How Not to Shop (17 page)

'I'm driving up with Bob,' Annie explained.

Svetlana gave that peculiar noise she used to express disapproval. '
Tcha!
It's not good. You not go home with Bob, you come in car with us. Nikki go with Bob,' she commanded.

'Now, vat I have to tell you . . .' Svetlana's voice sounded full of suppressed excitement, which was of immediate concern to Annie. There were only a few things that really excited the Ukrainian: and they were all related to mega-wealthy men and their mega money.

'Guess who phone me last night? At home on my personal number?'

'Igor?' Annie ventured, 'Igor Potato-face the Third?' she asked because if Svetlana was even thinking about a reunion, she needed to be reminded what a horror Igor had been.

'No! Igor. Tcha!' Svetlana made the disdainful noise again. 'No. A very interesting man. Also Ukrainian. He's called Uri and he has hedge fund, is vorth millions and he vants to take me to dinner!'

'Do you know him?' Annie asked.

'Yes, yes. He say we meet many times at parties when I am Igor's wife.'

'And he's never phoned you before?'

'No! And he get my home number! No-one has my home number. Everyone use my mobile. He loved the show.'

'He watches the Home Sweet Home channel?!' To Annie it didn't seem very likely.

'He hear from someone that I going to be on television, he find out about it and so . . . he is a very interesting man. He is going to take me out to celebrate my first appearance on television.'

'Erm . . .' Annie knew she was going to have to point out the obvious thing here: 'but darlin', does Harry know? Is Harry going along?' she ventured. 'You have told Mr Deep Pockets that you're getting married in a few weeks' time, haven't you?'

'Oh Annie!' Svetlana breathed an exasperated sigh, 'you not understand how it vorks. You never understand how it vorks.'

Tina pre-makeover

Grey turtle neck (Gap)
Black jeans (Gap)
Black ankle boots (Dolcis)
Total est. cost: £130

'I'm not good at clothes or make-up.'

'And that's everyone else arriving now.' Annie stood up and looked out of the window at the silver 4 × 4 pulling up in the street in front of Tina Balotti's flat.

She and Bob had arrived here half an hour earlier, so they'd had coffee with Tina and found out a little about her while trying to put her at ease. Tina was younger than Annie had expected. But then all Annie had been told was: 'Single mum, lives with her little girl, works full-time, contacted us herself.'

Then Finn had shown her a snapshot of a girl in a white duvet coat with long, wispy black hair and a sweetheart-shaped face.

'I think she's going to scrub up very, very well,' Finn had added. 'I think she'll be our knockout. She's got a good figure, a nice face, she just doesn't know how to make the most of herself. But by the time you three have finished with her . . .'

It turned out Tina was only 24, but she already had a 3-year-old daughter, her own flat and a full-time job. The flat was tiny but as it was only a few years old, it was bright, light and comfortable. Annie and Bob had squeezed onto the little sofa together as Tina served them mugs of coffee.

'Where's your gorgeous little girl?' Annie had asked, pointing at one of the many photos dotted all over the room.

'She's at my mum's today,' Tina replied. 'She does two days at nursery and three with her gran.'

'And you've got the day off. Lucky you!' Annie told her. 'You're going to have a fantastic time.'

The question 'So why did you get in touch with us?' had proved a little tricky for Tina to answer.

She'd shyly fumbled her way through an answer: 'Oh, I'm not good at clothes or make-up . . . I don't go out much . . . I mean, I'd like to go out more, but . . . since I've had Julia, I've been hidden away and I think I want to get out now . . . kind of.'

'Great!' Annie had encouraged. 'We're here to help you, give you all the good advice we can think of.'

Now that Finn and the others had arrived, Annie decided to go out and greet them.

Miss Marlise stepped down from the car, took one look around and declared, 'Oh my God, what a dump!'

Admittedly, Tina's block of flats was the only new one on the street; the rest looked as if they could do with some care and attention. But still.

'It could be worse,' Annie reminded her. At this Finn handed her a holdall and said, 'Better not leave anything in the car round here.'

When Annie realized she was carrying Marlise's holdall, while Marlise marched towards the house empty handed, she felt like dumping the bag down there and then.

But then Svetlana was at her side, wrapped in another fur coat because her high heels and glamorous dresses really didn't stand up to the chilly weather.

'Vhat the makeover voman like?' she wondered.

'Shy . . . quite sweet.'

'Another saddo?' Marlise turned to ask, having overheard Svetlana's question.

Annie wasn't sure how to reply to this because Cath, Jody and Tina hadn't struck her as 'saddos'. They were all just looking for the little push to take them to the next stage.

'She had a baby at twenty-one or something?' Miss Marlise snorted. 'Isn't that a bit sad?'

'Well . . .' Annie began, her hand gripping Miss Marlise's luggage, 'but she's got a flat, a job, her daughter's lovely. She just wants to get out more.'

'A mum at twenty-one. Talk about your life being over before it's begun,' Miss Marlise went on. 'What the hell am
I
going to be able to do for her?'

