Authors: A.J. Downey
Jessamine
I slept, I don’t remember falling asleep, but I did, and
when I woke it was in a meadow, bright and full of sun, wildflowers swaying
gently in the breeze. I blinked and sat up, confused.
“There you are.” Gwydion stood, arms crossed over his narrow
chest.
“Am I dreaming?” I asked.
“Yes. It was the best I could do, if you want to say goodbye
then you’d best stand up quickly and follow me.” He snapped his fingers at me
impatiently and I got to my feet and looked down at what I was wearing,
confused.
I must be dreaming, I wouldn’t wear something like this in a
million years. It was a dress for one, and I just didn’t do dresses… It was a
cream color that made my skin seem even paler and looked like something out of
a medieval fantasy movie with long heavy skirts and long belled sleeves, the
top of the gown off the shoulders. It looked like a cream and white version of
the Sleeping Beauty Disney princesses dress.
“Come on!” Gwydion said impatiently and began striding away
from me across the meadow towards the trees at the far end. I gathered up the
cumbersome skirts and ran after him, the tall grasses and wild flowers
thrashing in our wake. Butterflies in impossible jewel tones fluttered and
scattered in front of us, fleeing from our path, collecting in our wake.
“What is this place?” I asked.
“The Spring Fields of Annwn, my nephew has been summoned, he
told me, presumably to speak with his son. Some mortals reach this plane in
sleep, a little bit of guidance and here you are. Your body is where it should
be, beside that of Heliwr’s in his hospital room.” He looked sideways at me.
“Thank you.” I said, then in a stroke of inspiration asked,
“Is it because I’m dreaming that my words aren’t mangled?”
“Your words haven’t been mangled since the first time I saw
you.” He looked at me puzzled. “You spoke just fine in your human hospital.”
I stopped and thought about it, I had hadn’t I? I resumed
pushing through the long sweet meadow grass and flowers stopping up short,
almost crashing into Gwydion’s back.
I peered around his shoulder and saw another man’s back. His
hair was just as raven dark a Gwydion’s and curled over the collar of his gray
cloak, he was speaking to someone I couldn’t see…
“I understand, but this is your modern day way of thinking.
I am of the old ways, humor me Heliwr.”
An exasperated sigh.
“My father hates me, he would never agree to this, just to
see me…”
“Hunter!” I made a break around Gwydion and shot passed the
man in gray, stopping short. Hunter was sitting on a rock in old fashioned
clothes like me, like really old fashioned, his hair loose about his shoulder.
His eyes widened and filled with horror.
“No, Jess you shouldn’t be here!” he cried, yet opened his
arms all the same. I went into them and held close to him. I should be crying,
but the tears just weren’t there, I felt odd and disconnected but I was here,
and Hunter was here and I took it for what it was… A chance to say the things
that most people never got to say to their loved ones.
“I don’t want this to be the end.” I said.
“I know love, I know.” He murmured against my shoulder, but
I had no feeling here, it really was as a dream. Simply images, sounds, but no
sense of touch. I breathed deeply and was assailed by antiseptic hospital
smell, things began to fray and then Gwydion was beside us and things drew back
together.
“Thank you.” I whispered to him and he nodded.
“Quickly. I cannot do this forever.” He stated.
“Gwydion?” Hunter asked.
“She’s dreaming, it was the best I could do son of my
nephew.” And he stepped away from us, solemn. The man in gray looked furious
but not at us, his malice was directed solely at Gwydion.
“Jess,” Hunter began but I interrupted him.
“I’m here, with you at the hospital,” I rushed, “I love you
so much, I’m not ready to let you go so please, please fight, don’t leave me
Hunter because you have all of me if you leave me there won’t be anything left
for Aaron, for Charlie, for Dave and Margie. I won’t make it without you.
You’re my other half, I can’t go back to being a half a person without you. So
please, please don’t go.”
Hunter looked over my head at the man in gray and I turned,
“Please don’t take him away from me Arawn.” I said.
“She is bright.” The man in gray stated flatly.
“I told you she was.”
“I can also see why you mistook her for my wife.” Arawn
remarked.
