How to Rope a Real Man (26 page)

Matt hadn’t thought about it from that angle. When he’d first met Carson, his intuition had sensed violence and volatility. Matt had thought him a bully. He hadn’t seemed that way at the café, more like an average Joe with a chip on his shoulder who was having the carpet yanked out from under him. But what if he was a bully? What if he was worse than that—an abuser? Matt’s mouth went dry. “You’re absolutely right.”

“No shit, I’m right.” Jake backtracked into the house and grabbed something from the wall just inside the door. The next thing Matt knew, Jake had fastened a belt around his jeans, clipped a pistol to his waist, tucked a hunting rifle under his arm, and grabbed Jenna’s purse.

“What are you going to do?” Tara asked him. Matt was wondering what his plan was, too.

“Matt and I are going to drive to Jenna’s place to make sure she’s okay.” He stowed the rifle and purse in the backseat of Matt’s car. “You can go back to hating her guts after we figure out what’s going on.”

Matt was confused about when dealing with Jenna’s issues had become a
we
situation for him and Jake, but as he processed Jake’s concerns, he grew more worried about Jenna’s well-being—and kicked himself for flying off the handle without hearing her out. “I don’t hate Jenna. I love her and that makes this whole mess even worse.”

“I bet it would.” Jake backtracked at a trot, lassoed Tara around the waist, and planted a kiss on her lips.

She grabbed a fistful of his beard below his chin. “Be safe.”

“Jesus. You chicks and your safety bullshit. How about you assume I’m never playing it safe and stop worrying about it?”

“Easier said than done.”

He grunted. “Are you still going to be here when I get back?”

“How long are you going to be gone?”

“No idea.”

“Yes, I’ll still be here.”

He smacked her backside. Hard. “Good answer.”

Matt winced and scrambled to find his mental delete button as he slid behind the wheel. Jake dropped into the passenger seat with a sigh as Matt turned the engine over. “Explain why you’re coming with me, again?”

“Backup, dude.”

Backup with multiple firearms and an active-duty LAPD SWAT officer. Hard to complain about that. If Carson was a bad seed, Matt and Jake were more than ready to take him on.

Jenna and Rachel took up positions on either side of the front door far enough away that they’d be clear of gunfire should Carson shoot at them. Jenna tucked her body behind the door frame leading to the kitchen, her torso at an angle that afforded her a clear shot should she need to take it. Rachel was similarly posed in the threshold to the hallway.

Looking across the living room at Rachel, Jenna felt her strength return in spades. With her sister as her partner, they’d defend this house and the peacefully sleeping child inside it. Like elephant matriarchs, they were women banding together, circling the wagons, protecting their own.

“I’ve been in a lot of situations with you over the years, Rach, but never one where we were both armed and dangerous.”

Rachel flashed the barest of smiles. “There’s no one else I’d rather be armed and dangerous with. Except Vaughn. And he’s on his way.”

“How do you do it? How do you give yourself over to a man like that? You have total trust that he’s going to come through for you.”

“It wasn’t always like that. Trust is a process. Don’t go believing that we started out this solid. You know what we went through to get to this sweet spot. Like Jake said at Amy’s wedding, ‘True love isn’t about finding someone you can live with; it’s about finding someone you can’t live without.’ It took me and Vaughn a while to figure out that we couldn’t live without each other.”

Jenna had loved that quote when she’d first heard it, thinking it the most romantic idea in the world. But she didn’t buy into the sentiment anymore. She could live without Matt. She was strong and capable and used to being alone. She’d live without him, no problem—it was just that she didn’t want to. She wished she were an indispensible part of his life, but clearly he could live without her, too. Was she doing love wrong, like she did everything else?

It didn’t matter now. What would Carson want with her and Tommy? Would he want parental rights? If he did, what in the blazes was she going to tell Tommy?

Rachel motioned toward the door. “You want to talk to him like this? Figure out what his intentions are?”

Jenna took a steadying breath, then called, “Carson, you’re going to have to talk to us through the door, because we’re not opening it. You’re not going to open it either because Rachel and I have guns trained on it.”

“Jenna might’ve missed you the last time she tried to shoot you,” Rachel added, “but I don’t miss and I doubt Jenna will again. Go ahead and tell us what you want.”

The pounding stopped.

Jenna and Rachel exchanged anxious glances. In the yawning silence, Jenna whipped her head around to look at the pane of glass in the back door. She wasn’t sure where to look. Carson knew about that door. The two of them used to sneak into this cottage as teenagers, when it was vacant after her dad had laid off the foreman because they couldn’t afford his salary.

“Carson, you still there?” she called. Then she held her breath.

“He’s five, Jenna. Your son. I asked around.” Carson’s muffled voice had a weary edge to it. Weary and hurt. “He’s five. You lied to me about his age and I can only think of one reason why.”

