How I Became Lotus Raine...the Porn Star (25 page)

I felt Brent’s presence before I felt his hands mimicking mine as he trailed them down my barely covered chest.

Brent didn’t allow me to finish my strip tease. Just like the song asked, he showed me exactly how he wanted me. He was so needy and hard for me that neither of us fully got naked as he held me against the poll, pounding into me.

“Are you fucking serious?” he breathed out as he continued fucking me. “That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Just for you,” I moaned, wrapping my arms and legs tighter around him.

“You got that right.” His large hands dug in deeper as he gripped my hips. “This better be just for me, too.”

I just moaned in response and continued enjoying the sensation as I felt the beginnings of an orgasm. I could have gave him a false sense of hope and told him that it was his and only his. I wished I could honestly say that because that’s what I wanted. It just wasn’t a possibility.

After we allowed our bodies to calm back down, I followed Brent back to the apartment. I made a nice, strong pot of coffee, hoping it’d take off some of the edge the last twenty-four hours evoked. I didn’t know where to begin. How to explain my irrational thinking about my childhood and how I had turned into this wannabe prude who was evidently having a hard time holding in her inner wild side. I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning, so I dived in, holding nothing back and he listened.

“I’m not a prude. I’ve tried to be for the last ten years because I was afraid of what I would become if I didn’t control it.” I held my breath, wording my next sentences in my head before just voicing them. “I knew how to get myself off by the third grade. I knew how good vibrators felt, what dirty magazines and porn showed and the way they all made me feel. But the end result was always dirty. I had seen my mother go through so many men, she’d put a vending machine to shame. I knew she was a stripper. I knew sex and getting off was more important than raising a daughter. That’s why when I was fifteen and had the choice, I took off to legally live with my dad. And from that moment on, I vowed to change. I knew if I kept giving into those desires, that I’d keep taking it to the next level. Like a junkie does with each high. I didn’t want to go to the next level. I didn’t want to become my mom.” I let out a straggled laugh, “But there I was last night. On a pole in front of the whole flipping porn community.”

Brent let his body go slack as he sat back against the couch, no longer looking at me. For a moment, I had thought I said something wrong—something that pushed him away. For a moment, that thought made me extremely happy and sad all at once. Maybe him knowing my dirty secrets would keep this thing between us from going more off track than it already had. But it didn’t.

“I get what you mean. When you witness a family member indulge in things and turn into someone you can’t understand, you one day do a one eighty to break away from it, thinking that since you share the same DNA it’s inevitable. I used to think the same about my dad. That I’d be an alcoholic just because of him.” He turned to look at me, grabbing my face between his hands. His eyes held so much understanding. But who was I to push? “Giving in to your sexual desires doesn’t make you your mom…or a slut.”

“Then what does it make me?” I asked, feeling crazy emotions swarming within me. Emotions I couldn’t put a finger on.

“Human.” That was it. An answer I’d never heard, yet so simple and completely comprehendible.

“You make me feel human,” I whispered.

“And you make me feel like everything I’ve been through, the good and the bad, wasn’t for nothing,” Brent admitted, shocking me. But he didn’t stop there. “I’ve never given you any of my back story. I knew for the interview purpose it wasn’t needed, and I just didn’t know if it was something that had value being brought up. But I can’t not say anything now seeing the demons you’ve been fighting.” He let out deep sigh. “I joined the military right out of high school to appease my father by following in his steps. He’d always belittled my passion for art constantly telling me, ‘That’s not a profession. Painting pretty pictures won’t pay the bills.’ So as soon as my enlistment came to an end, I took the opportunity and bailed. Not that I wasn’t manly enough to be in the military, as my dad liked to say. It just wasn’t for me, and I had come to a point where I was ready to please myself instead of others.”

“Boy did you,” I teased and he flashed me a quick smile.

“My dad was furious when I told him my decision. He had chucked a bottle of whiskey at me, missing. Once he realized what he’d done, breaking the half full bottle of liquor, not almost knocking me out with it, he banished me from his existence. And I haven’t been back since.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said sympathetically, placing my hand on his.

“The point is,” he flipped his hand over, and intertwined our fingers, “we all have our own past demons we fight off daily. I vowed to never become like my old man and you did the same in regards to your mother.” He stood up quickly, and pulled me with him. I didn’t question where we were going as he dragged me through his room and into his bathroom. Standing behind me, he faced me toward the mirror. “Take a good look at yourself, Lu. You’re nothing like her. You can do anything you want in this world and you’d still be nothing like her. You both might share the same DNA, but everything else is wired differently.”

Brent and I spent the remainder of the day slowly taking in one another. He was so achingly gentle with me one moment showing me how tender love making could be, then next he was so breathtakingly ruthless in his thrusts, pounding in how good it all could be, not just the slow and sweet. I had never come so much in my life. And that wasn’t even the best part about it all. It was him showing me, not just telling me, that it was okay to have desires and to fulfill them. That wanting to cum every which way possible, experience everything I’ve hidden myself from and push my body to limits I never knew existed—was okay. That being sexual didn’t have to change who I was.

All too often we let ourselves down with expectations. When in reality the perfect things are born from the unexpected. Whether you change for the better or for the worse, it’s the people and events that take place in your life that determine which.

