I Made You My First (15 page)

 
              There was only silence.  Then John spoke.  “Jurnee, where are you?” 

I paused a few seconds.  I’m at Judy’s...why?”  Silence again.

“Well I just got a call from Memphis Thompson saying that Irish took someone out of town yesterday and I got worried is all.” Yeah sure, that was John, always anxious to share a human moment with me. Not.

I didn’t respond right away.  I tried to read between the lines.  John always meant something different from the words he actual
ly said, “What are you asking me, John?”

 
              “I just wanted to be sure that you were safe, Jurnee, that’s all.”

“Well I’m just fine, John, and actually I’m glad you called,” I lied.  “I’m not going to be able to make that dinner this Saturday.  Something’s come up.”  I caught myself holding my breath, waiting for his response
 as I did so often when I spoke to him. 

 
              “Okay.  Is everything all right?”  He asked sounding a little confused.

“Yes, everything’s great, John.”  And I waited for what I knew was coming next.
 

“Jurnee, I went to a great deal of trouble planning this dinner for you.  What could’ve possibly come up that would make you cancel?”

I took a deep breath and leaned forward into my thighs, looking for the strength to say the words I really wanted to tell him right now.

“John, I know
you’re my brother, and I do love you, but...” and I paused while I sat up straight in my chair, “…you need to stop telling me how things are and start asking me how I feel before you make decisions for me. You do it without even thinking or considering my feelings.  I’d like to be treated like an adult; I
am
 an adult, John,” I felt my eyes close as I waited for him to start yelling.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Jurnee?  Is this about Irish?”

“No, it’s not about Irish, John, but I’d sure appreciate your explaining that to me now that you brought it up.”  I could feel my face growing warm. 

“Jurnee, if you saw the number of
women Irish goes through in a month, you’d be thanking me for telling him to stay away from you.  Trust me,
little girl
.” 

Oh no, he didn’t.  I took a deep breath.  “John, I’m not a little girl, and you’re not my father.  Dad treated people with respect; I’m not sure you know the meaning of the word.”  I stopped to take another breath and could feel my hands shaking.
 

“Did you go out of town with Irish, Jurnee?” 

I ignored his question.   “John, do you know what Joe-Lee is to me?”

“He’s the only guy you ever really had a thing for.  I think that’s what mom told me.  Why?  Did Irish tell you that I talked to him?”  And he seemed to be angry.

               “Yes, Irish told me you were sending Joe-Lee to pick me up for the dinner Saturday.” 

“He just couldn’t leave it alone.  He’s determined to make you another notch on his belt, Jurnee.  Irish is a nice guy, but you don’t want him for a boyfriend, trust me.”
 

I gave him a second to finish patting himself on the back before I responded. “John, I need to tell you something
 that you had no way of knowing because, well, we aren’t even remotely close and you don’t talk
to me
, just at me. 

When I was eighteen, I started dating Joe-Lee Murphy.  He was popular and all the girls in my class were super jealous because he wanted to date me.  Three months into that relationship, he started pressuring me to sleep with him.  After six months he forced me to have sex by making me feel guilty.  At the time it was the worst experience of my life.  Three months later, after I avoided being alone with him, he invited me to a big party at a hotel in downtown
 San Diego.  I went because a lot of my friends were going.

Well I didn’t know it then, but Joe-Lee had gotten a room on the same floor as the party, and after putting something in my drink, he took me to that room and raped me.  When I woke up
alone, I got dressed and called Judy to come get me.  I told mom when I got home that I wasn’t going to see Joe-Lee anymore because he’d started using drugs.  That’s the guy you gave Judy’s address to.  That’s who you’re sending here to pick me up for your dinner.  Now what were you saying to me about trust, John?”  I took a breath and closed my eyes so tight I could see white dots.  My heart was pounding like a metronome on amphetamines.

“Jurnee..,”
he paused as if he were checking to see if I was still on the phone.

“I’m here
, John,” I said, fumbling with my cigarette pack.

“I had no idea.  I’ll
 get hold of him and straighten it out.  I apologize.  You’re right,” he said, actually sounding sorry.

“Thank you.
 I’d appreciate that.  I’d also like you to apologize to Irish.  I’m almost twenty-five, and I don’t appreciate you punching someone because you don’t approve of him dating me.  If I choose to date Irish...that’s my choice, not yours.  I did go out of town with Irish and I do plan on dating him, so now that we have that all cleared up, I need to go...I have a call on my other line,” I lied and hung up.
Deep breaths Jurnee
.
Screw it,
I really need a glass of wine
, I thought.

When Judy got home, I ran from the patio to greet her. 

“Honey, I’m home,” she yelled, smiling her perfect Judy-smile.  “I have some wonderful news,” she said slipping off her pumps.  I followed her down the hall and sat on the bed while she changed clothes.  “My boss came to me today and asked if I wanted a full-time position when my internship ends,” she smiled like the cat that had just eaten the canary. 

“That will be so awesome; I won’t have to job hunt and I get a parking space in the garage, so no more huffing three blocks to my car every day,” she said now heading for the bathroom.  I sat listening to her day as she
removed her makeup.  Things felt normal.  “Is that your phone I hear?” she asked, and I ran for the patio.

“Hello,” I said much too loudly.
 

“Well hello, sunshine,” he chuckled, and I swear I could feel his wonderful smile through the phone line.  “Hey, I’m at home and John left here about ten minutes ago.”  I didn’t say a
word.  I waited for him to continue.  “Anyway, Jurnee, are you there?”

“Yes, baby, I’m here,” and he went silent for a moment.