Holding the rifle in one hand, she silently lifted a kitchen chair and crept toward the front door, as she had the first time Carson came knocking. She balanced on it and peered through the crack in the blinds. She could see the tops of his knees from where he sat, elbows propped on them, head cradled in his hands and his back resting against the wall beneath the window.

He didn’t look like a man on a rampage. He looked like a man who’d been stunned witless by news he’d never expected.

“Carson?”

“What are you doing?” Rachel hissed at her.

Jenna shot her a wide-eyed look. “It’s okay.” Toward the door, she called, “If I open the door, are you going to hurt me?”

“Damn it, Jenna. No. I don’t hurt women. Not even lying bitches aiming guns at me. We have to talk about this face-to-face. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth.”

Standing with one hand on the dead bolt, the other on her rifle, Jenna whispered a prayer for strength and clarity. In her periphery, she saw Rachel assuming a position behind her. As Jenna turned the lock, she kept praying until peaceful resignation to her fate settled over her. She scrubbed a hand over her face, then rotated her jaw to loosen it, took one more cleansing breath, and opened the door to the night and looked straight into the barrel of Carson’s gun.

Jenna slipped her finger to the trigger of her rifle and planted her feet, lest she stumble back and give Carson an opening to get in the house. “I thought you said you didn’t hurt women.”

“I don’t, but when I get guns pointed at me, I point mine back. Chalk it up to a strong sense of self-preservation.”

Headlights rounded the corner of the hill leading to Jenna’s cottage.

Carson’s eyes shifted between Jenna and the approaching vehicle. “Who’s this going to be?”

“Probably someone from the sheriff’s department. We made the call when you showed up.”

“You bitch. You just can’t stop screwing me over, can you?”

The vehicle turned slightly, and Jenna recognized the shape and red paint job immediately. Her heart sank. Oh God, what was he doing here? Jenna didn’t think she could handle any more hits. “It’s Matt.”

Matt parked next to Carson’s truck. Jake was in the passenger seat. Both were armed, by the looks of it. Matt was halfway out of his SUV before the engine died. He and Jake assumed protected positions behind the SUV’s doors.

“Police! Drop your weapon,” Jake barked in a razor-sharp, authoritative tone Jenna had never heard him use before.

Carson swung his handgun toward the car. “Think again. Who the hell are you?”

“First Lieutenant Jake Reed, SWAT Division of the LAPD, and I’m not dicking around. Kneel slowly and set your gun on the ground. That’s the last time I ask. Next time, I squeeze the trigger and let me tell you, son, you won’t be the first person I’ve shot. You wouldn’t even be the first person I’ve killed. I’ve had a shitty week, and I’d love nothing more than to blow that fucking gun out of your hand.”

Jenna was like a lioness. Ferocious. Matt had never seen her equal.

Carson was bad news, but she and her sister were facing him down with so much ballsy courage, he couldn’t help but be proud of her, even though he was terrified at the sight of Carson’s gun. By the looks of it, Matt and Jake had gotten there in the nick of time.

As soon as he and Jake had rounded the hill to Jenna’s house and seen guns, Jake had asked to take lead and Matt was more than happy to let him, given the guy’s considerable experience with these types of volatile situations. Ensuring Jenna and Rachel’s safety was his only goal.

“Jenna, disengage your firearm and set it on the ground. Rachel, you, too,” Jake called.

Both Jenna and Rachel held steady, their guns aimed at Carson. “Like hell I will,” Rachel said.

He glanced her way, clearly taken aback by her noncompliance.

She shot him a sidelong look and held her revolver steady. “He wouldn’t be the first man I shot either.”

Jake’s expression took on an amused gleam. “That’s how it is, huh?”

“Tell you what,” Rachel said. “I’ll let you shoot him first.”

“You can both go to hell. I’m setting my gun down now,” Carson said. He lowered into a squat, then set his handgun on the ground.

Matt couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to get to Jenna’s side and make sure she was okay. “I’ll get his gun,” he told Jake.

“Roger that.”

Matt jogged between Jenna and Carson, picked up the handgun from the ground and checked to see if it was loaded. It was. He tucked his rifle under his arm and looked at Jenna. “Are you okay?”

She nodded.

He looked her over, just in case, but the wounded look in her eyes was the only injury he could see. And fear, plenty of fear. Gently, he took the rifle from her hands and unloaded it.

Standing in front of Jenna like a shield, he turned to Carson. “Are you going to play nice? Because if you want to get into it tonight, I’m all for that. Let’s take it away from the women. It’d be fun to let you try to kick my ass. Say the word.”

Carson stood again, shifting his weight restlessly, a hand braced on the back of his neck. “I’m just trying to talk to Jenna.”

