If Forever Comes (13 page)

“And look at you, precious girl. You are going
to steal the show,” I promised her.

Redness flooded Lizzie’s face as she twirled
the silken material of her baby blue flower-girl dress. She
giggled. Bashfully, she whispered, “I think I look like a princess,
too, Mommy.”

From over my shoulder, I caught my mother
watching me with outright adoration.

In the beginning, she’d had reservations about
Christian and me. It wasn’t that she didn’t want us to be together,
it was just that she believed we were rushing into things too
quickly, the way we’d upped the wedding date, definitely when we
told her we were expecting. She’d wanted us to give it time so we
could find if we really could fit back into each other’s lives, for
trust and belief to build before we made any permanent
commitments.

But time had brought that all to an end,
because time could never change what Christian and I shared. A
strong relationship had steadily built between Christian and my
mother. It was one that was so incredibly important to me because I
loved them both more than should have been possible. I couldn’t
stand for any riffs to remain between them.

The same awe I was feeling shined back at me.
Moisture swam in her eyes, glistening in the warm brown. “You’re
beautiful, Elizabeth. Unbelievably beautiful,” she said.

Her words tightened my chest and made it hard
to breathe. “Don’t make me cry,” I demanded, pressing my fingers
into the hollow beneath my eyes, trying to rein in the emotion that
was vying for release.

But it was already too late.

Tears worked their way free and slipped down
my cheeks, a fervent display of everything I’d ever wanted.
Frantically I rubbed them away. “Oh my god, I’m going to cry all
over my wedding dress.”

From where she stood beside my mother, Claire
watched me with her own elation shining through. Chewing at her
bottom lip, she struggled to control her brimming emotions that
quickly overflowed.

And I was trying not to laugh, trying not to
cry, knowing that I looked a complete mess, because all of this was
entirely overwhelming.

I was going to marry Christian.

The realization hit me hard.

Natalie choked over the tears that welled up
in her throat, laughing over the sob she seemed to be struggling to
keep in.

The seamstress who’d done my final alterations
probably thought all of us insane, these grown women standing in
the middle of the bridal dressing room, crying through their
laughter.

Natalie wiped her wet cheeks, her smile
unending. Then she shook her head with a grin. “Christian is going
to lose it when he sees you in that dress.”

My gaze traveled back to my reflection.
Redness seeped across my chest and flamed at my cheeks, because I
couldn’t help but picture the expression Christian would wear when
he first caught sight of me. But what struck me most was I could
only imagine how it was going to feel when I finally walked down
the aisle toward the man who owned me, heart and soul. The one who
held me in his hands and captured every thought in my
mind.

I couldn’t wait to stand before him in this
dress and promise him my life.

Present Day, Late
September

On Thursday afternoon, I pulled up close to
the curb in the circular drive in front of Lizzie’s school. I cut
the engine to my little red Honda and glanced at the clock glowing
from the dash. Only three minutes until the last bell rang.
Yearning nudged me somewhere in my chest. It was just a little
thump of awareness. But it was there. It was a feeling I hadn’t
truly experienced in so long. I’d longed and I’d mourned, but I
realized then I hadn’t really
wanted
.

And I wanted Lizzie.

Two days had passed since I last saw my little
girl. She spent Tuesday and Wednesday nights with her dad. Even
though I always missed her, there was a grim resignation that
always came with it. It was then I’d find myself lost in the
oblivion of sleep, wasting away the minutes and hours, letting go
of those days of my life because I didn’t want to live
them.

But today was different. I wasn’t sure what it
was. This morning I woke early. I’d gotten up and cleaned the
house, went out in the backyard and puttered around in the flower
bed, had showered and changed.

I even looked in the mirror, studying what my
mother had seen earlier in the week, the hollow woman who’d been
staring back at me. Almost frantically, I put makeup on, as if I
could cover it up, hide what was festering inside of me.

And I knew it was only a temporary solution, a
patch that couldn’t hold.

Still, I found some sense of satisfaction in
it.

Now I was anxious. I gripped the steering
wheel, willing time to pass. I couldn’t wait to wrap Lizzie in my
arms.

After what seemed an eternity, the bell rang.
Seconds later, children began to flood through the school gates and
out into the open corridor.

I rose from my car and went to stand on the
walkway, my attention focused ahead as I strained to catch the
first glimpse of my daughter.

“Hey, Liz.”

A short gasp escaped me and I jumped when I
was hit with the voice that fell much too close to my ear. I
pressed my hand to my chest, trying to catch my breath.

“Logan, hi,” I wheezed. A disconcerted smile
ruffled my mouth as I attempted to regain my composure. Ridiculous,
but the man had really startled me.

“I didn’t hear you,” I said, feeling
self-conscious as I peeked up at him from the side.

He laughed, pitching a casual hand through his
shaggy, blond hair.

I might have been from California, but Logan
definitely owned the look.

“Well, that’s because you were about a million
miles away.” With a grin, he gestured his chin toward the gate. “Or
rather, lost within those halls over there.”

I smoothed myself out. “Yeah, I guess I was,
wasn’t I?”

“Are you missing her?” he asked, his
expression suddenly serious as he turned his full attention on
me.

Taken by surprise at his question, I jerked to
look at him. I blinked rapidly as I found him staring down at me.
His gaze was intense, like he was searching for an answer inside of
me.

