How I Fall (43 page)

“And we’re not a
pair
!” Laura glowers at Patrick, who’s grinning happily as if he disagrees.

“Oh, for bad timing.” Ellen glances between us all.

“She saw me kiss you.”

Ellen gasps. “Oh…no.”

“It’s okay. I just have to say all the right things to my mom right now, so she can say all the right things to my dad when he gets back in town. Then he’s probably going to call Coach right away so…yeah I—we’ve—got to be solid, firm and committed.”

Ellen’s eyes get as big as Laura’s. “But what are the right things to say? And I’m not sure we are all solid and firm and committed!”

“We’re not?” I blink.

Ellen’s gone completely pale and doesn’t answer.

Laura giggles. “Oh, but he’s so cute all desperate and in love with you, Ellen. We’ll be up in
three
minutes, not five. Maybe don’t say too much at all…you know? Not without me to help? Your Ellen just got cold feet. She’s with you.”

“Yeah, dude. Remember. Save the big stuff for after we are in the playoffs.”

“She saw you cuddled up and Eskimo kissing with Laura. We just killed our own plan by falling asleep during the movie.”

Laura punches him in the arm. “What in the bloody-ducks is an Eskimo kiss? How dare you take liberties with me!”

Ellen laughs. “It means he was just really close to you. Nose to nose, that’s all.”

Patrick stretches his arms high over his head. “Blame me if you want but that girl was nose to nose and all over
me
.”

I go on, “Either way my mom just saw me kissing Ellen. At this point I think the full truth is going to be the best.”

“Full truth? What would that be exactly?” Patrick raises a brow.

I pause and shake my head, looking helplessly around the room and then almost desperately, I take one of Ellen’s hands. “I was hoping for a more romantic way to say this. I also pictured this would be said in private with candles, or out at the lake or…I don’t know, but— “I sigh, struggling to sort out my thoughts. “But before I go upstairs and say all of this to my mom. And since I’ve done everything else in the wrong order, here goes the part where I lay my heart at your feet.”

“Oh, isn’t this going to be bloody good.” Laura giggles, sitting up all criss-cross like she’s watching a TV show.

I dart another glance at Patrick, then tighten my grip on Ellen’s hand so she’ll look up and meet my gaze. When she does I say, “I’m completely in love with you and I hope you’re going to be okay with that, because there is no way I can change my mind or take back one word or any second of how I feel, not to mention how I think I’m always going to feel about you. Are you with me?”

“Wow. Okay…um…yeah.” Ellen smiles this amazingly wide smile and her eyes sparkle so bright that I can tell she’s happy and very much with me. She looks away, her cheeks twice as red as they were moments ago. “It’s good. I’m good with—you, us—all that. And I’ve got more to say about it. Much more.” She laughs nervously, looking up at me again and then her gaze skates to Patrick and Laura. “Later. When we’re alone.”

“Deal.” I laugh out my relief and my own waves of pure happiness.

“Thanks.” Patrick snorts. “I was getting queasy.”

Laura clambers on her knees across the huge couch until she hops off, curls bouncing. “Cripes but that was absolutely the most adorable and romantic—but most awkward speech between two people—I’ve ever had the pleasure to see and hear in my entire life. What say you, Patrick? It’s a right sweet romantic love story going on right here…fated secret lovers torn apart by parents and football! Rules set up in the eighties before there were even laws that are about to be broken…for love.”

I add, “Let’s not be too dramatic, Ireland. There’s going to be no more secrets and I’d never let stupid football tear us apart, that’s for sure.”

Patrick’s gone from joke-gagging to white as a sheet. “Hold up. I thought we’d agreed to this thing being secret until we’d locked down the playoffs. What about the game?” His voice is escalating. “And Coach? And the team? And your dad? And our scholarship opportunities? And those recruiters coming over the border to watch us play?”

“People already saw Ellen and me kiss at the bonfire.” I shake my head, staring at Ellen. “At this point, with my mom in the mix, I’m not keeping secrets anymore. Anything my mom creates in her fantasy-filled brain is going is to be way crazier than me just telling her Ellen and I are together. You should be fine, Patrick. You aren’t the one openly dating a girl.”

Patrick glowers at Laura. “Well, I would be if she didn’t keep denying me.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “What Cam said, my stubborn best friend. You’ve got no girlfriend in me and you’re wasting your time. I’ve sworn off all guys for life.”

