How To Get Your Heart Broken (12 page)

"You
sound awful," she said quietly.

"Wow,
you really know how to beat a horse when it's down."

She shook
her head, already preparing to apologize.

"Relax,
it was a joke."

She nodded,
and then she stared at me like I was the most pitiful thing she had ever seen.

"Hey
Ash, you feel like going out for a while? I could use a favor."

"What
is it?" She asked eagerly.
 

"This
thing," I pointed down at the hospital gown I was wearing, "Not only
is it hideous, it's also really uncomfortable, and I would really love some of
my own clothes. I could really use my toothbrush too. And hospital food is
disgusting, would you mind picking up something for me? Anything will be
better."

She nodded
eagerly, "No problem. I'll be back as soon as I can."

She stepped
closer as if she were going to hug me, but then decided against it.

I waved as
she left. I figured I could put her out of her misery, at least for a little
while. I knew she didn't want to be there. I also knew that she would have
stayed day and night until I was released if I’d asked her to. I turned to
Jessie as the door clicked.

"That
was nice of you," he smiled.

"I'm a
sweetheart, you know," my sarcastic remark almost sounded genuine; there
was so little energy behind it.

He laughed,
"You really do sound awful."

I heard the
door open again and I saw Lauren come in, carrying a bouquet of roses.

"These
aren't from me," she said, like it was of the upmost importance for me to
know.

She placed
them on the table. "But if they were, the card would read, “Thanks for
ruining my life.” She put angry air quotes around her message, and then she
stomped back out dramatically.

"Quite
the resemblance," Jessie said after she'd left.

"She's
great," I said, not quite managing to roll my eyes.

"How
do you feel?" He asked.

"Like
crap," I replied honestly.

"I'll
get the doctor."

I wanted to
protest, but I really didn't have the energy. Soon he was back with that
strange doctor.

"Say
night-night," he said, holding up a needle like a mad scientist.

"Jessie,"
I mumbled as my lids grew heavy, "Thanks for coming."

I saw him
smile before I closed my eyes. I heard the door shut and my brain with it. Then
there was the caress of a hand on my cheek and a kiss on the forehead that I
couldn't strictly label as dream or real.

Kiss Me Kill Me

I woke up
to find Rachel sleeping on the chair beside me. I couldn’t help smiling at her.
As terrible as she could seem to other people, she was the one person I knew I
could always rely on. Her head was resting on the side of my bed, her mouth
open to an unflattering width. If I knew where my phone was, I know I would
have used this opportunity to take a picture that I could use for blackmail. I
sighed, tapping her head lightly to wake her up.

I waited
for her to reorient herself before asking, "What are you doing here?"

"Nice
seeing you too," she mumbled.

"You
don't have to stay here, go home." I croaked.

"The
food is so much better here!" She replied sarcastically.

"Speaking
of which," she grabbed a bag of fast food I assumed Ash had brought for me
from the table.

“It’s too
bad we can’t go on our runs anymore,” I said because I’d been making a mental
list of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do in the next couple of weeks.

“I know
you’re not actually sad about that,” Rachel said through a mouth French Fries.

I smiled.
She wasn’t wrong. But I enjoyed getting to spend that time with her. I liked
that she was the first person I saw in the morning, and I looked forward to the
end
of our runs, when we got to sit
in silence and watch the sunrise together. Those sorts of mornings would be
much rarer after the end of summer. Yet I knew she’d never let me hear the end
of it if I ever hinted at just how sentimental I actually was, so I said, “I
guess you’re right.”

She gave me
a knowing look, then added, “Anyway, you’ve been over Ryan for a while now.”

I froze for
a moment. Had she realized this before I even had?

I cleared
my throat and changed the subject. I’d noticed the plethora of bouquets around
me earlier.

“What’s
with all this?” I asked as I looked around the room.
 

"I
know right, it's like a freaking garden," she muttered in between chews.

“Didn’t
know I had this many friends,” I mumbled.

“You
don’t,” she replied with a giggle.

I ignored
her.

She started
pointing towards different bouquets, "Those four from your father. He's
sooo sorry
he couldn't make it.” But
hey, he spent $200 on assorted bouquets for you, and that’s what real love is!
That gigantic one with all the roses is from your mother, of course. The other
gigantic one with the sunflowers is from Jessie. And the oversized teddy bear
is from Julian and Ashton." She said the last part with disgust.

