How I Lost You (16 page)

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Jack: 13 January 1991

Predictably, when Billy had been rejected from Cambridge he’d been gutted – and Jack had been there to cheer him up. At least he’d been accepted for his second choice, and that meant they were all going to Durham together. Billy had apologised over and over for attempting to ditch them all but Jack told him not to worry – after all, they were mates, and mates forgave each other, right?

They’d been in Durham four months and already Billy had forgotten that he’d ever wanted to go to Cambridge. This was living. Every night was just drug-hazed memories of parties and shagging. Women threw themselves at all of them, it was fucking amazing. Even Shakes was getting laid left, right and centre; in fact he was beating Mike, Adam and Matty hands down. The change in Billy over the last year was ridiculous. His dad’s business was turning over enough to fund the kind of lifestyle he’d always wanted: new designer gear and a monthly allowance to rival the foreign aid budget. Lately it was his name that got them into VIP. And that was fine; Jack was content to let his friend have his time in the sun, as long as he remembered who the real leader of the group was. The one who made decisions, the one who made things happen. The only concern he had was how close Billy and Matt were getting. He hadn’t spent so much time on Shakespeare’s complete transformation to hand him over to Riley to ruin.

It was in their third month that Billy brought Tanya back to their place. A pair of tits with legs, Tanya was tight in all the right places, but more amazingly, she could read and spell. Of course Shakespeare was hooked. She spent the next three weeks glued to his side; everywhere they went, there was Tanya. That was bad enough, but she’d walk around the place wearing shorts no bigger than a tea towel and vest tops so tight she looked like she’d been sprayed into them, her long dark curls skimming the bottom of her massive breasts. She’d be there every time Jack turned around, bending over for the remote, nipples looking like they could cut glass. He’d seen her around St Chad’s a few times before but he’d never really noticed her until Billy brought her into their lives. Now all he wanted to do was touch her. Surely she could see the effect she had on him? Of course she could, and she liked it. He’d be doing Billy a favour if he showed him what this little prick tease was really like.

Ironically it was Friday the 13th when it all went wrong.

‘Tanya.’ Jack stood in the open doorway and frowned. ‘What’re you doing here?’

She smiled, held up a Waitrose bag that clinked with the sound of bottles and peered over his shoulder. ‘It’s a surprise. Is he in?’ Tanya usually called Billy by his real name, another reason Jack didn’t like having her around. She had a way of making it seem like the last four years hadn’t even happened, like everything was year zero and she was the only person who mattered.

‘No,’ Jack said, without moving aside. ‘He’s studying, at Bill Bryson.’

Tanya looked puzzled. ‘The library? On a Friday? That’s weird. Maybe I’ll go there and find him.’

‘No,’ Jack said quickly. ‘Come in, wait here.’ He guided Tanya through to the open-plan apartment, took the bag of alcohol and carried it to the kitchen area. ‘Can I get you a drink while you wait?’

He uncorked the wine she had brought with her, poured a glass and – with his back still to her – added a shot of vodka for good measure. Wouldn’t do her any harm. Then he poured half a glass for himself.

‘Here. Hope you don’t mind, I’m having a glass too.’

Tanya took the wine and smiled. ‘Thanks, I’ll just have the one then I’ll go find him at the library. Maybe he could use a study buddy.’

‘Look . . .’ Jack sat down next to her and placed the bottle of wine on a side table. He ran his fingers through his short dark hair and gave her an apologetic look. ‘I really wouldn’t. It’s best you just wait here.’

‘Why shouldn’t I . . . oh, I get it.’ Tanya took a huge gulp of wine and pulled a face. ‘God, that tastes like shit.’ She finished the glass in two mouthfuls. ‘So if he isn’t really at the library, where is he?’

Jack leaned back and rubbed his face. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know. If I did, I’d tell you, but . . .’

‘For fuck’s sake,’ Tanya reached for the bottle. ‘If he wanted to see other people, why didn’t he just tell me?’

‘Hey.’ Jack raised both hands in defence. ‘I didn’t say he was seeing someone else. I mean, he really might be at the library . . .’

Tanya smiled as she slugged back another gulp. ‘Thanks, but I’m not stupid, I can see it all over your face. Did anyone ever tell you you’re a terrible liar?’

