I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (88 page)

“Junco!” a voice calls from down the street. “Junco!” he calls again as I turn.

Vincent. Hand’s father. I wasn’t gonna go in and see them, but since he’s here… I walk down the road and when I get close enough so I don’t have to yell, I call out, “Hey! You got a smoke?”

He laughs as he approaches and then when I’m within arm’s reach, he pulls me into a big hug. I groan as he squeezes. They are big-time huggers here at the Hando Compound. Big time.

“Greta saw you on the security cameras. Hand’s been gone, so we’re taking turns with his shift.”

“Oh.” My heart sinks. I really wanted to see Hand.

“He left with Tier last night.”

“Tier? Do you know where they went?”

“Will you come in and see everyone before you go if I tell you what I know?”

I smile. “Of course I’ll come in.” He takes my hand like I’m a little girl and we cross the street. There’s no traffic, like at all, and I’m twenty-one fucking years old, so this is just sorta cute. He squeezes my hand like he knows what I’m thinking and I laugh a little.

“Feels good to laugh.”

“You always were happy down here, weren’t you?”

When we stop at the gate to wait for it to open, I look up at him. “What’s that look, Vince?”

“Did we take advantage of you?”

My automatic response would be no. But he deserves a thoughtful answer, so I take a moment and then shake my head. “No, I needed those jobs, Vince. I needed to do those things to get the weapons and stuff. You didn’t.”

The gate buzzes and we walk through. There are no scans because it’s just us, and the inside vestibule is not dark, like when I came here by myself last time. It’s lit up and the interior door is already open. “There’s nothing to forgive,” I say in a hushed voice as we walk forward to meet her.

Hand’s mother pulls me in like Vince did and does a little bobble hug that has me swaying.

“I served your husband dinner last night,” she says in her delightful Spanish accent.

I almost choke on my spit. “Who?”

“That big one with the wings. The quiet one.” Then she cocks her head a little and amends her statement. “And the mouthy loud one, too.”

“Tier and…” I take a guess. “Annun?”

“Yes!” Hand’s little sister Esma says joyfully. “He’s cute, Junco.”

I laugh. “You fucking people are crazy, you know that? The fucking world is ending and
you’re
talking about my fictitious husband and
you
want a date with my Fledge captain.” I point at Greta and Esma, respectively, and we’re all laughing when I spy her in the back, behind all the siblings.

Everyone turns to look once they see my eyes train on her. She ducks her head and turns away.

“Wait!” I call after her. She pivots back and I study her face. It’s the woman John had in the picture on his comm. Her children are older than they were in that image, and she’s not looking as pretty and young, but it’s the end of the world, I probably look like total shit too.

She stares at me for several seconds, but I lose my nerve and just mumble out, “I’m Junco. Nice to meet you.”

Her passive face switches to anger. “He left to save you, you know.”

“That’s not true,” Hand’s other sister Mia says. “Junco, he left to help everyone. Ignore her.”

But I can’t ignore her. She’s sad. She clutches at her young children, the fear painted on all of their faces. “I can’t be saved. And no one knows that better than your husband. So if John left, it wasn’t because of me. More likely it was because of you.” My gaze tracks down to the kids. “And them.”

Her face gets red and she wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her dress, then turns abruptly and drags her sad children away.

“I’m sorry,” I say, suddenly very tired. I look up at Vincent. “Tell me where they went, if you know. I need to see Tier before it’s over.” And before that last word is out of my mouth my eyes are hot and watery.

“The Stag, Junco. They were going to meet up in the Stag.”

“But the Stag was blown up, years ago.”

“Not all of it.”

His words ring in my ears. It’s still there.

I’m just… stunned.

“Do you need a grav bike, Junco?” Vince asks in a low voice.

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t need grav bikes anymore.” I look back up to them. “I’m sorry I have to leave so soon. I love you guys, I hope you know that.”

They murmur affirmations and crowd in to hug me again. When I pull back I spy Hand’s wife standing off to the side. “I’ll tell him to come home, if you want. I can’t promise anything. He doesn’t take orders from me. But I’ll tell him.”

She just nods, the tears streaming down her face.

And then, before I can change my mind, I enter the port. I make it go slow this time, unsure of what’s waiting for me on the other side, but the distance is not far enough to make it stretch on for more than a minute.

I exit in my room and my stomach clenches up as all the familiar things rush into my forward memory. The bed is still made, although there’s an indentation where someone sat recently.

My closet door is open, but everything seems to be in order. Like I was here yesterday instead of years ago.

When was the last time I slept in this room? Never again after I shot Matthew on the sniper range. Over four years ago. I can hear people out in the big room, and a screen broadcasting news. The Apocalypse, I presume. I wonder what’s happening around the world. I’m so oblivious. But I just don’t care. I feel… I feel… hopeless. So totally hopeless.

I’ve lost everything. My mother, when she walked out on me at six. My father, when he walked out on me at fifteen. My Isten. My Charlie and our baby. Even if it would’ve never lived, it should not have been killed like that. My Aren. He was good to me in cadets that last year, even if he was a clone.

And I’m not sure about Tier or Gideon. I went against both their orders. They might be very mad at me right now. I tiptoe over to the door. I don’t need to palm my biometrics because the lock’s been blasted, so I just pull it open a little bit and listen.