Hunter opened his mouth to reply when a shadow passed over
our little group. I looked up into the too bright sky. A dark shape plummeted
in my direction and I turned and pulled myself tighter against Hunter and
wished that I could feel his warmth, that I could carry the memory of my last
moments with him as fully as I would the feel of his hand beneath mine against
the standard hospital sheets.
The large flying shape resolved its self into that of a man
and I blinked, shocked. He was the spitting image of Hunter in all things
except eyes and hair. Whereas Hunter’s eyes were a rich dark caramel, this
man’s eyes were a clear, light, blue. The man’s hair was fair, so blonde as to
be white while Hunter’s was more reminiscent of his owl’s form, brown with the
white streaks that could be a man in his early thirties going prematurely gray
or a really good dye job depending on who you asked.
I swallowed hard.
The man contemplated us and then asked in Hunter’s lovely
voice,
“Heliwr, son of my wife, why are you here? Arawn, what is
the meaning of this?”
Gwydion stepped forward and took me by the elbow.
“Time to go Jessamine.” He said softly.
“Please no…” I moaned brokenly.
“Jess its okay.” Hunter said but his eyes held only sorrow,
the loss that was already hollowing me out reflected in his eyes.
“It’s not okay!” I screeched.
Gwydion took me from Hunter and I crumpled both inside and
out.
“Llew, hear the boy out.” Gwydion said and I screamed my
frustration and heartbreak to the empty too bright sky until the light dimmed
and I woke with a gentle start.
Alone.
The sheets beside Hunter’s too still hand damp with my
tears, the IV taped to the back of his hand pressing into my temple. I stood up
with a start and looked him over. He still had his color which hadn’t really changed,
I waited, holding my breath and let it out slowly when I saw his chest rise
then fall in steady rhythm. He was still alive, still in there somewhere, but
not.
I sat back down heavily and watched him sleep. Tired of
these gods and their rules and games, keeping Hunter a prisoner of their will.
I sniffed and wiped my nose on my bloodstained sleeve, not caring. I closed my
eyes and went back to praying.
I know they could hear me.
I just hoped it would be enough.
Hunter
I fisted my hands in my hair and emitted an inarticulate cry
that encompassed my anger, my frustration and a myriad of other feelings that
all led up to just how helpless I felt in this situation. Gwydion was gone, and
with him, Jess, her words echoing in my consciousness.
I won’t make it without you… I can’t go back to being a
half a person without you…
I rounded on my father who stood coolly appraising me.
“You.” I pointed at him and he raised his eyebrows.
“You selfish, spoiled son of a bitch!” I spat on the ground.
Llew threw up his hands and turned to Arawn.
“I did not come here for this, I won’t stand here and…”
“All you have to do is give your blessing on this and you
can be rid of me forever.” I grated out.
“Blessing for what?” Llew asked, suspicion clouding his
eyes.
“Your son wishes to live a…” Arawn began… Llew barked out a
laugh.
“You don’t need my blessing for that.” Llew crossed his
brawny arms across his chest.
“As I was saying, your son wishes to live a mortal life span
with his woman, age and die as a human man.” Arawn leveled him with his golden
gaze. My father was still, so very still for long minutes, the only movement
where the breeze ruffled his hair or the fur edging on his cloak.
“Why should I grant you this?” he asked me.
“How long are you going to hold yours and mother’s mistakes
against me?” I demanded in return.
“My mistakes!?” he bellowed.
“Yes! Yours!” I stabbed a finger in his direction.
“Tell me boy, what mistakes were mine?” He was coloring red
with rage and I didn’t care. To long had I held this at bay. The words flooded
out of me in a torrent of malice.
“You, who had your wife created for you, a being with her
own free will, tell me did you even try to know her feelings? Did you even try
to court her, treat her with respect or did you simply treat her as your god
given right?! As your property?” he was silent and so I went on,
“Does it really surprise you that she would choose another?”
I demanded.
“You were not there!” he choked out, nearly apoplectic with
anger.
“I
was
there!
I
was the one to take the
punishment you could not visit upon my mother! Raised without a father by
your
uncle!” I screamed.
“You are not my son!” he screamed back to which I got inches
from his face the heat of my anger an inferno in my chest and screamed back at
him,
“Look at me! I am a mirror image of you! How can you deny I
am your son when I look just like you!?” We stood, squared off, chests heaving,
Arawn standing somberly to one side.
