Huckleberry Harvest (33 page)

Noah couldn’t remember how he got home. Maybe the horse knew the way and, eager to be out of the rain, had trotted home without any direction from Noah. It didn’t matter that he’d taken the enclosed buggy; just walking from the buggy to Felty’s barn and back again had been enough to soak Noah clear through. He drove down the back lane and unhitched the buggy in the relentless rain, then coaxed the horse to the shelter that did duty as a barn. The wooden structure was more like a shed, but it kept the rain and snow off his two horses and provided shade in the summer and a little warmth in the winter.

Someday he’d have enough money to build a proper barn, with a space for the horses and maybe a cow, plus all his tools. He’d start a business from that barn, and people would come to him when they wanted something fixed. Someday. When his dat stopped drinking and there were funds in his empty savings account.

Noah trudged out of the shed and stood gazing out at the road, letting the icy rain pelt his back and shoulders. Mamm would scold him, tell him to get inside before he caught his death of cold. Mandy would have ushered him into the house and brewed him a steaming mug of chamomile tea to ward off infection or made him a mustard plaster and insisted he wear it for three days. She was bossy like that, always thinking she knew what was best for him.

He loved that about her.

Well, it was better this way. Wasn’t it? He had lost Mandy, but with her gone, he’d be able to retreat back into his private life, never living in fear that his secrets would be found out, never having to face the debilitating shame that followed him like a shadow.

It was good she was out of his life. She wanted a part of him that no one was ever going to get.

He swiped his hand down the side of his face and shook his head to banish Mandy from his mind. When he thought about her, the dull ache in his chest would flare into bitter, raw pain. He could only take so much.

Cold and weary, inside and out, he bowed his head and tried to remember what it felt like to be happy, what it felt like to breathe without the weight of the world pressing on his chest. He’d lost Mandy, and much as he wanted to deny it, he knew he’d never breathe properly again.

A light glowed inside the house. Dat was awake. He should be. It was almost dinnertime.

Noah wanted to walk into that house less than he wanted just about anything. He hated seeing his dat so broken, hated the burden of giving his dat all of himself until Noah Mischler had nearly ceased to exist. Hated to be reminded of what he had lost.

He slogged around to the front and opened the door. The smell of batter, deep-fat fried, accosted him. He’d made Mandy fried pickles. There wasn’t a thing left in the fridge. Noah pulled off his soggy boots just inside the door. He’d change into dry clothes before fixing dinner.

Dat sat at the table with a beer can in his hand. How had he gotten that? He didn’t look particularly drunk, but he was brooding. Tears trickled from his red-rimmed eyes.

“What going on, Dat?” Noah asked, moving slowly into the kitchen as if he were tiptoeing around a sleeping bear.

“Yost left me a note. He’s gone.”

“That’s right. He could only stay for a week. He left this morning.”

Noah jumped as Dat brought his fist down hard on the table, making the beer can bobble as if it would tip over. “What did you say to him?”

Dread pulsed through his veins. “About what, Dat?”

Dat sprang to his feet, sending his chair crashing to the floor behind him. He snatched a wadded piece of paper from the table and held it up like a torch. “He told me he’d only come back if I stopped drinking. He told me to be a man, as if I’m not his fater. As if I’m not the man who brought him into this world.”

Noah had never seen Dat this angry without being staggeringly drunk. Dat, usually so meek and contrite, seemed to grow claws and fangs as he stood there, scowling at Noah with hatred flashing in his eyes.

“You are his fater. And he loves you.”

Dat scowled and hurled his wadded note at Noah. It rolled near his feet. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing, Dat. Let me fix you something to eat.” He didn’t mention that there was nothing in the fridge.

In one swift movement, Dat charged at him and slammed him backward against the front door. Noah grunted in pain as his head hit the wood with stunning force. “What did you say to him?”

Breathless and dizzy, Noah tried to focus as his dat pinned him against the door with his big hands. Noah was stronger. He could have laid his dat flat with a hard fist to the chin, but he had never hit anyone before, not even his dat when he was in a drunken rage. He was a Christian, and Jesus said to turn the other cheek. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” What good was a vow of nonviolence if he didn’t keep it?

