I Won't Let You Die Angel (14 page)

Oh, I couldn’t even think
clearly.

“You’re lying. You’re playing
some sick game.” But I knew she was not lying. Neil’s eyes said everything.

“If that’s true, then that
means…that means Carl...” I couldn’t finish it. Majestic did the honors.

“Carl was your brother,
your own blood, and you killed him along with your stepbrother.  How hypocritical!”

“My, my brother...” Now
I understood what Storm meant by true “blood calls”, why Carl took that bullet for
me, why Neil was so shocked to hear my birth parents’ names. Everything was
becoming crystal clear, that letter: “
it’s our unfortunate destiny that we can’t
indulge her because of the darkness we are engulfed in”.

I supported myself with
the nearest wall. More than 50% of the natives enjoyed my breakdown. And Majestic
thought I killed Carl! Well, in a manner of speaking, I did. But the point was,
she was completely oblivious of Carl’s involvement with the FBI. Smart of Chris
not to divulge all the important details to the local police.

That meant we were still
up on our enemies somehow and it meant hope. Hope can’t be diminished. I locked
my eyes with Neil’s, and an understanding passed between us. We should have nominated
ourselves for the best partners-in-crime category.

I made a faux fuss and shouted
at Neil, “How could you do this to me? I trusted you.” I pushed him hard towards
the door. Fatty gladly darted out of the way. “You knew this all along and hid the
truth. Carl was in front of my eyes all this time and you didn’t tell me he was
my brother. How could you?”

I pushed him further, but
this time at a slightly different angle. I slammed him against the wall and clutched
his collar. “You treacherous, emotionally challenged, idiotic fool!”

I reached past his shoulders
and grabbed four decorative knives. Without even wasting a second, I threw them,
two towards Rusty’s and blonde Nicole’s hearts. They collapsed writhing in pain.
Neil backed me up by picking up fatty’s discarded gun and shooting the two during
their final breaths.

Majestic growled like a
mad tigress and choked mom’s throat, while fatty shot Neil in the shoulder. All
of this happened so quickly that the processing function of my brain couldn’t discriminate
between a series of blurred scenarios.

“Leave my mom alone!” I
cried and at the same instant the windows blew up. I ran and pulled mom aside, but
could not do anything to free Neil from fatty’s grip. Chris and Co. to the
rescue. Although they couldn’t fire blindly due to our presence, they totally ambushed
Majestic caged inside.

What perfect timing. I swear,
there never had been another case of perfect timing--even in the movies--better
than this. Chris pointed his brand new fully- loaded gun, and totally in the
Gold style said, “Game’s over, Majestic!”

“Liam, secure the computer.
Ted, show our dear woman what hell looks like.” Majestic started laughing maniacally.
Sure, she was already a maniac, no doubt about that. But I guess she was now having
a very severe nervous breakdown.

Chris scowled, “The warheads
are secured, Majestic.” That did shock her, and she stopped her unnatural façade.
Well, that did shock me as well. “Chris, how did you…”

He gestured towards Richard’s
body, “He activated the emergency link between us before dying. That’s how we came
to know about all this. We were already aware of the place where she had met Neil
when hiring him. So all’s well that end's well.” I prayed for Richard’s soul. After
all, he saved the day and the world from never-ending war.

Majestic was still in no
mood to surrender. She gave one of her foul looks to fatty who jumped from captivity
and ripped his jacket open. Underneath there was a maze of endless loops of wires
and…Well, looks like we just encountered a suicide bomber. That’s why fatty looked
fatter than before. Uh oh.

Everybody was taken aback
big time. I mean, who would have thought up something like this.

“Game’s not over, Agent.
Not at all! Stay back or every soul here dies.”

“The warheads are recovered,
Majestic. Your diabolical plan backfired.”

“Evil never dies. Haven’t
you heard of that? We’ll succeed someday. We’ll succeed in bringing Chaos if not
this time. Iraq will surely be destroyed and America will perish.”

