I Gave Him My Heart (17 page)

I looked at her and then at everyone in the shop, who was staring back at me, customers and all. I looked back at Nina. “Some shit she had no business saying, Nina.”

“This is exactly what I was talking to you about a few months ago when you told me that you wanted to go out on your own. I told you that you were reckless and irresponsible! And this proves it! You’re a grown-ass fuckin’ woman, in her thirties, fighting her own cousin, who doesn’t really have to help you do shit! It ain’t like we really kept in touch with anyone in our family, Kourtney! For whatever reason, she wants to help you. She’s giving you an opportunity to launch your career, Saint is giving you the opportunity to launch your career, I gave you the family that you never even had, and you’re about to throw everything away that everyone is doing for you because you don’t like what a bitch said to you! Come on, Kourtney, grow the fuck up!”

Nina was really starting to get on my last got-damn nerves, trying to run my life and treat me like I was her child instead of her equal. I’d helped her just as much as she helped me. Shit, she wouldn’t have ever gotten reunited with Ricque if I hadn’t of hooked her up with Saint. Saint was the whole reason why she even ended up back with the nigga. Nina was feeling some type of way that Saint was even helping me, feeling some type of way that he was such an intricate part of my life. She couldn’t tell me that she wasn’t in her feelings about our relationship because she was.

“Okay, Nina.” I laughed to keep from embarrassing her in front of everyone like she was trying to embarrass me. “You wanna know what the bitch said? She said that she ran the damn show, that she was my boss, and that there was nothing I could do about the shit.”

The girls laughed a little.

I looked at all of them before looking back at Nina. “The bitch said that as long as I worked for her, I was gonna have to do what the fuck she said. Her show, her got damn rules.”

Nina laughed at me. “Okay, Kourtney, so what’s the big deal?”

“The bitch said that she was going to make sure that I worked right underneath her. That she missed me. That it’s been a long time.” I was so mad that I was shaking.

The laughter subsided.

Nina looked at me, her eyes searching my face. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

Nina wasn’t trying to hear that. “Kourtney, you smashed Priscilla’s face in for a reason! You can’t tell me she didn’t mean nothing by that!”

“She used to molest me. Okay?” I blurted out. “There, I said it! Happy now?”

Nina shook her head at me, her eyes coating in tears.

“She what?” “What the fuck?” “Are you serious” Just about every version of “oh, no this bitch didn’t” you can think of scattered throughout the room.

“She raped me from the time I was five up until she moved when I was ten. She made me have sex with her and her boyfriend. They stuck things in me and made me do things to them! I was just a kid! She was fuckin’ eighteen when it started!” I wasn’t going to cry about it. I’d cried for years about the shit. I was done hurting. I was fuckin’ angry.

“If I wouldn’t have been drunk last night, I would have put her ass on blast in that camera, in front of her Reelz TV crew. Let them know she was a child molester and a fuckin’ rapist! For years, I was confused about my sexuality, and it was because of her!” I said out loud to Nina for the first time.

Nina was in shock. “Kourtney, you never told me this.”

“It wasn’t your problem!” I exclaimed. “It was mine, and I’m still dealing with it! And when I saw her again, after not seeing her for twenty-three years, I blanked. I tried to hold it in, but when she threw it back in my face, I saw red. The bitch hurt me and still thinks it’s funny. After she raped me, I was raped again a few years later by another cousin’s boyfriend. You remember Bobbi Reynolds, the muthafucka everyone thought I fucked? No, he fucked me, and my cousin beat the shit out of me! Geneva and her friends whupped my ass and dumped me at the hospital! And the first thing Mama said to me after the doctor told her the result of my rape-kit—not knowing who beat me up or who possibly raped me—was that if I was out there fuckin’ with someone’s man, I deserved what I got! And then, after I got raped at that age, Uncle Tim, Aunt Toni’s husband, raped me again! I was trying to be there for your ass, and I ended up hurting myself!”

Nina wasn’t sure what to say. Nobody was sure what to say. But I was sure they all understood my state of mind a lot better that afternoon. They understood why I was so cold and heartless at times. Why I got out of people what I could before I bounced on their ass. Why I never let anyone but Nina get to know me personally. Why I had a hard time giving my heart to anyone.