“You drove Yost away,” Dat yelled. “Just like you drove away your mother.” Before Noah could dodge it, Dat drew back his hand and punched Noah in the face.

Pain exploded inside his head, and he could taste the salty blood that seemed to fill his mouth. He held his breath as bits of light flashed in front of his eyes.

“She’s gone, Noah. She’s gone.” Dat swung his fist again but with less force this time.

Heartbroken and reeling, Noah grabbed his dat’s wrists and held him back with an iron grip. His dat had never struck out at him when he was sober. “Please don’t hurt me, Dat. I’m your son. I love you.”

Dat seemed snap out of whatever violent mood had taken control of him. Taking two steps back, he looked at his hands as if they were foreign objects he’d never seen before.

“This isn’t who you are,” Noah said breathlessly. “This isn’t who you are.”

With horror written all over his face, Dat stumbled backward and managed to find a chair. He sat, buried his face in his hands, and began to weep. “I’m sorry, Noah,” he sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

With an ache in his chest as wide as the sky, Noah found a dish towel to mop up the blood dripping from his mouth. He sat down next to his dat and gently massaged his jaw. Lord willing, nothing was broken even though it hurt something wonderful. Where was Mandy when he needed a cold potato?

They sat in silence until, after a few minutes, Dat cried himself out and the dish towel was stained with blood. Dat lifted his head, and his frown deepened as he examined Noah’s face. “I’ll get you some ice.” He found a tray of ice in the freezer, dumped some of it into another dish towel, and handed it to Noah. “That one girl cut you some potato, but we’re out. Whatever happened to her anyway? We never see her anymore.”

Noah cleared his throat. “She’s leaving for Ohio next week.”

Dat sat down. “Just like your mamm left me.” He waved his hand as if he were swatting a fly. “You and I, we don’t need them. We’re doing just fine the way we are. We don’t need any of them.”

That sounded like something Noah often told himself. “Nae, we don’t,” Noah murmured, placing the ice-cold towel on his face as he involuntarily tensed. Every muscle, every sinew, every tendon in his body told him it was a lie.

He closed his eyes and pleaded silently with God.
Heavenly Father, I’m stubborn and frightened and proud. My pride has kept Your grace from finding place in my heart. I’ll do anything You require of me, but please, give me the courage I need to travel the road. I need You. Please, show me the way.

Dat took another swig of beer. “If Rosie won’t do what God wants her to do and come home, then we don’t need her.”

Noah lowered his eyes. It wasn’t Mamm who was resisting God’s will. God had given Dat plenty of chances. He simply refused to take them.

Noah caught his breath. Was he so shortsighted that he could see Dat’s stiff-neckedness and not his own? God had already shown him the path and given him a nudge, but he had been too much of a coward to take the first steps.

How could he doubt that God had sent Mandy into his life? How likely was it that a girl from Charm and a boy from Bonduel would meet by coincidence? And yet, he’d squandered the gift. So afraid to let anybody into his heart, he’d held back, and she had sensed it. His fear of being humiliated had paralyzed him, and he’d lost Mandy because of it.

A girl like Mandy, with so much love to give, wouldn’t be content with just a piece of him. She deserved his whole heart, his whole life, even the parts he kept carefully hidden. She deserved his unconditional faith. If he loved her, then he would entrust the deepest parts of his heart to her, even though it would give her the power to crush him.

He hadn’t believed in the goodness of her heart or the power of her love. No wonder she had rejected him.

Noah gazed around the room. His dat sat at the table clutching a can of beer, the cupboards were bare, the fridge was empty, and he cradled a blood-soaked dish towel in his hand. His jaw throbbed painfully, and his heart ached as if he’d been impaled by a nail gun.

He didn’t want to live like this anymore. No matter the consequences, he wanted Mandy. He
needed
Mandy.

He pressed against the gaping hole in his chest. Even though he had burned all his bridges with Mandy, he was strong. He would swim the divide between them. He would find the courage to win her.

No matter how terrified he was.