“Then you’re going to have to talk to her over me,” Matt said.

Carson huffed. “Or what, Champagne Killer? You gonna throw a glass at me?”

Matt raised the handgun, aiming it at Carson’s middle. “I’m pretty sure this nine-mil would do the job just fine. I don’t recommend you test me to see if I’m bluffing.”

Carson got the point. His head of steam cooled off and his shoulders lowered. “All right. Fine. Have it your way. But I need some answers and I’m not leaving until I get them.” He angled a look around Matt at Jenna. “Why didn’t you tell me? All this time I’ve had a son and I had no idea. You kept him from me. Is it because I’m gay? Are you as small-minded as the rest of them?”

Carson was gay? Matt blinked as the information sunk in. Matt had gone and gotten instantly jealous, thinking Carson and Jenna would want to rekindle their old flame and it turned out the guy was gay? What a stupid, immature idiot Matt was. Jenna had tried to explain and he’d been too hotheaded and self-absorbed to listen.

Behind him, Jenna paced in a tight line. “You were my best friend. The only reason you being gay had anything to do with why I didn’t tell you is because you were gone and all I could think about was that a group of men in town hated who you were so badly that they nearly beat you to death. I was afraid they’d hurt Tommy if they found out who his father was.”

Beaten? For being gay? Matt had never heard talk of a hate element in Catcher Creek, but most small towns had them. It disgusted Matt that there were still certain parts of the state he loved where being different put a target on a person’s back. Carson stared at a patch of ground, looking as stunned by Jenna’s revelations as Matt was.

Finally, Carson roused himself. “I still had a right to know.”

Jenna threw up her arms. “You’re not getting it. I was nineteen—just a kid—and the way I saw my choices laid out was that I could keep your identity as Tommy’s father a secret and live here on the ranch, raising my child with the support of my family. Or I could’ve told your parents the truth, hoping you got the message, and left town for good in fear that whoever beat you up would come after us.

“For all I knew, whoever hurt you was powerful and untouchable by the law, and that your parents hadn’t gone to the police or taken you to the hospital in fear of retaliation. Other times I wondered if your parents were in on the beating. What if they were the ones who told Bucky, Lance, and Kyle your secret? I didn’t know who to trust or what to believe, so I made the best choice I could.”

“I thought you’d given up my secret.”

She shook her head. “Kyle found out all on his own. Kate spilled the secret the other night at Bunco. It turned out that he’d been at your house with Kate, and he’d gone through your stuff while you weren’t there. He found . . .” She scrunched up her face. “Let’s just say he found your stash under your bed.”

Carson cursed. He slammed his palm on his forehead and paced to the edge of the yard and back. When he looked at Jenna again, his expression had shifted to one of regret. “You were the only person I told that I was gay. I thought you’d betrayed me. I thought—”

On shaky inhale, Jenna shook her head. “You thought the worst of me on the turn of a dime. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain before you accused me of terrible sins and turned your back on me. Happens a lot to me, as it turns out.” She drilled Matt with a look that spoke volumes about how badly he’d hurt her.

Matt swallowed hard and held her gaze. He’d never felt lower in his life. If he spent the rest of his days on earth trying to atone for the way he’d wronged her, it still wouldn’t be enough.

“Do you understand now why I made the choices I did, Carson? Why I didn’t tell anyone, even my sisters, what happened that summer?” Jenna asked.

Nodding, Carson slumped against the side of the house. “I’m not supposed to be a father. I don’t have that dream. A lot of guys do, but not me. I’m only twenty-four, for shit’s sake. I can barely take care of myself.”

The front door creaked, opening. Tommy stood in the doorway, squinting, his blankie wrapped around his shoulders like a shawl and his stuffed dog dangling from his hand. “Mommy? I’m scared. I heard noises.”

All the guns disappeared, even Jake’s. Matt slid the safety on his rifle and set it on the side of the house, out of view. Carson leaned against the house, watching Tommy with a hand over his mouth, stricken.

Jenna knelt in front of Tommy. Her smile had an obvious strain to it. “Mommy’s fine. We were all talking and must have gotten a little loud. Sorry about that. You see? There’s Aunt Rachel and Uncle Jake. Matt’s here, too.”

Though Jenna lunged for him, Tommy darted around Jenna’s legs and ran to Matt. He threw his arms around Matt’s legs. “You didn’t tuck me in. I wanted to sing the cowboy song with you, but you didn’t even say good-night to me.”

Carson’s gaze was riveted on Tommy. He slid to the ground, his eyes huge and brimming with moisture. Even if Carson wanted to be in Tommy’s life, he sure wasn’t equipped to take that step tonight.

