liam Kavanaugh looking uncomfortable.

Liam Kavanaugh
.

She ducked her head. Natalie couldn’t decide what had stunned her more, the excitement caused by his warm breath and hoarse whisper in her ear or his unexpected revelation. His compliment had been undeniably sweet, but also electric somehow…erotically charged.

Why had that been?

Her heart fell to the vicinity of her belly when she realized why.

Because despite Liam’s reputation as a charming playboy, she’d believed every word he’d said.

Her body buzzed with sensual awareness. As if Liam knew this perfectly, he pulled her closer. Her breasts pressed tight against his ribs. Their hips moved together. The music flowed not just through her, but Liam as well, joining them…entwining them. She couldn’t decide where his heat began and hers ended.

She couldn’t help but consider in wonder what it would be like to move even more intimately with Liam, to be joined with him so deeply that she felt his heartbeat at her very core.

The shivery sound of the drummer’s brush lightly caressing the cymbals caused a tingling sensation to mount beneath
her skin. The music ceased. She leaned her head back and peered up at Liam dazedly. His hand shifted as he drew off her glasses.

She peered up at him through eyelids that had gone heavy. His expression went hard. His nostrils flared. For some reason, his fearsome expression made her lips part in anticipation.

The saxophone wailed the opening notes to a new song. Natalie blinked. The two other couples were leaving the dance floor. Their faces were so bland, as if they hadn’t noticed the magic of the moment at all.

The thought penetrated her sensual lassitude. She started out of Liam’s arms. He didn’t say anything when she took her glasses from him, donned them and walked toward the dining room.

They hardly spoke for the next several minutes, the one exception being when Liam grabbed the bill from her when they returned to the table.

“You shouldn’t have to pay, it’s a business exp—”

She pulled up short when she saw the expression on Liam’s face. She’d been about to say the dinner was a business expense, but he’d halted her with a glance. He flipped a credit card into the leather folder. They waited in silence while the waiter returned, and the silence still hadn’t broken once they got in the car and reached the outskirts of Harbor Town.

Natalie wasn’t being silent to be obstinate. She was being quiet because her thoughts were coming too fast and chaotic to form a coherent sentence. Had she really been so keyed into him out there on the dance floor that she’d lost all sense of time, or purpose…or self? She’d known she was uncommonly attracted to Liam, but this was…unprecedented, in her experience.

And why was he so silent and somber? She wondered nervously as she gave him a sideways glance as he drove. His
shirt showed up starkly white in the darkness, lit up as it was with moonglow. Despite all her uncertainty about the wisdom of her desire, she longed to ask him into her town house. But maybe—given his withdrawal—he wouldn’t be interested? Surely he was second-guessing his occasional moments of attraction toward her, as well.

Second-guessing it…regretting it?

Liam had turned on the air-conditioning, but the atmosphere seemed to froth and boil in the small confines of the car. At last, he pulled into her driveway and the car came to a halt. He remained turned in profile, confusing her even more.

“Thank you for dinner,” she tried to say, but her nervousness made her voice come out as a whisper. “Liam?” she asked when he didn’t respond, just repositioned his hands on the top of the steering wheel.

“Yeah?”

“Are you…are you going to tell me about the meeting with your mother?” Natalie asked, suspecting the topic was partially responsible for his strange mood.

His face was cast with shadows, but she could feel his stare when he turned his head. “There isn’t much to tell. I told her I was trying to gather information to better understand what Dad was going through when he caused the accident. I asked her about him coming home from the city on the night of the crash. She essentially told me I was being disrespectful to my father’s memory and that I was a huge disappointment to her for agreeing to investigate the matter.”

“Oh, no,” Natalie whispered.

He laughed mirthlessly and reached for her hand. He pulled it into his lap.

“It’s okay. She was just taken off guard. I breached her defenses unexpectedly, if you know what I mean, so she had to let go with the heavy artillery.”

