I Hope You Find Me (29 page)

Connor sighed in his sleep. I listened to him
inhale and exhale deeply before he was silent again. I was afraid
to move for fear I'd wake him, so I stayed on my stomach and
watched his back rhythmically rise and fall. I tried to match my
breathing to his but couldn't. Just watching him, my heart rate
beat faster, my stomach tightened and my own breathing
quickened.

The room smelled faintly of sex and the fire
we had lit the night before, and something else…coffee. I resisted
the urge to bolt from the bed and instead turned my head to the
side and checked to make sure my bedroom door was still closed. I
wasn't sure why Kris would be awake so early, but if she was making
coffee I didn't want her bringing it upstairs to share and finding
me naked in bed with Connor.

I slid from underneath the covers and slinked
across the room to twist the lock on the knob, then crept back into
bed. Before I could roll over back onto my stomach, one of his arms
slithered across my waist and pulled me in close to him so that we
were lying on our sides, facing each other. He was smiling, a happy
and boyish grin.
Damn. Early morning Connor after sex was
beautiful.

“Hi.” I said quietly and leaned in for a
kiss. His moist lips were warm and inviting.

“Hi.” He ran one of his hands down my side to
my hip. “Did you sleep okay?” He asked, a sparkle lighting his blue
eyes ablaze.

I laughed quietly as his fingers trailed
aimlessly along my thigh. “I did, though you didn't leave me much
time to sleep.”

“
Mmmhmm.
” He purred, and scooted
closer to me, so that our bodies touched. I could feel the hardness
of him against my pelvic bone and my insides quivered in
anticipation. His roaming hand moved from the back to the front of
my thigh, and followed my curves until he found my breast. I traced
the defined chisels in his chest and abdomen with my own fingers
and slid my hand between us, grasping his erection.

The early morning colors of dawn were far
gone by the time we left the bed and moved into the shower
together. Kris never did knock on my door, but she hollered from
the bottom of the stairs sometime around noon to tell me that she
was taking Zoey out for a walk. We waited until we heard her go out
the front door before we crept downstairs, wrapped only in towels,
and fed each other fruit and granola, before making love again on
the way up the stairs.

***

For several days, Connor felt like a
teenager hiding from his parents as they looked for secretive
places to make love. Twice he managed to sneak into Riley's bedroom
after the lights in Kris's room went dark. The first night they
were together, she must have known he was in there because she
didn't once knock on Riley's door when she got up in the morning.
He understood why Riley wanted to be discreet but after days of
dodging behind trees, and sneaking around the lodge, he was
exhausted. He knew he wasn't the only one who was interested in her
either which made him nervous.

He bit off another chunk of red apple and
chewed it as he stepped into his jeans and tugged them over his
hips. Riley sat at the foot of the bed, pulling a long sleeved
shirt the color of damp moss over her head and he couldn't prevent
the swollen reaction of his groin as her blonde hair tumbled
loosely out of the shirt and onto her shoulders. He left the button
of his fly open and crawled across the bed behind her.

“
Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
He asked her in a strained voice, as he carefully pushed her silky
hair off the back of her neck and she sighed as he kissed her
exposed skin. He felt her hands fumbling behind her until she found
the front of his jeans and she leaned backwards into his
chest.

“
I have a pretty good idea.” She said, her
voice low and sexy.

She turned around to face him, her round
eyes fixed on his. She pushed him playfully down onto the comforter
and straddled his hips with her naked thighs. Her soft and supple
skin trembled as he ran his hands up her inner thighs and gripped
her hips firmly. He inhaled deeply, taking in her beachy coconut
scent, and groaned with pleasure as she lowered herself onto him
and rocked back and forth, slow and teasing at first. But as her
breath quickened, she moved faster, eager, hungry for him. They
rose and fell together, not at all containing their sighs and moans
of pleasure.

He felt the world around him disappear, and
all that was left was this woman…this sexy and beautiful
woman…making love to him.