Jack looked bashful. ‘I’ve never been much good, I’m afraid, not like Billy. He’s the brains of the group. I’m just the good-time guy. I don’t see the point of lying to women; what you see is what you get. Bit of a character flaw, I’m afraid. Here.’ He reached past her to top up her wine again, his chest pressing against hers for a split second.

‘I don’t think that’s a flaw, I commend your honesty.’ Tanya took the glass from him – was it his imagination or did her fingers linger around his a little longer than before? – and raised it in a toast, her eyes glassy with tears. ‘I mean, I never really expected a guy to want a relationship in his first few months as a fresher, but he seemed so keen. I should have known there’d be others. Why not just tell me? I mean, it’s not like I’ve never had a one-night stand before, I could have coped.’ She sniffed. ‘I’d started to really like him, y’know?’

Jack reached out and placed a hand on her knee. ‘I guess he just thought you were too beautiful to give up. Don’t be too hard on him; you can’t really blame him for wanting you around. I mean, when you’re here . . . Sorry, I’m talking out of place. Must be the wine.’

‘No.’ Tanya moved so close her breasts were brushing against his shoulder and he wondered if she realised. Intentional or not, it was making him hard and he knew he had to get a move on. Even Billy didn’t study too late on a Friday night. ‘Go on.’

‘I can see why Billy wanted you around, that’s all. You’re gorgeous and clever and funny. He’s a lucky guy.’

Tanya screwed up her button nose. ‘Was,’ she corrected. ‘I don’t appreciate being lied to, Jack, and it was unfair of him to put you in this position. You’ve been so sweet but I really should be going.’ She put down her glass, eyes widening at the empty bottle. ‘Have I really . . . whoa.’ She stumbled as she stood up and slammed straight back into the sofa. ‘Head rush. Just stood up a bit quickly, I’m fine.’

‘Here.’ Jack held out his hand and helped her to her feet. ‘Look, you don’t have to rush off, Billy’s probably not going to be back for ages.’ He cringed. ‘Shit, sorry.’

She stumbled forward and placed both hands on his chest to steady herself. ‘I’m OK, I just drank a bit too fast. That was supposed to last all night! I just need to use the bathroom.’

‘Sure.’ Jack watched as she moved towards the bathroom in the deliberate way people do when they’re trying to convince themselves they haven’t had too much alcohol. When she was inside, he moved quickly, pouring his half-glass into hers and topping it up with a shot of vodka. No more, Jack, you need to be able to get her out again in one piece. Afterwards.

‘You OK?’ he asked as she emerged from the bathroom. Her floral chiffon blouse was untucked and she’d undone the top two buttons, revealing a glimpse of tanned breast. Her hair looked ruffled, as though in the absence of a brush she’d run her hand hastily through her loose waves. This was going to be good.

‘I’m fine, thanks. You’ve been so nice, I’m sorry you got caught up in this.’ She stifled a sob and Jack took the opportunity to hand her her wine glass.

‘Here, finish this and I’ll walk you downstairs.’

Tanya looked crushed. ‘Are you trying to get rid of me?’

Jack shook his head and moved closer to her. ‘No,’ he said, taking her free hand in his. ‘I’m just worried about what might happen if you stay. Billy’s my friend and . . .’

Tanya took a sip of her wine and placed it down again. ‘And he’s out right now having fun with some bimbo while you’re left here looking after his girlfriend. That’s not very fair, is it?’

She put her hand up to touch his face, trailed it down behind his neck and pulled his head gently downwards. He leaned forward and she placed her lips on his, gently at first and then, when she was sure he wasn’t going to pull away, harder. As they kissed, they moved towards the bedroom, Tanya taking Jack’s lead perfectly. He fumbled with the door knob behind him, pushing the door open and guiding her towards the bed, where she fell, all the while tugging at the bottom of his T-shirt, finally releasing it from the waistband of his jeans.

‘I’m not doing this to get back at him,’ she gasped when she pulled away for a moment. Her hands were exploring his body, working at the rough leather of his belt until she found the buckle. She released the clasp and yanked at the button of his jeans, then pulled down the zip and shoved the denim over his hips.

