I Am The Local Atheist (29 page)

“
Sure.”

“
Turns out…” she whispered the name “
Claire
knows this guy who knows
Delbo.”

“
Huh!” I said. “Looks like I’m not the only one you know with
drug connections after all.”

Lisa rolled
her eyes. “I guess not.”

I smirked.

“
Yeah okay,” Lisa said. “I guess I’ve spent more time with
Wendy and didn’t really pay as much attention to Claire. I just got
wrapped up in the fun that I was having with both of
them.”

Like using
some deity as an excuse to wreck vengeance on other people.

“
So what’s the deal with this guy?”

“
Apparently he’s been in and out of trouble a lot and has spent
time at that place where those kinds of guys go when they are
released from bail, or when people just don’t have anywhere else to
go.”

I looked over
at Christie and Lucas as they flirted with each other, completely
oblivious to the trouble the men were having with the drunk girls,
and said quietly “The Men’s Hostel?”

“
Yeah, Claire said it has something to do with these guys.” She
chucked her thumb in the truck’s direction.

“
What’s his name?”

“
Rucker, I think.”

The name sent
a chill down my spine. He was one of Tinsdale’s mates, and probably
the most dodgy and dishonourable of any of them. I could get along
with most of Tinsdale’s friends and was happy to let them take the
piss out of me while having the occasional beer with them, but
Rucker was like a weasel infesting the air with his shifty eyes.
Whenever he turned up at the door, I headed for my bedroom. And
quickly.

“
What did Rucker have to say?”

“
Claire said that he said that Serene had gone back to Delbo’s
that same night for another joint.”

“
Was Rucker there that night?”

“
Yeah. She bought a spliff or something – it was basically
tobacco with a little bit of weed in it – and then he got her
drunk…”

“
Delbo got her drunk?”

“
No, Rucker. I don’t think Delbo wanted anything more to do
with her after selling her the spliff.”

For the first time since she had started questioning me about
this, I
wanted
to
know more. “Why’d he get her drunk?”

“
I think it was so she couldn’t question whether she was or
wasn’t getting high. I don’t think she was handling the alcohol
very well. Not sure, but he thought she was being a ‘nuisance’ and
didn’t want anything to do with her in that state.”

The zombie face from the Men
’
s Hostel clawed his hand up at me
from the ground through uncut hair and stained gums and begged
“
Please, don’t let them ditch me like they
ditched the girl
.”

I had to ask.
“What kind of a nuisance?”

“
Ranting and raving about her ‘life problems and her parents
not letting her see her boyfriend.’ ‘Drunken kiddy stuff’ is the
way Claire put it.”

Rucker kicked
her out.

“
What was Claire’s attitude to Rucker not helping Serene out?
Could’ve given her a bed to sleep on or something don’t you
think?”
He left her homeless. Left her to
wander the street in confused isolation.

“
Well yeah, she wasn’t that clear on the exact details, but…”
Lisa frowned and looked sideways, “she kind of doesn’t seem to care
about it. I mean, I know she has her opinions, and I still totally
enjoy hanging out with her and Wendy… but…” Lisa looked up at the
yellow lights casting a light glow down on the streets and shook
her head suddenly. I thought I saw shimmerings of a tear near her
eyelids.

I was
expecting more, but she just stood there looking away from me.

“
So,” I said trying to prompt her. “This girl had a filtered
tinny that probably made her head swim but didn’t really get her
stoned.”

“
Yeah. Sounds like it. Adding alcohol probably didn’t
help.”

We heard Wendy
vomiting onto the concrete behind us.

“
Nasty,” I said.

“
She should be used to it by now.”

Sadly, I was
only reminded of Mum. “So this guy Rucker knows Delbo?”

“
Yeah, apparently he’s Delbo’s supplier.”

I was in a
conflicting state about Rucker’s treatment of someone who should
have been looked after, given a bed, a bowl and some water to suck
on through the night. “That certainly sheds some light on the
situation doesn’t it?”

“
Yeah, well, maybe. But it doesn’t really tell me much else
about Serene and why she … y’ know –
did
it
!” She looked cold and seemed to be
shivering. Her arms were tightening around her stomach.

“
No. I guess not.”

“
I mean, there’s so little information about why she …
committed suicide.” Lisa seemed so far away in this moment. I
remembered a time when I had seen her like this once before – some
time in our mutually distant past, aching and in pain. “… I just
want to know.”

I just
didn’t
want to know.

Anymore.

I didn’t need to know either. Not about
that
. The past was the past, and what
ever dealings I had had with those people were behind me. I had to
let go, one way or the other.

A sickeningly
nauseous feeling was beginning to stir in my stomach though. It was
the thought of Rucker. And he was not someone who existed solely in
my past. But that sickening feeling was now beginning to be
combined with anger. I tried to ignore it.

Lisa shook her
head, as if to shiver away thoughts that were bringing her down,
and the more recent Lisa who had been so intent on showing me her
new-found happiness returned. “Anyway, what I really need, is to
talk to someone who was close to her at the time but not related.
Y’ know? I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings by digging into
other people’s private business though.”

“
That would suck.” I turned away and watched Lucas demolish a
second bun as the officer’s tried to help Wendy to a sitting
position and clear away the vomit via the water dispenser. He
looked like a disconnected observer at a crash site – frozen with
fascination by events, but happy to continue feeding his
hunger.

Lisa tapped me
on the arm to get my attention. “Do you think one of the elders
might know? Did she have an elder that she talked to at your
church? How do I find out something like that?”

“
Dunno.” The thought of Rucker giving Serene some water,
offering her a bed, telling her that she could rest easy until the
morning, but knowing that these thoughts were just wish fulfilment,
distracted me from what Lisa had actually asked. “Maybe you could
go back and ask them. And let them know I say ‘
hi
’” I was being sarcastic, but she
didn’t notice.