“SO, WAS YOUR change for the better or worse?”

“What do you think?” I throw his question back at him wanting to know what an outsider thinks.

“What I think doesn’t matter. This interview is about you.” He grabs his glasses, slides them on then sits up a bit taller. Shepard then pauses and lets out a sigh, “But I’d say for the better.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

“Alright, on to the next day then.” Shepard does a quick glance down, then back up. “Saturday, right?”

I nod my head and press my legs tightly together, letting the memories of that day come to the forefront.

“Saturday was a busy day. A really, really, busy day. We only left the apartment once, and crossed off two items on my list.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE it’s already Saturday.” I stared up at the ceiling as we laid in bed together. The sun was shining brightly into his room, telling me that we had slept in longer than we should have. But I disagreed with the sun, knowing it all ended Monday, I wanted him close as possible until then.

“What do you want to do today?” Brent rolled over and propped himself up.

“Never leave this apartment again,” I admitted, but hoped it wasn’t exposing too much.

“That can be arranged.” He said as he leaned in to kiss me.

“You do have some more things to cross off my list,” I smiled against his lips as I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him on top of me.

“Well, if that’s the case,” he nuzzled his face between my bare breasts, “there’s a phone call I need to make.”

An abundance of nerves hit me, realizing what that call would be. Or to who it would be.

Brent looked up with nothing but sincerity. “Unless you aren’t ready.”

Since I wasn’t wearing any in the first place, I sighed, and pulled up my figurative big girl panties. I was determined to follow through with completing that list to the best of our combined capabilities.

I smiled, and pushed back the hair that had fallen over his forehead. “No. I’m ready. I want to do this. And you’re the only person I feel comfortable doing it with.”

He gave me a quick peck as he rose up on all fours. “I’ll go call Tyson.” He jumped off the bed. I had wished I could have been half as pumped as he seemed to be.

“Wait.” I sat up and let the sheet fall to the bed. “If I’m going to have anyone up my ass it’s going to be you.” Brent smiled then started to walk off, “Well, unless he’s smaller.” I heard him laugh as he walked out of the room.

I knew that was a lie on my part. There was no way I would rather have Brent behind instead of in front where he could possess me more intimately. Yes, the ass seemed to be this grail of forbidden fruit, but it’s far from being a diamond in the rough. I knew anal was considered kinky, erotic, and definitely not for everyone. I also knew there needed to be trust involved, unless you were the type that just liked to get rammed. Which I was not. But if I was going to have two guys in me at once, I wanted Brent to claim the part that felt more personal; the place he’d have the most control of me and my body. Because to me, the asshole was second best, and I only planned to always give him the top of the line.

Brent was well aware of how protective I was over my cupcake. He also knew that it’d only been taste tested once. He didn’t make what we were taking part in seem like some random fuck fest. It wasn’t explicit like a porn with unnecessary screams, fake orgasms and unruly ass pounding. That’s the part I was scared of—the ass pounding.

I didn’t know Tyson well—well, really at all. I didn’t want him to take advantage of my freshly baked cupcake and taint it for the rest of the future shoppers. It’d only take one time to ruin it for all.

Tyson didn’t just rush right over after Brent called. It wasn’t as if he was on standby waiting for the call. It was a few hours later when he finally did show up. I didn’t want it to be crazy awkward and for the whole thing to be planned out to the tee. That’d be too porn-ish for me. I wanted the threesome to be real¸ not rehearsed. I didn’t want a script or play by play. I wanted to go with it however it happened.

The knock at the door caused me to jump. I hopped up before Brent, making sure to beat him to the door. It just seemed too awkward for me to stay planted on the couch, in some casual pose.

“Hey, Tyson,” I said with a smile as he made his way in. I took in his appearance. He was casual in a tie-dyed, slightly fitted t-shirt with his khaki cargos. I was glad to see he dressed well outside of work as well. He was a good three inches shorter than Brent and a bit more stocky. But it worked well for him.

“You can call me, Ty.”

“Oh,” I propped my hand on my hip. “So is Tyson just your porn name?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “No. Tyson is my real name. We all don’t use pen names.” He looked past me toward Brent in a joking manner, then back at me. “Most people just call me Ty for short. But you can call me whatever you like,” He smirked.

I let out a nervous giggle, turning away from him. “Well, I guess have a seat and we’ll figure out how to do this.” I turned back to him as we made our way to the living room. “You hungry? We ordered pizza.”

“Not sure if pizza breath will turn you on.”

“Good thinking,” I said before cupping my hands around my mouth and checking my breath. “Be right back.” I took off toward Brent’s room. I had an extra toothbrush in his bathroom.

Once I was done brushing, I stared in the mirror long and hard at myself. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to go through with it. I couldn’t believe I actually had the opportunity to do so.

“You sure you’re cool with this?” Brent came in, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

I let out a huge breath. That was my chance to back out—to take it back. But I didn’t want to.

“Yes. Let’s do this.” I put my game face on, feeling like we needed to clap our way out of our huddle.

“First it’s going to be just me and you.” I swirled around and looked up, silently questioning him to explain. He placed his hands on my shoulders and began to softly rub them. “I just figured it’d be less nerve racking.” He smirked, “If you and I were already in bed fucking, Ty can just ease his way in.”