I Will Always Love You (25 page)

She looked down at the keypad and quickly typed in I HATE SLEDDING. BRING ON THE FONDUE!

Immediately, her phone lit up again: WOULD YOU RATHER BE LOCKED OUT OF A PARTY IN TRIBECA OR LOCKED ON THE ROOF OF YOUR OLD APT IN WILLIAMSBURG?

Vanessa smiled. Dan was alluding to the first time they’d met, when they’d both found themselves locked out of a party back
in high school. Vanessa had come out onto the fire escape to get some air, and Dan had come out for a cigarette, closing the
fire door behind him and locking them both out. Together, they’d climbed down the side of the massive brick building, and
wound up at a nearby bar, talking late into the night and quickly becoming friends. That felt so long ago now.

Vanessa pulled her legs underneath her and spread a blanket over her legs. It was nice to hear from Dan, and especially nice
that he didn’t seem to hate her anymore. Outside, she could hear people from the bar across the street talking and laughing.
She smiled to herself, then texted back: DEPENDS WHO I’D BE LOCKED OUT WITH.

Now who says texting is impersonal?

tangled up in s…

Serena scampered up the snowy hill, pulling a handmade toboggan behind her. “Natie, let’s race!” she called, her breath coming
out in small white puffs. The floodlights outside the house were on, casting the property in an eerie glow. Chuck and Blair
were already halfway down the hill. Jenny was still struggling up with her toboggan. It kept slipping from her mittened hands
and sliding back down.

“Okay.” Nate ran after Serena. It struck him that they were twenty—actual adults—and yet all they wanted to do was act like
little kids. It was like that dumb cliché: The more you change, the more you stay the same. Maybe growing up was just about
becoming closer to the person you always were.

And he came up with that without any herbal aid. Impressive.

“Hey!” Nate easily caught up with Serena, wrapping his arms around her willowy, athletic frame.

Serena whirled around to face him, her blond hair whipping his face. She playfully pushed Nate so he took a lurching step
backward into a snowbank.

“No mercy!” Nate yelled, pulling her down with him and wrestling her into the snow.

Serena squealed in protest as she wriggled free, making an impromptu snow angel. Clumps of snow clung to her long eyelashes.

For a second, Nate was transported back to their sophomore year, to an afternoon when they’d been goofing off in the piles
of snow in his courtyard. It was the first time he’d seen Serena not as plain old Serena, his best friend since kindergarten,
but as a beautiful girl. A girl he loved.

He hastily stood up, brushing the wet snow off the back of his khakis.

“Here,” he offered, holding his hand out to help Serena up.

“Thanks.” Serena got to her feet, still holding Nate’s hand. She held his gaze. The air felt thick and the world around them
seemed muted.

“Nate, can you help me?” Jenny called from the bottom of the hill. They both looked up to where she was sitting on top of
a toboggan, her cheeks rosy from the cold.

“Sure,” Nate said, reluctantly turning away from Serena.

“Watch out, he’s brutal!” Serena called after them, trying not to feel disappointed. When Dan had refused to come sledding,
it was almost a relief. Playing in the snow had always been something she and Nate shared.

Nate grabbed the sled and tossed it halfway up the hill. He caught it and ran the last of the way, Jenny laughing and trudging
behind. They both climbed on and he wrapped his arms around her small frame. “Let’s go!” he cried, pushing them toward the
edge of the slope.

As they hurtled down the hill across the crisp fresh snow, Jenny felt the sting of the wind against her face. This was nothing
like traying at Waverly, where everyone used the dining hall trays to slide down the teeny-tiny hill behind Dumbarton, one
of the girls’ dorms. Toboggans were so much more authentic and quaint. She felt like one of the sisters in Little Women. They were always going sledding with their neighbor Laurie, who was too cute for his own good.

Sort of like a certain green-eyed Adonis we all know and love?

The sled coasted to a stop at the foot of the hill. Jenny breathed out in wonderment. Fat snowflakes circled furiously around
them, and the majestic pine trees were coated in white. She felt like she was trapped in a snow globe.

“Was that too fast for you?” Nate turned around, his brow furrowed in concern. His arms were still circled tightly around
her waist. She shook her head.