‘We shouldn’t be doing this at all,’ Jack murmured, his fingers deftly unbuttoning the rest of her blouse, easing it open to reveal those amazing breasts. How he’d lasted this long with her flaunting her ass all over the flat he didn’t know. It was Billy’s fault really – did you put a crate of beer in front of an alcoholic? He slipped his thumb inside her flimsy bra, rolling it around her nipple and loving the way she groaned. He lowered his lips to her breast, taking the puckered nipple in his mouth and sucking gently at first, then pulling harder until she gasped.

‘He deserves it, the bastard. Don’t think about him, Jack.’ Tanya undid her own jeans and pushed them to the floor. ‘Do you know, he told me to watch out for you. Said you’d be jealous of what we have, that you’d try and ruin it. And all along he just wanted to keep you from seeing me so that you wouldn’t let slip about his other whores.’

‘That sly twat,’ Jack swore. ‘Well he’s not going to get away with it.’

She pushed herself up on to her elbows. ‘But doesn’t this make us just as bad as him? Maybe this is a mistake . . .’

Oh for fuck’s sake.

‘Ssshhhhh.’ He leant down and slipped off her lace knickers, threw them into the corner of the room. Shoving his boxer shorts down, he pulled her closer, placed one hand over her mouth and thrust himself into her, smiling as her eyes widened.

‘Honey, I’m home.’ Jack heard the door bang closed and Billy’s voice drift in from the hallway.

‘About time, darling. How was the library?’

Billy pushed the door open with his backside, his arms full of books. ‘Fucking boring as. Remind me never to leave an assignment until the last minute again. What’re you doing in on a Friday night?’

Jack shrugged, his feet up on the arm of the sofa. ‘Fancied a quiet one. Get us a beer, will you?’

Billy threw his stack of books on to his bed and grabbed two beers from the never-ending stock in the fridge. Tossing one to Jack, he settled himself in his usual chair. ‘So you’re telling me you’ve done nothing tonight?’

Well, not exactly nothing.

Jack put his best concerned face on and turned to his friend. ‘Look, mate, I needed to talk to you about something. It’s Tanya.’

Billy sighed, shook his head. ‘I knew this was coming. You’re pissed off she’s here all the time, right? Sorry, mate, I really like her. But we’ll go to hers more, get out of your way . . .’

‘It’s not that.’ Jack cut across him. ‘It’s just that, well, this is really embarrassing, but . . . well, she’s been coming on to me.’

Billy looked like he’d been punched in the face. ‘She’s what? Tanya? When?’

Jack dropped his eyes to gaze at the floor. ‘Ever since you first brought her back here. It’s been pretty difficult keeping it from you, to be honest, mate, but I thought she’d have given up by now. She left these.’ He held up the lace knickers Tanya had been wearing earlier that night. After they’d finished, she’d let him dress her and call her a taxi with very little argument – she’d seemed a little dazed, Jack thought; turned out she didn’t like it as rough as he’d expected. ‘Under my pillow the other night. I was going to just ignore it, but then she turns up here tonight . . .’

‘What? Tanya was here?’

‘Yeah, and she was smashed, mate, stinking of booze. I told her you weren’t in and she said she knew, she’d seen you at the library. She practically threw herself at me, started taking her clothes off and ranting about how she knew you were seeing other people. I had to shove her out the door with her blouse half open. Don’t worry, I called her a taxi first. I felt a bit harsh, you know, telling her where to go, but I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I know you think I’m not the most trustworthy person . . .’

Billy’s shoulders sagged; he looked crushed. ‘No, thanks, mate, I’m really sorry. Fuck! What a bitch! I really liked her, you know? I even told her to . . . well, I thought maybe you . . . when all the time it was her that I should have been worrying about.’

Jack got up, slapped Billy’s shoulder. ‘Come on, mate, I know it’s shit, but it’s not like you were going to marry her, is it? Forget her; we’ve got the next three years to fuck our way through all the Tanyas in Durham. You know what I’d do if I were you? I wouldn’t even call her. Go screw that little blonde in St John’s that was all over you last weekend.’

‘Yeah,’ Billy replied. ‘Yeah, you’re right. Fuck her.’

Jack smiled. Things were back to how they should be.

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