I'd Rather Be Single 2 (17 page)

He grabbed my w
aist from behind and pushed my ass toward his torso. My body was growing weak to his familiar touch. He whispered in my ear. “I missed you so much.”

I pulled away from him. “Well
, continue to miss me. You never gave me a solid apology, you have a damn baby on the way, and you moved Laura in your house. I have no words for you! That shit was fucked up!”

“No one lives with me
, Tyra. And I’ve been hitting you up for months to apologize, but you never answered or returned my calls or texts.” He grabbed both my hands. “Look, I’m sorry Tyra, for everything.”

I lost myself in his eyes
, but I wasn’t letting his charm make me stupid again. “You hurt me, Courtney, that was fucked up. I don’t even know if any of it was real. Did you ever really love me?”

“Yes baby, I still do. I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
I miss you so much, I think about you every day.”

I didn’t know what else to say, though I was still angry with him
. It had been months since the last time I saw him and I wasn’t as mad and as hurt as I was in the beginning. When he told me that she no longer lives with him and that he did really love me, it made me a little vulnerable. I guess I felt like Laura didn’t win, but at the same time, it didn’t excuse his cheating. I still loved him, but I couldn’t let my heart overshadow my intelligence. He was emotionally unavailable, and I don’t think I’d ever be happy with a man like that.

When Dalia returned from the bathroom
, Courtney told me that he’d be right back. I explained what he told me to Dalia, and of course she sided with him.

“See, I told you that you
should’ve taken his calls. I knew it wasn’t going to last with that bitch, because the situation was forced. She got pregnant on purpose, groupie ass bitch!”

“
That doesn’t excuse him for cheating on me and not giving me an explanation after everything went down.”

“Well
, I think you should give him another chance. Wipe all that bullshit from the past away and move forward.”

I rolled my eyes at Dalia. If I had taken her advice, I would probably
be ran over and treated like a doormat.

Courtney returned with a bottle of Ace of Spades and filled my cup.
As the night went on, I was feeling my drinks to the core. I was feeling hazy and whenever some turn-up music came on, I would two step, and Dalia and I would mouth the words to each other. Courtney stuck by my side the entire night. It was just like old times with him. I found myself dancing with him and enjoying his company. He kept filling my cup every time he saw that it was empty, and I got so wasted that I ended up in a hotel with him afterwards. I couldn’t remember much, all I remember is our passionate love making. I missed his ass and judging by how sensual his strokes were, he missed me too.

Waking up with a headache,
I regretted sleeping with him. By him telling me everything I wanted to hear, how he loved me, that she no longer lived with him, and how sorry he was, I was vulnerable to him. .

“This wasn’t supposed to happen
, Courtney.”

He was putting
on his jeans and blue Polo shirt. I was in bed holding the comforter over my bare breasts. “Why not?” he asked.

“We haven’t talked in months
. The last thing that transpired between us was text messages of you blaming me for confronting a pregnant girl who confronted me.”

“Listen, did you have fun last night?”

“Yes, of course I had fun.” I answered.

“Well that’s all that mattered.”

“No, that’s not all that matters, Courtney. One night of fun doesn’t erase what you did.”

“Yo, didn’t we already talk about this?
Let’s move forward.” He was dead serious.

I cracked a half smile. “You’re right
, Courtney, we did already talk about this.”

I was done trying to be mature about the situation and talk about it like two adults. It was then
that I had an epiphany; he wasn’t the one and never would be. I realized that this this mistake was truly a mistake. He was still trying to avoid the meat of the issue, and I would never be able to really get the answers that I sought. This nigga cheated on me and got a girl pregnant, but wanted me to forget about it, move on and continue where we left off. I didn’t even know when or if he was ever going to tell me that he had a girl pregnant, if I never found out myself. I got out of bed, slid on my dress and made a conscious decision to love myself more than my desire to be loved.

When he dropped me off at home
, I gave him a final hug. “Good bye, Courtney.”

“
Alright boo, call me later, let’s go out or something.” he said.

I looked at him for the last time
. He was still a boy trapped in a grown man’s body. He wasn’t ready for a woman like me. His heart wasn’t open to love someone or let someone love him; he was too busy loving himself. He constantly ran from serious conversation and never made me feel comforted or showed that he was truly sorry when he wronged me. All his apologies were dry and didn’t hold weight. He was not the man for me and him getting Laura pregnant helped me dodge this bullet. He was the best thing I never had. I had to let him go, with that being said, I had to find the good in goodbye.

Sleeping with Courtney had me mourning him all over again. I was down on myself for giving him a chance to sleep with me again. He didn’t deserve any love from me. And ever since that night, he had been hitting me up non-stop. I finally got the courage to block his number. Dalia was gone all the time with Seary, and being alone made me entirely too sentimental. I spent my time working as much as possible; I even covered Dalia’s shifts so that she could spend more time with Seary. When highlights of the football games showed in the lobby, they always brought me to tears.

I noticed Dr. Raphael
puttering in one of the file cabinets a bit longer than usual. I could sense that she wanted to talk to me, because I felt her occasionally look at me, but I didn’t want her to see my glossy eyes. I felt her approach my chair from behind. I kept my eyes glued on my computer screen updating a client file.