“Still…I’m sorry. It was never my intention to alienate you and your mother.”

“I know that,” Liam replied. Natalie became highly aware of the side of her hand resting on his muscular thigh and the way he stroked her wrist and thumb with warm, calloused fingertips. “Truth is, I’m mad at myself.”

“Why?” Natalie asked.

“I should have asked her years ago. I’ve been a coward, colluding with her silence.”

“No,” Natalie protested warmly, leaning forward. “You’re not a coward. That’s ridiculous. It’s like you said—families keep this stuff close. It’s normal that you and your brother and sister have followed Brigit’s lead in that regard.”

His low grunt sounded doubtful, but Natalie knew she likely wasn’t going to talk him out of his opinion.

“And so you told her that it was me who had asked you to do the investigation?”

“Yeah,” he said. He seemed preoccupied as he watched himself stroke her hand. She, too, was distracted. It was hard to concentrate while Liam touched her.

“Your mother couldn’t have been very thrilled about that.”

He looked up. “No. She wasn’t. That was about when she accused me of agreeing to investigate my father just because you were pretty. Apparently my mother thinks you charmed me into it, and I was too helpless to refuse.”

Natalie gave an uncomfortable laugh. “I know that made you mad.”

“It did.” He turned her hand and laced his fingers through hers. Natalie responded naturally and closed her hand, holding him. Her heartbeat started to throb against her eardrums.

“But like I told you yesterday, she was partially right,” Liam continued.

Natalie searched out his features in the dim light and saw the moonlight gleaming in his eyes.

“I do want you, Natalie,” he admitted with disarming honesty. “I have since that night I saw you on the beach.”

A swooping sensation occurred in her belly. She couldn’t identify it as nervousness or excitement. He wanted her…as in wanted her in bed.

Liam Kavanaugh. Wanted
her
.

Awkward, self-conscious, inexperienced, scarred Natalie.

He gave a small, incredulous laugh. Natalie realized several taut seconds had elapsed while her brain had tried to compute Liam’s words.

“You’re not going to say anything, are you? About the fact that I just said I wanted to make love to you?”

“I’m not so sure it’d be…wise,” she finally replied in a cracking voice.

“Yeah, I’d figured out that much myself, believe it or not. Knowing doesn’t seem to be quieting the need any. Not a bit,” he added wryly under his breath. For a few seconds, the silence stretched.

“But this has got nothing to do with wisdom,” Liam said suddenly. He released her hand only to bury his hands in her hair. Natalie sat in the car seat, frozen as he furrowed his fingers through the long strands. She couldn’t see his face, but she sensed his intensity.

“I’ve been wanting to do this all night. It ought to be made illegal for you to hide your hair. It’s so soft.”

Something swelled in her chest at the sound of awe in his deep voice.

Her hair slid through his fingers as he released it. His hands settled on her jaw, bracketing her face. The gesture struck her as tender…cherishing even. His head lowered over her and he spoke a fraction of an inch next to her lips.

“Tell me that you feel it, too.”

She couldn’t squeeze a word out of her throat, so she just nodded once.

And then he was kissing her, and everything faded away—her inexperience, their history, the tragedy, the hurt…the unanswered questions.

Nothing existed but Liam’s hungry mouth and her own erupting need.

H
e felt her heat beneath him; he felt her soften. The wholehearted consent of her body was even sweeter to him than her small nod of agreement had been.

Desire roared through his veins when she put her hands on his shoulders and caressed the muscles, making it the hardest trial of his life to keep a tight reign on himself. He couldn’t stop his hands from moving, though. As he discovered the secrets of Natalie’s mouth more thoroughly, his palms and fingers explored the mysteries of her body. She was like magic made into flesh: all taut, delicious curves and supple straight lines. He ran his hands from the indentation of her waist to her hips, finding the swell intoxicating. He settled on those curves and caressed them softly.

Her taste was like lust double-distilled.