When Riley collapsed next to him, he rolled
onto his side and buried his face into her hair, kissing the
freckles splattered finely across one of her bare shoulders. He
didn't realize what he wanted to say, until after the words spilled
out of his mouth.

“
Riley, I love you.”

***

“It was there, I know it was.” Fin's voice
rose with anger.

“Man, whatever.” Matt said snidely and turned
away. Fin grabbed his arm as he tried to walk by.

“Get the fuck off me.” Matt gritted through
his teeth.

Connor stood next to me in the open doorway
of the lodge store room. Winchester was a good ten feet away,
clearly not wanting to put himself between Fin and Matt. Jacks
practically filled the room with his large frame. His coat hung
open, a small revolver tucked into his waistband, which seemed like
a foreign accessory for him. He had always been the peacemaker, but
it seemed the lodge had turned him into a referee.

“I know you took it, no one else has been in
here.” Fin growled.

Matt shoved Fin, causing him to slid back a
foot but still he kept his grip tightly on Matt's arm.

“Whoa now. What is it you think he took,
Fin?” Jacks moved closer to the men, his hands up in a form of
surrender.

Fin glared at him. “The Springfield is gone.”
Matt jerked his arm free, but with no way to edge past Fin and
Jacks, he smoothed his clothes out, and leaned against the small
gun safe with his arms crossed at his chest. Even though his body
language became cool and relaxed, tiny beads of sweat had formed
above his brow.

Alan and Bobby materialized behind us.
Bobby's red face was stony, while Alan's gaunt face was pinched in
irritation. Neither of the men looked happy. For a brief moment I
wondered if the group would suddenly be split in two if a fight
between Fin and Matt broke out. I glanced at Connor, who stepped
closer to me without meeting my gaze. Winchester hovered in the
background, clearly nervous, and I was certain in a fight or flight
moment, he would absolutely hit the ground…running.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
Matt said calmly.

“You're a damn liar! I saw you in here
earlier this morning. And now it's gone.” Fin tapped Matt's chest
with his finger while he spoke.

Matt stared ahead of him, his expression
cool. “Maybe
your
drunk ass took it somewhere.”

“What?!” Fin lunged at Matt and again Jacks
stepped between the men. He put his palms on their chests and
pushed each aside, muttering something under his breath.

“What's going on?” I finally asked.

“The Springfield is gone, and I know he took
it.” Fin's face was flushed.

“What's that?” I asked him.

“The .30-.06.”

“Huh?”

“The damn rifle.” He glared at me before
turning back to face Jacks.

I felt two things at that moment. My skin
went clammy and broke out in goose bumps, and immediately my heart
plummeted into my stomach with a hollow thud. Because I knew Fin
was probably right. Who else would have gone into the gun safe and
taken the hunting rifle? It seemed most if not everyone had pistols
of some sort; but a rifle? What would any of us need with a
rifle?

“What do you need it for?” I aimed the
question at Matt.

“It doesn't matter what he wants it for, the
fucker shouldn't have it.” Fin spat the words out.

“Okay, so let's assume you're right Fin, that
Matt took the rifle.” Matt narrowed his eyes at Jacks and even from
several feet away I could see the muscles in his jaw twitch. “Why
would he do that?” Jacks spoke calmly but kept his stance wide, and
never relaxed his hands, as if just waiting for a fight to
start.

Fin dragged his hands over his face and
cursed loudly. He shoved past Jacks and forced his way between
Connor and I. The back door bounced in its framed when he swung it
shut behind him.

“I bet the bastard has it tucked under his
bed, or propped up in a closet somewhere.” Matt said in a mocking
voice.

Alan snickered behind me, making the goose
bumps return and the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I
glanced at him and he shoved something into his pocket, a guilty
look on his face just brief enough for me to notice. I stared at
him until he looked away and nervously pushed his thick glasses far
up onto his nose.

“I'll go talk to him.” I said to the room,
and ignored Connor's look of surprise as I left them and stepped
outside into the fresh spring air.

I could see Fin taking the lawn in long
strides, so I jogged to catch up to him.

“Fin, wait.”

