Hunting Shadows (Shadow Series #3) (7 page)

“I disagree,” he said, but there was no rancor in his voice. “I need you, Caitlin.
I need your strength and your power to defeat not only your father, but his followers
who are determined to destroy as many human souls as possible. At best, you can’t
do that when you’re distracted by Simon. At worst, Simon could betray you and lead
you directly to your father. You’re getting confused by your feelings
for him
, but Simon is a vardoger. Nothing will ever change that.”

Indignation turned to anger, and I struggled to keep my voice low.
“You know nothing about Simon,” I bit out. “You know nothing about his humanity
or what he’s capable of. I’m not getting into an argument about how trustworthy Simon
is, because it’s none of your business. I trust Simon completely
and that’s all that matters
.”

Ryan’s voice was calm in contrast to my frazzled tone, and it made me even angrier.
“You’re wrong. It
is
my business, because you’re my business. I told your aunt I would keep you safe, and
I intend to keep that promise.”

I froze at his words. “You knew my aunt?”
My hands clenched into fists, my voice turning cold. “She’s dead. How in the hell
could you tell her you’d keep me safe?”

“I’ve only met her in a dream.” Ryan watched
me
closely as he continued to speak. “I get the feeling you know that death is only a
boundary, and not a closed door. Your aunt asked me to watch over you. She was the
one who urged me to contact Marie.
”

I felt myself starting to tremble, and I forced my racing mind to calm. “What else
did she say?”

“That was all,” Ryan said gently. “She told me you were in danger and asked me to
watch out for you; to keep you safe. I promised I would and that was the end of the
dream.”

I wondered if I was a fool for believing him so easily, but his words rang with sincerity.
My
dreams of my mother
had shown me that
people who had passed could
still
reach out to you
.

I didn’t speak for a while as I collected my thoughts. Even though I believed Ryan
about hi
s dream, that didn’t mean
I believed he was right about Simon. But I neede
d both of them
. I needed Simon because I loved him and I needed Ryan because he could help me defeat
my father. I needed for them to work together, and the only way that was going to
happen was for me to convince Ryan to give Simon a chance.

“You don’t understand everything Simon has done for me,” I started out slowly.
“He gave up everything to save me. He helped me escape from my father. If it wasn’t
for him, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now.”

I didn’t like the look Ryan was giving me. It seemed to be a mixture of sympathy and
pity. “He saved you from a situation
he created. Did he tell you
that
he’s the one that started the movement
for vardogers to work together? Before him, vardogers were separate from each other,
not having the wherewithal to band together. Your boyfriend changed all that.”

Ryan
said the word boyfriend as if it
disgusted him. I felt my hackles start to
rise
again. “He’s told me everything. He’s been nothing but honest with me since he told
me the truth about who he was.”

Ryan laughed humorlessly. “And what about all the time before that?”

“He was trying to protect me!”

Ryan took a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t change your mind. Yo
u’ll have to realize it on your own
. But
sooner or later you’ll understand
that you can never trust a vardoger. I’m just going to
have to
make
sure you don’t get yourself killed before that happens.
”

“What about all the seers that are betra
ying their own kind?” I asked
. “If seers can change sides, why can’t vardogers?”

His jaw tightened and his voice turned hard.
“Because vardogers aren’t human.
The
y’re monsters intent on killing.
” His eyes glittered unnaturally. “But
I’m not going to let Simon hurt
you.
You’re too important to the cause.
I’ll destroy him before that happens.”

His intensity took me
by surprise and I remained silent, not knowing how to respond. I concentrated o
n watching Grant
, trying to ignore the confusing mixture of emotions roiling inside me.

I felt Ryan relaxing almost imperceptibly beside me, and when he spoke again his tone
was even-keeled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset. The best I
can do is
try. I’ll try to work with Simon, but I’ll always be waiting for him to turn. And
when he does, I’ll be ready.”

It was all I could really ask for so I just nodded. “Please
,
just try.”

We spent the rest of the time in silence, and I was relieved when Grant’s group meeting
was finally over and he walked over to us.

“Well, I’m done for the day,” Grant said cheerfully, oblivious to the tension between
me and Ryan. “We can head back.”

Grant kept up the majority of the conversation on the
walk over
to the apartment
and I tried to keep up with it, but my mind was reeling with all the things Ryan
had said to me, especially about my aunt. On one hand it comforted me to know she
was watching over me, but on the other hand it just confirmed her death again which
devastated me.

Sarah and Simon were already at the apartment when we arrived. Sarah was in good spirits,
having been rejuvenated by a day spent outside the apartment, and she and Grant did
most of the talking. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically,
but I didn’t protest when Simon suggested going to the mall so that we could get new
cell phones since it was imperative we were able to keep in constant contact. It was
almost humorous, the way we traveled in a pack. We all shuffled into Sarah’s car and
everyone waited while Simon and I get new cell phones. No
one was in the mood to shop so we went home
afterwards, only stopping to pick up a pizza for dinner.
On the way home
I called Colleen
, the owner of the diner
where
I worked
. I had completely forgotten about
my job amidst all the craziness. I made an excuse that classes and homework were becoming
overwhelming and I needed to take a
break from working.
I was relieved when she didn’t argue too much about it.