“Tyra?” she asked, but I didn’t turn her way.

“Yes.”

She took a seat in Dalia’s chair and then rolled it toward mine.

“I see you around here trying to hide your tears. Stop letting that man have that much power over your life. Some people are meant to be put in your past, because they hold no value in your future. You will get through this. Tough battles aren’t given to the weak. They are given to the strong.” she explained.

Her words made me lose it.
It was the first time she like a mother figure, instead of a boss. She was expressing her concern and it made my tears flow. I couldn’t help it, because I never knew she cared so much. Although I was a grown woman, I needed some nurturing. It was something that was always absent in my life, and Dr. Raphael stepped in at the right time. I never knew that she connected with me because she was always riding me about work related issues.

“You don’t understand
, Dr. Raphael. My foster parents never showed me love, so when I give my heart to someone, I bare my soul to them.”

“I know all about your backstory
, Tyra. We spoke about this before. You and I have more in common than you may realize. My brother and I were both bounced around to different foster homes when growing up, until I was eighteen and was able to gain custody of him. Our past made us ambitious, it made us wiser and stronger, now look at me today. I graduated at the top of my class and I own my own dental practice. My brother got his PhD, and runs a successful clinic in Roxbury. So don’t you see, sometimes when you’re handed a box full of darkness, that too, is a gift.”

“What
does that mean?” I asked, wiping my tears.

She pushed my hair out of my face and smiled
. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

I
swallowed her words and appreciated her advice. Words of comfort were needed because I was a hot mess. This nigga had me stuck on stupid. I couldn’t believe I was letting him get the best of me, but I knew that the emotions that I was feeling were all in the name of healing.

“Thanks for this talk
, Dr. Raphael. I really needed it.”

“Well listen, speaking of my brother, here is his card. Like I said
, he is a doctor. You need to leave this athlete business alone. You ever heard that doing something more than once and expecting different results is insanity? Well that’s what you’re doing.”

“Doc I
tried so hard to get away from dating these types of men. Trust me, it wasn’t by choice. Courtney lied to me in the beginning. I should’ve known that he wasn’t real.”

“I understand
. You don’t have to explain it to me. Just make better decisions moving forward. As soon as you heal, reach out to my brother. He has ‘swag’ as you young people like to call it and he’s educated and knows how to treat a woman like a lady.”

I took a peek at the card. Dating was the furthest thing from my mind
, but I placed it into my purse anyway.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

“Yes I’m fine. Thanks again, Doc.”

“You bet.”
she said.

Dr. Raphael’s words actually helped me sleep that night. I used
them as tools to heal. It was time that I woke up with a new attitude, one that would focus on moving forward, and not dwelling on my break up.

A week
flew by, and I was beginning to become more upbeat. Thoughts of Courtney lessened by the day. Dr. Raphael barked at me for overworking and gave me the day off to spend to myself. It was Tuesday afternoon and I had nothing to do, so when Breal hit me up, I was excited to get out the house. She said that she wanted to talk to me about something and she scooped me up around noon.

“Hey girl.” I greeted her. But h
er face looked uneasy.

“Hey.”
she said nonchalantly.

“So what’s up
, why you hit me up with so little details?”

“Because I didn’t want to explain this shit over the phone.” She
placed the car in drive, and pulled off. “I think Mavis is cheating on me.” She revealed.

My hand covered my
mouth, I felt horrible for her. She was the mother of his child and they had been together forever. Outside looking in, you would think that their relationship was picture perfect. “What happened? How do you know?”

“Well
, around this time every day, he leaves the house and never tells me where he’s going. I put a tracking device in his Escalade and I needed someone to ride with me to see where the fuck he be going. I didn’t want to tell Dalia, because she tells Seary everything, and I didn’t want her to blow my cover.”

“Has he cheated before?” I asked.

“I ain’t gonna lie, he did his shit, but I ain’t no angel myself.”

“You cheated on him
too?”

She twisted her lips to the side. “Sure the fuck did, he wasn’t going to be the only one out here getting his.”

“So why are you worried about it this time?” I asked.

“Because this isn’t just cheating, this is an affair. Whoever this bitch is, he’s chilling with her on the daily.”

“Well I’m here for you girl.” I fixed my black hat on my head and faced the road. Breal had constantly checked in on me after my break-up with Courtney, and I now considered her a close friend. So if she needed me, I was gonna be there.

She
had already put the address into her GPS. We rolled over to East Boston, and loads of memories came back. I knew the congested neighborhood all too well. It was where my ex-boyfriend, Rodney’s family lived. He had moved over there after I kicked him out of the apartment we used to share after we broke up.

“It’s up here somewhere.” Breal was scanning the house numbers.

“Wait, Breal, isn’t that Mavis’s truck?” I noticed his black Escalade two cars up. Then I saw my ex-boyfriend, Rodney, getting into his car and my mouth dropped. Some time ago, I had discovered that my ex-boyfriend, Rodney, was actually gay.