Mandy slumped in her chair, exhausted from trying to pretend that she was having fun at her own party. Truth be told, she wanted to shut herself in her room and wait for Peggy to take her to the bus station. She’d already packed her small suitcase. It sat expectantly on her bed with her coat and black bonnet, ready for the trip back to Charm tomorrow. The bus left at 11:10 in the morning. She wished she was already home.

The great room teemed with bodies. Mammi had ended up inviting twenty-two young people to the party. She had originally invited sixteen boys and no girls, plus Mandy’s cousin Titus, who didn’t count as a prospective husband. Mandy had talked Mammi into inviting at least a few other girls. “I can’t marry all of them, Mammi, and the boys will get bored with only one girl to flirt with.”

To Mandy’s great relief, Mammi had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to pick out a few girls to attend Mandy’s going-away party. She’d invited Kristina, Dori Rose, and the three Sensenig sisters. Katie Sensenig was well into her thirties, but Mammi couldn’t be talked into inviting a wider selection of girls. She wanted to be sure that Mandy got her first pick of the boys, no matter what.

No matter that she’d met them all before and wasn’t interested in a single one. No matter that the boy she wanted wasn’t even at the party. He didn’t dare go to parties. Too many people asked too many questions he didn’t like to answer.

Mandy chastised herself for letting Noah Mischler creep into her thoughts when she still needed to muster a few smiles before the party ended.

The ending couldn’t come soon enough.

Kristina sat next to Mandy, energetically punching buttons on her phone. Periodically, she would giggle hysterically and steal a glance at Davy Burkholder, who sat across the room on the sofa texting her back. Why they couldn’t have a conversation like normal people was beyond Mandy’s ability to comprehend. Still, they seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely. Who was Mandy to judge? It wondered her what would become of their relationship when one of them got baptized and was forced to give up the cell phone. Would they get bored with each other? Would they have anything to say face-to-face?

Mandy and the rest of die youngie were playing a wild and perilous game called Do You Like Your Neighbor. Dawdi had pulled out all the folding chairs they owned, plus all the chairs from around the table for the game. Everyone sat in a circle in the great room while one person stood in the center of the group.

Freeman Kiem happened to be in the center at the moment. He approached Arie Sensenig and asked, “Do you like your neighbor?”

Arie grinned as her eyes darted around the room. “Nae,” she said, putting the rest of the players on alert.

“Whose neighbors do you like?” Freeman asked.

Arie grinned wider and batted her eyelashes. “I like Paul’s neighbors.”

The boys sitting on either side of Paul and the two people sitting on either side of Arie leaped to their feet. The object was to trade places with the neighbors without losing your seat. As soon as Titus gave up his chair, Freeman slipped into it. Benji Troyer, one of Paul’s neighbors, ran as fast as he could, but Luke Miller beat him to the other available chair next to Arie. Benji was left standing in the middle while everyone else laughed at his expense.

Benji grinned and groaned. “Luke, you stole my seat.” He walked up to Dori Rose, who exploded into a fit of giggles before Benji even asked her the question. “Do you like your neighbor?”

Dori paused for dramatic effect. “Yes!” she squealed.

The entire room seemed to erupt as everyone was required to jump up and find another seat. It was Musical Chairs times ten. Mammi and Dawdi did not play this game. One of them would have broken a hip. Instead, they stood in the kitchen watching the mayhem with amusement.

Mandy avoided the chaos by sliding into the seat next to hers, which was technically against the rules, but she didn’t have the heart or the energy to actually stand up and scramble for a different seat. Titus, who seemed to like to run around and around just for the sake of running, ended up in the middle.

Laughter skipped through the room as the game players settled into their seats. At least everyone else was having a gute time at her farewell party. Hopefully, Mammi wouldn’t even notice how miserable Mandy was. She felt as if gloom hovered over her like a cloud of gnats. It was all she could do to keep from ruining the night for everyone else with her dismal disposition.

They heard a knock, and Mandy felt nearly dizzy with surprise as Noah Mischler let himself into the house. Longing and dread warred with each other inside her head. He was so handsome, so tall and muscular, she could stare at him for hours. But if he said one word to her, she’d disintegrate into a soggy pile of tears and hankies. Would it be too obvious if she sprinted to her bedroom with a sob on her lips?

