I Remember (Remembrance Series) (5 page)

At that moment, my cell phone rang. I darted across my bedroom and grabbed it. “Hello?”

“It’s me, Jordan. I guess you are on the computer since your home phone went to voice mail. Just wanted to call and let you know what is going on.” Mom sounded exhausted.

“Hey, Mom, let me log off the computer and I will call you right back, so we can talk longer. My cell phone has been acting quirky, lately; and I don’t want to drop the call”

“Ok. I’m here at the house.”

“Sounds good. Just give me a minute or two and I will call you back. Love you, Mom!”

“Love you too, Jordan! Bye.” Mom sounded both anxious and troubled.

I made my way back to the computer as a new message popped up.
“Jordan? Are you still there?”

“I’m here. My mother just called my cell. I hate to do this, but I need to call her back. As you know, family is a priority and my cell phone is acting up, so I need to use the land line.”
My hopes were that he would understand.

“Don’t worry. I understand completely and would be doing the same thing if the situation were reversed. I need to go too, my dinner has been ready for a while; but I just couldn’t tear myself away from talking to you. I hope that your dad gets better. We can always talk later.”

I appreciated his understanding of the situation.

“Thank you! Bye for now.”
I felt a little pained that I had to end our conversation but anxious as to what news my mother would have for me.

“Bye…I will be on here later if you need to talk.”
Then his name disappeared from the ‘Friends Online’ list.

I climbed onto my bed, sat cross-legged, hugging a pillow, feeling the need to be near something as I dialed mom’s number.

I could hear my mother take a deep breath, which told me there was a lot to discuss. But, would I be prepared to handle it?

“Your father’s in a private room. The ER doctor is bringing in a couple of specialists to run tests. Your dad admitted to being in pain, especially when he swallows. He says it feels like the food will get stuck. So they are going to do the bronchoscopy, scheduled for Friday, here at the hospital, instead.”

“Do they have any idea why he is so weak right now?”

“They are not saying, but I have my suspicions.”

“What are your thoughts?”

“I don’t know, but my fear is cancer. When he admitted how difficult it was to swallow, it brought back a flood of memories of our neighbor, here in Deland, who passed away from throat cancer.” Her voice shook.

“Mom, do you need me? I can get packed and be at your place in less than two hours.” I walked into the laundry room and turned the dryer on so I could get the wrinkles out of the clothes.

“No. I will be fine. It is already eight o’clock. I would rather have you there and know that you are safe. When I need you, I will let you know! Besides, it could be anything. We just have to hope for the best.”

“I know. I had a dream about the nuclear medical scan he had—the one where it was suspicious, but ruled equipment error. I wonder if it is possible that it wasn’t machine error.” I felt as though I deserved a punch in the gut for even mentioning these thoughts.

“Those were my first thoughts, too. We have to wait for the tests and hope we’re wrong. I mentioned the scan to the doctor and he is going to get a copy to compare with the scan he has ordered later in the week. We are at a crossroad right now, not knowing where things are headed.”

Her logic made sense. I couldn’t argue that.

“So what time are they doing the bronchoscopy on Friday?”

“It looks to be mid- to-late morning Friday, depending on his strength. If you could get the day off, I know your dad and I would love having you here.”

“I’ll talk with Caroline tomorrow and let her know what’s going on. I will probably work late to make sure my work is done before I take off. How about I bring an overnight bag and change of clothes, just in case it ends up being a long day at the hospital?”

Mom’s voice became very eager. “Your father would be happy to see you; though, you know him, he doesn’t want to worry anyone right now. Don’t you have a Valentine’s date on Sunday?”

“Mom, what have you and dad always taught me about family? It comes first! Besides, I have an uneasy feeling about Thomas; so I blew off the date.”

I could hear my mother yawn through the phone. “Mom, sounds like you’ve had a long day. Why don’t you get some sleep and we can talk more tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a good idea. You should probably do the same. Have you eaten anything, yet?” Mom remembered how hard it was for me to eat when I was anguished.

“You know me too well! I’ll try to eat something. Have you had anything?”

“Your dad insisted I get something from the hospital cafeteria. I didn’t want to eat around him, but he would not relax until I did. I’m fine now, go take care of yourself. I may need you soon.”

“I’m headed for bed; it has been a long day. Try not to worry about your dad, things will work out. Just remember to have faith, Jordan.”

“Ok Mom. Have a good night and call me at work, to let me know how he’s doing. I don’t want to wait until nighttime for your phone call.”

“I’ll call. Hopefully we will have some good news. Have a good night. We love you!”

“Ok, talk with you tomorrow. Love you guys, too. ‘Night, Mom!”

“Goodnight!”

I knew mom’s words were meant to reassure me, but I was more terrified than ever. A few tears started to trickle down my face.

I knew I shouldn’t fall to pieces, especially since we did not have all the facts. However, the words my dad had stated a few weeks earlier rang through my head, “When it is my time to leave this Earth, I am ready to go.”

“Don’t say that, Dad! We need you!”

He had a faraway look in his eyes.

I let the tears consume me, knowing it was better to let the emotions out, rather than keep them hidden. While a good cry would help me sleep better tonight, I dreaded the puffy eyes they would leave behind.

