I Need You (9 page)

“Billy!” That was a reprimand to keep my voice down.

“Just take your stuff off and lie down!”

She’d turned bright red and my guess was it was through anger as much as embarrassment. Glaring at me she gripped the hem of her sweat top, and as it turned out her sleeveless tee, ‘cause when she pulled it up, she pulled both off and threw them on top of my head. So I couldn’t see her.

When I moved them off, she’d lain down again, and her shorts weren’t off but she must have undone them, because they were pushed down to where her bikini bottoms were. I could see the emerald-green line.

Cock twitch.

She was not overweight. “There’s nothing wrong with how you look.”

Her head turned, her cheek resting on her folded arms, as her blue eyes stared at me.

“Like yourself,” I whispered. “That’s half your trouble, you don’t.”

Tears glittered in her eyes. She shut them.

“Shall I rub some screen into your back?”

She nodded without opening her eyes.

I smiled as I got up to get the screen. She didn’t move.

I grabbed the tube and straddled her thighs.

“Billy!” she squealed as I squirted the cold cream on her back.

“Just lie still and shut up.” I laughed.

“That’s so cold,” she breathed.

“Now you know how I felt.” She didn’t really, ‘cause I’d been aroused. Something she hadn’t ever been around me.

I pulled her bikini top loose at the back so the strap wasn’t in the way. Then I rubbed the cream in with both hands, sliding my palms up the gorgeous curve of her back and then over her shoulders, and along her arms to her elbows, before running them all the way down to start again as her soft skin absorbed the cream.

She jumped a little as my hands started running upward again.

Her backside wobbled against my groin. I loved it. Cause I loved her. The girl was mad thinking she didn’t have a good figure.

I tied her bikini top up again and smacked the first curve of her ass, before I climbed off of her. She squealed again. “Billy!”

“Lindy!” I mocked, rolling onto my side, leaning up on my elbow to watch her and talk. Her head turned to me, her cheek resting on her crossed arms.

Halleluiah, the girl actually had a shallow smile on her lips.

“You do look good, you know. I’m not just saying it, and I’m not kidding. Didn’t Jason ever say how hot you look.”

Her smile fell and her head turned away.

“Didn’t he?”

“He dumped me for Rachel. You’ve seen how skinny she is. So whatever he did say wasn’t true, was it?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and he was with you for years… He loved you, Lind. The thing with him and Rachel isn’t about looks; it’s just chemistry.”

Her head turned to me again. But she didn’t say anything.

“So did you?” I whispered to try and break her bad mood.

“Billy,” she hissed at me, but she said it with another smile, before looking away.

I grinned. I was sure she had.

I turned onto my back. “Put some sun screen on my chest.”

She looked back and didn’t move for a moment, but then sat up, and now I could see her body better. Her breasts swayed in the halter-neck bikini top and her nipples had come up in peaks under the cloth. There was nothing about her that turned me off.

She squirted the cold cream on my belly. “Ah” My body jolted and I laughed.

“You could do this yourself, you know.”

“I know, but it’s so much more fun when you do it.”

There was a twisted smile on her lips, that she hid by looking down to watch her hands move over my skin.

“How many hours do you work out?”

“Why?”

“Cause you are one big ball of muscle, Billy.”

“I’m a personal trainer. I spend all day working out, Lind.” I watched her face, hidden beneath a curtain of blonde hair, as her fingers ran down to my belly, exploring my abs.

“And this little cut above your hips, how do you get that?”

I laughed. “A guy’s secret.”

Her fingers ran right up and over my shoulders then down my arms, like I’d done to her. “Your biceps are huge.”

I shut my eyes and chuckled, just reveling in her touch. “Nice to know you’re impressed with my guns.”

“Only a little.” Her hands left me, and the sun-screen tube hit my belly.

I laughed, turning to my side as she lay on her back next to me.

My gaze skimmed down her body. “Well, if you measure that by how I feel about your belly, you can shut up complaining about being overweight.”

She thumped my shoulder, but she was smiling and laughing, a little.