“Iraq?” Chris exclaimed.
“So that was your ultimate goal. To demolish Iraq from the globe and sail America
on a boat every nation would love to drown from time to time. Was your husband involved
as well?

Of course!!! He’s in Iraq
right now.”

I was disgusted, “This is
insanity. This is despicable madness! What did you even intend to achieve through
all of it? Chaos? ”

Majestic grasped my arm
in an ironclad hold. “It’d be tragic to lose you. Come with me, I’ll reunite you
with your family. I’ll expose you to a whole new world. You’ll be the princess.
I’ll even forgive you for my children’s unfortunate fate.”

I jerked my hand away, “I
considered
you
as family, and look where it got me. I
have
a family,
Majestic, I don’t need foster parents.”

She looked outraged, “I’ll
get back at you, Janet Kanet. I’ll avenge my children and snatch every single person
you cherish from you. That’s my vow. I promise you.”

A chill went through my
spine.

“And I’ll start today,”
she added. She rushed towards the door, “Take Neil as a hostage,” she directed fatty
and then shot us a last glance, “If any of you dare come after me, he dies.” Fatty
grabbed Neil and dragged him away, closing the door behind.

“NO”, mom exclaimed as
she grabbed me from behind to stop my futile attempt to follow them. “Leave me.
She’ll kill him anyway. Didn’t you listen to her? She’ll kill him. NO!!!”

Chris stood in front of
me and cupped my face, “Janet, listen to me. She won’t order the explosion or kill
Neil before she finds herself a safe haven. She’s bluffing; she’s a coward, and
she won’t dig her own grave. Come on, we need to follow them, but not without a
strategy. I’ll return Neil to you. That’s a promise.”

We jumped out of the blown
up windows and chased them all the way to the main road, careful not to be spotted.
Each passing second was like a million glass pieces piercing my heart.

I couldn’t lose Neil. I
couldn’t. After so many ups and down and hitches, God couldn’t just snatch away
the one person I couldn’t live without. No one deserved this cruel injustice. It
was not fair. It was just not fair!!

Tears leaked out of my eyes,
unstoppable, and I wiped them hastily. I couldn’t be weak, I would have to save
Neil.

Majestic, fatty and Neil
were close to the SUV parked in the roadway. Chris increased his pace. Neil saw
us approaching and shouted NO. Defying his charity-case warning, we kept racing
in their direction.

Four of our comrades cornered
the fleeing gang from the other side. Realization hit Majestic that she was trapped.
She barked some orders to fatty and opened the driver’s door.

No, she couldn’t run away
like this. Fatty kept his hold on Neil with the left hand, with the right one on
some sort of bomb trigger. The SUV’s engine revved to life. Four agents blocked
Majestic’s way, continually firing in her direction, but she kept increasing the
speed. God, she was going to crush them down. We were still not close enough.

Neil was shouting crazily
to fall back, but how could I? Everyone except me and Chris got left behind. Majestic
was quickly getting away. Neil elbowed fatty and kicked him with all his might towards
the now speeding SUV. The trigger went down and BOOM…

Light blinded my sight and
we were forced backward due to the residual kinetic energy. Debris was suspended
in the air, and there was nothing but an orange-yellowish hue everywhere. I hit
my head hard in a fall. My head was filled with electric pain. We were far enough
away to avoid decimation, but Neil was not.

I needed to get up, I needed
to find Neil. I tried to get up, but failed profoundly. My head hurt, my heart ached.
I felt like dying. Chris pulled me back when I tried to crawl forward. Mom reached
us and pulled me to her lap. “Janet!! Janet!!!”

I tried to speak…I’m all
right…help Neil, but the words died before exiting my lips. Never in my life had
I felt this helpless and broken. A thick liquid soaked my hair and face. Was it
raining?? No, it was blood, my blood. Carl’s death replayed before my eyes.

I stared in Neil’s direction,
but there was nothing but thick black smoke. I couldn’t see him. Hell, I needed
to see him. I’d die if I couldn’t see him.