“Doesn’t mean I haven’t told everyone at our high school to stay away from you because I
plan
to go out with you.”

“It’s a favor you’ve done for me then, because I’ve sworn to repel all men for the rest of my life and with your hulking-self lurking about and begging me for a second kiss, everyone’s sure to stay away from me.” She sighs sadly. “But like I told you last night—there will be no more kisses from the likes of me so you’re definitely wasting your time on this idea. I’m really, truly sorry that I asked you to kiss me that one time. I should have warned you I’ve been known to leave a lasting impression.” She blinks sincerely. “Will you ever forgive me for what I’ve done to your head?”

Patrick is biting his lip, trying not to laugh. “Probably not. So…do the right thing. End my torture, make all my dreams come true and agree to marry me? I’m totally up for a very long engagement.”

“Patrick!” Ellen throws a pillow and it lands right on Patrick’s face.

“Cheeky. Ridiculous.
Bugger
.” Laura throws one as well. “Who asks a girl to wed without a proper ring?”

Grinning at all of them, I go on. “If I’m lucky, I will get all of
my dreams
coming true in the same week. I get to hold Ellen Foster’s hand whenever I want, I’ll be kicked off the team and maybe I’ll never have to play football again.”

“What?” Patrick gasps, ramping back into the situation. “But—but—if that happens—our team can’t win without you.”

“And we can’t win without
you.
” I grin even wider. “So…hopefully before Laura’s ice cold heart melts and she agrees to go out with you, my dad and Coach will make some adjustments to their ridiculous rules.”

“Speaking of ice!” Ellen’s standing now and walking slowly to the windows. “We’ve got to get outside.” She splays one hand against the glass like she wishes she could already touch the winter wonderland just on the other side. “There’s a photography contest to win out there.”

ellen

Cam and I drive ahead of Patrick and Laura who are walking slowly behind the Campbell golf cart. Very slowly. It’s as if we had all of the air knocked out of us back at Cam’s house.

I can tell Cam can’t breathe as much as I can’t breathe.

Hurts as much as I hurt.

*Chants: People who work to bring you down are below you…people who work to bring you down are below you…*

The pathways along the golf course leading to the willow grove beach are slightly icy and seem not too difficult to navigate even for me; but when I glance behind, I see that Patrick and Laura have stopped walking all together and are deep in discussion. I’m sure that discussion is about me. The way Laura’s got her hands on his arms, I can just bet Patrick wants to go back and throw rocks at Cam’s house. I also know they’re lagging behind so Cam and I can be alone some.

I’m grateful for it. But I’m more grateful for the fact that Cam knows that sitting quietly is what I need right now after what went down in his kitchen.

With his mom.

*Chants: People who work to bring you down are below you…people who work to bring you down are below you…*

His mom disapproves of us dating—more than disapproves. She hates the idea, rejected the idea and practically threw us all out of her house! I already know his dad is going to go even crazier.

I’m sure Cam knows this, which is why he’s breathing so ragged right now and why his hands are gripping the steering wheel of the golf cart so tightly he looks like he’s about to snap it off.

I haven’t said a word and neither has he…that’s because the conversation that has to happen right now is not going to be easy.

It’s going to be about horrible truths and whether he and I are willing to fight for—fight for—us. This whole time, I’m holding silent because I’ve been wondering if it’s worth it. If this guy really loves me like he says when he hardly knows me, hardly knows what CP is about? What it does to me and my soul when someone attacks me how his own mom just did? If he can understand how CP is not me. How I don’t let it define me, but how it can sometimes take over like this strange uninvited monster? How CP becomes all that I am even though every breath I take stems from my soul working, fighting to fly away from the grip of it.

Does he know how it feels—when I can’t…I can’t and I can’t get away from it?

Can I ever trust him enough to know all of me? How much CP hurts—my limbs, yes but my soul sometimes hurts more. How scared I am all the time? If he knows that I’m constantly stuck in this strange war with myself is he going to eventually walk away from me? Like what Bella-Jane said, he’ll get tired, get bored, get sick of the extra work and thought that comes with hanging around with me. Me and my CP, that is.

Can I afford to let down my guard enough to give him the chance? But after all that he’s said—how he’s laid his heart out for me, and everyone to see, how can I not? After I’ve seen and heard his wishes to stop football, how I now understand his mom—his house—how he lives frozen-silent between his mom and his dad and football?

