Ice (25 page)

“I forgot you had said it was a wolf!” he said defensively.

“It’s a long story, but does he seem wild to you?”

Marcus thought for a moment, “No, but he’s a…”

“If you’re scared of Big John, just stay away from him,” I said simply. “Let’s go back to the house.”

“I’m not scared for me, I’m, uh, just scared for you,” he lied, clearly not wan
ting to be frightened by something a girl wasn’t. “But, why aren’t you scared? Are you like Beast Master now since you’ve lived in the wild amongst the bears and the wolves?”

I snickered and heard Kavick let out another grumble. I was a little more certain it was out of amusement that time because his tail wagged a little.

“Bye, Doggy,” I smiled, trying not to laugh. It was weird calling Kavick a ‘doggy’ even though he was one. I tapped Marcus on the shoulder and said, “Say bye to the dog and let’s go.”

Marcus was just staring at it in a transfixed way. “Isn’t it weird that a dog is in the woods?”

“It’s normal. I see him around from time to time,” I said casually, since it was the truth. “C’mon, Rudolph. Your red nose looks like it’s about to fall off.”

He gave me an annoyed look and then tapped my nose. “Yours is, too.”

Kavick barked then, startling Marcus. Marcus jumped a little and gave Kavick a funny look. “Damn! That is one weird dog! Dogs don’t just wander into the woods.”

“
There’s a house nearby; I bet he wandered from there. Now let’s go.”

I tugged on his arm this time and he followed me, giving Kavick one last begrudging look. “Yeah, let’s get away from that freaky dog. It might have rabies, or something.”

I slapped his arm, feeling insulted. Kavick growled from behind us, clearly offended by the comment. “Marcus, just because a dog barks doesn’t mean it has rabies!”

“It’s growling
now! It’s like a wild animal! I’m tellin’ you, that thing’s got rabies, or maybe it’s wild now because it’s been running around out here!” He then nudged me away and said, “Hurry, before it attacks! I’ll fend him off!”

“Stop being so dramatic!” I said, walking faster just to appease him. I looked over my shoulder at him and said firmly, “Don’t you dare attack that dog! It’s not hurting us, it’s just reacting to your excitement!”

“Well, if it tries to attack us, I’m going to fight back!”

We hurried back to the house t
hen. After we got inside, Justin said he had called his friend, Margaret, who owned the diner in town, and she had agreed to rent out the upstairs room to Marcus. “She even said she wouldn’t mind givin’ you a job if you need it.”

M
arcus was stunned, and extremely grateful. He was ecstatic. He shook Justin’s hand several times and thanked him over and over.

“Wow! Thank you so much, really…I don’t know how I can thank you…
!” Marcus said, no longer able to contain the huge smile on his face.

“You just did,” Justin chuckled, just as surprised by Marcus’ reaction as Marcus was of Justin’s help.

“Uh, right, right, I mean, I don’t know how I can ever repay you. Thank you so much…” Marcus even bowed as he walked away and told Justin that he appreciated it more than he could say.

“You can stay here one more night, if you’re not tired of the couch, that is.”

“No, no. Not at all,” Marcus said, still extremely humble. I felt myself crack a grin, very nearly laughing. I had never seen Marcus act humble before. It appeared that Alaska was a learning experience for him in more ways than one. I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me since Alaska had changed me dramatically, as well.

When Marcus goes back home, his mother won’t recognize him
, I thought, remembering the Mexican woman who was always screaming at him to use some manners.

That is, if he ever will return. He wanted me to go back to
California with him when we graduate, but I no longer had any plans to leave Alaska. I had formed bonds with people that I didn’t want to let go of. I couldn’t imagine leaving Justin and Kavick. It pained me just to think about it, and it pained me to think about Marcus’ reaction when I would finally tell him.

I raised my window and Kavick climbed through.

“You haven’t been out there all this time, have you?!” I whispered, bewildered and concerned. I was surprised he wasn’t shivering and that his face wasn’t red. His bear fur was covered in snow, though, like he had been buried in it.

He started taking off his fur cape and coat. He shook his head hard, sending snow flying from his long black and white hair. It reminded me of a dog. “Yeah, but I stayed a wolf until I heard you finish talking to him.”

Marcus and I had been talking in the living room for a long time, drinking some hot cocoa before bed to help keep us warm. Justin allowed us some time alone, but I didn’t hear him close his bedroom door, so I knew he had been listening to make sure Marcus didn’t try anything inappropriate.
Though Justin could never replace my parents, it felt like he was filling some of the gap in my heart they had left behind.

“Oh
, my God! I’m so sorry! I had no idea you were waiting!”
I still somehow managed to keep my voice a whisper despite the fact I was freaking out. I felt awful for making Kavick wait in the cold.

He smiled at me as he removed his gloves. He was in the long sleeved black shirt I had seen him in several times before, and
faded blue jeans again. “Don’t worry!” he said quickly. “I’m okay! My fur keeps me warm.”