I raised an
eyebrow at her.

"I
know, isn't that obnoxious? They're already sending gifts as a couple.
Gross
."

Apparently
I’d only been here for two days, but I must have missed a lot if “Julian and
Ashton” even existed, let alone were sending gifts together.

"What'd
you get me?" I asked, watching her stuff her face with
my
lunch.

"Isn't
my presence enough?"

I gave her
a sarcastic smile. She picked up a large box of chocolates from the bedstand. I
smiled gratefully.

“You know
me so well,” I said, already salivating.

"You're
welcome," she said, taking another huge bite.

"Rachel,
I won’t be able to save you if you start chocking." I shook my head as I
opened the box.

"I
just haven't had one of these in
so long
,"
she said as she stared at the cheeseburger with hungry eyes.

"And
take your own advice," she added as I dug into the box of chocolates.

I guess I
hadn't eaten in a while, I was starving.

The door
swung open and I looked up guiltily at Ash, my mouth full of chocolate.

"Eli
what‒ Rachel!" She exclaimed. "That was for Eli!"

Rachel's
reply was incomprehensible, since her mouth was full too.

A second
later Jessie and Lauren entered together.

"Aww
how sad, no one ever introduced you guys to the concept of chewing,"
Jessie teased as he stared at Rachel and me.

"What
are you doing with her?" I asked, looking from Lauren to Jessie.

He cleared
his throat, "Ummm…nothing?"

"None
of your business," Lauren added. Jessie gave her a look of approval and
raised his hand up for a high-five, which Lauren met in excitement, as if
they’d always been the best of friends.
 

I looked at
them in bewilderment. I was about to say something else when Julian walked in.

"Hey
Eli, " he said casually, thought this was only the second time he had
spoken to me.

I waved
since my mouth was full again. If my mother was coming too I had to eat all the
chocolate I could before she got there.

"I'm
glad you're alive, because Jessie was wailing like a baby all last night, which
makes it
really
hard to sleep. I
wouldn't want to‒Oooooohhhhh!"

He was
silenced by Jessie’s not-so-subtle elbowing.

I stopped
chewing.

"I was
kidding," he groaned, hugging his stomach. "He didn't really
cry."

I stuffed
my face with more chocolate.

I watched
Ash walk over to Julian's side with a concerned look on her face; I guess they
really
were
a “Julian and Ashton”
now.

"Eli,
you should probably slow down. With a broken rib, I bet it will hurt like hell
if someone has to do the Heimlich on you," Rachel said.

“I have a
broken rib?” I asked, suddenly alarmed. I did not know the full extent of my
injuries, but a rib sounded like a terrible thing to break.

“Well,
bruised
they said. But your wrist is
broken, hence the brace. And you had a concussion. No more extreme sports for
you missy!" I inched away as Rachel tried to pinch my nose.

"What?
You mean I can't go bungee jumping next week?" I asked sarcastically. The
last thing I wanted to do right now was get anywhere near an extreme sport.

"You
know for once, I actually agree with Rachel," Ash added.

Great.

I slapped
Lauren's hand away as she reached for my chocolate.

"That
reminds me, where's my mother?"

"I
convinced her to go to the beach house and get some rest. I hid her phone, so
she’s stranded!" Rachel smiled proudly.

A sent her
a grateful smile. "How'd she get there?" I asked curiously.

"We
took her," Ash replied. I gathered the other part of that “we” was Julian
judging by the look Rachel gave me.

"Lovely
woman," Julian smiled. Either he was being sarcastic or my mother had had
a personality change. I heard Lauren snort at the comment.

I sighed,
"When can I get out of here?"

"Not
tonight," Rachel answered.

I groaned.

"Eli,
Julian and I are going to take Lauren to the beach house‒"

I laughed
as I watched Lauren protest fervently, as much as she didn't want to be here,
she certainly didn't want to be alone with my mother.
 

"We'll
bring you back some more food."

I couldn't
help smiling when I heard Rachel groan again, like Ash’s
“we”s
somehow offended her personally. I waved back at Julian and
Ash, smiling as Lauren angrily trudged behind them.