Just like that, looking at Carson, feeling Tommy hugging his knees, and seeing Jenna standing stiff and tall like a lioness, Matt had an out-of-body experience. Tommy needed him. Jenna needed him. He’d fucked up in the worst way, twisting his father’s philosophy about doing the right thing to fit his own agenda.

Doing the right thing wasn’t about protecting himself by turning his back on the people he loved. It was manning up and being whatever Jenna and Tommy needed so they could get through the challenges that lay ahead for them with Carson and with Jenna’s move.

He knelt, arms wide open. Tommy hooked his hands around Matt’s neck and held on tight. Matt lifted him into his arms. “Sorry about that, buddy. I love singing the cowboy song with you.”

“Is that why you came back? So you could sing with me?”

Matt gritted his teeth, getting a grip on his surging emotions. It was shameful how ready he’d been to cast Jenna and Tommy aside. “Of course. That’s our special song.”

Over Tommy’s shoulder, he met Carson’s wide-eyed stare. He couldn’t imagine what was going through Carson’s head right now. He probably didn’t yet understand the gift he’d been given in being a father to this precious little boy. That would take time.

If Matt could convince Jenna to forgive him, if they could overcome the damage they’d done to each other and forge a life, he’d have to share fathering Tommy with another man. He’d never seen that twist of fate coming. Not in his wildest dreams.

Even if Jenna couldn’t forgive Matt, at the very least Carson was going to need help figuring out how to be a dad. There was going to be a time of transition, and Matt loved Tommy and Jenna enough to help them through it, even if it broke his heart in the long run.

Jenna stood in a wide, defensive stance, her eyes locked on Tommy and the lioness intensity glinting in her eyes. Behind the ferocity, he sensed her personal pain. He could only imagine how raw and hurt she was with all that’d gone down tonight. Matt’s future hit him with perfect clarity. This family, however screwed up and unconventional it was, needed a leader. It was time to step up to the plate.

Matt buried his nose in Tommy’s hair. He smelled like dirt and ice cream and little boy. “How about I tuck you back in bed and we sing our song?”

“I could show you my superhero action figures.”

Matt tugged on the stuffed doggy’s ear. “Let’s do that tomorrow, okay? Ruff Ruff needs a good night’s sleep. I think I just saw him yawn.”

As if the word triggered it, Tommy yawned and burrowed his face into Matt’s shoulder.

Matt walked toward Jake, who still stood alert in case Carson turned volatile again. Giving Jake a look that he hoped expressed how grateful he was that Jake had insisted they come back here, Matt handed him Carson’s gun. Jake unloaded it and nodded back, clearly getting the message Matt was imparting.

Matt carried Tommy back to the house, stopping in front of Jenna. Their eyes met and held. Her jaw was tight and her eyes watery, but she radiated a toughness that held him in awe—like she was ready to fight the world rather than let it kick her any more while she was down.

Emotion tightened his throat. “I’m not leaving,” he said. Jenna flinched, but otherwise her expression remained unchanged. “I’ve got this. And I’ve got you. And I promise I’ll never let you down like that again.” The iron will in his tone surprised him. So this was what it felt like to really be all-in. Whatever determination he’d felt before to make a relationship work with Jenna, it paled in comparison to the resolve pumping through his blood now.

Wrenching her face away, she hugged herself.

Matt swallowed. Rebuilding their trust would take time, he knew. Meanwhile, they all had a little boy to worry over.

He turned his focus to Carson, whose attention hadn’t left Tommy since he’d come outside. Matt tipped his head toward the door. “I’m going to tuck Tommy in bed. You want to come? You might as well start learning ‘The Cowboy Lullaby.’”

Carson’s gaze shifted to Jenna as though seeking permission.

Jenna’s statuelike expression cracked. Mashing her lips together, she nodded.

With a sigh, Carson focused on his feet and shook his head. “I don’t think—”

But Matt wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. “I know you have a lot to process, but it’d be good for you to just stand in the hall and listen and start taking it all in.” He shifted Tommy’s weight to his left arm and hip, then offered Carson a hand up. “I’ll help you through this, man. You and me and Jenna, we’re in this together, okay?”

After a pause, Carson accepted Matt’s hand up and stood. His eyes rolled around with a slow blink, like he couldn’t yet believe the turn his life had taken tonight.

Tommy squirmed in Matt’s arms to look at Carson. “You’re going to listen to the cowboy song too?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Carson croaked, his gaze flitting to Jenna and back. He cleared his throat and held the door open for Matt.

Once they were inside, Tommy rested his chin on Matt’s shoulder and looked speculatively at Carson, as though sizing him up. “Matt’s going to be my daddy.”

Damn, he loved the sound of that. He wanted to ask Tommy what he’d think about him sharing the job with Carson, but it was too soon to know if Carson would do the right thing and embrace the gift he’d been blessed with. For Tommy’s sake, Matt prayed he would.