His sport as well as his family must feel like a prison to him. His photographs now make perfect, horrible sense to me. He and I…we’re the same. We’re both totally trapped by things that our out of our control. And after what I just witnessed, what I finally understand about him…I think having CP is way easier than having parents like his.

My question is…can two trapped people help each other, or will they simply bring each other more heart ache? It’s really hard to help someone when you’re completely stuck yourself. And…maybe like me…maybe Cam doesn’t want any help at all.

My stomach is still swirling with nerves. I also have the urge to cry but I know for a fact that is not going to help. It’s going to break Cam’s heart and if Patrick catches sight of one tear on my face he’ll go insane. He almost already did.

When we all came into the kitchen dressed in jackets and ski pants to speak with Cam’s mom—with me, officially being named as Cam’s girlfriend—I thought things would be awkward, of course, but relatively okay. Instead, we were face to face with a frowning and disbelieving madwoman!

I never expected her to shout at me the way she did.

She was so loud, so in my face that it freaked me out. This, of course, caused the good old CP to fire into shut-down mode. That really sucked, because it’s difficult to hold a calm poker face when your arm starts spazzing away from your body and hovering into the air like it has its own helicopter motor inside of it.

Luckily, Cam knew what to do. As all the blood rushed to my head and I went into feeble-wobble-shut-down mode, he came right over and stood with his arm around me, took my twitching arm around his back and let me lean all of the weight from my weak side on to him. This really helped my bad leg not to shake so much, and at least I didn’t fall down or stumble around as I was working to comprehend the cruel words flying out of Cam’s mother’s mouth.

I remember Cam’s voice repeating over and over: “Mom. Deal with the facts. Ellen Foster and I will be going out no matter what you think or what you say. We’re leaving. We’ve got a project to do.”

Mrs. Campbell kept repeating: “Cam Campbell, you are grounded! Grounded. Don’t you dare leave this house.”

I was so embarrassed about how my CP storm had crippled me, that it took me some time to focus and hear how Cam’s mom closed in on me and was saying stuff like, “Well, just look at you, young lady. Do you think you’ve landed a big fish here,
Miss
Ellen Foster? How dare you all try to trick me last night. You must think I’m a complete fool. You most of all, Ellen Foster!”

“I don’t,” I said. “I’m sorry…”

Then Laura piped in, “I’m also sorry, Mrs. Campbell. It wasn’t meant to hurt your feelings. We’re all really sorry.”

“I’m not in the business of having teen make-out parties in my basement! You all made a fool of me.”

“We’re out of here, Mom. You’re making a fool out of yourself.”

“Camden Campbell you better not leave this house. You are grounded. Grounded! How dare you lie to me! Trick me the four of you!”

Cam, pulling me away from his mom said, “You just misunderstood. No one tried to trick you, and you saw us in the basement with your own eyes. We were all fully clothed and all was innocent. Nothing happened down there. We watched a movie that’s all. Now we’re going to do our photography project. You can ground me after the schoolwork is done. Okay?”

Mrs. Campbell flipped out then shouting, “Don’t get too comfortable in my Cam’s arms, you sneaky little gold digger, because I’m about to make a long phone call to your mother! When Camden’s father gets home this evening, your—
relationship
—whatever it is or was, is over! Including the photography project so you better get it all done and over with today! If I see you near this house ever again, I’ll call the police. It’s why we’re in a gated community! To keep garbage and mooches off our streets.
Understood?
”

That’s when Cam was actually dragging me toward the back porch because his mom was screaming in my face at that point, “And Ellen Foster, if you value your mother’s job and what pays your bills and keeps you living this luxury lifestyle with Mr. Nash as your private physical therapist, you’d better mark my words!” 

Then, Patrick started shouting at Mrs. Campbell, as did Laura and Camden—but I tuned all of it out. I could hardly stand at that point, even with Cam holding me up. How dare she threaten my mom! My mom—the nicest, most amazing person in the world and who’s had to pick up that horrible woman’s towels and washcloths for years—and all for me! Then a whole ton of terrible words that ended with: “Do you hear me,
Cam
? You have lost your mind with this ridiculous idea. OVER MY DEAD BODY will you date that Ellen Foster girl!”