God couldn’t be this cruel.
I shouldn’t be punished like this. I remembered how his lips felt on mine, how he
asked for my hand to pull him out of the darkness, how I promised to always shine
for him, but I failed. I failed him and I failed myself. I failed for the first
time in my life, and God it hurt. How it hurt.

I lost consciousness and
the last thing I remembered were his ocean blue eyes and that carefree smile
for which I would give everything away to see again.

I roamed around the quad
that stretched before the College of Engineering at UC Berkley in the hope of finding
solace in a familiar environment. But I couldn’t.

Everything was the same:
the quad, the lecture hall, the library, the laboratory, everything. But what had
changed was me: my heart, my perspective on life, and a college semester devoid
of my favorite professor. Okay, it was better to avoid talking about the aforementioned
professor.

Heraclitus once said,
Change
is the only constant in life
, but it hurt. The inevitable change life so brutally
inflicted upon me hurt.

I deliberately picked a
book from the library book shelf and started to read. Reading always helps, or it
had always helped before. Two months had passed, two whole months, and what I really
did was study merely for quizzes and assignments.

I landed on the chapter
explaining the mechanism of GPS. A slide show already started playing in my mind:
me, sitting behind Neil on his exotic bike,  explaining how Einstein’s famous theory
of relativity so clearly applied to GPS systems. I slammed the book shut in exasperation.

This is how I ended up most
of the time now. Every time I picked some topic to explore, a moment with Neil or
Carl consumed my brain and left me broken. People say to move on. But was it that
simple? How does a body move on with losses so potent?

I found a brother, a brother
I had always craved, a brother who was my own flesh and blood. I had found a love
that consumed me and changed me; and I lost them both. Tell me how does someone
cope with this much agony?

I skipped my Basic Electronics
class and rushed toward the dorms. Nicole was sprawled on the bed, practically beating
the keys of her laptop. Her presence was the only thing that was keeping me grounded
and sane.

“Watcha doing?” I asked,
putting on a fake smile.

She grinned, seeing me and
then buried her head in her laptop. “A literary survey on Shakespeare’s Othello.”

“Tragic”

“Yeah.”

What happened to you? Ditched
your classes again? I swear, Janet, if you keep sulking like this, I’m gonna have
a very ugly conversation with your dad.”

I made a puppy face, “I
couldn’t concentrate; it’s just one class.”

She gave me an elusive smirk
and came over to hug me. “Don’t run away, Janet. You said yourself that you’re a
fighter. Don’t give up like this. The journey never ends and you need to get going.
Move on with your life.”

God! Why does everyone keep
telling me that? I officially hate the words “move on”. As always, I put on a happy
mask and broke free from the hug. “You’re a life saver, Nicole.”

She groaned, “God, Janet,
when are you going to call me by my actual name?”

“Never! You’re Nicole, my
best friend, my confederate, my partner-in-crime; I’m gonna remember you this
way only. So, suck it up.

Besides, everybody knows
you as Nicole Collins.”

“All thanks to you. You
convinced the FBI to let me keep the alias and lead a normal life.”

“Yeah, it’s not like they
could have declared the ‘respectable’ Collins family as traitors and most-wanted
terrorists. I just showed them a way.”

“And I owe you for that”,
she smiled slyly, “That’s why I have a gift for you.” She handed me a non-sealed
envelope excitedly.

I opened it, hesitatingly.
“A flight ticket to New York for tonight!”

She pulled me down on the
bed alongside her, “You were planning all along to spend some quality time with
your mom, right? So, I contacted her and improvised.”

I was overwhelmed, “Oh,
Nicole, I love you. You’re the best friend ever in the history of friendkind.”

She giggled, “Please, let
Shakespeare be the literature king. And yeah, spend beaucoup bucks on shopping,
touring, clubbing, boys…”

My face fell, “Not again!!”

She beckoned me to face
her, “You need to let go of him, Janet. He’s gone. Why can’t you just
let go
.”