Lindy

Billy’s long black eyelashes framed the gleam in his eyes. Emotion gripped in my chest as my gaze caught the dark blue.

He’d always been good at making me laugh. Always.

I smiled at him, shaking my head, then rolled on to my belly and rested my head on my folded arms. He settled in the same position beside me, looking toward me as I Iooked at him.

“So what have you been doing in the weeks we’ve not been talking? Have you been looking for a new job?” He changed the subject.

“A bit…” I took a breath. Images of home spun around in my head; the emotion piling in too. Sadness hung-out in every corner in that house… I’d escaped it for a while, but I couldn’t escape it forever and it was strangling me. Pain pierced through my heart …

“But Mom’s at home––and I’ve just not been in the mood for job-hunting. I should go into Portland, but I don’t want to be that far away from home.”

“It’s not that far. Most of my clients are in Portland. It doesn’t take that long to do the drive––”

“I know… but it’s too far for me!”

His eyes looked his questions. If I’d have snapped like that at Jason, he would’ve just shut up and turned away, but Billy never accepted anything at face value, he always questioned why. His eyebrows lifted.

I couldn’t answer why…

He didn’t ask it, though. Perhaps he realized my soul was too sore.

“So, did you?” That question was spoken in a deep husky whisper, followed by a smile.

I smiled, too, I couldn’t help it. He’d said it to break the ice that had settled over me. I shook my head at him, then turned the other way. But he had me grinning again and wanting to laugh, even though a moment ago I’d felt like the world ripped me apart.

It had felt awkward when he’d said it earlier, but now the glint of amusement in his eyes just made it a joke. That look in his eyes hovered in my head as I shut mine, listening to him chuckle.

“What music have you been listening to lately?” Another sudden change of subject.

I didn’t look back at him, just talked with my eyes shut, feeling the sunshine warm my back, now he’d blocked out the wind.

It felt like the two of us were in a cocoon, the world beyond our den didn’t exist. We talked about everything and nothing. TV shows, films, Vine and YouTube clips, it went everywhere, and we were talking for ages. I was so relaxed. I felt normal, when I hadn’t felt normal for months––years.

Then all of a sudden he got up. “I’m going into the ocean for a bit. You coming?”

“Our stuff?”

“I left my wallet and cell in my room, did you bring yours?”

“No, but people don’t know that, they’ll take my backpack.”

“Worry wart. There’s a woman over there with four kids, she’ll mind it; she looks trust- worthy.”

“Billy! My clothes!” How could he see everything so black and white?

“Put them back on. It’s freezing down there.” He bent down and grabbed up his tee and top and pulled them on while I got dressed too. Then he leaned down and picked up my backpack.

He climbed over a blanket to get out, and when I stood up he was walking back up the beach toward this woman.

The woman blushed as he approached her.

When I climbed out, pulling on my sleeveless tee and my sweater, it felt scary. That was stupid. But I’d been safe in our little cocoon, and now the world could get at me.

“Sorted,” he said, as he came back, grinning at me. A grin that said “victory”.

My arms gripped over my chest as insecurity crowded in. “I bet she thinks you’re really cheeky.”

“Nah, she’s just thinking she wished her husband still looked as hot as me.” His smile split his face. “Come on.” His eyes glowed reassurance.

Billy.
My heart said his name in an odd way.

When we’d shared the apartment at college, Billy had always been easy company. Whenever Jason had gone into one of his quiet, thoughtful moods, Billy had always been there to shout at,
with
, to debate with, and laugh with…

I started walking beside him, my arms still gripped over my chest.

He looked sideways at me. “So, go on then, tell me, did you?”

He’d sensed my awkwardness. Amusement caught up in my throat, mixing with the feelings of despair that had started surrounding me again. It came out as a choked laugh and my lips twisted in a bitter smile. But it was a smile. I wanted to hug him.

I knew he didn’t expect an answer. He was purely joking. To make me laugh.

My arms dropped to hang at my sides. What would I have done without Billy when Jason went to New York? I had missed Billy loads for weeks. I felt a lot better now he’d come back to me.

I poked my tongue out at him, wondering what the hell he’d say, or do, if I answered,
yes
.

