How to Raise a Jewish Dog (17 page)
Read How to Raise a Jewish Dog Online
Authors: Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary,Barbara Davilman
Tags: #HUM007000
SPIRITUAL PROFILE
ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?____________________________________________
IF YES, WHICH DENOMINATION? CHRISTIAN _______ JEWISH _______ MUSLIM _______ BUDDHIST _______ HINDU _______ GENERAL NEW AGE
/“WOO-WOO” _______________________________
CHURCH/SYNAGOGUE/MOSQUE AFFILIATION?___________________
ADDRESS _________________________________________________
DO YOU TALK TO GOD?__________________________________________
DOES GOD TALK BACK TO YOU?_________________________________
DO YOU BELIEVE IN AN AFTERLIFE?______________________________
DO YOU THINK THE DOG’S OWNER WILL GO TO HELL FOR LEAVING THE DOG WITH A STRANGER?__________________________
PERSONAL BACKGROUND
DID YOU GROW UP WITH A DOG?________________________________
WAS THE DOG A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY OR A PET?_____________
WHERE OR FROM WHOM DID YOU GET THE DOG?_______________
WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOG?_________________________
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DOG-SIT NOW?_______________________________________
DID YOU HAVE A DOG BEFORE (AFTER LEAVING HOME)?________________________________________
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG? __________________________________________
IF THE DOG DIED, WHAT DID THE DOG DIE OF? __________________________________________
PREVIOUS VET’S NAME AND NUMBER ________________________________________
SPECIALIST’S NAME AND NUMBER______________________________
DO YOU OWN A DOG NOW?______________________________________
NAME ____________________________
AGE ______________________________
WHAT BREED? ____________________________
NICE?___________________________________
WILL SOMEONE ELSE DOG-SIT YOUR DOG WHILE YOU’RE DOG-SITTING MINE? __________________
IF YES, DOES YOUR DOG SITTER HAVE A DOG? __________________
WHO WILL DOG-SIT YOUR DOG SITTER’S DOG WHILE YOUR DOG SITTER IS DOG-SITTING YOUR DOG WHILE YOU ARE DOG-SITTING MINE? _________________________
(REPEAT THIS QUESTION UNTIL ARRIVING AT A DOG SITTER WHO DOES NOT OWN A DOG HIM/HERSELF.)
WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE DOG SITTER WHO DOES NOT OWN A DOG? _______________________________
PHONE NUMBER _______________________________
CELL NUMBER __________________________________
IF YOU AREN’T MARRIED, ARE YOU DATING ANYONE NOW? ___________________________
LIVING WITH? _______________________________
PLAN TO GET MARRIED? ________________________
BIG WEDDING? _________________________________
DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? ________________________
WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY? __________________________
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? ________________________________
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE? ____________________________
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU ABSOLUTELY HATE? ________________________________
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? ________________________________
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? _____________________________
DO YOU HAVE TIVO? _________________________________
DO YOU WATCH HGTV? OR ESPN?_______________________________
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF FOOD? ________________________________
ARE YOU MAC OR PC? _________________________________
WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? __________________________
OWN OR LEASE? ______________________________________
ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? ___________________
DO YOU LIKE TO GO TO PARTIES OR THROW THEM? _______________
DO YOU READ
PEOPLE
OR
THE NEW YORKER
? ____________________
DO YOU DO CROSSWORD PUZZLES? ________________________
IN PEN OR PENCIL? _____________________________________
REGULAR OR CRYPTIC? __________________________________
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET? _______________________________
WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU GO TO? ____________________________
DID YOU GRADUATE? _____________________________________
YEAR ___________________________________________
MAJOR __________________________________________
WHO’S YOUR OLDEST FRIEND? ____________________________
WHO’S YOUR NEWEST FRIEND? ___________________________
DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS OR A SMALL, TIGHT-KNIT CIRCLE? ___________________________
DO YOU HAVE SIBLINGS? ____________________________
ARE YOU CLOSE?_________________________________________________
DO THEY HAVE DOGS? ________________________________
DO THEY HAVE KIDS WHO COME TO VISIT YOU? __________________
DO YOU BELIEVE O.J. WAS GUILTY? _________________________
ARE YOU A DEMOCRAT OR A REPUBLICAN? ___________________
DO YOU VOTE? ______________________________________
DO YOU KNOW WHO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS? (Y/N) ________________________
WHO IS HE/SHE? _______________________________________