I turned
when I heard Rachel clear her throat. "Probably shouldn't have eaten that
so fast," she muttered. She walked out quickly, closing the door behind
her.

‘That was convenient.’

I smiled
awkwardly at Jessie.

"I
didn't cry," he said.

"Well
I sure hope not."
 

"But I
was worried."

I looked
down at the box of chocolates in my lap, suddenly fascinated by them.
 
I heard the screeching of the chair as he
took Rachel’s place.

"Eeeellllliiiii,"
he sing-songed, dragging out the syllables in my name.

"Hmmm?"
I asked, not looking up.

He snatched
the box from me. "Would you stop ignoring me?"

"I'm
not," I mumbled. I glanced up at him for just a second to prove my point
before staring back down at my lap and fidgeting with the fabric of the
hospital gown.

I shifted
uncomfortably when he placed his hand on mine, stopping the drumming of my
fingers on my thigh. I remembered how quickly he had removed it the last time;
I couldn’t deny that
something
had
changed.

He lifted
my chin so that I was looking directly into his eyes. It was unlike me to be so
shy, but I knew what was coming. I’d been trying to avoid it for a while now,
but it wasn’t like I could exactly walk out right now.

I stared, eyes
alarmingly wide as his hand moved to my cheek.

His eyes
were filled with an intensity that seemed completely foreign to me, especially
from him. Jessie, who never took anything seriously, who was always laughing
and joking. Jessie who was always so reluctant to tell me anything that meant
something, was staring at me like he’d found a treasure map in my eyes. Specks
of his crystal blue eyes sparkled as if they were little fireworks
displays.
 
The gasp that came out of me
sounded distant, as if it were from someone else.
 
And I was thinking of the two voices raging
in my head, the one telling me to snap out of it had never been so easily
overpowered. I was so entranced by the one telling me I should never blink; I
found myself paralyzed by it. I was thinking of the irony. I’d never been so
afraid of my own emotions, and I’d never been so at peace with being afraid.

And then he
kissed me.

I just sat
there like a dead fish, frozen in shock. He took a long breath when he finally
pulled away. I realized I'd been holding mine the whole time.

He stood
abruptly, the look on his face was completely…panicked.

I stared
blankly as he pushed the chair away from the bed, running his hands through his
hair like he was contemplating pulling all of it out. He stood and marched
towards the door, then he turned and looked back at me with that alarmed
expression again, and quickly walked out. You would have thought I had razor
blades for lips.
 

---

"We're
back!"

I jumped in
surprise when I saw Ash and Julian at the door.

She handed
me a large box of pizza, which I took gratefully. Eating all that pizza would
help keep me from wallowing in self-pity, even just for a little while.

"Eli…
are you okay?” Ash asked, referring to the way I was eating. An uncomfortable
silence hung in the air.

I stopped
chewing, looking up at her with a mouth full of pizza.

"Why
don't you go get her something to drink? I think all that pizza might get
stuck," Julian said to Ash, all the while staring at me apprehensively.

Ash nodded
at Julian before leaving again.

Julian and
stared at each other. I was grateful to him, for somehow knowing that I didn’t
want to fall apart in front of Ash, but I wished he would leave too.

"Are
you gonna cry?" He asked.

"Why
would I be crying?" I mumbled through another mouth full.

"I
don't know, but your eyes are getting all watery..."

I chewed
slowly and continued staring at him.

"Jessie's
acting weirder than usual."

"What
makes you think I had anything to do with it?"

"Because
you're crying..."

"I'm
not crying," I yelled, dropping the pizza I'd suddenly lost my appetite
for.

"Okay,
there's...liquid coming from your eyes that indicates emotional
distress..."

"He
kissed me," I confessed without knowing why.
 

"That
bad? I keep telling him to brush his teeth."

I laughed,
despite the fact that I
was
crying.
He handed me a box of tissues by a side table, which I took gratefully.

“Thank you.
I just need to get out of here; these past few days have really sucked,” I
admitted before blowing my nose.

He nodded
sympathetically, but remained silent. I didn’t blame him, I wouldn’t know what
to say to me either.

"I got
you iced tea...Eli?"

I looked up
at a confused Ash.

"Terrible
allergies, have you been keeping track of the pollen count? It's through the
roof," Julian said to her in explanation. I smiled gratefully.