When he realized he was quickly getting drunk on it, he sealed their kiss with effort. Her kisses were so sweet, but her occasional hesitance made him suspect she wasn’t all
that experienced. He should go slowly with her or he’d risk ruining things. He couldn’t stop himself from plucking at her damp, warm lips, though. His hands moved, seemingly of their own accord, sweeping up the sides of her body.

He gave a restrained groan at the sensation of her full breasts against his palms. The rough sound seemed to startle her.

“It’s okay,” he murmured. He lifted his head and watched her exquisite face cast in moonlight as he pressed the center of her breasts into his palm. “I know I said I wanted to make love to you, but I’m not going to tonight. I just want to touch you a little. You’re beautiful.”

“I am not,” she replied in a choked voice.

“You
are
. I’m going to show you some day just how beautiful you are. If you’ll let me.”

She blinked. Perhaps she’d been surprised at his intensity, but he’d stated a simple truth. He didn’t know precisely when it had happened, but it had become an imperative for him to show Natalie Reyes how bright she shone in his eyes.

Her lips parted and he nuzzled them with his own, a bee drawn to honey.

“Does that feel good?” he murmured huskily as he cradled the weight of her breasts in his palms and whisked his thumbs over two taut peaks. It aroused him immensely, how responsive she was to his touch. He could feel the stiffness of her nipples directly through her bra.

“Yes.”

He caught that small whisper with his brushing lips, treasuring it. He went very still when she began to move her hands, touching his upper arms lightly at first, then squeezing his biceps in her palms.

He lowered his head, the need to plunge back into the warm, wet cavern of her mouth too overwhelming at that
moment to restrain himself. She jumped when something thumped against the passenger door.

Hard.

Liam reacted instinctively when he saw a hulking shadow outside the window. He unlocked his car door—leaving Natalie’s locked—and got out of the car rapidly. If whoever was standing outside the passenger door was a threat, he’d be a sitting duck trapped in the car, unable to do anything to protect Natalie. He cursed himself for not carrying his weapon, but it was Harbor Town, for Christ’s sake, and he wasn’t even technically the chief of police yet.

“Get away from that door,” he barked at the man who stood on the other side of the car. The figure was as tall as Liam, which was alarming. He experienced a mixed feeling of annoyance and relief when the man’s features were revealed by moonlight.

“You get away from my sister and get the hell out of here, and I’ll think about it, Kavanaugh,” was Eric Reyes’ harsh reply.

“Great,” Liam muttered under his breath when he heard Natalie unlock her door. Liam and Eric had never gotten along. The last time he’d seen the great doctor was at the opening ceremony for the Family Center over a year ago, where they’d kept a wary distance from each other out of respect for the occasion and Mari Kavanaugh.

The last time he’d seen Reyes before that, the two of them had almost had a fistfight in the parking lot of Jake’s Place.

“Eric! What are you doing here?” Natalie said when she opened the car door.

Eric unglued his glare on Liam and transferred his gaze to his sister. “I came to see you. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I do tend to do that, now and then. What are
you
doing?”

A tense silence ensued. Eric’s voice had been thick with sarcasm and fury. Liam didn’t have to see Natalie’s face to
sense how uncomfortable she must be feeling at that moment. Surely Eric had seen enough through the steamy windows to know precisely what they’d been doing.

“Don’t use that sanctimonious tone of voice with her,” Liam growled. “She wasn’t doing anything wrong. You’re the one who sneaked up on us and scared her half to death.”

“Be quiet, Kavanaugh,” Eric commanded, pointing across the hood of the car. “This is none of your damn business.”

“Wrong,” Liam said quietly through a clenched jaw. “This is none of
your
damn business.

“
Stop
it. Both of you.”

Liam paused and looked at Natalie as she rose from the car. Her face looked pale and tense in the moonlight.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Liam.” He could tell by her pointed expression that she was warning him to drop it.

“What? Why are you going to be talking to
him?
” Eric demanded, glancing from her to Liam with a look of confusion and alarm on his face.

