Hysteria (17 page)

I could see him thinking. “Is there anyone else who may be upset with you?”

Oh, just the mother of the boy I killed. No big deal. That was a thing that was not
fixable. Not with a restraining order, and not with an
I’m sorry.
This was a punishment that was forever.

I didn’t answer at first, even though the pseudo cop was still holding his pen over
a pad of paper. Reid was pacing the lounge, running his hands through his hair, over
and over and over again. Something settled in my stomach, some sort of resolution.
Because I realized right then that Reid, with his way-too-concerned look, didn’t really
understand what I had done.

I realized something else in that moment too: I didn’t want him to know. “You should
go,” I said.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

I looked away. “Please.”

“I’m not leaving
—
”

The security guard held his hand up. “She asked you to leave. Now please do.”

I looked at the wood-paneled wall until I heard the lounge door slam shut.

The guard cleared his throat. “All right, let’s hear it. Cheating on the boyfriend?
Or did you steal him from someone?”

My mouth fell open. “No . . . he’s not . . . I didn’t . . .”

“Okay, so what is it then?” And then I felt sick
—
that same hot and cold and then only hot that I felt at the funeral. I couldn’t force
the words. Couldn’t even think them.

“My roommate moved out,” I said, even though I didn’t think she was involved. “She
could still have a key.”

He stood up and closed his pad of paper. “We’ll see about getting your lock changed.
But can I give you a piece of advice? Try keeping your enemies here to a minimum.”

I didn’t take a sleeping pill that night. Someone had a key. Someone was out there.
Someone wanted me to fear, to regret, to know that they could get in. That they could
hurt me. I took my desk chair and wedged it under the handle of the door, but that
was kind of useless because the chair swiveled. At least it was a warning. It would
wake me up, which was kind of ridiculous because it’s not like I could sleep.

So I heard it coming for me, clear as anything.

Boom, boom, boom.

And then it was here. My room was throbbing, but I tried to ignore it. I shook my
head and kept my eyes on the ground and pushed through the door out into the hallway.
I squinted from the sudden change to light, but it didn’t matter. The whole hallway
was pulsating.
Mallory
, it whispered. I sucked in a deep breath and turned back to my door.

Wait.

I felt the hand on my shoulder, holding me in place, digging through my skin, directly
to the bone.

I cried out, louder than I meant to, and a door opened down the hall. The hallway
stopped throbbing. The hand was gone. Taryn rubbed at her eyes with her closed fists.
“Are you okay?” she asked.

I scanned the hall and the room behind me and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Twisted
my ankle,” I said as I backed into my room and shut the door.

Back in my room, I turned on the light and stretched my shirt down over my shoulder.
“Shit,” I whispered. The marks were turning a deep purple, nearly black. And they
hurt.

I paced back and forth across the room, and in my head I repeated
it’s only real if you let it be, it’s only real if you let it be.
I shook the thoughts from my head, deciding to clear my head of even that. I booted
up my laptop. I wrote to Colleen. Nothing of consequence, nothing important. Just
something real.
Hey, you up? *pretend there’s something important here so you’ll write back.*

When I hit send, I had a message from Reid.
Getting
you
out
of
here
in
the
morning.
9?

Reid thought getting me out of here might help, but it wouldn’t. Colleen did that
too. Thought distance could fix things. Hoped distance could fix things.

“Stand up,” she’d said, disentangling herself from me under the boardwalk. “Stand
up,” she said again, with less authority, but with more urgency. “Mallory, we have
to go.”

My hands skimmed the sandy bottom, under the water, pieces of shells and trash digging
into my palms. I pushed myself onto my knees, and the water seemed to churn all around
me. Colleen bent over and gripped my upper arm. “I have some money,” she said, rapid
and nonsensically. What did money have to do with Brian bleeding on my kitchen floor?
“At my house. But we have to hurry.”

I sunk back down. Because I realized, right then, that Brian was dead.

I looked up at Colleen, who was staring across the expanse of ocean, the rain slowing
as it fell around us, around everything. The white moon reflected off the ripples.
They looked so small in the distance. But we both knew, out there, the undertow could
pull you under, claim you for the sea.

“We can do it,” she said to the sea. Her gaze went across the ocean and back again,
like her laughter earlier that night. She crouched down next to me and whispered,
“Please. We have to move. Now.”

My computer pinged again. Message from Colleen:

Wallowing
in
self-pity.
Cody
Parker
is
a
prick.

I
smiled.

What
happened?

Alicia
Maloney
happened.

He’s
so
not
worth
it.
And,
ew,
you’re
twenty
times
hotter
than
her.

I
know,
right?
Boys
blow.
Thank
God
I
have
you
.

Turned out that distance never really changed anything.

Reid tapped on my window a few minutes before nine. I pulled up the blinds and blinked
at his smile. “Getting ready?” he asked, which sounded all muffled through the window.

I hadn’t responded to his message last night. Brian never would’ve done something
like this. Of all the times I made excuses why I couldn’t hang out with him alone,
he never called or showed up or anything. He never acted like he cared either way.

“Don’t I look ready?” I was in ratty sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt, and I could
only imagine what my hair looked like.

His eyes drifted to my hair, and he tried not to grin. “The diner has a rule about
bringing animals inside.”

“Hey!” I said. He raised his eyebrows. “Five minutes,” I mumbled.

I looked down at my pajamas and ran my tongue along my top teeth. I threw my hair
in a ponytail and slid on jeans to keep out the morning chill. I looked like I hadn’t
slept, which wasn’t surprising, but at least I brushed my teeth.

I was almost smiling when I pushed through the door to the lounge, but I quickly stopped.
Because Jason was the closest person to me. And second closest was Krista. They sat
in adjacent cushioned chairs, leaning forward, their heads bent toward each other.
Whispering secrets. Their worth skyrocketing.

Jason looked up first. Then Krista. Then they looked to the front door, where Reid
stood in the entrance, walking toward me, in jeans and a black T-shirt.

“Careful, Reid,” said Jason, with his big cocky smile.

I froze.

“Come on, Mallory,” Reid said, acting like he didn’t hear Jason at all.

I didn’t move.

“You know I didn’t get to her room.” Jason was standing now, and Krista had that hideous
grin. “Everyone was at the game. Everyone. You know who had time to do it?” He extended
his arm outward and pointed his finger and smiled. “Her.”

My mouth dropped open. I know it’s ridiculous, and I’d never believed it actually
happened in real life, but there it was. My mouth just dropped. And Jason didn’t stop
then. He seemed really pleased by my reaction. “For the attention. Even the security
guard thinks it.”

I looked to Reid, but he was looking out the window, and his forehead was creased
like he was thinking really hard. Probably doing math calculations or something. Time
for me to get back to my room. Time for him to get back. Time enough for me to slash
my own shirts.

Shit.

Reid held the door for me as we left, but I kept my distance, arms crossed over my
stomach. It was colder than I thought. September mornings have a chill in New Jersey
on the shore, but it was even worse here. Too many trees. Not enough sunlight getting
through.

We walked to the lot behind the student center, and he led me to a black Honda.

We drove out of campus in silence. We got closer to civilization a mile or so down
the windy road
—
a pharmacy and a gas station, potentially the ghetto one, but it didn’t look so bad
—
and then a diner. In a tin box on wheels. For real.

He pulled onto the grass next to a blue BMW, downtrodden weeds as parking spots, and
turned toward me. “I know you didn’t do it.”

I cocked my head to the side. “How do you know?” I was hoping the security guard would
come to the same conclusion.