Leaving Annie open-mouthed in surprise, Miss Marlise marched ahead of them, her high-heeled patent boots rapping on the concrete path.

'I had my daughter at twenty-one!' Annie hissed at Svetlana, 'and I loved every moment of it.'

'Is very different if you have lovely man there with you. This girl single,' Svetlana pointed out. 'Verrrry different.'

By then they were at the doorway to Tina's home so there wasn't time for any more discussion.

Everyone was squeezed into the sitting room and introduced to Tina, who seemed to shrink a little with shyness.

After only a few moments of small talk, it was time for Finn to bring out his clipboard and get the shooting schedule started.

'If we do Tina with Svetlana and Miss Marlise first,' he began, making a quick check on his watch, 'the four of us will be able to check into the hotel and plan for our shoot tomorrow morning, which would be great, wouldn't it, girls?' He looked up at them for confirmation.

'Bob and Annie, if you do the shopping session afterwards you'll have all afternoon with Tina, you won't need to rush, and if it goes on past close of play, Bob,' Finn's voice dropped, 'obviously you bill me for the extra . . . How does that sound?' he asked cheerfully. 'Good? All happy? Wicked! Nikki, let's get Tina ready to roll.'

Svetlana's approach was quite interesting, Annie had to admit as she peeped out from the kitchen to see what was going on in the sitting room. Together, they were looking through Tina's photo albums, but flicking quickly past any cute baby and toddler shots of Julia and homing in on Tina's old boyfriends.

'This Julia's father?' Svetlana asked.

When Tina nodded in reply, Svetlana made her 'Tcha' sound.

'Big man,' Svetlana added. 'Can be frightening, no?'

Tina nodded again.

'Good you get rid of him – but you decide to keep baby?'

'My mum and dad helped me to make that decision,' Tina admitted.

'Ya. Verrry kind,' Svetlana said and Annie was surprised to hear the note of softness in her voice. She'd never asked Svetlana anything about her own mother and father, but she would try to do it the next time she got a chance.

'Are you going to look through Tina's wardrobe with her?' Finn wondered, when he was satisfied that he had all the footage he wanted of Tina with Svetlana and then Tina with Miss Marlise.

Annie's reply was simple: 'No. No need. I'm going to find all sorts of sensible work outfits and all kinds of practical mum outfits and we don't want any of that, do we Tina?' She shot Tina a smile. 'The girl wants to get out. She needs to get out. C'mon, grab your coat, I know just the place for you. Bob and I are whisking you off to Topshop.'

'How long has it been since you went shopping for yourself, sweetheart?' Annie asked as she watched Tina move around the brightly crammed rails, racks and shelves in one of Annie's favourite high street shops.

Tina really did look like a girl let loose in a sweetie shop. Her eyes were wide and she hardly dared to put out her hands to touch things, in case she was told that she wasn't allowed to have them.

Annie had once again been warned by Finn to keep the budget 'well below two hundred pounds if you can', but in this shop prices were low enough for that not to pose too much of a problem.

While Tina looked with confused curiosity all around her, Annie got on with the business of pulling out pieces for the changing rooms.

Looking at Tina's narrow hips and skinny legs, she guessed she was a 10 from the waist down, but a 12 on top. Annie's brief from Finn couldn't have been more clear: knockout dress or miniskirt and skimpy top, heels, big hair, full make-up. Ingredients to transform timid Tina into the bombshell Finn awaited.

Busily, she began to load up her arms with short dresses sprinkled with sequins, netted skater skirts, strapless tops, lots of shine, juicy colours and delicious textures.

Because the shop was busy, even on a weekday afternoon, the staff had obligingly cleared out the biggest style consultant's room for the filming session.

To Annie, each new outfit seemed to work better on Tina than the last. Underneath the baggy tops and scarves she'd been hiding a great figure, slim-hipped and long-legged but with boobs on top that she was clearly a little shy about.

'You need to learn to love those!' Annie insisted, hoicking her up into a corset top. 'That looks absolutely brilliant on you. I'm sorry, but you can't deny it.'

She stood back to admire Tina in the tight black top, teeny pink puffball skirt, black sheeny tights and high patent shoes. There was no doubt that Finn was going to love this look, but Annie could tell that the problem was going to be convincing Tina. She was scrutinizing herself in the mirror with something close to a scowl on her face.

'Let's ask Bob what he thinks,' Annie suggested. She pushed back the curtain and gestured for the cameraman to take a peek.

'Unbelievable!' was his appreciative comment. 'You look amazing, Tina! I can hardly recognize you.'

To Annie, he directed a thumbs-up and said, 'Finn is going to be very happy.'

Then he hoisted the camera up to his face and began to film.

But still Tina stood in front of the mirror on her long legs and scowled.

'What's the matter?' Annie wondered. 'Is it too much of a change? Too much of a surprise? But you are such a great-looking girl. I can't help feeling that the world should know! You've been hiding yourself away for too long.'

'It's just . . . it's just so . . . well, isn't it just a bit . . . obvious?' Tina asked finally. 'I mean,' she went on, 'miniskirt and boob tube and long hair and high heels. I mean . . . that's just too much.'