“Liam and I are working on something together,” Natalie said.

“Yeah. I could see that,” Eric replied sarcastically.

“Liam,”
Natalie said sharply when Liam started around the car. He came to a halt, scattering gravel beneath his feet, glaring at Eric all the while.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” The small tremor in her voice quieted Liam’s fury more than anything.

Liam nodded. He remained standing by the car as he watched Natalie and her brother walk toward her town house.

Eric slammed the door behind him.

“Jesus, Nat.”

Natalie shut her eyes when she heard the three, pointed syllables. She didn’t bother to turn around but merely walked into her living room and tossed her purse on the couch.

“Do you want me to make some coffee?” she asked calmly.

“No, I don’t want any coffee,” Eric stormed. She finally turned to look at him. Her brother was a very handsome man—tall, dark and intense. Three quarters of the female staff at Harbor Town Memorial, where he practiced as an orthopedic surgeon, would have sacrificed a great deal to have Eric drop in on them unexpectedly on a balmy Harbor Town summer night.

Natalie wished fervently he’d go grace one of
their
door-steps and leave his little sister alone…the same little sister he’d just caught making out with a Kavanaugh.

Her cheeks burned at the memory and she started toward the kitchen determinedly. “I’m going to make myself some coffee, then.”

“Why the hell are you dressed like that?” Eric demanded as he followed her into the kitchen.

Natalie opened a cupboard and paused, feeling regretful. Eric had sounded positively flummoxed. Seeing her with Liam must have been like taking an unexpected blow to the head, though he’d have been confused and protective enough finding her steaming up the windows in a car with any man. Natalie didn’t date that much, after all, and her brother had been the only witness to a few of her unsuccessful attempts during her early and mid-twenties. Eric had been the only witness to her hurt and tears when things had gone bad on those occasions.

He may be annoying at times, but he was her only family. Ever since their mother had died when she was eleven, he’d been both brother and father to her, taking on the full responsibility of an adult and caregiver at age eighteen.

If anyone deserved to scowl at her odd association with Liam Kavanaugh, it was Eric. Knowing that didn’t particularly decrease her annoyance with his presence at the moment, though.

“What do you mean why am I dressed like that?” she asked, her irritation leaking into her voice, despite her former thoughts.

“Your hair, it’s…” He paused and made a comical gesture around his head. “And that top you’re wearing…” He couldn’t seem to come up with the right word to describe it, but he persisted, unfortunately. “It’s not really your style, is it?”

“You can’t expect me to wear a business suit out on a date.”

It took her a few seconds to register the ringing silence.

“You went on a date with
Liam Kavanaugh?
”

“Sort of,” Natalie replied, already wishing she could take the words back. It was too late now. “Like I said, we’re working on something together.”

“What?”

Natalie exhaled and tossed the bag of coffee onto the counter. She started to tell him about her idea to hire Liam to investigate Derry Kavanaugh’s state of mind on the night of the crash. By the time she’d finished, her brother had gone tight-jawed and pale behind his tan.

“Why didn’t you tell me you planned on doing this?” he asked when she’d finally finished.

“I knew you’d worry about me if I did. I knew you’d tell me not to dwell on the past. But I’m not like you, Eric. I…I can’t seem to let it go.”

“There’s nothing to be gained by this. Nothing,” he said bleakly.

“You’re wrong. I’ve already learned so much more about Derry Kavanaugh. He already seems more real to me, more human.”

“He killed our mother and nearly killed you. You spent a good portion of time in a hospital, thanks to him. You endured constant pain, and countless surgeries and grueling rehabilitation. How much more
real
can the man be to you?” he asked.

“That was
my
reality,” Natalie said shakily. “That was
ours
. I want to know what drove
him
to do what he did. I have to know.”

“Why can’t you let it rest?” Eric roared.

