Read I Represent Sean Rosen Online
Authors: Jeff Baron
“What do you mean?”
“I turned it off right when you said to.”
“Okay. But what do you think of it so far?”
“Mom, you know I don't like to talk about something until I see the whole thing.”
“You
want
to see the whole thing?”
“You didn't like it, right?”
“I didn't say that.”
“You think the hospital in the movie is too fake. They don't have curtains between the beds, right?”
“I thought you didn't want to talk about it.”
“I don't, actually.”
“Okay. How was school?”
“How was school?” I didn't feel like telling her about Mademoiselle Fou. I don't want to think about it anymore. “School . . . was about four hours too long. For example, why do we have to eat lunch there? I would rather eat anywhere else in the universe. And
no
one can pay attention for six hours, even if every one of your subjects and every one of your teachers is really interesting. Which unfortunately never happens. School should be two and a half hours a day.”
She looked at me for a second. “Really?”
“Yes, really. You know it's true. You weren't in school
that
long ago.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”
I kissed her on the cheek and ran upstairs.
I opened Dan Welch's account and read the e-mail again. I pretended I was reading it for the first time.
To: Dan Welch Management
From: Stefanie V. President
Dear Dan,
We LOVE Sean. He's absolutely adorable. If I weren't giving birth in the next millisecond, I would adopt him.
We loved his pitch, and we want to option his idea. I'm going on maternity leave today, but you'll be hearing from business affairs early next week. We want this to happen. If you need me, just e-mail me. I'll get back to you even if I'm screaming in pain squeezing out Marisa. That's her name. We had to pick one three months ago when we filled out her preschool application.
Thanks for bringing this project to us, Dan. We'll do it right and make a movie we're all proud of.
Dilating as we speak,
Stefanie
I like it even better the second time. My life just changed. I'm in the movie business. One of the biggest entertainment companies in the world is going to make my movie.
All across the United States . . . No. All over Planet Earth, a year or two from now, when you pass a movie theater, this is what you'll see on the sign:
A WEEK WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS
.
Wait. Is the name too long? Will they have to shorten it for the sign? To what?
WEEK GRANDPARENTS
? People who can't spell will think the name of the movie is
WEAK GRANDPARENTS
. That doesn't sound very interesting.
Maybe they'll just put
GRANDPARENTS
on the sign. That doesn't sound like much fun either. Maybe some people won't go because they don't like spending time with their own grandparents. Why would they pay to be with someone else's?
But people will already know about the movie from TV and the internet. And there'll be movie stars in it. I'm actually going to meet movie stars. I'm probably going to be on
E!
I guess I always thought I would be, but I didn't think it would be so soon.
Will I have to move to Los Angeles? Was today my last day at my school? Am I going to be rich? Should I get different clothes?
Stefanie V. President is going to laugh when she hears about that stupid letter her company sent me saying I stole their idea, when I never even told them the idea. I wonder if I should tell her that we only got in touch with her as a trial run. And that when Dan wrote and told her I had a movie idea, I actually didn't. Now I do, and you know what? It actually
can
be a whole series of movies.
“Sean! Telephone!” It had to be Javier. He was calling to invite me over for dinner. I really like Javier's family. They think I'm funny and I think they're funny, which is cool because I don't speak Spanish and they don't speak much English. They like me to come over so they can practice.
They mostly eat the foods they ate in Argentina, and unfortunately, I can never tell from looking at something if I'm going to like it or not. It makes me nervous, because I don't want to hurt Javier's mom's feelings if I don't. I'm not very good at eating things I don't like.
I told Javier that I have to have dinner with my parents, but I can come over for dessert. I learned this from my mom. Sometimes when we're invited for dinner and she either doesn't like the person's cooking or knows we don't want to spend too much time with them, she suggests that we come for dessert. My dad says, “Good work, Leecie (her name is Elise). You should run for president.”
Javier's mom said okay. I'm glad. I almost never have to worry if I'm going to like dessert.
I read Stefanie's e-mail again. “We want to option his idea.” What does that mean? Doesn't she mean, “We want to
make
his movie”?
I guess at this point it actually
is
only an idea. I can see the whole movie, even parts of it I didn't tell them yet. But at some point I have to write it all down, so the actors will know exactly what to say and do when we start shooting.
We also have to pick a director. I spent the next hour making a list of directors that I like. I wonder if I should include directors whose movies I like even if their movies are nothing like
A Week with Your Grandparents
? Like if you directed a really good animated movie, could you direct my movie?
Maybe
A Week with Your Grandparents
should be animated. It could be. Maybe more people would go to see it. It doesn't really sound like the name of an animated movie, but neither did
Up
.
There are a lot of things for Stefanie and me to think about.
I
was glad I was with Javier's family last night because it took my mind off waiting to hear from business affairs. Plus the dulce de leche. Try it some time. It's my new favorite dessert.
