How to Light Her Fire! (2 page)

Consideration

Long before the lights go out, women are either getting turned on - or off - by how their mate looks at them, talks to them, and treats them during a typical day. If you’ve barked at her or expected her to work at a job and come home to prepare dinner alone, clean up afterward and get the kids ready for bed while you’re on the computer or watching tv, be prepared for a hissing cobra when you reach for her in bed. Women have almost photographic memories when it comes to their mates. They remember every little look you give them, every touch, and they can recite to the minute every time they asked you to help with chores and you refused. When you help with the dishes, you’re not just giving her a hand with the chores. To her, you’re showing consideration, of her workload and of her feelings, and you’re showing appreciation that she’s worked hard. She’ll remember that again and again, and she’ll be eager to consider your feelings when you think it’s important.

Exhaustion

The above consideration falls in line with exhaustion. Perhaps she’s interested in making love, but she’s too

tired. In today’s world, that’s a common occurrence. Women today are expected to raise the children, work outside the home as well as in, cook the meals, do the laundry, clean the house, be chauffer to the children, AND be a perfect mate for their husbands.

Well, I’m here to tell you, no one person can do it all. If you both feel it’s imperative for her to work, then be prepared to help her at home. Talk to her and work out a fair way to divide the household chores. Many men think

that since they take care of the yard, their ladies should take care of the house. But stop and ask yourself this: how many hours of each day do you devote to the yard? Unless you’re different than most men, you spend an average of three hours once a week doing yard work. Your significant other, on the other hand, usually spends that much time each day on the house after working outside the home.

Maybe she does want to make love, but she’s truly too tired. Help her around the house. Do the shopping. Do the dishes. Even helping her clean up the kitchen means a lot. How about running the vacuum? The more you help her, the less tired she’ll be for you.

Hygiene, and One Big Turn-off

U
nless your woman is so aroused that nothing else matters except getting you in bed, she’ll be aware of your hygiene. Women are more concerned with cleanliness than most men, and most will avoid sex with a sweaty, dirty man. Sure, dirt turns on some women, just as a hairy, dirty woman appeals to some men. But most women like clean men. And those of you who are uncircumcised, that goes tenfold. Please wash yourself before attempting sex with a woman. And change your underwear. A big turn-off is urine-stained underwear.

I believe in bathing and love the smell of a clean body, but sometimes things happen and I don’t get a chance to do

the primping I’d like. The same with my mate. There were times with my long-term lover when I wanted sex right then and there, and I didn’t care that my man had gone far too long without a bath. Sometimes we’d look at each other, feel that certain something, and nothing else mattered.

When we’d go camping, for instance, the baths were few and far between. However, even when I was so aroused that I no longer cared if he smelled, I wanted him to have brushed his teeth.

The one thing I could never stand is a dirty mouth. Literally. For heaven’s sake, brush your teeth before kissing. If it’s not convenient, at least have brushed your teeth that morning so that pieces of yesterday’s dinner aren’t floating in your mouth. I know that’s gross, but that’s what some women think of before kissing. Men forget women like clean.

I had to ask my lover many times to please brush his teeth and I hated that, hated having to ask or remind him when he knew that was the only thing that truly turned me off. If he had been paying attention, he would have known. That one little issue became so big that we eventually parted company

I grew up watching ‘Leave It to Beaver’ and Rock Hudson and Doris Day movies, where the men went around in suits and the women cleaned house in heels and pearls. I do not live in that world, nor do I want to.

The only time I saw my husband in a suit was two occasions: at a friend’s funeral and our daughter’s wedding. Those were the two occasions I wore heels.

Clothing doesn’t matter . . . much. The only thing I truly can’t stand is when men wear baseball caps. It makes them look childish and even the most handsome man usually looks as if he has a small, warped head. If you want to wear a hat, get her to shop with you and help you pick something masculine, or even a little jaunty.

Beard Stubble

I know it’s been the fad for men to wear a dark stubble, and on TV, their women didn’t seem to mind. Some even found it sexy.

I never did.

It’s not that I hate the looks of a stubble. Instead, a beard stubble hurts. My skin is sensitive, and after a sex session, if my lover hadn’t shaved, I’d have flaming cheeks for hours. One time they were so raw that they bled. That’s no fun, and it made me back off at future times unless my honey had shaved. Not a good impulsive thing, but neither is bleeding cheeks.

Ask your woman how she feels about it. Talk to her about it as you should talk about everything in your lives.

What if you’ve done everything above and she still turns you down?

What about
Trust
, a major issue with women:

TRUST

Other than telling a woman you no longer love her, I don’t know of any deadlier words a woman can hear than, “I didn’t tell you the truth because:”

1) I didn’t want to hurt you

2) I didn’t think you could handle it,

3) I didn’t want to get you all upset, etc, etc, etc.

