Ice Cold (3 page)

‘I’m not doing nothing. Nothing.’

The man was almost a head taller than Frau Schreiber. He gave her a push, Frau Schreiber fell over backwards in the snow, and he was off and away out of the garden plot.

He was running now, running like the Devil was after him. In the direction of Schmied’s.

I was out of the garden plot next moment too. Back to my bicycle as fast as I could go, and I caught up with him at Zeiler’s.

He was out of breath, couldn’t hardly run any
more. I cycled along beside him for quite a way. I wasn’t afraid, just angrier, and the further I cycled the angrier I grew.

He hissed at me, told me to clear off. What did I want, he said, he hadn’t done nothing. ‘Nothing! Nothing!’

I went on sitting on my bike, I never took my eyes off him. I was cycling along beside him all the time, very slowly.

‘Don’t talk so daft!’ I said. ‘I saw what you did. You just turn around and come to the police with me! They’ll pick you up anyway! So don’t be daft, you come with me.’

I was surprised at myself, I stayed so calm. I was trembling inside, but my voice was firm.

‘I don’t need you there. I’ll go to the police myself.’

‘But I want to come with you. I want to see you go to the police. I saw what you did to that girl!’

‘I know what I did. You let me be. I know what I’m doing. I’ll go to the police.’

When he said that, gasping with the effort, at that very moment I heard Frau Schreiber calling. She was coming along on her bike quite a way behind us.

So I turned around to her, and just for a moment I took my eyes off the man. And he saw at once I
wasn’t looking at him. He swerved like a hare and he ran for it before I could react. Past the Schmied property and over the meadows towards the next allotments. All of a sudden he could run again. Me, I shouted as loud as ever I could.

‘Stop! Stop! Help, he’s getting away!’

I yelled at the top of my voice, and it brought Schmied running out of his place to see what the noise was. Why was I yelling like that? he asked. Was I out of my mind? he snapped.

I just shouted, ‘He’s getting away! Stop that man, he knocked a girl over in the snow! You must stop him, for heaven’s sake, stop him! He mustn’t get away! He mustn’t get away!’

And Schmied, he didn’t stop to ask questions, he went haring across the fields after the fellow.

I just stood there with my bike. Just stood there in my slippers with my coat unbuttoned. Suddenly I was so cold, chilled to the bone, trembling all over.

And all of a sudden I was scared too, scared to death. I don’t know which made me tremble most, my fear or the cold.

Because he could have pulled me off my bike. Pulled me off my bike and knocked me down myself. If that man had just taken a proper look at me, he’d have seen what a little half-pint I am.

Munich, 28 February 1939
Interrogation of Josef Kalteis by
Chief Public Prosecutor Dr R.
Interrogation starts: 10.30 hours
Interrogation ends: 15.30 hours

– Josef Kalteis, I was born on the 26th of July 1906.

– In Aubing.

– Since 31 December 1937.

– My wife’s name? Walburga, Walburga Pfafflinger.

– In Aubing. Number 2 Hauptstrasse, Aubing, that’s where we live.

– For the Reich Railways. I work as a shunter for Reich Railways.

– I trained as a mechanic, but I’ve worked for Reich Railways as a shunter for four years now.

– Up till when my old works fired me, then I got this job with Reich Railways. My dad helped me, he’s with the railway too.

– I work shifts, shunting the trains. We’re on duty all different times, that’s how it is on shift work.

– What makes you ask a thing like that? What do
you mean, what kind of relationship do I have with my wife? It’s the way it is, that’s all. What else would it be? Sometimes OK, sometimes not so good, that’s life.

– Well, we didn’t hit it off so well at the start, not when we was first married, but we get on better these days. Better nor before.

– No, we didn’t quarrel on Saturday. Has she said we did?

– Yes, it’s a fact, my wife did want to go to the cinema. But after she’d seen the trailer she suddenly wanted to go home instead. Said she didn’t fancy the movie after all. She’d thought it would be different. Happens to her quite often, she changes her mind a lot.