“Noah!” seven or eight of the boys called at once. Oh yes. The whole community adored Noah. He was everybody’s favorite person because he was smart and could fix anything and didn’t have a selfish bone in his whole body.

When she dared a glance at his face, her heart sank. She tried to talk herself out of caring, but it was no use. Noah sported large purple bruises around his mouth. They looked a few days old, but were still clearly visible. She blinked back the tears.

The corner of Noah’s mouth curled slightly and his gaze landed on Mandy, piercing through her skull and compelling her to look away. She wished she could swat his gaze away like a fly. Why was he looking at her like that? Why had he even come? He hated parties, and a party where Mandy Helmuth was in attendance was to be avoided at all costs. Especially with a battered face.

“Noah, it’s so gute to see you,” Dawdi said, stepping forward to take Noah’s hand and slap him on the back. If only Dawdi knew that Noah was responsible for the dull, throbbing ache that was Mandy’s constant companion, he wouldn’t have been so friendly.

At least Mammi didn’t gush. She had no inkling that Mandy and Noah meant anything to each other. Mandy sniffed and studied her fingernails. They
didn’t
mean anything to each other. There was nothing for Mammi to see. “Cum reu, Noah,” Mammi said. “Pull a chair into the circle. They seem to be playing some sort of game.”

Nobody said anything about the bruises as Noah took a few hesitant steps closer.

“Jah, Noah,” Titus said. “Come play.”

Noah took off his hat and fingered the brim. He shuffled his feet nervously as if deciding whether he should stay. “What are you playing?” he said.

“Do You Like Your Neighbor,” Titus said. “Have you played before?”

Noah swallowed hard, as if forcing down his fear, and pulled the last chair from under the table. Paul and Melvin made room for his chair between them. “I know how to play.”

Mandy folded her arms and did her best not to stare. If Noah could be comfortable being in the same room with her, then she could endure being in the same room with him. Maybe he’d already moved on without her. Maybe he didn’t care anymore.

She bit her tongue to keep from losing her composure and reminded herself that this was the way she had wanted it. She deserved to be loved with Noah’s whole heart, not merely what he was willing to share with her.

Titus wasted no time in strutting up to Noah. “Noah, do you like your neighbor?”

Noah’s gaze traveled around the circle, alighting on hers and holding her captive with the pain and hope she saw there. Her heart did a cartwheel and three backflips.

“Yes,” he finally said.

The room erupted again as people jumped to their feet and scrambled for a free chair. Mandy didn’t move. She’d lost the strength in her limbs. If she was lucky, they’d banish her from the game for cheating.

When the dust settled, Noah stood in the middle of the circle slowly turning around as if to make sure everyone else had a seat. For such a crazy game, he appeared as calm as a lake on a mild summer morning.

He stood in silence for a moment, glancing at Mandy, glancing away. His breathing grew heavy as he pressed his lips into a rigid line and slid his hand down the side of his face.

“Come on, Noah,” Titus said. “Pick somebody else.”

With his feet securely planted, Noah turned his head in Titus’s direction. “Can I interrupt the game for a minute?”

“Do you want to sing us a song?” Freeman asked, chuckling as he balanced himself on the two back legs of his chair.

Noah cracked a smile and turned back to face Mandy again. “Nae. I need . . . I just need to . . . tell you something. Can you spare a few minutes?”

Everyone nodded, curious as to what could be so important that he would interrupt the game. Everyone except Mandy, Kristina, and Davy. Kristina and Davy were glued to their phones. Mandy didn’t breathe for fear of upsetting some sort of delicate balance.

Noah took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “Most of you know that my dat has been drinking ever since my sister Edi died. I appreciate all of you for pretending that nothing is wrong, for not treating me any differently than you would the bishop’s son or daughter. I . . . I want to thank you for that. For sparing my feelings. For trying to protect me. You know how ashamed I am about it.”

Everyone froze as if time had stopped. No one seemed to even be breathing. Mandy certainly wasn’t.

