Humanity Gone: Facade of Order (12 page)

             
I guide David from the truck to a nearby workbench and lay out my medical satchel. His face winces with pain, but he manages to conceal it well. His shoulder is pretty messed up, but the bullet went right through. I don't know how the use of his arm will be after both shots, but he is in no immediate danger. Jo says Caitlyn's fingers have stopped bleeding as much, I hand her some more gauze and tell her to keep the pressure on. I quickly stitch up the remains of David's skin after cleaning out the tissue on his shoulder. His teeth clench together as the needle works its way in and out. David is the toughest of us all, but he has to be hurting. Ryan walks up to me as I finish bandaging the wound.

             
“The sun is almost completely up. Let's stay here for a while and gather some strength. Those two can't get right on the road in that condition. Then we will head back out. How's David gonna be?”

             
“He'll be okay. Just a scratch, right?” I say. David glares back at me. “It's gonna take some time to heal, and this time keep it in the sling.”

             
David's eyes go to his truck. He winces when he stands and takes a few steps towards it. Nearly all of the glass is shattered and bullet holes cover the body. “I'll heal, but look at my baby. She's completely shot to hell. I'm gonna cry.”

             
David hobbles up and goes to a line of chairs against the wall by his ride. “I'm gonna lie down for a while and drown in all my sorrows.”

             
Somehow traces of his humor are still intact.

             
I reach into my bag and pull out a bottle of water and a few high dose painkillers. That will help him sleep more.

             
“Take these first.” I stand up and hand them to him. “Then we are going to have to get you some food. You lost a lot of blood.”

             
“Sure, let me get right on that.” After washing a few pills down his throat, he sets the bottles beside the chairs and lies down. I imagine he'll be asleep after the pills kick in. He is good at playing cool, but I know that wound is throbbing.

             
Next, I bring Caitlyn to the table and take a look at her fingers. The bleeding has pretty much stopped, but they are anything but clean. I give her a few low dose aspirin to help. I want to give her something more powerful, but I didn't want to repeat mistakes from the past. I reopen some of the wounds as I clean them of some dirt. She winces in pain and looks away. Tears swell in the corners of her eyes. She's grown up so much since I've seen her last, but somehow, she still looks the same to me.

             
“Sorry; try not to look at it.” I begin. Hopefully conversation can provide some distraction as I work on her hand. “I've been looking for you all these past five years and it finally paid off. I've got a home we can take you to.”

             
I start to talk about my last five years with the Resistance. I tell her that compared to the cabin, it's a five star hotel. Eventually she interrupts and tells us about the last five years and the search for Sara. She tells me she’s had a little help, but mostly she has been completely by herself. She seems to be leaving something out of her story, but I don't want to press her about it now. Jo joins us and pretends like nothing happened on the truck. Both of us are too concentrated on what Cait has been through. I have been through a lot. Jo has been through a lot. Yet, Cait has been through the worst of it, and she tells her story so nonchalantly. We share a few uneasy looks as Caitlyn talks about some of her scars, and the people she has watched die. This poor girl has been through a lot in these woods all this time. It's a miracle she survived.

             
After I have her hand all clean, closed, and covered, I find another line of chairs for her to lie down on and elevate her hand. She needs rest badly, too. I again contemplate giving her something more powerful for the pain, but I don't want to chance it. Giving her my medical bag as a pillow, she lies down with a faint smile that speaks volumes. Despite the pain, she is happy we are together again. I am too.

             
The sprinkle of shattered glass falling onto cement turns my attention away from Caitlyn. Ryan stands on the trunk bed with a broom that he managed to procure in the garage and sweeps out the glass. I walk to the table and gather all the bloodied gauze and find a dusty trash can to dispose of it all in. I take a seat on the table facing the truck. Jo comes and sits beside me. I contemplate moving farther away, yet I remain. I still like her being close. Just not too close.

             
“What was that about? David's bleeding out, you just shot a man, and the first thing you can think to do is kiss me?”

             
She grabs both of her forearms with the opposite hands and looks down while she moves them quickly up and down her arm. She looks ashamed.

             
“Sorry. I can't explain it. That's what I wanted, and I saw an opening.”

             
“I've been with Paige...”

             
“I know. She's a good person. But kissing you has been something that kept me going all those years, and for a moment back there, I thought I may be headed back to that life. I needed to try it just once and settle what I spent years thinking about. I know now what we had is gone. It's been too long and we are two completely different people than who we were.” Tears spill from her eyes. “I lost Jon, then the twins and you, and I have been by myself. I'm tired of being without anyone... without a family for so long.”

             
“I know...”

             
“No, you don't know. You barely spent a year in one of their camps. I spent five. You've had so many people who give a damn about you. Not just Paige, but Dave and Ryan.” Her eyes go to both of them. “And at the compound, I'm sure there are more that would have come on this trip with you if only you asked. Maybe I can't have you, but I need you. I don't love you the same way, but you and Caitlyn are just the only family I have now.”