– What do you think I did? Took her home, that’s what. Didn’t stay with her, though. I guess she’ll have gone to bed. Said she was tired, anyway. But I wasn’t tired, didn’t want to go to bed yet, I put my coat on again and went out. Over to Schmid’s for a glass of beer. The Schmid inn.

– I watched the card-players. The regulars playing cards at their table. I guess I drank about three dark beers. I met a man I know there, he could tell you it’s like I say.

– His name? Can’t remember his full name now. I
mean, I don’t know him all that well. Just a bloke I see now and then. Exchange a few words with him, that’s all. No, I don’t know his surname, I just know him as Kurt. Kurt what? No idea. You’ll have to ask the landlord at Schmid’s.

– Then I went on to Huber’s place with Kurt. The Huber inn. Round about midnight. Yes, I’m certain sure it was twelve midnight. At Huber’s I met Adler. He was there at Huber’s when I came in.

– Adler, he works with me. The three of us went on drinking.

– What did we drink, how much? Can’t remember none too well now. Two or three lagers it’ll have been. Maybe a schnapps or so as well. Adler wanted to go on to Sedlmayer’s. Very keen to go there, he was, said there’s always something going on at Sedlmayer’s. And great women there too, wow, real wild women, he said. So we went on there, that’ll have been about one.

– Adler was right. There was all sorts going on at Sedlmayer’s. I drank ten or so shots of schnapps and a few beers, three or four. Well, why not, when everyone’s having a good time? How much exactly? Can’t remember no more. It was only on the way home I noticed I was all boozed up, I mean drunk. But I saw Adler home all the
same. He couldn’t hardly stand no more, let alone walk. Hung on to me all the way, he did. I got him to his front door. Over in Bienenheim, that’s where he lives. You just have to ask him. He’ll bear me out.

– Then I didn’t feel so good on the way back. All that fresh air. I puked, had to crouch there in the snow for a while, I felt so dizzy.

– Well, when I felt better, then I went on towards Aubing. Wanted to get home. Lie down and sleep it off.

– Just before Aubing this girl crosses my path. She was carrying a milk can. She said good morning.

– I went along beside her for a bit. We talked. All perfectly harmless.

– A nice girl, she was. Real friendly.

– Yes, then I took hold of her.

– I put my hands around her neck and I pushed her down in the snow. Can’t remember the rest of it. Only how I took hold of her around the neck and pushed her down in the snow.

– I can’t remember no more. Why would I lie to you? I’d tell you if I could remember. You have to believe me. I’d put back a fair amount of liquor that evening. Sober I wouldn’t never have grabbed her. Wouldn’t be capable of it. I
wouldn’t never have done a thing like that. Never. I mean, I’m a married man. I got kids.

– If you say I tore her panties off, I guess that’s right. But I can’t remember for sure no more. Wasn’t myself again until I’d finished.

– If she says so, I guess it’s right that I …that I …well, that I rubbed against her. Oh God, oh God, I feel so ashamed.

(Puts his face in his hands.)

– I can’t remember, just can’t remember. Can’t remember threatening her neither.

– It’s the truth, I can’t remember. I’m not telling you no lies! You have to believe me when I say so. You have to believe me …

(Begins weeping.)

Yes, yes, I’ll calm down, I’ll calm down right away.

(Takes the offered handkerchief, blows his nose.)

– I can’t remember nothing, not till I got up out of the snow and walked away.

– Where was I going? Home, I was going home. Where else? Where else would I be going?

– Then these two women come after me on their bicycles. Wouldn’t leave me be, those women. They kept on following me.

– Just before that I went into a garden. For a pee. And then they’re suddenly standing behind me. One of them, I gave her a push, what else could I do? And the other, she kept going along beside me on her bike. Kept on telling me to turn myself in to the police. I couldn’t get rid of her, couldn’t shake her off. She wouldn’t let me be. I couldn’t even think no more. Not with all that nattering. I just wanted to get away. So I made off across the meadows, couldn’t stand it no more. That’s where the cops picked me up.