I really didn’t know him all that well. I’d
spoken with him casually when I’d dropped Lizzie off at his house
or he’d picked Kelsey up at mine, and we’d shared quick exchanges
like this out here in front of the school. But honestly, the last
months had passed in such a blur that I really couldn’t remember
much of our interactions at all, just innocuous hellos and goodbye
wishes that meant nothing at all.

Now he was looking at me as if he understood
some fundamental piece of me.

He seemed to take my silence as an admission,
and he released an empathetic breath. “You know…” He spoke softly,
slowly, his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his shorts. “It’s
really difficult getting used to at first.” He kind of shrugged.
“Dropping them off and knowing you won’t see them for days. Going
home to the obtrusive silence of an empty house.” He inclined his
head, nodding as if he were convincing me of something I needed to
know. “But it does get easier. I can promise you that. Pretty soon,
it just becomes a routine. Normal.” It almost sounded like
defeat.

Is that what this was? Something I would get
used to? I chewed at the edge of my bottom lip as I let my
attention drift back toward the gates. The idea tumbled around in
my head. My first instinct was to reject the notion. No, I just
wasn’t willing to accept this as normal. But the truth was, I
didn’t know what normal was anymore.

A shock of black hair that could only belong
to Lizzie finally came into view behind the herd of students
flocking to their cars. Her ponytail bounced wildly behind her as
she skipped along the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with Kelsey. She was
smiling, a smile so bright I couldn’t help but smile
myself.

“Mommy!” she squealed when she caught sight of
me. She made a beeline in my direction, Kelsey in tow. “I missed
you.” She threw her arms around my waist and hugged me. I weaved my
arms around her, high up on her back, holding her close to me. God,
it felt so good. How much had I missed this child? I realized then,
I’d been missing her for much longer than just the last two
days.

For a few seconds, she kept her face buried in
my stomach before she turned that precious face up to
me.

I ran the back of my fingers down the soft
skin of her cheek, my head tilted to the side as I looked down at
my daughter beaming up at me. “I missed you so much, baby girl. Do
you know that?”

Her little hands clung to me, and I felt all
of her love. But it was there, too, a trace of her confusion, a
hint of her need she kept tucked inside her, hidden away in the
same way I hid my own. I sighed in regret as I ran my fingers
through the silky strands of her ponytail, a gentle encouragement
that somehow, someway, we were going to figure all of this
out.

She hugged me a little more before she turned
her attention back to Kelsey, who seemed to be permanently attached
to her side. “Mommy, when can me and Kelsey play again? We haven’t
got to play in a whole week,” Lizzie said emphatically, the sweet,
innocent, little girl making a return.

My voice was soft as I cupped her cheek. “I’m
not sure, sweetheart, but I’m sure we can figure something
out.”

“Kelsey’s going to be with me over the
weekend.” Logan’s voice broke into the moment.

I’d almost forgotten he was there. Taking
Kelsey’s backpack from her, he slung it over one
shoulder.

“Why don’t you and Lizzie come over Sunday
afternoon? We can let the girls play and we can barbecue or
something?” He said it in an offhanded way, completely
nonchalant.

I hesitated, knowing it should be nothing.
Still, it felt like something.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,”
I said quietly, turning my gaze down to my feet.

“Oh, please, Mommy, please!” Lizzie begged at
my side as she jumped up and down.

Kelsey joined in. “Yes! I wanna have a
barbecue!”

I chanced a glance in his direction. Logan
grinned at me with his hair flopping down in his face. He flipped
it back with a shake of his head.

“It’s not a big deal, Liz. Honest…it’s just
food, and it’ll be a ton more fun if we share it with
friends.”

My deadened senses sparked. Christian
fluttered through my consciousness like a breeze, a gust of his
presence breathing into me. His touch…a whisper of his mouth. A
ripple of need.

An eruption of blinding pain.

I squeezed my eyes to block it all out, this
reflex that curled in my stomach and soured in my mouth.

I hated it, hated that I couldn’t stop myself
from feeling like this whenever I thought of him.

I shook the involuntary reaction away,
convincing myself it didn’t matter anyway. It wasn’t as if this
meant anything, because it didn’t. It was just something to get me
out of the house, something to break me from the cycle I’d given
myself over to.

I’d promised Natalie…had promised
myself.

I will try.

“Come on, Mommy,” Lizzie implored again as she
tugged at my hand, looking up at me with hopeful blue
eyes.

“Fine.” I bit at the inside of my mouth as I
agreed, feeling a flicker of unease. “Is there anything I can
bring?” I asked warily, giving in and looking up at
Logan.

“Nah. Kelsey and I hardly ever get the chance
to entertain, so we’d be happy to take care of it all. Right,
honey?” he asked as he flashed a mega-watt grin at his beaming
daughter.

“Right!” she said with a delighted nod of her
head.

“Yay! I get to come over to your house!”
Lizzie released my hand and nearly tackled Kelsey, the girls
jumping as they squeezed each other in an overt show of
excitement.

For the second time today, there was no
stopping the smile that prodded at my mouth, the faintest hint of
joy manifesting on my face. Seeing my daughter this way, knowing
everything she’d been dragged through over the last few months and
she still was thriving, brought a feeling of peace over
me.