             
She slowly leans her head on my left shoulder with a sigh.
              I reach around to her other side and hold her close. She closes her eyes against my shoulder and her breathing begins to normalize. Ryan and I share an exchange for a moment. He was pretending not to listen, but I know he heard every word. He nods slightly and continues cleaning up the truck. We still have a long journey in it later.

             
Paige was right; there's a lot of damage that's been done over these past five years in Jo's head - the incident on the truck proved that. She is still beautiful to me, but romance was nowhere to be found. When she kissed me on the truck I realized that. She now feels like one of the twins - someone I need to protect because it is my responsibility. She is a part of an old family that is finally beginning to come back together. I have to protect them all from everything awful this world has become.

             
See Jon. I'm holding up my end of the bargain.

Chapter 16: Jocelyn

              It is over with Carter. No matter how much it hurts, what we had is lost. I could tell as we sat in the garage. I knew for sure as we finished driving to the compound later that things will never be the same.

             
No, it isn't over.

             
Yes. Yes it is.

             
We drove home that evening without any incident. Caitlyn's fingers began healing without infection, and David seemed alright despite his shoulder. Carter was initially worried he may develop a fever or worse. Neither of them seem worried, but it still looked awful. 

             
The day after we returned, I moved out of Carter's house and found a room in one of the nearby townhouses with some others. It wasn't out of spite; I needed some distance for a while. I really didn't have much to take with me. David said he had a spare room, but Paige told him no for me. She tries her best to be kind to me. I am beginning to like her. Paige and Carter are together a lot, and they look happy, although I can tell Carter still feels uneasy. He feels bad about me. It will take some time, but I will get over it. It was a silly romance anyway. Hell, I was still a teenager then. Caitlyn stays with them in another room in their house. The one he has had ready for years. She spends most of the time sleeping in her new bed and keeps to herself. It seems like she hasn't slept in a long time. A few times, I saw her outside trying to shoot into an empty can. She is getting close.

             
The time I spend with her is completely different than before. Carter told me yesterday that it seems like we found Sara and not Caitlyn. He is absolutely right. She acts like her sister and is much more emotional. Whatever that man did to her has changed her. It brought down her walls.

             
Caitlyn is safe with them so I busy myself around the town. A few men were finally able to bring a few of the horses from the Mill down here. They were hoping to utilize them in the fields in place of the tractor. It was nice to see them again. At the farm, one of my responsibilities was to take care of the pair. I especially grew fond of Angel. She cooperated for me and no one else. A few times, I have been able to go into a nearby high school football field and ride Angel around. They foolishly didn't grab the saddle, but I managed bare back. My thighs were sore the first day, but quickly toughened up to the ride.

             
Several times I have thought about just jumping the fence and leaving all of this behind me. There didn't seem to be much left for me here anymore. Despite my break down in the garage, I've really started to wonder if I need anyone else. I managed so long alone anyway. Maybe I could find a home somewhere else - anywhere Angel could take me. If I could get my hands on that rifle again, I could take on the world.

             
Yes. Leave. You can find a new family.

             
No. God no. Stop thinking this. You are home. You have family.

             
I try to shake these awful ideas out of my head. They keep surfacing and they seem to be getting worse. I don't need to converse with myself anymore. Come on Jo, you're not crazy.

             
I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts.

             
For the sixth time this past week, I take Angel to the football field. She looks tired as I pull her from the make-shift stables within an abandoned garage. I walk her slowly down the road and to the stadium. A few residents of the Resistance wave to me as I pass by; I nod back. When I reach what was once an end-zone I lift myself up onto her back and adjust the blanket. Angel trots over the collapsed goalpost and faces down the field of knee high grass.

             
“Come on girl, lets ride,” I lean forward and whisper into her ear. She immediately enters a gallop and the rushing breeze blows my hair out behind my back. A smile escapes my lips as she continues go around the field.

             
Come on girl. You can do this.

             
We still have some purpose here. At least I hope we do.

*   *   *

              I walk toward the green tent outside of Ryan's house. Caitlyn walks carefully beside me in the grass. Although she has been here for over a week she still looks suspicious of the people. I can't disagree with her. The Resistance just seems a little too armed - a little reminiscent of the New Americans sometimes. Ryan asked her this morning if we could all get together and talk about what those men were trying to torture out of her. We all could tell it was a sore area, and didn't want to push her. Caitlyn finally agreed to talk with them tonight.

             
We walk into the tent uncomfortably. Just Carter and Ryan are inside. They greet her, and we all sit down at the wooden table. Ryan offers both of us some fruit from a plate on top of the table. I have seen little of him these past weeks. I worry he is up to something dangerous for the Resistance. We both decline his offer, kindly. Caitlyn's mouth opens and she hesitates for a moment before she begins speaking. She gets straight to the point:

             
“I broke inside because I thought Sara would be there.” Carter talked earlier this week to her about the couple who she attacked on the road. They still stayed at the Resistance. There was something familiar about the man, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. “I found these documents about how the workers have been spread throughout the work camps. Sara was in there - but it was crossed out.”