“He’s not dead, Nicole,
not until I see his corpse for myself. I can’t let go of him; he’d have never let
go of me if in my place.” My voice was weary and melancholy, having made this argument
again and again.

She sighed and shrugged
melodramatically. “Fine!! Don’t listen to my menial advice. But on a serious note,
at least quit cuddling that iPad. You’ve read and reread that letter a thousand
times. I bet you will remember it like a lullaby.”

“That letter and iPad are
the only things I have of my brother’s; I want to savor every bit of them.”

“Yes, and that wallpaper?”

“That’s trivial.”

“No! That’s your parents’
picture, which you haven’t removed in lieu of berating them.”

“Because it was Carl’s wish
and I don’t want to insult his memory. It's got nothing to do with me. They are
nonexistent for me in all respects.” I shrieked.

Nicole took my hand in a
conciliatory gesture, “Janet, they are your birth parents. It’s natural to feel
an unbreakable bond. There’s nothing wrong in releasing them from condemnation.
You can meet them, you know, just once. I’ve had an audience with Felicity Bandson,
and she’s actually charming.”

I jerked my hand away, “They
abandoned me.”

“For your own good.”

“Then it should have been
my
choice, not theirs like Carl had. They had no right to snatch away that
choice and act condescending. It should have been
me
who decided whether
I wanted my soul to drown in eternal damnation or not. Besides, why should I meet
and greet them? I’m not on a suicide mission to purposely enter into the oblivion
of the galaxy’s dark black hole.”

Nicole was ensconced on
her elbows. If she was pissed at my outburst again, she wisely refrained from pointing
it out. “Okay, wise girl, shouldn’t we be packing by now?”

“Would you like to have
a cocktail, ma’am?” asked the pretty airhostess in an enticing tone.

“No, but thank you.”

“My pleasure”

God! I’m so not used to
it. How Nicole managed to book me an executive class ticket was beyond my pitiful
brain. I relaxed in my spacious seat and booted my, er, Carl’s iPad. The screen
popped up with my not-so-real-parent’s photograph. I ignored the pinch of veritable
hurt in my heart and clicked one of the few folders Carl had organized on the desktop
in order for me to discern his life, the one with a text file addressing me.

“I love you Janet.” Obstinately
enough, I wanted this to be the first thing you heard from your brother. If you’re
reading this, then I guess I’m gone for good. Despite everything, I just can’t bear
to lose any memories. I may have rebelled against them, but I’ll always love my
– our – parents. This iPad is my mirror and I expect it will be yours as well.

In here, you’ll find each
and every memory attached to me, our parents, Neil, and you. I suggest you add new
ones. I once told you, we never give up on our family. You must be dwelling on
vgwhat a hypocrite I am. But you need to understand why you had to stay away from
us, from all of this. I hope you’ve figured it out by now.

I might not be the best
brother in the universe, but I certainly am not the worst. I savored each and every
memory of your three years of life together. I remember the day you were born and
I did the happy dance taking you in my arms. You were so tiny…I remember your first
birthday when Neil blew out your candles and you didn’t want to play with him for
days…I remember when me and Neil helped you take your first baby step…I remember
each and every baby fight you and Neil were entangled in… I remember how you cried
beside Neil when his parents died and later wiped away his tears…

I remember your last goodbye
when you left for Disneyland 15 years ago. You were so happy, and you hugged me
and said in your cute baby voice, I will miss you. Those four words are still very
much alive in my memory. They haunt me every night. It was me who instigated dad
to keep you out of this dark world, but I never imagined my stubbornness would snatch
my baby sister away from me.

I never tracked you as you
were better off without us and because if I had known who you were, I’d had never
been able to live without seeing you. Today, Neil told me about your real identity
and how hurt and heartbroken you are from the abandonment. Now that we’d traveled
far away, there was no going back. So, you’d never know my identity while I was
still alive.