She knew what she wanted to do when they got back to the house tonight. She was a virgin, and had been waiting for the right
person and the right time. Waverly was such a small school and everyone knew everyone’s business. Soon after she got there,
she realized that when she did lose her virginity, she wanted it to be with someone special, someone she trusted. Someone
like Nate.

“Hey hornyheads!” Serena called cheerfully as she coasted down the hill by herself on a red toboggan. Jenny broke away guiltily
and waved.

“Want to race?” Nate called to Serena, a devilish gleam in his eye as he grabbed the toboggan rope and began pulling it back
up the hill.

“I want to race,” Blair called from the other side of the hill, where she and Chuck were setting up their own sled. She couldn’t
believe little Jenny Humphrey was getting all cozy with Nate in front of everyone. Who the fuck did she think she was?

“You want to steer, or should I?” Chuck asked, gesturing to the sled.

“I don’t care.” Blair plunked down on the toboggan. She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, remembering she wasn’t supposed
to care about Nate anymore. Chuck sat down behind her, stretching out his long legs and crossing them over hers.

“Actually, I’ve had enough.” Blair stood up abruptly. “I’m wet and freezing and I’m going inside,” she huffed, stomping toward
the garage. What twenty-year-olds sledded for fun? Serena’s lame boyfriend had the right idea to drink wine in the library
instead of coming sledding. Maybe she’d go join him.

Jealousy loves company.

when the lights go out

Blair stormed into the sunken living room and flicked on the Tiffany lamp on the end table. Nothing happened. “Don’t tell
me the fucking power is out.”

“Do you know where the fuse box is?” Chuck asked, coming up behind her.

“Hey.” Dan emerged from the library. “Do you know where the fuse box is?” he asked.

Blair shook her head. Why did boys care so much about fuse boxes?

“I’m going to bed,” she announced haughtily.

Dan nodded, squinting past Blair into the darkness. He could hear Serena, Jenny, and Nate taking off their boots in the kitchen.
Dan suddenly felt guilty for abandoning them. He and Vanessa had been texting for the past few hours, volleying remember-whens
and would-you-rathers back and forth. He hadn’t even noticed that the power had gone off until Blair stomped in. It made him worried that there might have been other things he hadn’t
noticed.

Like that his little sister’s all grown up?

“I think we should all go to bed,” Blair added, stamping out the memory of Nate’s hands around Jenny’s waist on the hill. It was the last thing
she wanted to think about right now.

Upstairs, Blair took a long hot shower by candlelight, trying to let the water wash away her nagging frustrations. Nate had
looked so happy tonight, so different from the tormented Nate of last winter. When she closed her eyes she saw him laughing,
tugging a toboggan up a hill. She saw him lobbing snowballs at Serena. Hugging Jenny. She saw him smiling, his green eyes
glittering. She stepped out of the shower and toweled off, pulling on a Cosabella tank top and shorts set before heading into
the bedroom. Chuck was already asleep, his breathing deep and even.

She climbed into bed and lay next to Chuck, turning over so she was lying on her side. She couldn’t get comfortable. Lying
next to Chuck didn’t feel right. Instead, she found herself thinking about a certain attic bedroom.

Maybe she and Nate needed to talk. Or kiss. One more time. One last time. Just to say goodbye, so she could get rid of all the confusing feelings swirling around her brain. So that she could
finally enter her grown-up life, without any worries about her past coming back to haunt her. She swung her legs out of bed, grabbed
a candle from the antique oak dresser, and headed for the door.

Next door, Serena lay awake in bed. Dan was sleeping with his cell phone clutched to his chest like a tiny electronic life
preserver. She felt alone with her jumbled thoughts.

Being outside with Nate had been so fun, so natural. She wasn’t playful when she was with Dan. She always hesitated for a
half second before she said anything, worried she’d disappoint him by not sounding smart. She hated worrying.

She wondered what Nate was doing upstairs. He’d seemed disappointed when Blair wanted to go inside, like he wished he could
stay outside and play forever. And that was what Serena loved most about him.

She swung her feet onto the cold floor.

There was no way in hell Jenny was even going to try to sleep. The whole evening—playing in the snow as if she were a heroine
in a nineteenth-century novel, coming back to a power outage, feeling Nate’s warm breath on her cold skin—had been so romantic.
And there was no reason the evening had to come to an end. She pulled on a camisole and the leggings she’d worn on her RISD
tour. It wasn’t ideal, but there was no way she would go upstairs to lose her virginity in one of Blair’s discarded T-shirts. The makeshift jammies would have to do.