“Hey Jordan, I’m home. How are things today?” Alley’s voice called out.

I walked out of the bedroom. As soon as Alley’s eyes met mine, I knew the puffiness had given me away. She grabbed me in one of her big hugs, she towered a few inches above me, and simply stated, “I’ll send out good thoughts.”

“Thank you. He’s in the hospital. They are going to try and run some tests Friday. I’m going to head up, then, and possibly stay the weekend.”

She grabbed some leftover pizza and a soda from the fridge and headed toward her bedroom. “Things will get better, you have to believe that. Are you going to use the phone line soon?”

“Thanks, Alley. No. Have fun talking with your friends. I need to eat, finish up my laundry and start packing for Friday.”

Keeping busy kept me calm and focused.

The laundry took no time at all. I placed a few items in a pile to take with me and put the rest away. I decided to heat myself some chicken noodle soup, needing comfort food to soothe my soul.

I grabbed a pair of comfortable pajamas, hoping for a restful sleep. After slipping into bed and turning off the light, I tried to keep my thoughts positive.

The darkness surrounded me in my slumber as I felt myself creep toward the edge of a dreamful state. Remembering last night’s dreams, I consciously forced myself back, away from the alternate reality that terrified me the night before. Despite my tired state, I would wake myself before I would allow those visions into my mind, again.

The night continued on like this, in an unending state of drifting off and waking up every so many minutes.

The alarm startled me. It felt as though I had just begun to rest and now I had to get up. My hand floundered as it hunted for the snooze bar, hoping to get an additional ten minutes.

Ugh….I knew I had too much to do at work, especially if I wanted to take tomorrow off.

I grabbed some coffee, leaving it black, rather than adding creamer and sweetener, this morning. I needed the unpleasant taste to help get me moving.

Somehow, I managed to shower and dress, quickly. I snatched a frozen dinner for lunch, grabbed my keys, and left for work. The slight chill that hung in the morning air, helped awaken my senses and open my mind.

As I pulled into the parking garage, I could see that Caroline’s car was there already. I hoped she would not be in any meetings and I could go ahead and tell her about my situation.

Luck was with me. I caught Dr. Gibbons exiting Caroline’s office. She had a nice smile on her face, so her day was off to a good start.

I put my things at my desk and proceeded to her door. “Caroline? Do you have a second? I need to talk with you in private.”

She looked up from her desk, still smiling, though her eyes became puzzled. “What can I help you with, Jordan? Is there something wrong? Please, have a seat.” She motioned with her hands to sit at the chair closest to her desk, so we could talk more easily.

I knew the way I looked today would give away that something was amiss. I had hardly slept the last two nights and my eyes gave away the fact that I had been crying.

“I may need to ask for tomorrow off. My father’s strength has been waning and his weight declining for weeks now. The past few days have been the worst. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday and they will be running tests, tomorrow. I wanted to be there for moral support.

“I am prepared to work through most of lunch and some extra hours, tonight, to get all of my work done. I have completed most of the requested work for next week’s company meeting and only have a few of the policy adjustments left to do and send out to the other offices.”

“I’m truly sorry to hear about your dad. Do they have any clues as to what is going on? Is there anything I can do to help?” She truly did remind me of my mother, always putting everyone else first.

“The doctor’s are not sure, but there are speculations. We do not want to think the worst, but we fear it might be cancer.”

Caroline leaned across her desk, relaxing her smile into a more serious tone. “Work on whatever you can, today. I don’t mind if you work through lunch or stay late, though it looks like you could use some rest. Why don’t you put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and close your office door. That should allow you some privacy and maybe help you with your emotions, today. Don’t worry if you don’t complete everything. Let’s just sit down at the end of the day and review what’s left and we can handle it while you are gone.”

I took a deep breath in relief. “Thanks, Caroline. I am not exactly sure about tomorrow, but want to be prepared. I apologize for the short notice. My mother should be calling later today to let me know the schedule.”

Caroline got up from her seat, walked over to me and gave me a brief hug. “Everything is going to be fine. Just focus on that. I am here if you need to talk.”

I was fighting back the urge to cry, but reeled it in. “Thank you!”

I left her office, trying to force a smile onto my face. It was our job to present a reassuring quality to the rest of the staff, despite what was going on within the office or in our personal lives.

“Good morning, Jordan.” A high pitched voice came up behind me.

Internally I cringed, wondering what Pamela wanted.
It’s rather strange that she is being nice to me all of the sudden. Usually she takes the long way around to her office rather than talk to me. Wonder what she is up to?

I smiled with my best effort, remembering to lift my eyes and force an endearing look her direction. “Morning, Pamela. How is your day going so far?”

“Wonderful and yours?” She was overly cheerful, given the eerie behavior she had been exhibiting as of late.

I knew I would have to lie through my teeth, which was against everything I stood for. I did not want to give her any ammunition to use against me, since she enjoyed finding faults and weaknesses, then worming her way into your soul and tearing it apart.

I still could not understand how she had gone from being pleasurable to work with to overtly antagonistic. However, around Caroline and the majority of doctor’s, she hid her latest personality well.