             
“Does that mean she's...?” Ryan begins with a forcibly saddened face. Caitlyn turns with widened eyes.

             
“No, there seemed to be a deceased stamp over many of them. Her was just had an “X.” I was distracted when I saw her name, and they captured me. Then he started...well.” she pulls the bandaged stubs on her left hand into her chest and looks uncomfortable. Maybe this was still too soon. “They thought I was sent to do something to them. I just was trying to find Sara. They thought I was from the Sanctuary...”

             
My eyes open wide. That is a name I haven't heard aloud in years. I never even talked to other workers about that whole incident. It was too painful.

             
“Wait,” Carter interrupts, “the Sanctuary is still causing them problems?”

             
“What do you know about them?” I ask Carter. I thought the Sanctuary was a closed chapter in our lives.

             
“Well not too much,” Carter begins, “It seems they were still doing well despite our incident there five years ago. About two years back the New Americans charged in and took their generators, solar panels, and livestock. The Sanctuary boys resisted, but most of them were killed and the motel was destroyed. Those who remained went into hiding or simply dispersed into other survivor groups. Although since the New Americans are worried about them, the Sanctuary must not have completely disbanded. The New American’s probably think they are responsible for the incident at the Mill. Maybe they are responsible for things we don't even know about. Perhaps we could gain something by reaching out to the Sanctuary.”

             
My heart drops. What the hell does he mean by “reaching out?”

             
“You know, if we could work with them we might be able to deal a serious blow to the New Americans. Something bigger than our little disruptions to their supply line.” Ryan says casually. Caitlyn instantly stands up. By the expression on her face, she is thinking what I am thinking.

             
“Like hell we will work with them. We know what they did.” She stares at me. “They kidnapped you and killed Jon. And they... they...”

             
“Caitlyn, I know this is hard to understand, but that was five years ago,” Ryan quickly replies. “Rumor has it things changed there after their original leader was killed - you killed actually.” His expression shows that he isn't sure if he was supposed to say that.

             
“Rumor? I bet they are the same...” she swears more than I imagined was possible for someone who spent the last few years alone in the woods, “Besides they all were a part of it. It wasn't just him.” She seems to run out of words as she looks between us all. “This is insane.”

             
I nod slightly toward her. “I have to agree. You two can't be serious. Are we the only two listening to reason?”

             
Ryan turns up his eyebrows and looks at us both with compassion. “I know this isn't easy to hear, but if we join with them - maybe we could do something that would prevent the New Americans from eventually taking over the whole country.  They are a lot bigger than us, but an alliance like this could be the first of many. Groups of survivors like us are all over this country. Many are just afraid to fight. We just have to prove to them what we are capable of accomplishing.”

             
Caitlyn slumps back into her chair and folds her arms tightly across her chest. Steam nearly pours out of her ears.

             
I understand Ryan's perspective.

             
Maybe he is right. We need them now. Maybe they have changed.

             
No, you don't need them; they killed your brother. They tied you up. That Saul was going to...

             
“Carter please. We can't,” I finally burst out.

             
His brown eyes go wide, and he gives a small nod.

             
“Ryan, there has to be another way. It's too dangerous. We can't trust them.”

             
“How about this? We take a caravan up to the remains of the compound and see what we can dig up. We don't have to get close to them, but communicating with them won't hurt. We don't tell them about here or anything like that. We simply extend an olive branch.”

             
“I don't think you get it...” Caitlyn cusses Ryan even more. He is taken aback. “These guys are monsters. Listen to us.”

             
I didn't want to admit it, but Ryan had a point. Just making contact wouldn’t be a bad choice. I walk behind Caitlyn.

             
“Cait, you are right. We won't trust them. But it won't hurt to reach out. At the very least we can keep an eye on them.”

             
Caitlyn looks back with a glare and then faces forward.               “Fine,” she mutters.

             
Carter joins in from his long silence. “Are you sure?” I nod my head a few times quickly. I put my hand onto Caitlyn's shoulder and delicately squeeze. She reaches up and grabs it. She's knows it's something we have to try. It just hurts all three of us.

             
“So it's settled,” Ryan says. “Do you know how to get to their original compound Carter?”

             
“I thought you said they left?”

             
“It's a starting point. We will leave in the morning with two squads.”

             
“If Carter's going, then I'm going too.” Caitlyn stands and says.

             
“No, with your hand you have to stay. Next, time...” Carter begins.

             
“We are a family. I'm staying with you.”

             
Well I guess that gives me little choice. “If Caitlyn is coming, then I am too.”

             
As long as I have my rifle and Caitlyn has a bow we can hold our own. Although, something about Caitlyn tells me she isn't as willing to use the bow anymore. However, if someone threatens one of us, I'd bet it will be a different story.

             
I guess we are going back to the Sanctuary.

             
A shiver runs down my spine.