Hurt Like HELL (new adult contemporary romance) (18 page)

I shivered, breaking out in goosebumps.  There were other reactions by my body, ones that I did not dare say or try to think about with Jack so close to me.

“I have a scar here,” I said.  “I cut my leg on a razor a couple years ago.  It bled for like ever.  I had my best friend, Bridget, take me to the hospital.”

“And...?”

“They laughed at me.”

Jack laughed too.

It would have pissed me off but it felt so good to feel his breath climbing up and down my leg.

“Well, look at that scar then,” he said.  “You poor little girl.”

Jack puckered his sexy lips and touched the back of my leg.  With just a single kiss, he destroyed me.  I closed my eyes, wishing he would kiss me again.  His little moves meant so much more than any other who guy who dared to touch me or kiss me.  I flexed my leg, hoping he would take the hint. 

By the time I opened my eyes, he was sitting back up in his original position.  But by the way he looked at me, he knew exactly what he had done.  The connection was intense, so much so that I remained turned on my side, my leg flexed, starting to shake.

“My scars are a little different,” Jack said.

He found the covers he had taken from me and covered my legs up. 

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“I’m going to show you something,” Jack said.  “You have to promise me you won’t freak out.  Too much.”

Too much?

“Okay.  I promise.”

Jack stood up and in a hurry, he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up and off his body.  I gasped for air and whimpered a pathetic moan, my eyes and body wanted to explode at the same time. 

He was unbelievable.

Where ever he had been the past ten years, he had taken care of himself.  He was ripped.  His toned body called to me with a wicked heat that made me thankful he had covered my lower half before taking his shirt off.

To say I was ready would be an understatement.  Need poured from my body.

“Jack...”

He put his hand out to me, shutting me up.  He then turned, showing me his back.

A strong back, but a back full of scars... and wounds.

One of them fresh.

~9~

“Jack, what are they?”

I threw the covers off my body and stood up, short shorts and slutty tank top. 

Oh well, now wasn’t the time to worry about fashion.

Jack remained silent and still, his hands at his sides.

The marks on his back were painfully amazing.  Some were long, some short.  Some looked thick and others like a really big paper cut.  A few were deep and looked as though the wounds were still open.

I reached out and hesitated for a few seconds.

“You can touch them,” Jack said.  “Just not the new one.  It still hurts.”

My fingertips touched his back and I shuddered.  A jolt shot through my body, my love and lust for Jack swirled together.  As I ran my hand down his back, I could feel the bumps of the scars, one after another. 

Jack had become a gorgeous man, a man with a command that I didn’t understand.  But my gosh, did he pay dearly for it.  And judging by the new cut, he was still paying for it.

“What do they mean?” I asked.

“Exactly what you want to know,” Jack replied.

“I don’t understand...”

“You asked me how many times I have helped you.  Or saved you.  Or... anything with you, or for you.  You’re staring at the answer.”

I pulled my fingertips from his back, my eyes trying to count the marks.  There were so many, enough to count, but I lost track after ten.  I couldn’t stand the idea of Jack being hurt.

“There’s punishment beyond this life,” Jack said.  “Some move on, some don’t.  Some linger where they were.  Some become something else.  I wandered and then managed to find my way back to you, Tessa.  At first, watching was beautiful.  Even when your father was sent to prison, it was okay.  But time moved on for you, and me.  I started to realize I was growing up, along with you.  Seeing you become a beautiful young woman and then blossom into a woman, it hurt me so much.  And fate put its hand into your life because of me, time and time again, but I couldn’t resist it.”

Jack turned around, his eyes suddenly changing from tragedy to perfection.

Look at his eyes, look at his eyes, look at his eyes...

I looked at his chest.  Then down to his stomach.  Then to the top of his jeans.  Then finally to his eyes.

“I couldn’t resist you, Tessa,” Jack said.

His hand touched my face again and I sighed.  “I don’t understand...”

"Being near you put you in danger.  Then and even now.  But I couldn't resist... then and now.  Each time I stepped in, I tempted fate.  And fate has its own backlashes."

"Someone did this to you?"

"Sort of.  It just happens.  There's a darkness I'm in, a place that reminds me of my destiny if I continue to help you.  And then it just happens."

"What does it?  What does it feel like?"

"I don't know who or what does it.  It feels like a very thin knife but it never goes deep enough.  It's just enough that I lose my breath.  I feel like I'm going to fall over, but I don't."

"There's so many," I said.

"Like I said before, you're sort of a big klutz."

I pushed Jack, at the top of his shoulder, too afraid to touch his back.  He moved and then stiffened. 

"Tell me when you helped me," I said. 

He stepped a little to the side.  He wanted to move more, maybe even turn around, but my hand clamped on his shoulder, stopping him.  I couldn't stop looking at the scars.

"Two words for you," Jack said.  "Black ice."

A chill whooshed inside me, taking me back to that night.  I was sixteen, not too long after getting my license.  Auntie B had called me to tell me to just stay put at a friend’s house because there were warnings of snow and ice.  I ignored her, because I knew it all.  What I didn't know was what black ice actually was.

I was driving fast, but not speeding, or at least I swore it to Auntie B as I stood on the side of the road, hugging myself, crying.  Come to think of it, I should have been freezing... really freezing.  But I wasn't.  Sure, I shivered, but it was the shock of almost being in a horrible, perhaps life ending accident.