I felt a little easier at those words, and then I looked at his coat and bear fu
r hanging on my coat rack. “Why are those covered in snow?” I asked, pointing to them. The rest of his clothes didn’t have snow on them.

“I had to hide my clothes somewhere while I waited,” he said in the same low voice as before. “I wrapped up my
clothes inside them to try to keep the snow from getting on them, and then I hid them in a hole.”

“A hole??” I asked, even more puzzled.

“Yeah. A hole in the ground,” he explained, grinning. “I dug it.” He then moved his hands like paws digging. Suddenly, I noticed the mud on his hands and under his nails. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. I kept my voice low and covered my mouth with both of my hands to help muffle the sound. He laughed quietly with me, seeming like his old self before Marcus came. I hoped he would stay this way and that he had just been rattled by Marcus’ sudden arrival, like I had been. And, even though it was a bit nerve racking to be talking to him with Marcus sleeping in the living room, I enjoyed it too much and couldn’t bear to ask Kavick to leave.

“I thought you would find that funny,” he said, still smiling. In the low light from the lamp behind him on my desk, his smile seemed more beautiful than ever. I don’t kn
ow why, but it was outstanding to me. It was just as amazing as Marcus’, or maybe even more.

His smile turned mischievous then. “What do you think about what happened in the woods today?”

I stepped toward him and slapped his arm lightly like I was reprimanding him, just as I had done to Marcus in the woods. “Yeah, what was all that about? You nearly scared the crap out of Marcus!”

Kavick laughed silently, beside himself. He thought it was hilarious. “I didn’t think he would be scared of a dog!”

“He’s not scared of a dog…!” I started to defend Marcus, but Kavick raised an eyebrow at me, stopping me. I smiled, suddenly finding it funny, too. “Okay, so he was scared of a dog, but can you blame him? You’re a really big dog, and you were growling at him!”

He
laughed again. “I couldn’t resist! Besides, I didn’t really think he would be scared of me since he wanted to see a
wolf
!”

“He did
not
want to see a wolf,” I corrected him, placing my hands on my hips.

He imitated Marc
us then, using a ridiculously deep voice that made Marcus sound big and stupid,
“‘Look, Christine! A wolf!’”

I cracked a grin, unable to keep from finding it at least a little amusing. “He does not talk like that!”

“Well, maybe you don’t think he does, but I…” Kavick stopped himself and lost all traces of humor. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be saying things like that about your friend.”

“Thank you,” I nodded, accepting the apology and crossing my arms. I was very pleased Kavick was trying to keep his low opinion of Marcus in check around me. Even though I had forgiven him for giving up on our friendship, Kavick clearly hadn’t. I didn’t blame Kavick, though. It had been an extremely hard time for me.

Kavick sat down on my bed and let out a heavy sigh. He was doing that a lot these days. I knew his life hadn’t been easy lately. “You wouldn’t like him saying something like that about me, would you?”

I felt myself frown. “Of course, not!” I whispered, genuinely shocked.

I wondered where the doubt was coming from and figured it must be due to the fact his life was so uncertain right now. He was at a turning point, and he hated it. Would he be safe from the Factory, or would they hunt him down with a vengeance? Would he marry a person he doesn’t love, or continue to deal with the constant pressure for the rest of his life?

“Hey,” I said, stepping toward him. Kavick looked like his mind was in a completely different plane. I reached out to him with my hand, almost hesitantly, but with enough confidence to follow through fast enough that maybe he wouldn’t notice the apprehension. I ran a hand over his head slowly in a soothing manner. I remembered how my parents would comfort me like t
hat whenever I was feeling down or stressed about my situation with Marcus. Although I never told them I was agonizing over him, they knew I needed a comforting hand. I ran my fingers through his hair, finding myself somehow intrigued by the feeling. I guess I was expecting it to be coarse like the rough patches of hair I would sometimes find when petting Big John, but it wasn’t. It was silky and smooth. I was also surprised it was so easy for me to do something so personal like that with him.

He looked up at me with big, wide eyes. I wondered if he was surprised like I was that I was practically petting him like a dog, but I could see pain in his eyes. He opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything for a long time. I knew the feeling; he couldn’t find the words to say. I had been in that situation myself too many times to count.

“You don’t have to say anything unless you want to,” I whispered, quoting what my parents had told me. I hated seeing Kavick like this and knew all too well how he felt. When I first came to Alaska, I felt the same way; lost. Completely and utterly
lost
. It was a terrible feeling. It was terrifying, confusing, and painful. I was at a turning point then, as well, that I didn’t want to be at. I wanted to stay the same, be the person I had once been, but I couldn’t. I hated it so badly that Kavick was going through the same feelings I once had. He had helped me through it, so I was determined to help him. I wanted to make it go away for him, so I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close, hoping it would at least make things easier for the moment.

It was like I could feel a part of him crack under the weight of everything he was feeling as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his cheek against my stomach. He let out a heavy sigh again, looking off toward the window. It started snowing and we could see the white flakes glimmer in the light of the nearby lamp post. I watched the snow fall with him in silence, continuing to stroke his hair.