I broke away first, and paced in a direction that was simply
away from the man responsible for half of my creation.
“You would choose a life among them?” Llew asked finally?
“No. I choose a life with Jessamine.” I said back.
“Do what you want Heliwr. You are your own man. Never darken
my door again.” Llew turned to Arawn.
“He is not my son. He is a man with no father, I killed that
man centuries ago. Let him do what he wants.” And with that he shifted into his
form of a great golden eagle and took to wing.
“Will that suffice?” I asked. Arawn looked troubled and yet
almost sheepish. He grimaced.
“I did not realize your relationship to be so… contentious.”
He finally settled on the word, it wasn’t the best fit, but it was diplomatic.
I let him have it.
“It is as it has ever been.” I sighed.
“Do you love this woman?” he asked suddenly.
“With everything that I am.” I closed my eyes. He sighed and
seemed torn.
“Long is the day and long is the night…” he murmured, and I
finished for him.
“And long is the waiting of Arawn.” I smiled and he did too.
“I believe I can wait a little longer for you, a human life
is not so very long for one such as us.” he crossed his arms and leveled me
with a stern gaze.
“You must understand the choice you are making. If I do this
thing for you, you will be stripped of all that makes you other. You will grow
sick, you will grow old, you will be susceptible to all that can ail you as a simple
human man and no longer would you fly…” I raised my hand.
“As I told my father, I tell you… I choose Jess.” He nodded.
“This will be painful, do you wish to stay a little longer?
Allow your body further time to heal?” he asked.
“No. I want to get back to Jess. She thinks me lost. I don’t
wish for her suffering to continue.”
“Very well. Close your eyes, this will not be a simple
thing.”
I did as Arawn bid, I was prepared; little did I know it was
impossible to prepare for such a thing.
Jessamine
For three days it was touch and go. I didn’t shower, I
didn’t eat and for the most part they let me be. Charlie stayed with me, and
John came around often, making the long drive from the Peninsula almost every
day. On the third day Charlie had enough.
“Jess, come on now. You’re taking a shower, changing out of
those clothes ain’t going to make no nevermind! You think Hunter’s gonna wanna
wake up to you like this? Come off it now!” he crossed his arms and looked
pretty damned heated but I didn’t budge. Not until I heard it.
He coughed.
I turned around and his eyes were open, he was scowling and
it was as if the heavens opened with rain after a long drought. I fell to my
knees beside the bed and I cried. Taking his hand that reached for me between
my own I kissed the backs of his fingers. Charlie was out in the hall calling
for a nurse and the tiny hospital room filled with men and women in scrubs,
bustling about Hunter’s bed, forcing me back and away from him. I was suddenly
no more than a leaf caught in an eddy in the sudden stream of humanity pouring
into his room.
Charlie had me by the shoulders, gently but firmly holding
me back while they asked Hunter questions and worked to calm him down,
administer pain medicine and finally, to extract the tube that had been helping
him breathe now that he was breathing on his own.
That had been horribly painful to watch.
He had choked and sputtered and coughed, until finally in a
raw and hoarse voice he had said, “Jess, I love you. Listen to Charlie, go
shower.”
I had dissolved into tears and a kindly nurse had told me to
use the bathroom in his room. Charlie had a bag of clothes that John had
fetched from the house and had thrust it into my hands. I’d done as Hunter
asked at warp speed, and by the time I was through, it was just Charlie and him
in the room. Charlie got up and pressed me into the seat by the bed.
“I’ll leave you two alone a minute.” He’d said and
disappeared out into the hall. The door clicked shut behind him.
“How?” I asked. I hadn’t had trouble with my words since the
realistic dream that hadn’t been a dream… I think it was Gwydion’s gift to me… all
though it may have been the trauma of seeing Hunter shot, I just didn’t know. I
didn’t care. He was here and I would have traded what little speaking ability I
had left for him in a heartbeat.
“Arawn.” He rasped.
I smiled a little sadly.
“Are you..?” I asked and he nodded.
“I chose you Jess. I
choose
you.” He pulled me, weak
as he was and his arms went loosely around me. I kept myself off of him,
mindful of his injuries and we kissed, softly, a press of lips, wholesome and
sweet and I felt a like whole person again.
Thank you, Arawn, Gwydion… Thank you so much.