“Go away, Riley.”

“No.” I reached out to his arm and gently
grabbed at his elbow but he shook me off. I matched his fast pace
on the trail, though I had to skip a bit to keep up. When the
cabins came into view, I thought he would turn to the left and take
the steps up to his own place, but instead he stayed on the rocky
dirt path until it turned into the weathered planks leading onto
the pier.

He didn't stop until the toes of his boots
literally dangled over the edge of the last wooden board. We hadn't
had any snow in weeks, and the ice had long ago melted away from
the lake's border, but it was almost April and I was sure the water
was still freezing. I stood behind him with my hands shoved into my
jeans until he spoke.

“Do you love him?”

I blinked at his shoulder in confusion.
“Who?”

He turned to look at me. His normally spiked
straw-colored hair had flattened in the last week or so on account
of him not having a haircut for the last couple of months. “Connor.
Do you love him?”

“Oh.” I paused and looked away from his hazel
eyes; afraid they would penetrate into my mind and read my thoughts
before I could process them. “I do.”

“Good.” I could feel that he was still
staring at me.

“It is good.”

“What about Jacks? Connor seems like a good
guy. He shouldn't have to compete with Jacks.”

I looked at Fin and held his gaze. “I loved
Jacks a long time ago. He's a special friend, but we don't really
complement each other. It always gets messy between us and I don't
want that again...
none
of us need that.”

Fin nodded slowly and then shoved his hands
in his back pockets, trying to hide his discomfort. “So, someone
like me? You would never love someone like me?” His voice was
small, almost juvenile.

“What do you mean someone like you?” I
laughed softly. “What's wrong with you?”

He chewed on his lower lip and looked out
over the lake. When he answered his voice was just above a murmur.
“No one like you has ever loved someone like me. That's all.”

I stared at him, dumbstruck. “Fin, look at
me.”

I waited for him to inhale deeply before he
brought his eyes to mine. “There's nothing wrong with you. And I'm
sorry. I'm so sorry I can't be what you need, because the truth is
I think you’re great. But me being with Connor has nothing to do
with something being wrong with
you
. Okay?” I touched his
arm gently and he nodded with a small laugh.

“Right, it's not me...it's you, huh?”

“Exactly.”

We both laughed quietly. The pier creaked and
moaned slightly and the sound of water gently slapping against the
pillars below us was relaxing. I stood next to Fin and stared out
at the water of the small lake, watching the treetops on the other
side sway.

“You know what’s funny? In my life before
all…this…I would never have fallen for a guy like Connor. In fact,
you’re more my type than he is.”

Fin turned and looked at me sharply. “Shit,
that is not what I need to hear from you.”

“Well, it’s true. You shouldn’t be so hard on
yourself.”

He looked back over the water and nodded.
“Maybe in the next life? You and me?”

I laughed, “Maybe. But for now just friends,
okay?” I said it gently, hoping he knew how hard it was for me to
have this conversation out loud. Never in my life did I have to
make a choice between two totally different men. And part of me
thought what Jacks had said was true, there was something about Fin
that just seemed to fit with me. I wondered what it would have been
like to meet Fin before the virus; what could have happened between
us. But the connection I had with Connor wasn’t something I could
explain in words…he
felt
right. I didn’t want to lose
that.

Fin looked down at me solemnly before
playfully elbowing me in the arm. “Friends.” He smiled, and I
nodded, hopeful that we could move on without any more hurt
exchanging between us. We watched the lake for another few minutes,
listening to the water lap below our feet until Fin leaned down
against the pier railing and sighed heavily.

“I know he took it, Riley.” He sounded tired.
“I know Matt took that rifle.”

“Okay. I believe you.” And I did. “Does it
matter so much, though? I mean, we all have some sort of gun now.”
I kept my voice as gentle as possible, trying not to fuel the fire
that burned between Matt and basically everyone else. But the last
thing I wanted was for Fin to think I sided with Matt.

He turned around to face me before answering.
“Yeah, but does anyone else have a long-range rifle with a
scope?”