I had no idea what saved me that day because I had no control of the car.  After hitting a patch of black ice, I did the worst thing possible.  I panicked.  My elbows locked, going with the wheel, my feet not touching the pedals.

The car spun and skidded, spun and skidded.  It happened over and over, the wheel moving... like someone else had control of it...

Finally, I remembered the car straightening around, sliding to the side of the road where it hit a tree.  It was more of a tap.  The tree finally brought the car to a stop.  The passenger window shattered and the back right tire blew out.  Considering what should have been the result from the accident, a window and tire were nothing.

Auntie B gave me hell for a week, grounding me as though I was a child because my car had already been taken away.  I had to pay for the damages myself and wasn’t allowed to drive in the dark for two months.  Those were hellish days and nights, but I was alive so I couldn’t complain too much.

“Black ice, huh?” I asked.

“You were there,” I said.

“I’m always there,” Jack said.

“Except when you’re not.”

“Which you never know... well, you used to not know.”

“You were in the car with me?”

“You were driving on roads covered in black ice.  What was I supposed to do?”

“And you saved me?”

“That part I didn’t mind so much...” 

“Why are you smiling?” I asked.  “You’re confusing me.”

“Tessa, listen to me.  As soon as you started sliding, I had to take control of the car.  I got the wheel, thinking you’d at least hit the brake pedal.  You didn’t.  Then your foot started just doing whatever the hell it wanted.  Did you know that you actually hit the gas pedal a few times?”

I didn’t respond.  I knew what happened that night, just not the nitty gritty details.

“You did,” Jack continued.  “So I had to take care of the wheel and the pedals.  You’re welcome by the way.”

“I didn’t know,” I said.  “Why didn’t you show yourself then?”

Jack turned his head.  Now he wouldn’t look at me again.  I must have touched on a subject he didn’t want to talk about. 

“I did get to go between your legs though,” he said. 

I could see from the side of his face he smiled, his sexy dimples having their way with me.

“You were...”

“Had to take care of the pedals.  I didn’t do anything bad, I swear.”

“You probably thought it though.”

“All the time.”

How did everything between Jack and I turn sexual?  It was flirty and frustrating all in the same second. 

He became serious again and said, “That was just one time.  Of many.”

“When were you first there?”

“Almost right after everything happened.  It just sort of happened one day.  I was walking, looked down, looked up, and there I was, walking up your backyard.  I could go where ever I wanted and I could do anything I wanted.  Total freedom.  Well, for the most part.  There’s a rule here and there I can’t break.”

“What about my dreams?” I asked.  I was the serious one now, trying to dig back into my mind.  I hated going back to the days as a teenager.  I had to deal with a murder trial, my father being sent to jail, and moving in with Auntie B.  Somehow, I managed to stay sane... on top of my body trying to become a woman’s body.

Yeah, all the fun stuff.

“What about your dreams?”

“Could you go there?”

Jack nodded.

“Did you?”

He nodded again.

“I saw you...”

Jack closed his eyes.  He swallowed.  “Yeah, I know.”

“You did it on purpose?”

He finally looked at me again, standing at an angle that allowed me to see his chiseled body but still see his scars.

“Yeah, I did.  I wanted to see how you’d react.”

“You scared the hell out of me.”

“I know that too.  And I paid for it.  One of the worst I ever felt.”

My eyes scanned his back looking for the worst scar.  There was one that went from his right shoulder blade down to his pants.  Long and thick, terrifying if I stared at it long enough.

“Why?  Why do all this?”

“To protect you,” Jack said.  “To stay with you.  I couldn’t resist you, Tessa.  I still can’t.”

He tried to turn the rest of the way but I stopped him.  I placed both of my hands to his back, not caring what I touched.  He needed to know his scars were beautiful.  They were visible, real, and important.  They showed me how much he cared, and how much he suffered.  He watched me suffer for years and was right along side me.

My hands ran and up down his back, feeling the bumps of his scars.  On the fresh wound, I moved easier, not wanting to hurt him.  I stepped close enough to Jack so that when I exhaled, he could feel my breath on him.  My hands went up and came down again, this time moving to his sides.  I was shaking, visibly shaking, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I’d never felt so physically attracted to a person and so emotionally involved before.  My sexual desires weren’t just fantasies anymore, my body told me exactly what it wanted, how it wanted it, and everything revolved around Jack.  I couldn’t stop thinking about his muscles, his strong hands,
his tongue
.  I wanted to make it so he never suffered again, somehow turning all his pain into a pleasure that would make it all worth it. 

All he had done for me.

All he had to go through.

All he was still going through.

I knew he had just barely opened himself to me, but that was good enough for now.  I pushed away the racing questions and placed my lips to his back.  I closed my eyes and kissed. 

Then I kissed again, and again.

I moved down, my lips staying against his body, feeling his scars.  My tongue came forward, flicking at him, feeling the definition of the wounds he bore for me.

“Oh Jack,” I whispered, “you didn’t have to do all this...”

My hands were moving again; I felt like it was happening on its own.  Not against my will, but definitely happening without my mind telling me to do so.  I was around to his stomach, his flat stomach, the bumps of ab muscle feeling delightful. 

“If fate took you from me,” Jack said, “I might not have ever seen you again.”

My lips went to his back again.  He tasted perfect and as my breathing increased, I started to claw at his stomach, pulling him closer to me.  He took one step back, then resisted.

“No,” I said.  “Please.  I need you.  This.”