“
They have very closed doors these days. I think this whole
episode with you, well, doing what you did and how people reacted
to it – and then
her
– is something they want to put behind them.”

“
Don’t blame them. It would tarnish anybody’s shiny surface.”
My breathing had become quite heavy due to the wish fulfilment of
Rucker actually being someone who cared enough to look after
another person shattering under the weight of truth.

“
Why did you do it David? I mean really?”

“
I didn’t do it. You said Rucker…”

“
You burnt a cross!”

My mind
snapped back to attention. “Oh come on, Lisa!” Condensation was
beginning to puff out of my mouth as I tried to keep my voice down.
“You know why I did it. I don’t want to get into this now.”

“
It just seemed… excessive.”

“
Well fuck it. They took the youth group off me for no good
reason, other than to preserve their own image as though if word
got out that I was a stoner, it was going to be the end of their
credibility – I was the
only
person in that church who could fuckin’ relate to
those kids. When you are so angry at somebody for taking something
off you that you love so much, sometimes, you just don’t think
straight!” I clasped my hands to my head as the cold air slapped a
wall around me. “Fuck it all. I don’t regret it, and I’m not going
to let you make me think that I should.”

I moved back
to the van.

Christie
looked down at Lisa with genuine concern. “Your friend seems to be
in a bit of trouble there.”

“
Oh she’ll be alright. It’s not the first time this has
happened. And most definitely won’t be her last!”

Claire had
finally taken something to eat but was trying to ignore the state
that Wendy was in by looking up at one of the officers with a
mischievous smile on her face and winking at him as she placed bite
sized pieces of bread into her mouth.

Wendy suddenly
sat upright, grabbing Claire by her shirt and yelled “Let’s get the
fuck out of here!”

Bread flew
into the air, arms raised high and legs wobbling as the two girls
attempted to stand, only to topple onto each other in a heap on the
pavement in front of us.

Lucas
continued to look on while casually feeding himself. The officers
began to move towards them but Claire’s hand shot up in front of
Lisa. She grabbed it and they rose looking about them. Claire was
first to speak. “Girls, let’s blow this shit joint.”

Wendy was breathing quite heavily and the smell of her
previous discharge was wafting through the air mercilessly. And
since she was about to leave, she decided now would be a good time
to introduce herself to everyone by slamming into each person and
saying her name. Lucas wasn’t particularly gentle as he directed
her away from him, the officers looked embarrassed but polite and
Christie looked very relieved that she was up in the van and not
down on the footpath with the rest of us so she got to shake the
outstretched hand and still keep her dignity with a cheap smile, a
wink and “It was
great
meeting you!”

Claire
couldn’t wait any longer. She grabbed Wendy by the sleeve tugging
her away and beginning a slow run down the street. Lisa turned to
me, started extending her hand to grab me by the arm, but took it
back and said “okay, gotta go. It was good talking to you. We’ll
catch up later, okay?” She smiled a huge happy smile that trailed
after her as she ran to catch up with her friends.

Congratulations, you’ve found a new life.

The officer
who had spoken to me previously stuck his hands on his hips as he
watched their backs disappear down the street. “Poor girls. I wish
there was more we could do.”

“
Short of bringing Jesus into their lives,” said the other
officer, “I’d say we did our best. We can’t blame ourselves for any
mistakes they choose to make.”

“
Yeah I guess so.”

Yeah I guess
so.

The men
continued cleaning the footpath, while occasionally chatting with
the bouncers at the nightclub.

Lucas peered
up at Christie. “Is that why you joined the Army?”

“
I joined because I believe in the cause of helping people.”
Her eyes shifted in the general direction that Lisa and her friends
had gone. “…where it’s possible.”

Rucker could have helped her
.

Lucas rolled
his eyes. “Right.”

“
Oh come on, Lucas. You can’t tell me that you don’t believe
that too. I mean, you’re so good at Youth Group –” she pointed her
finger at me. “And I expect to start seeing you back there soon
too!”

Lucas’s eyes
were on me but he was clearly talking to her. “Hey, I just enjoy
hanging out with the kids. It makes me feel good about myself.”

“
Well, for me it’s about bringing something into their lives
that doesn’t require the distractions of the modern world. To teach
them to have fun without having to rely on…” She waved a hand in
front of her, taking in the footpath stains and the nightclub
lights. “…this kind of stuff.”

“
Yeah, but why the Army? Don’t you think it’s a little…” He
looked around him as though looking for the right word to use.
“…naff?”

“
Naff? That’s a pretty naff word to use to describe
something
so
naff
, don’t you think?”

“
I didn’t want to use a word that might offend you.”

Christie straightened her back and put her hands on the shelf
in front of her. “It’s a commitment Lucas. It means so much to me,
to be able to share my love for Jesus with other people. Part of
that commitment is to love people in all situations without
discrimination regardless of what my personal beliefs are. The will
of Jesus must be
my
will, the commands of Jesus must be
my
will and the example of Jesus must
be
my
example; if
I can’t live by that example, then I simply can’t call myself a
Salvationist, nor a follower of Christ. Part of our mission
statement is to care for people, transform lives and reform society
through God in Christ by the Holy Spirit’s power. And that’s
something that I have always believed in and I know that I can help
achieve it through The Salvation Army. I know that it must sound,
y’ know,
naff
, to
you, but I really want to help the world. It has nothing to do with
money – it’s not like I get paid any better than anybody else in
this job – it is purely about helping to bring the message of Jesus
to as many people as possible through His example.
That
is why I’m out on a
Friday night attending to the drunk and disorderly,
that
is why I take part
in Youth Group and
that
is why I let God choose the path for me. Don’t you
have something that means that much to you?”