The conversation was light during dinner, but once we were finished eating, the topic
turned
more serious.

“Did you have a vision again last night?”
Grant asked, unable to hide the trepidation in his voice.

“I did. It was the same one.” Ryan didn’t go into any further detail and no one asked.
There was no need to rehash Grant being shot in death in his vision.

“Do you mind if I ask why you don’t just kill vardogers that have overtaken bodies?”
Sarah asked cautiously. “I mean, if their bodies die, they die. That’s why Ca
itlin’s father is so obsessed with
trying to find out how to jump
from one body to another
to become immortal. Why don’t you just kill the overtaken bodies? It’s
not like the human souls are
in
there anymore.”

“It’s against the seers’ code,” Rya
n said emphatically. “A human body is a
life, regardless of whether or not a vardoger
inhabits
the body.
And there have been too many instances of a soul being too strong to be pushed out.
It usually happens
in the cases of
seers
that
have been overtaken, but there have been a few examples of regular humans being strong
enough not to have their souls forced out.” Ryan grimaced. “It’s actually worse. You’re
helpless to
control your body and have to witness
all the vio
lent things the vardoger does. In those cases, o
ur hop
e is
to figure out how to push the vardoger out so that the human soul can take control
again, but we’ve been unsuccessful so far. Our attempts have destroyed both the vardoger
and the human soul.”

Sarah and Grant both looked at Simon after Ryan’s explanation, but he shook his head.
“He’s not in here.”

Grant looked deflated by his response, and I was reminded that not only did Grant
have to deal with his life being in danger, but
also
the death of his cousin.

I excused myself to make a phone call
to Marie
and went into my bedroom.
I wanted to check in with her
and give her my new phone number.

“Hello?” she answered warily.

“Marie, it’s Caitlin
. I wanted to call to see
if you had any new information.”

“Nothing so far. Have you met with Ryan?”

“Yes, he’s staying with me
while we try to figure out how to defeat my father.”

“Good,” Marie said approvingly. “Ryan’s ability to track vardogers will give you enough
time to prepare for your father’s attack.”

“Have you been able to get into contact with other seer
s? I’m still convinced hypnosis is
the best way to get some answers on what to do to win against my father.”

“I’m not sure yet,” Marie replied grimly. “I’m
being careful with
who I
trust. I’ll call you once I know for sure.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “This is my new cell phone number, so just call me on this.”

“Al
l
right.” Marie paused before ending the call. “Just remember that you can’t trust anyone
completely, Caitlin.”

“Are you talking about Ryan? Or Simon?”

“Both. The only person you can trust completely is yourself. Just be careful.”

Marie’s words were far from comforting as I ended the call. I took the opportunity
of being alone in my bedroom to think things through.
Simon had warned me about Ryan, Ryan had warned me about Simon, and Marie had warned
me about both of them. I trusted Simon because I loved him, and he had given me no
reason to distrust him once he had confessed the truth. But I couldn’t deny that for
a long period of time, everything had been a lie. Could I really believe that everything
he said to me now was the truth, when he had spent the bulk of our relationship lying?

I trusted Ryan on an instinctual level, because he was a seer and I felt a connection
to him. But in reality, he was a stranger.
A stranger who could
have
his own motive for wanting to use my powers. I couldn’t completely trust that he
didn’t have motives beyond what he had told me.

I sighed in frustration as I rubbed my forehead against a mounting headache. I wouldn’t
solve anything by worrying
about
the same things over and over again. I just needed to focus on my main goal of becoming
stronger to destroy my father. And I needed both Simon and Ryan for that.
I decided I would be
careful but would trust
them
both
until they gave me a reason not to. Otherwise I would drive myself crazy.

Everyone was watching
TV when
I came back into the living room. Or rather, Sarah and Grant were watching TV while
Ryan sat o
n the couch staring into space
, looking engrossed in thought. Simon was staring at Ryan
, and his thoughts were a little more transparent by the scowl on his face. His gaze
shifted to me when I entered the room.

“Did Marie have any new information?” he asked.

“No. She’s still searching for a seer we can trust so that I can be put under hypnosis.”
I put a hand up before he could protest. “It’s been a while since I’ve been put under,
and by the time she actually finds someone she
believes
we can trust, I’ll be more than ready.”

Simon frowned but didn’
t argue with me, and I was relieved. The lack of sleep last night was weighing heavily
on me, and I felt I would collapse if I didn’t get any rest. I glanced at my watch
and turned towards Ryan

“I’m going to get some sleep for a few hours. Can you keep watch until one a.m.?”

“Sure, no problem.”

Simon followed me back into my bedroom and was silent as I got ready for bed. When
I came back from the bathroom after wa
shing up, he had changed
and was under the cover
s. I didn’t question him going to bed as well and simply
climbed
in
next to him. His arm encircled my waist and I settled against him so that my back
was against his chest. A shiver
of satisfaction went through me as I felt the length of his body pressed against
mine. I believed in this; in Simon’s warmth and love for me as he cradled me in his
arms. For now, it had to be enough.