The screen is talking about an invasion, but that could mean either avians or Angels, these Earth people don’t seem to understand the difference and no one on the outside seems inclined to explain it to them. It’s like Earth is nothing but the setting, and the humans who live here play no real part in what we’re doing at all.

My dad’s gruff voice echoes through the hallway outside my room. I peek my head out, but there’s no one. The voices are coming from the big room. My mother’s soft rebuttal starts, but is cut off by Tier’s sharp, “No!” command. “Yer not taking her,” he says as his voice gets closer, then further away again, like he’s pacing. A head stretches up from the couch and I recognize Annun. He looks dead tired though, and drops back out of sight once the reverberations of Tier’s voice cease.

“Hey,” Gideon says as he enters through the front door off to the right. He passes by without looking down my way. “I got word that Junco was in Low Dallas. Where’s fucking Hando?”

John grunts from another couch opposite Annun as he reaches for his comm. “Incoming message says she’s on her way here.”

“Well, where the hell is she then?” Tier asks.

I pop back into my room. Why am I hiding?

There’s a ton of voices out there now. I catch Tessen, Moju, and Ryse in the fray.

But instead of going out there and telling them I’m here, I sit on my bed. And then I lie back. And stretch my feet out, boots and all. And then, before I even realize it, I’m curled up with my pillow, which, remarkably, still smells like my childhood.

My whole body settles, it literally sinks down as my muscles relax, and then all the voices fade as a peaceful calm takes over.

Home, I think to myself as I drift away. This feels like home.

Chapter Thirty-Three—JUNCO

The Stag

“Junco?” Tier whispers next to my ear. “Junco? Ya awake, darlin’?”

I tuck my head into my chest and whisper, “No,” so softly, even I barely hear it.

His arm slides underneath me and then pulls me towards him. He lets out the longest sigh I’ve ever heard and then kisses me on the back of the head. “I love you, Junco.”

My chest hitches as the tears build. “No, you don’t. You’re going to leave me.”

He stays silent and this is when it all becomes real for me. He’s leaving. I’m not sure where he’s going or how it will happen, but he’s leaving. He’s not staying, there’s no happy ending for me.

“Junco, listen—”

“No,” I say back quickly. “I’m tired of listening to all the bad things people want to tell me. I’m done listening. I wish I’d never come out of the Pillar. I wish I was dead. I wish someone would slice me into little bits and make it all go away. I wish my parents had killed me as a child. I wish I’d just let Matthew do it on the sniper range. I wish—”

“I wish I could stay, Junco.”

I say nothing. It’s the final straw for me. To have Tier admit that he’s leaving and there’s no way to stop him is the end of my sanity. I pull away from him and slide over to the wall.

“When I was a boy I lived in the clutch with Ashur.”

My interest picks up with this sentence.

“It was a small clutch, just us.” His chest shakes a little with a small laugh. “We’re twins, did ya know that?”

“I could sorta tell. You know, since you actually look almost identical.”

“Yeah, but not enough to be mistaken for one another, though, right? Not twins like that. We’re twins in that we’re Lucan’s made sons.”

“What’s that mean?” I ask with a sniffle to try to get my nose under control.

“We were engineered by Gib. One of many warriors who are made special. But I was the one picked out of the womb. Me. Ashur was chosen for something else, I’m not sure what. He has no idea what I’m doing here, I have no idea what he’s doing. Lucan makes it that way on purpose, just in case the High Order comes and tries to see our minds.”

He stops to let me think about this for a few seconds.

“But I’ve always known, Junco. I was never lied to, or forced, or asked to give more than I was willing. I’ve always been willing. This is my one true purpose, to save Lucan’s life, to end his punishment cycle, and to give this world a second chance once it’s all said and done. And I never knew that you’d be so… so… well, lovable. I’ve had”—he stops to think of a word—“girls. I’ve had that, but I’ve never had anything like you. I never even knew these feelings were possible. I love my brothers, and I miss Braun so much it hurts me inside to think about him. So I suppose that’s the closest I’ve come. But when you walked away from me out there in the mountains, I thought I died, Junco. That’s how much it hurt to watch you disappear. And then I had this little spark of hope, for the briefest of moments when Arel said you dissipated Inanna. I thought,
She’s coming back, it’ll be OK
.”

I swallow and then turn to face him. His eyes are a little bit watery and his mouth is just one long frown. I reach out and touch his lips and then lift my eyes to meet his. “I’m sorry,” I whisper softly.

“I know how you feel, Junco. Because that’s how I felt when you left. I understand that it hurts so much you just want to lie down and die.” He stops again and his eyes dart back and forth between mine. “But you just have to trust that Lucan knows what’s best.”

I turn away angry. “Fuck Lucan. He’s only out for himself. He used me, he’s using you!” I turn back. “He’s using us, Tier.”

Tier nods. “Yes, Junco. He is.”

I whimper a little as the tears build up so fast they are rolling down my cheeks before I can stop them. “Then why are we doing this?”

“Because I gave him permission, Junco. He’s planned for this day for thousands of years. He’s got an end beyond the ending in mind and you just have to have faith.”

“But that end beyond doesn’t include you?”

Tier shakes his head. “No, darlin’. It doesn’t.”

“Why?” I whine. “Why do you do it then?”

“Because Junco, there are more important things in this universe than me.”

“No,” I say forcefully. “No, not to me there aren’t. There’s just you.” He stays silent and it hurts me that he doesn’t feel the same way.