Okay, Jenny whispered to herself. She felt excited and nervous all at the same time. She creaked the door open and stepped into
the dark hallway.

Blair climbed up the rickety attic stairs, a Tocca candle in one hand. It was fig scented and perfect for the bedside, but
not very helpful in casting light on her path. She looked up when she heard a sound coming from the door at the bottom of
the stairs.

Serena. She wore one of her ancient C&C California T-shirts from high school, without a bra underneath. The candlelight flickered
over her pale hair and perfect features, making her look more beautiful than ever.

“What are you doing?” Blair whispered, balancing precariously on the stair.

Serena sucked in her breath. What was Blair doing here? “I was going to the bathroom. Dan was taking a shower in ours and
I remembered there was a bathroom up here,” she lied, shrugging nonchalantly. “What are you doing?” she asked, even though
she had a feeling she knew the answer to that question.

“I was making sure the window upstairs was closed,” Blair shot back. At least that made more sense than Serena’s ridiculous
lie. It was so fucking obvious Serena was trying to sneak into Nate’s room.

“Do you need help? With the window?” Serena asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I’ll just text Nate to get it. No use waking everyone up. And there’s a bathroom downstairs. I can show you,” Blair challenged.

Serena paused. Finally, she nodded.

Blair escorted Serena down the hallway like a policewoman with a petty criminal, standing sentry at the door. She heard Serena
turn on the faucet before emerging a few seconds later.

“Good night,” the two girls said, daring each other to be the first to turn back and climb the attic stairs.

Blair didn’t budge. It was her goddamn house. She was going to stay up all night if that was what it took. “Good night,” Blair
said again, more pointedly.

“See you tomorrow morning,” Serena said before heading reluctantly down the hallway. Would Blair go back to Nate’s bedroom
after she left?

Or would someone else get there first?

things that go bump in the night

Nate had fallen asleep quickly. He was having a dream about chasing Blair and Serena all over Central Park but never being
able to catch them when the door to his room creaked open.

“It’s me.” A girl’s voice pulled him out of his soupy, half-conscious state. Nate blinked to adjust his eyes to the light.
The girl held a candle that cast a glow on the ecru walls, making it impossible to see her clearly. The figure was too short
to be Serena’s, but the voice was too breathy to be Blair’s.

Nate sat up and ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t really see you,” he said. Jenny held the candle closer to her face,
casting her skin with a warmish golden glow. She wore a pair of tight black leggings and a lacy black tank top. “Here, you’ll
get cold,” he said, holding up the flannel covers and patting a spot on the mattress next to him.

Jenny placed the candle on the nightstand and tried to smile seductively. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she wanted
to scream with excitement. It was happening. It was finally happening!

Easy there, tiger.

She climbed into the bed next to Nate and pulled the flannel comforter over their legs. Their hips were touching, and she
could smell the scent of fabric softener and shave gel. His hair was still damp from the snow outside.

She turned and kissed him, enjoying the feel of his stubbly cheek against her smooth one. Outside, the storm was still raging,
but in the attic, next to Nate, she felt cozy and warm and safe.

Nate kissed her back hungrily. Her tiny, curvy body felt so good in his arms. He edged down one strap of her lacy camisole
and kissed her milky white shoulder. It felt so nice, so familiar to be with Jenny, even though the last time they’d hooked
up was three years ago. But that was the thing about Jenny. She was comfortable, soft, sweet, easy.

Watch it—no girl likes being called easy. Especially in a bed.

“Wait.” Jenny pushed his hand away and held it. Her hands were tiny, like little kid hands. She led his hand to rest on the
center of her chest, on top of the little rosette on her bra. “I’m a virgin.” Jenny smiled shyly. “I want you to be my first.
I’m just letting you know in case… you know,” she finished.

“Oh,” Nate said. It made him feel protective of her. He didn’t want to hurt her. “Are you sure?” he asked, intertwining his
fingers in hers. He hadn’t been with anyone for a year. At Deep Springs, the nearest women were tens of miles away, and until
recently, they were even further from his mind.