I Remember (Remembrance Series) (15 page)

I walked into my room, turned on the bedside light and curled up into a tight ball on the bed. My emotions were on the edge of a precipice, ready to fall over at any moment. I could feel the edges of a downward spiral and tried to fight off the feelings of grief, using anger as a means to keep my emotions grounded. I detested this sensation.

There was a knock at my door. “Come in.”

Mom opened the door and saw me still curled up tight. I could see the sadness in her eyes, as she crossed the room to me. She sat on the bed and gently stroked my back “If going out to eat is too much for you to handle, we can either stay in or order in.”

“That’s not the problem, Mom. I’m just angry at everything, at myself for not being able to handle things, for not being there for you, for not taking charge and dealing with everything.”

“No one expects either of us to be made of steel right now. We are both hurting, feeling the loss in different ways. You are doing just fine, Jordan, it’s because of you that I have made it this far. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this whole ordeal, especially this past week, without you. I could not handle all the phone calls to the family, giving them the updates and telling them how things ended.”

I sat up and gave her a big hug. “Thanks, Mom.”

“How about this; you stay here and rest while we go out and grab a bite? Would you like us to bring you back anything?”

“I like that idea. I might be able to eat later, something light. Please let Aunt Melinda and Uncle Tom know that I am sorry for being distant. I will try to do better.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jordan. They understand what you are going through.” She gave me a pat on the back. “We will leave in a few minutes.

“Thanks, Mom.” I curled back onto my side, drawing up into a ball, again.

I heard the door close and a car start in the driveway, then pull away.

My heart suddenly felt empty, as though a hole had been punched through it and all feeling and emotion had seeped out, leaving nothing behind. This feeling scared me, so I walked around the house, trying to find something to do. When I entered the living room, I caught site of the piano. Dad loved the piano.

I took six years of piano lessons as a child. Dad was pleased that I enjoyed the classical artists. He never got tired of me playing Beethoven’s Fur Elise and a cute little number by Frank Mills, The Music Box Dancer.

I sat down at the piano and began to play. Before I knew it, an hour had passed and my eyes were starting to ache from the crying that started to emerge. I walked back into my bedroom in time to hear the phone ring. I rushed to see who was calling, thinking it might be my mother, but to my surprise, it was Gregory.

“Hi, Gregory,” I said, sniffing back some tears.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.” His voice was so soft and filled with concern.

I tried to respond, but only a muffled sob escaped.

“I listened to your message and waited for you to call. When you didn’t, I got worried. Am I calling at a bad time?”

“No, you’re fine. I’m just having trouble dealing with my emotions. I just feel so empty.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go through this. If it helps, I understand the emptiness your feeling.”

“I wish you would have told me about your grandmother when we first started talking.” At that moment I had a flashback to a dream I had, prior to meeting Gregory, online. I gasped aloud.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, worriedly.

“Nothing. You just reminded me of an unusual dream I had a few months back.”

“What was it about?”

“Prior to us meeting online, I dreamt I was walking through the park and saw this young guy sitting on one of the benches, beneath an old oak tree, not far from the water. He had his face in his hands, quietly sobbing. I approached him and touched his shoulder asking, ‘Are you all right?’”

Gregory inhaled deeply with a gasp. I continued. “He responded by shaking his head back and forth. I didn’t understand what was wrong, but when both my hands touched his back, I felt his pain. The same pain I’m feeling now—like he had lost someone close to him. I felt compelled to give him a reassuring squeeze and whispered…”

Gregory finished my sentence for me. “’Everything will be just fine. You may feel the pain right now, but it will lessen in time and be replaced by wonderful memories. We never have to say goodbye, only until we meet again’.”

“How did you? How could you know? I’ve never told anyone that dream.” I stammered, feeling a chill and my heart beginning to race.

“I can’t explain. Only that it was
My
dream. Well, more like a nightmare I couldn’t escape from, until I heard the sweet voice of a young lady and her gentle touch across my back, expressing care and concern. I could feel the love in her heart, as it captured mine.”

There was quiet on both ends of the phone line and then in unison we asked, “You don’t think we could have…?”

Gregory forced a laugh. “Shared the same dream?” He, like me, must have thought it was impossible. “Why don’t we switch to another subject? How did you and your mom sleep last night?”

“Mom fell asleep in the recliner, watching television, while I was on the phone with you. I was afraid to sleep, fearing I would encounter unpleasant dreams. But, exhaustion won out and I fell asleep on the couch beside her.

“At first, my fear came true, but then I saw my father and was comforted. I slept so soundly that I almost fell off the sofa when my Aunt and Uncle arrived.”

“So, what time did you get up, then?”

“I think it was around 1:00 in the afternoon. I’m not certain; time seems to get away from me.”

“So, how was your day?”

“I worried about you last night, so I didn’t sleep well. I ended up staying in bed dozing on and off until a little before 1:00, too, which is rare for me. You would not believe how I woke up.” He started laughing.

“How? You have my curiosity piqued.”

“I heard the door bell ring and bolted upright in bed, nearly tripping on the sheets as I ran to the door to find there was no one there. The mailman was pulling away. I guess he must of accidently hit the doorbell after he turned away.”

“That’s odd, because the doorbell caught me off guard, too; to the point I almost fell off the couch.”
Strange coincidence
.

“What else did you do, today?” Gregory asked.

“There’s not much to tell. I ate lunch, showered, took a walk downtown and came home.”

“Now it’s your turn, Gregory. What did you do, today?”

“I grabbed some lunch on the way in to work. I wanted to finish up a couple projects. When I was done, I had plenty of time on my hands so I drove downtown and walked around a bit. Then I headed back home, grabbed dinner and called you.”

“Where were you when I tried to call you this afternoon?”