 I am extremely sorry if
Neil is ignoring you. I’m the guilty one here. But be sure of the fact that he loves
you. I can see it in his eyes. And because we love you, we have to stay away from
you.

I sincerely hope he escapes
the endless dark abyss and sees the light once again. I wish I could help him. Somehow
I feel that you are the only one who can help him, although Chris and I will try
our best. I love him. Tell him that if he’s mad at me.

At last, I wish you all
the happiness and prosperity in the world and that may you never have to
experience the dilemma I went through.

Love,

Your brother, Carl

I closed the text window.
No matter how many times I went through this letter, I never got tired of
reading it. Apart from the letter, there were always the photographs: me as a toddler
in Carl’s arms, me snatching Neil’s toy airplane, my parents on my first birthday,
Carl and Neil playing basketball, and on.

The intercom announced our
landing and I wiped the tears that were involuntarily leaking from my eyeliner-laden
eyes. New York, the city that never sleeps. True to its reputation, New York is
a place everyone must visit in his or her lifetime. Be it Manhattan, Brooklyn, or
the East river, every place has its own glory. Mom took me everywhere, never complaining
about her hectic schedule. She often ditched her work, and I love her for that.

Two days later, I knelt
down at the foot of the Statue of Liberty holding white orchids and prayed for dad,
mom, Nicole, Carl, and Neil. Security gave me a tough time about the flowers. They
apparently mistook me for some runaway lethal terrorist, how ironic. This time the
tears did not threaten to barge out as I promised myself to cease crying every time
I felt overwhelmed.

A hand brushed my shoulder
and I spun around, startled. Mom didn’t know that I was here. To my great astonishment,
it was Chris.

“God! You really are a stalker!”

“You refused to meet in
the café, so I tracked you.”

I rolled my eyes dramatically,
“Oh yeah, federal stalker.”

He laughed, “You should
have come.”

I bit my lip, “Chris, I
told you, I’m not interested.”

He scowled, “You think I
was asking you out on a date.”

“Well, you can’t deny
that you were trying.”

“It was not flirting, Miss
Kanet, I was trying to cheer you up for Carl’s sake. The last time we met, I handed
over that iPad to you respecting Carl’s wishes. You really have a hell of a different
perception on scenarios.”

I sighed, “Okay, a rain
check for my pesky blather. So, agent Gold, for what reason do I get the honors.”
I bowed dramatically.

“I got a break from work,
so I thought maybe we could… like… hang out.”

I lifted my eyebrows. “Okay,
no delaying. I have presents for you.”

“Chris.”

“Janet, have a look. I promise,
it’s nothing short of a cliché.”

I nodded and he planted
a heavy file in my palms. “What’s this? Your curriculum vitae explaining why you
are such a perfect match for any girl my age and why she’d be lucky to have you.”

He smirked, “You really
have a messed-up sense of humor.”

I smiled, “Aw, you are so
oblivious of flirting tricks.”

“Come on, stop
fretting, and take a look.”

I opened it eerily. “What’s
this? The stock market?”

He massaged his forehead,
“Everything Carl owned and earned working with us he transferred to you. It’s all
yours.”

I was speechless. “Chris,
you know, I can’t…”

“Keep it, Janet, it’s yours.
If not for anything else, keep it for Carl. He’d want that for you. And it’s not
like we could have a pleasant chat with your parents and sympathetically explain
how their son was martyred serving his nation and that they should now accept everything
he’s worth,” he added mischievously.

I slammed the file shut
and nodded, “You did say ‘parents’ as in the plural form! Right?” I bellowed.

He laughed cutely, “Yes,
and now brace yourself.”

I sighed exasperatedly,
“What exactly have you got that I need to brace myself for. I swear Chris, if it’s
one of your petty…”

The file slipped out of
my hand and smashed onto the floor with a mild thump.  I blinked several times and
it felt like the air was being squeezed out of my lungs. My body temperature suddenly
shot several Fahrenheit degrees up and my legs felt shaky. Neil.