DO YOU KNOW WHO THE VICE PRESIDENT IS? (Y/N) ______________
WHO IS HE/SHE? __________________________________
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR STATE’S SALES TAX IS? _______________________________
HOW MUCH? _________________________________________
HOW MANY SUPREME COURT JUDGES ARE THERE? ____________
HOW MANY TIME ZONES ARE THERE IN THE UNITED STATES? __________________________
DO YOU BELIEVE IN UFOS? _____________________________
WHO IS STEVEN SPIELBERG MARRIED TO? ____________________
DO YOU KNOW WHO EDDIE IZZARD IS? ______________________
DO YOU PREFER FLORALS OR PLAIDS? ______________________
IF THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT AND BOTH YOUR DOG AND YOUR CHILD GOT HURT, WHO WOULD YOU TAKE TO THE DOCTOR FIRST? _______________________
WHAT IS YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE LIKE? ___________________
WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE WILL BE LIKE WHILE DOG-SITTING? _______________________________
WHAT SACRIFICES DO YOU ANTICIPATE HAVING TO MAKE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD DOG SITTER? ___________________________
WILL THE DOG GET TO RIDE IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH THE WINDOW DOWN? ________________________________
DO YOU BELIEVE DOGS SHOULD SLEEP IN THE SAME BED WITH THEIR OWNERS? ____________________________
SHOULD YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SEEN NAKED BY YOUR DOG? ________________________________
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR COMBINATION? _______________
NAME THE LAST THREE PEOPLE YOU HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH. ___________________________________
WHY (IN YOUR OPINION) DIDN’T IT WORK OUT? _____________________________
ARE YOU STILL “FRIENDS” WITH THEM? __________________________
DO YOU EXERCISE REGULARLY? _________________________________
DO YOU BUY THINGS OFF EBAY? _________________________________
DO YOU SELL THINGS ON EBAY? _________________________________
DO YOU PREFER PILATES OR YOGA? ______________________________
HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR CUT? ______________________
DO YOU LIKE TO TRY DIFFERENT STYLES? _________________________
DO YOU TRY DIFFERENT HAIR COLORS? __________________________
DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC? ______________________________
WHAT KIND? ____________________
HAS LIFE DISAPPOINTED YOU? _________________________
WHAT WAS THE LONGEST TIME YOU EVER WAITED ON LINE FOR SOMETHING? _______________________
WHAT WAS IT FOR? ______________________________
IF YOU’RE DRIVING AND TRAFFIC COMES TO A STANDSTILL, DO YOU GET OFF THE HIGHWAY AND TRY AND FIND ANOTHER ROUTE OR DO YOU WAIT
FOR TRAFFIC TO START MOVING AGAIN? ______________________
WOULD YOU LIE IN ORDER NOT TO HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS? ______________________________
ARE YOU A HEAVY OR LIGHT SLEEPER? __________________________
DO YOU MAKE/KEEP NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS? _______________
IF THERE WAS ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF YOU COULD CHANGE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? ____________________________
DO YOU PREFER POTTERY BARN OR CRATE AND BARREL? ______________________________
WHAT TYPE OF SNEAKERS DO YOU WEAR? ______________________
HOW OFTEN DO YOU BUY NEW ONES? __________________________
ARE YOU BRAND-LOYAL OR DO YOU BUY WHATEVER’S ON SALE? ____________________________
HAVE YOU EVER SENT A BOTTLE OF WINE BACK AFTER TASTING IT? ____________________________
DO YOU PREFER WATCHING FOOTBALL ON TV OR GOING TO THE GAME? _________________________________
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SANDWICH AS A KID? ____________________________________
WHAT WAS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO? ________________________________
WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD MORE TIME FOR? _______________________________
COMPLETE: CATS ARE STUPID BECAUSE __________________________________
There are no quantitative dimensions to the B.R.T.S.C.M.B.P.D.S.I.W.P.Q. Rather than try to score it, therefore, just read
over the candidate’s answers. By the time you get to the end, you’ll know if this is someone you want to trust with your dog,
and your home, in your absence.
Getting Older
F
or dogs as well as for humans, the process of aging seems to involve a series of trade-offs: We lose acuity in vision and
hearing but gain a more stable emotional equilibrium. We lose a certain amount of physical robustness but gain insight into
ourselves and others. Our memory isn’t what it used to be, and yet at the same time our memory isn’t what it used to be.
This is especially true for the owner and the dog he or she has been raising for a longer period of time. You both may suffer
a certain loss of physical vitality, but the relationship between you will have strengthened, matured, and grown. Lessons
the dog once had to be taught (or reminded of) with painstaking patience have long since been learned. Commands that formerly
required lengthy rhetorical or sarcastic questions now need only a word or two.