– There was this fat man ran after me over the meadows. I don’t remember if I shouted out I was going to shoot him. I suppose I could’ve done. What was I to do? I was all whichways in my head. But I couldn’t have shot him, could I? I mean, I didn’t have no gun. I just said it so he’d clear out and leave me in peace. I wanted them to leave me in peace! In peace!

– You just have to believe me, I’d never have thought I’d do a thing like that. Attack a girl! Me? Never! I mean, I got kids. I’m a good dad to them! But I was so drunk that day. Didn’t know if
I was on my head or my heels, I was so drunk. Lost control of myself. You have to believe me. Do you believe that? Do you believe me?

– I mean, I’d have turned myself in to the cops. When I’d sobered up I’d have turned myself in. I’m not a criminal!

– Oh God, yes, yes, I know I made a big mistake and I can’t understand myself, can’t think what I was doing. I mean, I got a wife and kids at home. I don’t know what happened inside me.

– No, I never did nothing like that before. I got nothing to do with those other cases. Nothing at all! I wouldn’t have done such things nor even thought of doing them, never in my life, what do you think?

– Yes, I’ve heard of cases around here. So’s everyone who lives in these parts. But I got nothing to do with them. You can’t pin that on me. You have to believe me, I was so drunk, I’d never have done it sober, never. It was a slip, just a slip! I mean, I got a wife and kids! I’m a good father …I’m a good honest German citizen.

– Just because you’ve been looking for someone in these parts for years …look, I know myself I did a stupid thing, all that with the girl and so on, what I did, I admit it, but I got nothing to do with them other cases, nothing at all. Prove
that I did, you’ll have to prove I did. Yes, just you prove it. Show me your evidence. You won’t find nothing! Nothing at all. I got nothing to hide, nothing!

S
till half asleep, just on the point of waking up, she hears the voices. Far away at first, as if from the other end of a large hall. They grow louder and louder. The woman’s voice is not unlike her mother’s, hoarse, husky. Sounds from the kitchen, the clatter of crockery, now and then a small child whining. The sounds come closer, they’re more distinct. Dragging her further from sleep and into wakefulness. Kathie opens her eyes. The room is small, the curtains closed. However, enough light falls into the room through the thin fabric to illuminate it softly. She lies there perfectly still, on her back. Only her eyes move over the room. Wander along the ceiling, down the walls, turn to the window. It’s a small room, not much more than a cubbyhole. A wooden bedstead, a chest of drawers with a washbasin and jug on it. The wardrobe stands in the corner next to the door. The air in the room smells musty, slightly mouldy, damp. The walls are yellowed. Everything here is strange to her, for a moment she doesn’t know where she is, how she comes to be here. Slowly, very slowly, memory returns.

Kathie sits up in her bed. She sees her clothes laid over the chair. The green coat, and over it her blue dress, her stockings. Just as she left them yesterday, before slipping into the clammy bed. She rubs her eyes, yawns. Knows where she is now, and how she came here the day before.

She remembers the journey by rail with Maria. Frau Lederer meeting the two girls at the station. She was standing on the platform when the train came in. Kathie knew who she was at once. Even before Frau Lederer herself spotted the girls. She was the spitting image of Maria’s mother.

A brief handshake by way of welcome, nothing more.

She took the girls straight back from the Central Rail Station to Lothringerstrasse. They sat on the sofa in the combined kitchen and living-room of her apartment, Maria beside Kathie. They drank a cup of tea. Kathie sat there quietly, silently looking around the room. It was a bright, spacious kitchen. The dresser was painted white, with curtains at the panes of the glass-fronted cupboards. A picture in memory of someone dead was stuck between the glass and the frame. A birdcage at the window with a canary in it. The canary was yellow, and Kathie couldn’t take her eyes off it as Maria, beside her, talked and talked. Poured out words like a waterfall. Talked about her mother, Frau Lederer’s sister, who’d had another baby in the summer. About her stepfather the farmer in Merl, the hop harvest, falling prices, the village people. Told Frau Lederer
who’d been married, who’d fallen sick, who had died. Talked and talked. All the gossip she knew in full detail. Kathie was already sick of hearing those stories. The bird hopped from perch to perch in its cage, ruffled up its feathers, started preening itself.