That made me smile properly, a full-on smile like I hadn’t done for months.

Shit, I’d had my first-ever orgasm this morning, barely hours ago. My hand clutching his cell and I’d thought of him, ‘cause I could hardly think of Jason. That would have felt wrong on every level. I’d thought of Billy’s muscular hips and thighs moving between my parted legs––of his weight pressing down onto me and into me, and the pressure of his movement inside me…

That would freak him out.

When I’d finished, I’d lain there breathing heavily and absorbing all the weird sensations humming and playing through my nerves––then Billy’s cell rang out
Clarity by Foxes
and Jason’s image had appeared on it.

I’d dropped the cell. It had felt like cheating on Jason, as all the feelings I’d had for him flooded to the surface, like it was only yesterday he’d finished with me.

My heart, and my head, still believed I was his.

But I wasn’t.

They had to learn.

But Billy had said I could mourn this week, so I’d cried, letting the tears fall again before I went down to the gym. I’d only gone down there because I hadn’t wanted to be alone anymore.

But, I’d had an orgasm… My first ever!

“Come on, you’re so slow.” He caught hold of my hand and pulled me into a run.

“Billy!” He didn’t cease pulling as I stumbled along in a run beside him.

I’d tried to run with Jason once, but he could run real fast. I couldn’t keep up with him; I hadn’t even tried after that one time, I’d have just held him back.

But it was like he used to run to get away from me anyway. It was something he did alone. Spirit and soul, leaving me behind.

When everything had got messed up, I’d tried to make him stop, because I knew it separated him from me. I’d already begun to feel him slipping through my fingers, but he wouldn’t give up. Running had been more important to him than us––
me
.

Rachel ran with him.

My toes caught in the dried sand and I nearly fell. Billy yanked me up.

“Come on! I want to get in the water.”

“God, you’re no better than a kid!”

That deep chuckle rumbled in his chest.

I was so glad I’d come here with him. I was really starting to feel better; as if I’d escaped. But that thought brought the guilt rolling back in, like a wave sweeping in off the ocean.

We were running over wet sand now, leaving the impressions of our footprints behind, footprints that the tide would wash away, when it came in.

When we reached the water, he didn’t stop but carried on running into the shallow waves.

“Ahh, Billy, it’s freezing!” The sudden cold numbed my bare feet.

“I didn’t have you down for a coward, Lind.” He pulled me on.

“Ahh,” I shivered as the cold water swilled about my shins. I gritted my teeth. My toes were buried in the moving sand.

It was easier being with Jason. Jason never used to press against my boundaries. But Billy had never been like this at college. Well, he had been full of energy like a coiled spring all the time about to burst, but he had never dragged me into any of his wildness like this. I had only ever been his spectator.

I pulled back against his hold as he got deeper. I wasn’t cool with this, the water was freezing, and––

“Frick, Lind, are you gonna be a chicken?”

I squealed when his hand left mine, but then instead, one arm caught about my waist and the other beneath my legs and he lifted me. “Billy!” I gripped his shoulders as he walked deeper, and the waves of freezing water swilled up at us.

I’d had a family vacation in Florida, the water there had been as warm as a bath; it was wonderful. Mom had been in the water with me, holding my hand, and we’d jumped the shallow waves together… I hadn’t felt scared with her.

I clung to Billy, turning my head into his shoulder as the ocean washed up at us and hit his thighs, sending up spray as it also swilled up about his legs. The wave washed on past him, the water level dropping back down to his knees. I watched it travel up the beach over his shoulder and saw it swallow our footprints.

Would memories disappear as easily––washed away by time? I didn’t want to forget anything.

“Have you ever been out in the water up to your middle?”

For years the water had been over my head, but only figuratively, not literally. I had never gone deeper than my thighs because I was too scared of the huge ocean and all the things I couldn’t see. It should have been the future I was afraid of, and what was hidden by time…

Another wave broke onto his thighs, the white foam frothing about us.

“Have you?” he asked again. Then he clarified. “I don’t mean that, I mean have you been into the ocean deeper than your middle?”

“No.”