In fact, every aspect of the owner-dog relationship that we’ve discussed in the preceding chapters will, by seven or eight
years into the relationship, have changed in subtle but noticeable ways. We’ll review them now so you’ll know what to anticipate
in the future.
The inevitable changes that accompany aging can be seen in a comparison of two of the Inner Monologues belonging to “Jeff,”
an owner raising a Jewish dog. The first was recorded when he was thirty-three years old and had just acquired Flash, a one-year-old
wheaten terrier. The second was recorded after sharing a relationship with the dog lasting a dozen years.
EVOLUTION OF INNER MONOLOGUES: “JEFF” (OWNER, MALE)
Phase I: Age 33
WHOA!—THIS DOG IS NUTS! WHAT—HEY! HE’S PEEING ON THE FL——! OH, WELL. HE’S A PUPPY. HOW DO I GET HIM TO SIT STILL SO I CAN
PUT THE LEASH ON. DOES HE KNOW WHAT “SIT” MEANS? . . . OBVIOUSLY NOT. OKAY, FINE, JUMP AROUND LIKE A MANIAC. GOOD THING DEBBIE
LIKES YOU, PAL. YEAH, OKAY, KISSES, KISSES . . . GOTCHA! OKAY, OUTSIDE! OW! PULLING MY ARM OFF . . .
Phase II: Age 45
OH, GREAT. THE MAIL . . . GODDAMN IT. WHAT THE HELL AM I PAYING A THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE IF IT DOESN’T
COVER ANYTHING? OKAY, FINE. JUST—ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WHERE’S DEBBIE? HOW COME I’M ALWAYS THE ONE WHO HAS TO WALK THE DOG? AND
WHERE ARE THE KIDS? THIS IS THEIR JOB, GODDAMN IT. OW! GODDAMN IT . . . NOW WHAT? ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE OR WHAT? JESUS, DON’T
DO ME ANY FAVORS . . .
Of course, it’s not just the owner who benefits from the maturing of the relationship over the years. Here are the Inner Monologues
of Flash.
EVOLUTION OF INNER MONOLOGUES: FLASH (WHEATEN TERRIER, MALE)
Phase I: Age 1
FUN! YAY! JUMP JUMP JUMP! WHAZZAT!? IT’S THE LEASH! YAY! JUMP JUMP JUMP! WHAT? “SIT”? WHAZZAT? FUN! SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN
SPIN! YAY! OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! YA-A-A-A-A-YYY YAY! JUMP . . . JUMP . . . “SIT”? YAY! SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT! OUTSIDE!
FUN! OW! OH, “SIT”! OKAY. LEASH. HERE WE GO!
Phase II: Age 13
WHAT? OUTSIDE? WHATEVER. LEASH? FINE. LIKE I’M RUNNING AWAY SOMEWHERE. SIT? THAT I CAN DO. BELIEVE ME, SITTING IS NO PROBLEM.
THERE. SURE, LET’S GO. YOU’RE THE BOSS. OY. I NEED A REST.
This parallel evolution of the Inner Monologues of both owner and dog is characteristic of our Program for raising a Jewish
dog. You age, the dog ages, and the relationship ages. Eventually nobody remembers who is who.
It’s a sad truth about getting older that we—and when we say “we” we always mean, we humans
and
our dogs—become less able to remember things. We lose the ability to remember names, events, the location of objects we held
in our hands not two minutes ago, the spelling of certain words, the authors of books, the titles of books, and whether we’ve
actually read the books.
The dog, too, is subject to this deterioration of memory. An older dog will, for example, gaze blankly at a bedroom slipper,
rag doll, or other formerly beloved object, as though trying to remember why it looks familiar.
To assist both owner and dog with this problem, we have developed what we call the Pictorial/Informational Cueing System,
or PICS. We began with the informal folk remedy of posting sticky notes on mirrors, computer screens, refrigerator doors,
and so on, to remind people of phone numbers, errands, and the like. Then we thought, Well, why not go “all the way” and develop
a system of posting the names of appliances, furniture, et cetera, to help people remember what they are?
But then we ran into a problem. Yes, labels around the house would help the owner remember what was what—but how to help the
dog? Dogs, for all their miraculous abilities, can’t read, after all.
But they can see, and they recognize items by sight. So PICS calls for the owner to take snapshots of the most important items
in the dog’s daily line of vision and affix them to those items as a way of reminding the dog what they are.