I don’t think any of them are the truth, except perhaps #3, and I’m not sure it’s out of consideration for the woman’s

feelings. I think they’re excuses men tell themselves to

escape the emotional aftermath of telling her the truth. You know it’s something that will probably hurt her, and often hurt turns to anger. Men have difficulty dealing with a woman’s anger, so they naturally want to follow their baser instincts and run like hell - or avoid the situation and lie by omission.

But let me tell you, no matter how you may try to avoid it, a woman will still be hurt when she finds out. And sooner or later, she will find out. When she does, if the truth didn’t come from you, it will be worse than anything you could’ve imagined, far beyond an outburst of tears or anger. What is lethal to your relationship is the loss of her trust and respect.

If you brace yourself and level with her, yes, there may be an emotional aftermath and repercussions. She may scream at you, call you every name she can think of, turn her back on you, whatever. But if you’re patient, and if she still loves you, she will forgive you. She has to; it’s built-in.

A woman forgives those she loves, such as her children, or she’d throw them out of the cave after the first time they yell and scream because their sibling had a prettier bone through his nose. Oh, she may make you suffer a while until she’s sure you’ve understood that what you have done is serious and has meaning, but most of the time she will forgive you—if you were man enough to be honest with her.

But if you lie to her and she finds out, you’ve truly lost. Her opinion of you as a man will have slipped, and even worse, she’ll never truly feel she can trust you again—even on the small issues.

One of the main things my husband told me when he wanted the divorce was that I didn’t believe anything he said. And he was right.

In the beginning and for many years, I thought every word he uttered came from directly above. After several years, I began to notice small things, like oh, he couldn’t call when he’d be home late because:

1) His cell phone battery went dead, or,

2) He was in an area with no signal

Then he’d come home with liquor on his breath and I knew he’d been drinking. If he’d been honest and called to say he’d run into a friend and they wanted to have a drink after work and he’d be home late, I would’ve been fine with it. I wasn’t my husband’s mother, so he didn’t have to ask permission, but it was a matter of
consideration
. I usually cooked dinner for both of us, and if I’d known he wouldn’t be there for dinner, I probably would’ve fixed a sandwich or even a frozen dinner for myself and not gone to the trouble of preparing dinner. I might have called a friend and gone to dinner with her. Consideration.

Then the big things started happening, like his reason(s) why I couldn’t accompany him on a business trip. To this day I don’t think it was because I’d dampen his style with other women; instead, I think he didn’t want to have to bother with me. After several years of asking to go and listening to several different excuses that my child would have been ashamed to say because they were so obvious, I began to doubt his word.

Yes, it would have hurt me deeply to learn I would be a bother. I would have cried, asked why, and denied that I’d get in his way. But eventually, I would have accepted it and not tried to convince him to take me on later trips. I may have felt so bad that I would’ve gone out and spent large amounts of money on clothes, or the house, or anything else to help me feel better. I would have been angry and hurt, but deep down I would still have respect for my husband.

As it was, I doubted my husband’s word, and because I did, I lost respect for him - as a husband and as a man.

That was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

Remember, guys. If she can’t trust you on the smaller issues, she won’t trust you on the larger ones.

Y
ou Were Right: Men & Women ARE Different

Women look different from men, smell differently, but most of all, we think differently.

Women react with emotions.

Now before I get a ton of outraged letters, I should explain that the emotional differences between men and women are not bad and they’re not something to overcome. I’m a woman and it’s simply how we’re made.

Man is equipped with broader shoulders for strength to go out and club a wildebeest for dinner and slim hips to run like hell from the rest of the outraged pack.

Women have breasts to feed the infants and wide hips to comfortably carry them before birth and afterward. We have emotions so that we care when our children hurt themselves or they’re hurt emotionally and/or physically by others. We have emotions so we won’t eat said infants when we’re exasperated with the little darlings. They’ll grow up and ooh and ahhh over future spouses so that spouse will, in turn, go out and bring down dinner. The human race has to continue, after all.

Now, we women know instinctively, or we should know, that we have to rave over what our spouses bring home, even if it’s only a rabbit and we needed a wildebeest. We have to feed not only ourselves and our children, but also our spouse’s large ego. Then they can strut in front of the other men and say, “See what I can do?” Which makes them eager to brave another pack of wildebeests the next time our bellies growl.

That’s not to say we can’t think logically. Just ask any woman corporate president or CEO. I’m simply saying we may arrive at the same conclusion a little differently. Our

processing is different. There are many books out there explaining the linear process, left and right brain waves, and anything else that tries to explain differences in thinking. It doesn’t matter why. What does matter is the sooner you realize we’re different, the sooner you can learn how to live with us.