I should watch the rest of
The Bucket List
so I can talk to my mom about it, and so I can figure out why Eva said my movie is like
17 Again
meets
The Bucket List
. Last night I got to where the two old guys know they're dying, so they might as well do what they always wanted to do. Unfortunately, it took them forever in that hospital room without a curtain to figure it out, and I just can't spend another minute with them.
I think the only thing about
The Bucket List
that's like my movie is there are old people in it. I watched
Nanny McPhee
instead. At first it seemed like it was for eight-year-olds, but I ended up liking it. Still, it doesn't remind me of my movie at all. I think Devin said
Nanny McPhee
because it's about someone taking care of someone else's kids. She does it with magic. In my movie there's no magic, just science. I think Eva and Devin both liked my movie, so they tried to compare it to other movies that lots of people saw.
If you have an idea, you don't really want people comparing it to someone else's idea. It's like saying you copied it. Stefanie didn't compare it to anything else. She said it's new. I think it is, too.
What I really want to do this weekend is work on YOUR GRANDPARENTS. That's my new short version of the name, which I like better than WEEK GRANDPARENTS or GRANDPARENTS. But since I promised everyone a new podcast, I have to work on the bar mitzvah.
I was going to edit part one this week and part two next week, but it turns out it's easier to work on both at the same time. That's good, because next week might be very busy with the movie. Things are moving faster than I ever thought they would.
Listening to my grandmother at the bar mitzvah, I suddenly remembered the e-mail I sent her. I've been checking Dan Welch's e-mail constantly, but I never look at my own. Grandma actually wrote back to me three minutes after getting my e-mail five days ago.
To: Sean Rosen
From: Thorny Rosen
Dear Sean,
I was extremely disappointed to hear that you won't be using my interview. In my opinion, it was “pure gold,” and it would have added a “special something” to your podcast. I'll consider what you suggested about withholding your present. It's a long time until your birthday. We'll see. Perhaps I'll heal by then.
Love and knishes,
Grandma
She reminds me a little of Chris and Chloe's grandmother.
I wonder if I'll keep doing podcasts now that I'm making movies. I may not have time. And I may think they're not important enough. I hope I don't feel that way. Podcasts were the way I got started, even though Stefanie decided to buy my movie without ever seeing my podcasts. I wonder if Marisa has been born yet. I wonder if Stefanie is watching one of my podcasts on her iPad right now.
Wait a minute. If she loved my movie without ever seeing my podcasts, I wonder if watching them now will make her change her mind about the movie.
I stopped working on my bar mitzvah podcast and I started watching all the other podcasts on my website. I tried to figure out if there's anything in them that will make Stefanie stop thinking I'm adorable and stop wanting to make my movie.
I decided I was being crazy, and got back to work on the bar mitzvah podcasts. I finished at about two in the morning. I didn't have to stop to eat because it was Saturday and my parents had a date.
Sunday my parents and I all had a day off. My dad made breakfast. He's always in a good mood after date night. They both are. He made French toast and bacon. It was delicious. The French toast had an orange flavor, and my dad really knows how to cook bacon. Some Jewish people don't eat bacon, but he does and I do.
We decided to go out to a movie. I love going to the movies in the afternoon. Well, I love going to the movies any time, but during the day is extra fun for some reason. Picking a movie is never easy. None of us will just see anything.
I'm leaving out the names of the movies here, because soon I might be working with the companies that made them, either on my movie or on my big idea. I know I already talked about some movies and said their names, but those were old ones.
MOM: | So what should we see? |
ME: | ______ |
DAD: | Sorry, Seany. Today I'm only good for 2-Ds. |
My mom looks at the newspaper.
MOM: | It's also playing at a theater that doesn't have 3-D. |
ME: | Why don't we just stay home and watch it on the toaster oven. |
MOM: | Actually, I don't really want to see that movie. |
ME: | Why not? |
MOM: | It doesn't matter, Sean. I don't want to see it. |
ME: | Are you just saying that because Dad doesn't want to see it? |
My mom doesn't answer. She keeps looking at the paper.
MOM: | How about _______? |
DAD: | What's that? |
ME: | It's a nature movie. |
MOM: | It's not a nature movie. It just takes place in a rural area. It got a very good review. |
ME: | Yeah. By the same guy who loved _______. |
DAD: | We're not seeing that. |
MOM: | This movie has nothing to do with that movie. |
DAD: | Can I see the paper? |
We ended up seeing a movie we all liked. My dad picked it out. It was the only movie in the paper that none of us already had an opinion about.
I wouldn't say a lot of things happened in this movie, but you really liked the person it was about. You had fun spending time with her.
That's what I want Chris and Chloe to be like. Like actual kids, but kids you really like. That's how I imagine them. In the movie we just saw, I believed everything the main character said and did. I know those things are written in the screenplay. But then the actress made it feel like she was a real person who was just saying and doing those things. It's so important to find the right actors. I want to talk about this with Stefanie at our next meeting.