After some time, he finally broke the silence. His voice was slightly muffled from his face still being pressed against my shirt. “I don’t know what to do anymore,” he said in a distant voice.

“About what?” I asked in an equally low volume.

“I keep changing my mind about Anana.”

I felt my eyebrows rise for a second. “So you’ve considered marrying her?”

“Several times in the past couple of days.”

“Oh…” I tried to hide my surprise, but I couldn’t. “Do you still not love her, or…?”

“No,” he sighed. “She’s a good person, but I don’t think I ever will. Tark says if I don’t, we’ll become extinct, and it will be my fault.”

I scoffed and stopped stroking his hair. “That’s a lie. It’s because of the hunters.”

“He’s partly right, though.”

“No, he’s not,” I said stubbornly and with a
note of firmness to my voice. I held his face and moved it up so he could see me. He looked so depressed, like there was no hope. “Whatever happens, it’s not your fault. Remember that. You can’t control how you feel and you shouldn’t waste your life on a marriage you don’t want. You have to try to be happy. It’s all you can do.”

He let go of me then and scooted back on the bed like he suddenly felt the need to put distance between us. I was a little hurt by the action,
wondering why he couldn’t stand being close to me despite embracing me for so long. I hid the feeling and tried to brush it off, telling myself it wasn’t because he didn’t like being near me. He sat up straight and he looked a little stronger. A little more alive. “You make it sound so simple, but…it’s not.”

I shrugged and said, “Then make it simple.”

His face twisted a little in confusion. He looked at me like I was crazy. The show of emotion was a welcome change, though.

“Do what you want,” I explained. I raised a hand as I spoke, saying, “I know you’re afraid you won’t belong anywhere if you don’t marry her and will always be alone and your race will die out, but there are two things you haven’t considered.”

He looked intrigued now, like he was waiting to be enlightened, but still clearly confused by what I was saying.

I held up a finger. “One: whether you marry her or not, your race will probably die out anyway. There’s just too few of you left.”

I held up another finger. “And two: you will always belong somewhere. You’ll never be alone, because you’ll always have me.”

He looked stunned by this news. “But…what about
California? Don’t you want to go back with Marcus?”

“No!” I said, shocked, but I understood why he would
wonder that. It had taken me a long time to adjust to Alaska, and I had been miserable in the past, partly due to the loss of Marcus. “I’m staying here with Justin and you.”

Kavick smiled a little then. It looked different somehow from his other smiles. It was slow and uncertain and small. “Really?” he sounded like he didn’t believe me.

“I’m going to go there soon to see my grandpa who’s in bad health, but I won’t be going back there to stay. I’m going to live here.”

Kavick blinked several times
, as if in thought, and said slowly, “So…is Marcus going to stay here?”

From Kavick’s words, I gathered that he had overheard a great deal of our conversation in the living room. It was filled with Marcus talking about
California and me avoiding the questions by responding with statements about what we
used
to do there, instead of what we were going to. I was constantly side-stepping his hints for me to go back with him.

I felt myself blink as I wondered the same thing. “…I don’t know.”

Kavick looked down at my bed and just nodded. I didn’t know what it meant. “He’ll probably stay,” he finally said.

I felt my eyebrows furrow again. I didn’t understand how Kavick had drawn that assumption. “What makes you think that? He hates it here.”

Kavick looked back up at me and his face was extremely serious as he spoke. “He’ll stay for you. He likes you a lot. I can tell.”

I rubbed the back of my head in an awkward way. “So he’s told me,” I muttered under my breath.

Kavick suddenly grinned then, almost startling me. “I thought you liked him?”

I hesitated to answer…and then it was so easy to break down the wall of fear and just say it, like I had told Kavick so many things already. “I thought I did, too,” I said, annoyed with myself.

Kavick’s grin widened, clearly becoming confused, but also somehow finding it amusing. “Wait a second…I thought you loved him?”

“Love, I don’t know, but I definitely had feelings for him. I was crazy about him. He said I had written that I loved him, so I guess I did.” I hid my face in my hands for a second and then rubbed them down my cheeks. “Then he broke my heart and I got over him. Or at least, I think I did. I don’t know.”

I groaned in frustration and hung my head. I ran my hands violently through my hair and whispered, “I’m so stupid! What kind of person doesn’t even know how they feel? It’s ridiculous!”

Kavick snickered and I looked up at him through my messy hair.

“What is so funny?” I asked darkly.

“Besides the bad hair-do,” he said, still snicker
ing, “It’s way you talk about yourself.” He sat up a little straighter and rested a hand on his leg and said, “Hey, it could be worse; you could be one of those crazy girls who are in love with two guys.”

“I may be crazy, but I will never be
that
crazy,” I said, furiously straightening my hair with my hands. It was probably still a little messy, but at least Kavick wasn’t laughing at me anymore.

“Right, you’re too serious for that,” he said, crossing his arms. Something told me he was imitating me.