“I had my hands full with a few things and an iced tea, so I let it go to voicemail for the moment.”

Some lights danced through my window. “I think my mom just got back from having dinner.”

“Why didn’t you go? Have you eaten, yet?”

“I’m not hungry. But I am pretty sure my mother brought me back something to munch on.”

“You need to eat. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day and I wish you would let me be there for you. Do you want to do the calling tomorrow, since I don’t know your schedule?”

“Tomorrow’s agenda is already set. We have the viewing in the late afternoon, so anyone traveling from our hometown, in Clewiston, can make it in time. My dad spent half his life working there, before retiring to Deland. It will be hard; but Monday is the day I dread the most, saying our final goodbyes.” I started to choke up with a couple of tears.

“Honey, don’t cry. Why couldn’t I have met you sooner, so I could comfort you in person, rather than over the phone?” He sounded frustrated. “Please, focus on what you said about never truly saying goodbye, only until we meet again.”

“You’re right. I should. But while my mind understands that, my heart doesn’t.” I couldn’t fight it anymore and started sobbing.

“If I were there, I would hold you tight in my arms.”

“I know. I wish we had met earlier, too, I could use that embrace.” My voice quivered as I tried to gain control over my emotions.

“Jordan, you are one of the strongest people I have had the pleasure of talking with. I believe you can do this; and if you can’t, remember I am only a phone call away.”

His voice and his words were hypnotic and seemed to cut right to the core of me, calming my grief. How did I get so lucky to find someone who cared so much about me? I couldn’t explain it, but my heart began having serious feelings toward Gregory and all that he had done for me.

I heard a light knock on my door. “Jordan?”

“I’ll be right out, Mom, just finishing up a phone call.”

“Let me get off so you can spend time with your mother. Please get some food in your system. Nutrition will help your body deal with some of the emotional stress. Have sweet dreams and I will give you a call either early tomorrow afternoon or late evening.”

“Okay. Thanks for being so patient with me. It means a lot.” It truly did. He had already touched my heart in a way no one else ever had, just by caring. “You have sweet dreams, too. Bye, for now.”

“Bye.”

I got up and strode to the kitchen to see what Mom had brought home.

“Everything all right, Jordan?” My mother asked with concern.

“I’m fine. I was just talking with Gregory. So where did you all end up going?”

“We opted for The Bistro Café; that offers a variety of meals, around the clock.”

“I brought you some crepes with yogurt filling and fruit, along with some egg whites. I looked at my aunt and uncle. “Thanks for taking Mom out to eat and bringing me some dinner. I’m sorry if I am not in the best mood right now, but you know I do appreciate and love you, both.”

Aunt Melinda spoke up. “Not to worry. We love you, too. We are just happy we can be of some assistance. Now eat up, you need your strength.”

Mom came over to me and whispered, “Everything all right?”

In a low voice, I responded, “I finally got some crying out.”

“Are you and Gregory ok?”

“We’re fine, though he’s not happy I haven’t eaten much. He keeps bugging me to take care of myself.”

Mom leaned back to look at my face. “I am beginning to approve of Gregory. He seems to really care for you.”

I grabbed my food and proceeded to the dining table. I cut off a piece of crepe and took a bite. I thought my taste buds might reject the food, but they actually welcomed the taste.
Bon Appetite.

When I finished the last bite, I started to yawn.

“Sounds like you need to get ready for bed, Jordan,” My mother stated.

Mom had already gathered her things from her bedroom, so Aunt Melinda and Uncle Tom could retire for the evening.

I quickly changed for bed. “Would you mind if I crashed on the sofa for a while and watched some television? I’m not sure I can sleep just yet.”

“No, I don’t mind. I’ll check on you before going to bed,” She said in her motherly way.

I laid my head on the pillow and turned the channel to a nice comedy show. I made sure to turn the sound down, so I would not disturb the others.

My eyelids felt heavy and my body too worn out to move, despite the chill in the air. After a while, I felt the warmth of a blanket being placed on me. I heard, “I will keep you safe, my love, now get some sleep,” tenderly spoken, just above a whisper, in my ear.

I could not tell if I was awake or drifting in my subconscious; only that Gregory was there with me. His presence helped ward away any fear of bad dreams, so I could finally sleep.

“Jordan? It’s time to wake up.” My mother was gently shaking my shoulder.

My eyes parted slightly, and I saw her standing over me. I guess I must have fallen asleep on the sofa and someone had covered me in the night.

“What time is it?”

“It’s 10:00 AM, sweetie. We need to get moving, we have a long afternoon ahead of us.” My mother’s voice was sincere and filled with emotion.

“Sorry I fell asleep out here. I guess I was more tired than I realized. Thanks for covering me up last night.”

“Not to worry. You were worn out. I haven’t been sleeping well either, so I am not surprised. But, I didn’t get the blanket.”

I sat up slowly and stretched my arms, hoping the movement would help me wake up. “Mom, do you want to take a shower first or do you want me to go ahead?”

“Go ahead. I’ll get breakfast started for everyone.”

“Good morning, Jordan,” Aunt Melinda stated. “Let me give you a hand with breakfast, Marilyn.”

“Aunt Melinda?”

“Yes, Dear?”

“Did either you or Uncle Tom cover me up during the night?”

“Sorry, Jordan, both of us were so tired from our drive up here that we ended up sleeping quite soundly. Maybe you grabbed the blanket without realizing it,” she suggested.

I nodded, not really sure I believed Melinda’s reasoning, but quickly dismissed it and headed for my shower.

I knew the next couple of days would be dreadful. It meant finality to my dad’s life. I gathered strength in knowing that his vibrant spirit would live on, but I still felt the hole that echoed in my heart.