“She said that I was going to ‘work right under her’, ‘like the good ol’ days’ like the shit was a joke!” I laughed to keep from crying. “I tried to knock that bitch’s brains loose!”

“Shit, I would have, too.” Chelsea scoffed. “Funky bitch. Let’s whoop the shit out of her, what’s left of her after what Kourtney already did to her.”

I shook my head. “I was willing to let it all go and move the fuck on, maybe even hoping for an apology, but no, I got the ‘I’ll fuck you now if I want to, bitch’ conversation from her. I’m done. If Trench wants to work with me, he’s going to have to do this on his own, without Reelz TV. Or I’m gonna expose the bitch. She knows people? Well, I know people, too, got-damn it.”

“Kourtney, boo, I’m sorry.” Nina hesitated.

I shook my head at her. “No, you were trying to throw shade at me for having a chance to make a life for myself. I love you, but you never fully understood me. You never knew the reason behind my behavior.”

“That’s because it didn’t matter to me! You’re my best friend, Kourtney; I never judged you! I just got tired of you living so recklessly! I’ve always been your babysitter! You could have told me about what happened to you so that you could get some help! We all needed help after the shit our parents took us through! We weren’t protected at all! Anything could have happened to us! Shit, look what happened to you!” Nina put her arm around me.

And I pushed her arm off. “I don’t need your sympathy!” I lashed out. “I need for you to believe in me the same exact way that I’ve always believed in you! No shade! No guilt trip! No judgment! And no slick-hating because I’m close to the man that you decided to leave behind!”

Nina looked at me, hurt.

“Okay, ladies, we really need to cool out. This isn’t the time to fall apart.” Yandi shook her head at me.

I was furious. “No, Yandi, she’s always throwing shade at me! Always trying to be fuckin’ funny! It’s always all about her! Never about me! You think you’re the only one who deserves happiness? Really? You bust up in the opening of my got-damn bar last night and took over the show! You were supposed to show up to the event with me, not make a got-damn entrance! When you needed me, I was right there! When I need you, I’m always waiting; I’m always on hold! I’m not your lap dog; I’m done being your bitch!”

Before I could continue going off on her, Nina smacked me in the face. I mean, she made my head go all the way back. Dead silence. Nobody moved. Not even me, who stood there in shock that my own sister would hit me in my face.

Nina got in my face, finger pointing up at me. “I am the only one in your got-damn life who gives a fuck about you, Kourtney! Don’t you ever in your got-damn life think I want anything but the best for you! I’m not about to let you stand here and talk shit to me when you know I’ve never, ever judged you! I’ve always seen your potential; you’re the one who didn’t believe in yourself, not me! You were the one who was too afraid to get out there and try life on your own! I’m not trying to compete with my own sista, and you’re making this a competition! You’re taking on more than you can handle, just to show the world that you can make it without me! Well, it’s hard out here on your own, Kourtney! You wanna go out there, then go got-dammit! You wanna leave me when you’ve been by my side since I was a baby, then go! I’m not trying to stop your shine! Just be smart about it! Grow the fuck up!”

Tears slid down my face as I pushed past her to grab my Juicy Couture Black label floral trench coat from off of the countertop.

“Kourtney, where are you going?” Pretty tried to grab my arm, but I pulled from her.

“Out this bitch before I beat that bitch!” I screamed. “My own sister just hit me in the face! After everything I’ve been through, after everything I’ve done for her! Fuck her!” I grabbed my keys and stormed out of the shop.

I hopped in my ride, throwing my coat in the passenger seat. Just when I was contemplating about doing something completely stupid to my life, I looked over and saw the velvet box that Knox had given me the night before. I dried my face, reaching for the box. I popped it open to find a shiny key and a note inside. I took the note from the box, unfolding it.

The note read, “Meet me at 423 Sicamore Street. There’s a party for two, just you and me. Come as you are, just make sure that you come… so maybe I can make sure you cum. Just playin’… unless you’re gonna do it! (LOL Smiley Face).”