“But most of you don’t know how bad it’s gotten for us. A week ago last Tuesday, my dat and my brother Yost had a fight about my dat’s drinking. Yost was brave enough to confront him about it. I never am.” He pinned Mandy with an intense gaze. “I’ve been a coward.” He bowed his head and concentrated his gaze at the foot of Mammi’s rocker. “After the fight, Dat got drunk and ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.”

Katie Sensenig gasped.

“He’s okay.” Noah brushed his hand across his mouth. “But on Friday he was so mad, he punched me in the face. He’s done it before. A couple of weeks ago he gave me a black eye.” He glanced at Mandy again, and the tenderness in his eyes stole her senses. “Mandy helped me hide it. She’ll never know how grateful I was for that.”

Breathlessly, Mandy stared at him. What was he doing? What gave him the courage to reveal his most horrible secrets?

“I don’t say this to speak ill of my dat. He’s had a hard time of it. Our whole family has. I’ve been hiding from everyone because I’m so ashamed.”

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” Freeman Kiem murmured.

Noah laid a hand on Freeman’s shoulder. “Denki for saying that. But I should be ashamed. Ashamed that I haven’t trusted any of you enough to share my burden. I feared you’d all turn against me.”

Freeman shook his head. “We would never do that.”

Noah looked at the eyes glued to his. “If any of you are uncomfortable being around me, I understand. I know that some of your parents won’t want you to associate with me. I understand that also. But I’m hoping that you will help me with this burden. I’m tired, so tired, of carrying it myself.”

Mandy couldn’t help the tears that trickled down her face.
Noah, I want to help you carry this. Will you let me?

Melvin Lambright spoke up. “What can we do?”

“I need to talk about it. I need you to ask me how I’m doing. I don’t want anyone to tiptoe around the subject anymore. Denying that it’s happening only gives it more power.”

Several of die youngie nodded their agreement.

He turned his eyes to her again. “Mandy helped me find a counselor,” he said, “and I’ve started going to meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics in Green Bay. The bishop has approved it.”

His brief glance told her he’d done this because of her. Because he didn’t want to lose her. Because he loved her. An overwhelming feeling of tenderness spread through her body and pulsed in her veins. He had braved the shame and the humiliation for her. The thought took her breath away.

“Most of all, I need your prayers.”

“We’ve already been doing that,” Dawdi said.

Noah nodded. “And I’ve felt them. I haven’t always listened to God’s guidance, but I know He’s tried to get through to me. It will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m going to stop enabling my dat—that’s a new word I learned in my first meeting. I’ve moved in with my horses. I might get stepped on, but at least I won’t get hit.”

Titus, her loveable, heart-of-gold cousin, stood up. “You’re not going to stay in that shed all winter. Come home with me. You can have Ben’s old room.”

Mandy wanted to lay thirty wet kisses on Titus’s face.

Noah shook his head. “I don’t want to impose.”

Titus hooked an arm around Noah’s neck. “My mamm will be wonderful angry if you don’t come. And you don’t want to see it when she gets angry.”

The gesture was too much for Noah. He let out a muffled sob and jabbed at the tears in his eyes. “Okay,” he managed to say before speech became impossible. He tugged Titus in for a sturdy hug.

After a minute, Titus struggled free. “I’m too scrawny. You’ll cut off my circulation.”

Noah was soon surrounded by the boys who thought so highly of him, offering him support, housing, and groceries if he needed them.

Mandy stayed firmly rooted in her seat. Would she float off the ground if she tried to stand? Or maybe trip all over her shaky legs and end up face-first on Mammi’s rag rug?

It appeared that the game was over. Kristina scooted next to Mandy. “Noah will never get a wife now. I tried to warn him. He lost his chance with me when he refused to answer my texts.” She opened her phone and pumped her eyebrows up and down. “Davy Burkholder likes it when I text.”

Mandy could barely keep a fraction of her attention focused on Kristina. She lost sight of Noah as more and more of the boys at her farewell party wanted to shake his hand and offer support. Mandy would have liked to kiss him, but she didn’t think she was going to get her wish anytime soon.