“Because
I’m
not resting,” Natalie shot back. “If you’ve found peace by envisioning Derry Kavanaugh as the devil incarnate, then more power to you. I’m not trying to change your mind. Don’t try to change mine.”

Her brother just stood there, looking shocked by her heated outburst. Natalie felt bad for that—how well she knew that Eric wanted her to be happy—but she didn’t feel bad enough to apologize for telling the truth.

She turned and switched on the coffeepot. “What
did
happen that night our lives changed forever? The question haunts me. Maybe it’s an unhealthy obsession, but I’m not going to stop trying to get all the answers I can find,” she said in a quieter voice.

Eric sighed heavily. “And is it absolutely necessary for you to go on this quest with Liam Kavanaugh?”

Natalie met her brother’s stare slowly. She sensed the double meaning to his question.

“It’s my business, Eric. The only thing I can tell you is that I’m trying to be reasonable. I’ll do my best not to get hurt.”

The hard tilt to Eric’s mouth told her loud and clear he didn’t find her promise very reassuring.

“I haven’t even fully gotten used to Mari being with a Kavanaugh, and she’s just a friend. How do you expect me to react to my only sister seeing one?”

She gave her brother a wry glance before she reached for some coffee mugs.

“Don’t jump to any conclusions about what you saw in the car,” Natalie stated more firmly than she felt. “I’d hardly compare Liam and me to Marc and Mari Kavanaugh. I’m just getting to know him.”

“Right.”

She threw him a quelling glance before she poured him a cup of coffee. “I told you I can take care of myself. Give it a rest, Eric.”

“That’ll be about as easy as you putting this crash-quest thing to rest.”

“I didn’t say it’d be easy,” Natalie told him as she handed him his cup. She sighed in relief when he accepted it.

No sooner had Liam parked his bike in the Harbor County Library parking lot the next morning than he saw Natalie walking toward him. He paused, appreciating the sight. It felt good, seeing her so unexpectedly. He’d wanted to check up on her since last night, but he didn’t want to seem as territorial and rude as her brother, so he’d refrained.

Barely.

She was dressed casually despite the fact that it was a weekday. She wore a pair of jean shorts that showed off her long legs and a tangerine T-shirt that enhanced her tan—not to mention the shape of her breasts. He was glad to see she wore her hair down. Most of it anyway. She’d pulled the front out of her delicate face, but the back hung around her shoulders.

He’d never seen such a sexy tumble of curls in his life. Most women would be flaunting that hair as a prime asset. Not Natalie, though. She never flaunted much of anything.

Natalie gave him a quizzical look as she approached. He blinked when he realized he was just sitting on his bike and staring at her like a drooling idiot.

He dismounted. Before she could say something that would stop him, he tangled his fingers in her hair and palmed her jaw. His mouth lowered. He’d meant it to be a casual kiss of greeting, but even more significantly, a reminder of last night. He wasn’t going backward, despite Eric’s irritating
interference. He’d told her his intentions, and they hadn’t changed.

That’s what he’d
meant
the kiss to be. But when he felt her slight gasp of surprise tickle his mouth, when her lips softened against his and he registered her sweet taste, he lingered longer than he’d intended.

“Are you playing hooky, Natalie Reyes?” he asked her against her lips a moment later.

“What?”

She looked up at him. She looked gorgeous, lips parted, cheeks flushed, a dazed expression on her face.

He glanced down at her casual clothing teasingly. “It’s Friday—isn’t that an official CPA workday?”

“I’m not playing hooky,” she said, her forehead crinkling. She stepped back, looking two parts bewildered and one part irritated at herself for participating so enthusiastically in his kiss. He hid a smile. “It’s a holiday weekend coming up, and I’m just not that busy today. I thought I’d help you look up information on DuBois Enterprises and Alerveret.”

“Great. I could use the help,” Liam said, warmed by the fact that she’d come to join him. Suddenly the day seemed bright with endless possibilities. “I’ll take you out to lunch afterward.”