“Say that again please.”

“What, that I’m here?” I asked.

“No, you know what I mean.”  

“Oh, do you mean when I referred to you as baby?”
  I smiled and waited. 

“That’s exactly wha
t I mean.  I like it,” he said.  “John gave me an envelope and asked me to give it to you.  He also said that the party was canceled.  Did you speak to him?”

“Yes, he called me when
 I got home.”

 
              “Well he didn’t mention that he’d talked to you but when he apologized for being overprotective of his sister and for punching me, I figured that he had.  Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, thanks.  So what’s in the envelope?”  I
 was curious.   

“I don’t know, Jurnee; It’s a plain
, legal-sized, white envelope.”

“Will you open it for me?” I asked, hoping to unravel the mystery.

“Um, Jurnee, this might be private family stuff.  I don’t feel comfortable,” and I could tell that he really didn’t want to.

“Would you do it if we were married?”  I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing.
 

“Well maybe you could ask me again when we
are
married and I’d be happy to answer that for you.”

Touché Irish
, I thought.

“What if I run it over to you?”

“No, I don’t want you to do that,” I lied.  “What are your plans tonight?” I clamped my teeth together waiting for his answer.

“I have to do some laundry and be in Rancho San Diego at
eight o’clock tomorrow.”

 
              “Would you be interested in spending the night here with me, baby?” I covered my mouth so he wouldn’t hear me giggle.

“What does
Judy think about that, Jurnee?” he asked seriously.

“I’m not sure, let me go ask,” I said heading to the living room to look for her. She was outside watering her plants.  “Mom, can Irish sleep over?” holding the
phone away from my ear so he could hear.

“Yes, dear, just muffle any loud noises with your pillows; I really need my beauty sleep.”
  She gave me a thumbs-up sign and a bright Judy-smile.

“Irish, I asked and it’s okay,” I laughed.

“Give me an hour and I’ll be there.  Do you need me to pick up anything?”

“No, I’m pretty sure I only need you, baby,” I giggled.

When Irish arrived we joined Judy on the sofa and relaxed, watching television.  At a little after ten, Judy said good night and headed for bed.  I shut the television off and took Irish’s hand, walking him to the patio with me.  He had a bottle of water with him and I went to get a glass of wine.  Sitting on the patio, Irish remembered the envelope from John.  He stood up and pulled the folded envelope from his back pocket.

Chapter Eight

“I’m nervous,” I admitted, taking the letter from his hand.  He smiled comfortingly.  I opened the flap and pulled out the piece of paper.  When I unfolded
it, a check fell out. 

Irish bent down and retrieved it. 

“It’s a check?”  I asked as he handed it to me.  “It’s a check from John,” I said, looking at his signature.  Without even examining it closer, I set it on my knee and opened the letter.

Jurnee,

           When Mom and Dad passed away, they left a will asking that we split everything evenly between us.  I did sell the house, but I invested the money and am now able to give you almost double what their house was worth.  I hope that you’ll be able to make your own place in this world without any worries. You deserve it.  Please let me know if you ever need my help.   

Love, John

I closed the letter and felt my eyes brimming and my bottom lip quivering.  I could feel Irish’s eyes on me, maybe waiting for me to look at him.  I lifted the check to my face and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.  There were more zeroes than I’d ever seen before.  I finally handed the letter to Irish.  “Please read it.”

He took it from me and I watched him.  He folded it closed and handed it back.  “He’s right, you know, you do deserve it.”
 He stood up holding his arms out to me.  Within seconds I was in his arms, and we held each other in silence. 
I must send John a thank you note
, I thought. 

With my head buried in his chest, I asked,
 “Are you ready for bed?”  

He touched my nose with his finger. “I am,” he said smiling sweetly.  We closed and locked the doors, turning ou
t the lights.  I left Irish in the bedroom while I went to brush my teeth.  When I returned, he was already in bed and under the covers.  I undressed and crawled in to join him.

“Thanks for coming, Irish,” I whispered. 

His arms wrapped tightly around me, “Thanks for inviting me.  I love you, Jurnee.”  I closed my eyes and snuggled into his chest.  I don’t remember anything after that so I must have fallen asleep.

I
 felt my body rocking back and forth gently and then I thought I heard someone’s voice.  One eye opened, I saw Irish sitting on the side of the bed, his back to me.  It was dark but enough light coming in the window to see his outline.  He was talking to someone.  I could see that he was on his phone talking quietly.  I opened both eyes now trying to make them focus.  Lying on one elbow, I listened. 

Irish wasn’t talking;
 he was quiet as if listening to someone.  He turned his body toward me.  Holding the phone out to me, he said, “Jurnee, its John.”  I sat straight up and took the phone.

“Jurnee,” I heard him say.

“Yes, I’m here.” 

“Uncle Clay called me about an hour ago.  He said if we wanted to see Auntie, we needed to get back there soon.”
  I looked at Irish and he was standing now, putting on his clothes.  I took a breath and tried to comprehend what John was saying.

“I just spoke to Auntie today and she was fine.”
 

“Jurnee, I need you to get dressed.  Irish is going to drive you to the airport.”

I looked up at Irish. He stood there looking at me.

“Okay, I’m getting dressed right now,” I told him.

“I’ll see you in an hour, Jurnee; we have to leave as soon as possible.”

I agreed, “Irish is here with me.”

“I know, Jurnee, I drove by Judy’s on my way to the airport.  I saw his car.  That’s the reason I called him when you didn’t answer your phone.”

“John, I want him to come along,” I whispered.