That idiot managed to make me smile through my pain. There weren’t too many people in my life that could do that. I needed a little pick me up anyway, so why not go?

Turned out, the address wasn’t too far from me. Maybe about a twenty-minute drive, not too far from the airport, alongside Bavaro Beach. I pulled up to this amazing villa alongside the beach. I stepped out of my car, looking around in awe. There had to be at least eight bedrooms in that villa. It had to be about eight thousand square feet. It was constructed beautifully, embracing the spirit of Punta Cana with just a touch of European flavor. I walked up to the villa, cutting through coconut palm trees. The ocean view was breathtaking. The fresh ocean breeze flowed through my hair. The fresh smell of ocean water and sea salt flowed through my nose.

I spotted Knox’s car parked out front as I walked through the breezeway to the front entrance of the house. I looked down at the key in my fingers as I slid the key through the knob and then through the deadbolt lock. I slowly opened the front door, stepping inside. The entrance led into the living room. The house was immaculately clean, filled with nothing but the latest modern furniture. Huge paintings mounted in gold frames hung from the wall. I didn’t have to get up close and personal with each painting to know that Knox did them all. I wanted to look around the place a lot more, but I wanted to find Knox to tell him how my day had gone so far.

Just when I thought, Damn, I gotta climb all them got-damn steps to get to the third floor, I noticed the elevator in the hallway. I strutted through the place, making my way to the elevator. A post-it was stuck to the chrome door that read, “I’m in the penthouse suite, third floor.” I took a deep breath before pressing the “up” button on the wall. I stepped inside, and the elevator took me to the penthouse.

When I stepped outside of the elevator that afternoon, I saw the most beautiful sight ever. Knox was painting. Canvases, paint brushes, clay sculptures, potter’s wheels, oil paint, acrylic paint, chalk, pastels, easels, camera equipment, everything was everywhere. Knox sat on a bench, in front of a homemade canvas that had to be about 6 x 8 feet. Knox was painting the view outside of the penthouse window. And it was amazing. The painting looked so real that you felt like you were standing right in the middle of that beach. He painted the picture from the perspective of someone who was wearing sunglasses. The picture was awesome. He was fuckin’ awesome.

“Well,” I said, breaking his concentration. “This isn’t Chuck E. Cheese.”

Knox looked at me over his dust-covered shoulder. He was dressed in a white tank top and the sweats I saw him in that morning. He still rocked his jewelry. White Nike socks covered his feet.

Knox grinned back at me. “No, it ain’t no got-damn Chuck E. Cheese. I see you came to play though. Kick your shoes off. Come paint with me.”

I sighed, kicking my heels off, setting my keys and purse down next to them. I walked over to him, dressed in my pink, cotton, spandex, long-sleeved dress with silver belt. I walked over and sat down next to Knox on his workbench. I looked down at his muscular arms as he continued to paint.

“Cute dress.” Knox grinned, still eyeing his painting. “Just came from Sunday School?”

I shoved him. “No, I tried to wear something classy for a change, thinking maybe Trench would be there, but he wasn’t. The girls said that he shot the scenes without me. I can’t even trip; I just need to be glad the bitch didn’t press charges. If she did, I really don’t care though. Jail time would be worth beating that bitch’s face in. Can you believe Nina called me irresponsible?” My thoughts were all over the place.

“Your actions were pretty irresponsible.” Knox sounded as if he hated to agree.

I scoffed, eyeing his perfect profile. “The fuck you mean?”

“You gotta learn to keep your emotions in check. You’re about to be a reality TV star. They’re just waiting for you to do something wrong, bae, so they can jump down your throat. Just wait ‘til tomorrow morning. I can see Monday’s headline now, ‘Kourtney Chambers beats Priscilla Bailey within an inch of her life during the filming of the pilot for new reality show.’” Knox shook his head, his paintbrush gliding over the canvas. Knox finally looked at me long enough to notice my sparkly pink lipstick. He grinned a little, looking at my lips before looking into my eyes. “The media is going to rip you a new asshole for this one, no matter what your reason was.”