Hopes (7 page)

She was first in line at the bus stop when school finished. The bus seemed to take ages as it chugged from stop to stop. Ellie fidgeted in her seat, just wanting to get back.

Luke was waiting to pick her up—on his own this time. She ran to the car and got in. “Hi.”

“Hi, there,” he greeted her and started the engine. “I hear John’s coming to see Spirit this afternoon?”

Ellie nodded.

“So he’s still not eating?”

“No,” said Ellie, chewing a nail.

Luke gave her a reassuring smile. “He’ll be OK. Spirit’s tough.”

Ellie hugged her bag to her chest, hoping he was right.

When they reached the stables, Ellie didn’t even bother changing but ran straight to Spirit’s stall. The door was slightly open. Was it the vet? She hadn’t seen his car.

But reaching it, she saw that it was just Joe. He was rubbing Spirit’s ears, murmuring to him. “Hi,” he said, looking around.

“Hi.” Ellie dumped her school bag by the door and went to Spirit. “How come you’re here?”

Joe shrugged. “I just thought I’d come and see him.”

Ellie frowned. There was something strange about Joe’s voice. A tightness. She could feel a tension coming from him.

“How’s he been today?” she asked.

“Not really himself,” Joe admitted. “I tried turning him out, but he just stood by the gate so I brought him in again. I’ve just been doing some T-Touch circles on his ears. They’re supposed to be good for horses when they’re ill.”

“He seems to like it.” Ellie looked at Spirit’s half-shut eyes and lowered head. It was so unlike him to stand still and let someone else stroke him, but she could feel a contentment coming from him as Joe smoothed his mane. “John’ll be here soon. He’ll find out what the matter is. I guess it must be a virus or—”

“Ellie…” Joe cut across her. She looked at him. Now there was no mistaking it: his face was tense, his expression worried.

“What?” she said when he didn’t speak again.

“It might not be just a virus.”

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

Joe pushed a hand through his hair. “I looked up Spirit’s symptoms on the Internet—being listless, off his feed, the lumps, the swelling on his belly…”

“And?” Ellie’s voice rose in alarm. Spirit’s eyes blinked open, his head lifting. She put a hand on his face. “What did you find?”

“It could be something called lymphosarcoma. It’s a cancer.”

The word fell into the air between them. A million thoughts swirled through Ellie’s head, but all she could do was echo Joe. “
Cancer?
”

“It may not be,” Joe said quickly. “It’s really rare in horses. But I just thought you’d better know.”

Ellie looked at Spirit, shaking her head. “It’s not cancer.” Lifting his face to hers, Spirit breathed out softly.
No. It isn’t cancer. It couldn’t be. I won’t let it be.

“Ellie!” Luke called from outside. “John’s just arrived!”

Joe went to the door. “She’s in here.”

Ellie heard John’s footsteps. As he appeared in the stable doorway, Spirit snorted and stepped back, his eyes wary.

“It’s OK,” Ellie soothed him.

“So what’s up then?” John’s eyes were taking in the untouched feed in the manger and the way Spirit’s ribs were showing. “Is he off his food?”

“Yes, and he’s coughing sometimes. He’s got some lumps too.” Ellie glanced at Joe who was watching from the door. He gave her an encouraging look. She was glad he was there. Even though he had spoken her worst fears out loud, he was her best friend and she knew how much he cared.

John let Spirit sniff him, then he walked around, checking him over. Spirit kept his head high. Ellie could tell he was anxious having the vet around him, but he stayed still as she stroked him and murmured softly.

John took out his thermometer. He took Spirit’s temperature and then put on his stethoscope and listened to Spirit’s chest. Ellie saw him frown slightly as his fingers felt the small bumps under Spirit’s skin. He then moved to Spirit’s head and checked under his chin and jaw, and finally felt the soft swelling on Spirit’s stomach. His expression became more serious.

“What’s the matter with him?” Ellie asked.

“Hard to say for sure.” John rubbed his chin. “His temperature is pretty much OK, but his heart rate’s high. I’ll take a blood test. With the signs he’s showing—being off his food, being listless—it could be any one of a number of things. I don’t like the look of this ventral edema though—the swelling here—and these lumps. They may be nothing, but I want to take a biopsy of one just in case. I’ll send that off to the lab.” He set to work, getting needles out. Spirit flinched, but stood still as John collected blood for testing and a sample of one of the lumps on his chest.

Finally, John put everything away in his bag and then stroked Spirit for a few moments, as if trying to make up his mind what to say.

“Look, you’re a sensible lass,” he said, turning to Ellie at last. “It’s maybe just a virus, but I need to tell you, we could be looking at something worse.”

For a moment, Ellie wanted to simply turn and run. She swallowed and stroked Spirit. “What…what do you mean?”

“There’s a rare form of cancer in horses called lymphosarcoma—it’s not common at all, I’ve only ever seen three cases in my life, but when it does strike, it’s not good news.”

Ellie looked at Spirit’s beautiful face, his long forelock falling over his dark eyes. She had to swallow hard to speak. “Do…do they die from it?”

John sighed. “Yes. And they go fast. There’s very little you can do with lymphosarcoma. The cancer forms in the lymph nodes and spreads around the body into the different organs. By the time the horse is showing signs, it’s too late to do anything about it. If it has spread, then you’re really only looking at the horse having a month or so to live.”

Joe came forward from the door, his face full of concern. “He hasn’t definitely got lymphosarcoma though, has he, John? It could still be just a virus.”

John nodded. “The tests may show up something else completely. You just need to be prepared.”

Ellie nodded, unable to speak.

“How long will the tests take to come back?” Joe asked for her.

“Only a day or two for the bloods, about five days for the biopsy—we’ll have to send the sample off to the lab. I’ll call when I hear anything.” John went to the door.

“Thank you,” Ellie whispered.

John left the stable. Ellie found she couldn’t move.

“Ellie?” Joe said quietly. A sob burst from her.

“Oh, Ellie.” She turned blindly into him. Joe’s arms tightened around her. Behind, she heard Spirit snort in confusion, but she was incapable of turning to him, incapable of doing anything but crying as all the fears that she’d been trying to ignore over the last week finally rose up and overwhelmed her. All she had lost in the last ten months filled her head—her mom, her dad, her old life in New Zealand. She couldn’t lose Spirit as well.

Joe stroked her back. She rested her head against his chest, slowly regaining control, feeling his damp T-shirt under her cheek.

“It’ll be OK,” he whispered. “It will. You know it will.”

Ellie forced herself to believe him. It would be OK. Luke’s words from earlier echoed through her head:

Spirit’s tough.
He was right. Spirit had been through so much. He would be fine.

There was a shout from the yard. “I’ll tell the others and keep them away for the moment,” Joe said. “You stay here.”

“Thanks.” More than anything right then, Ellie wanted to talk properly to Spirit, to hear his voice.

Joe left and she rested her head against Spirit’s forehead, shutting her eyes and reaching out to him with her thoughts.
Spirit?

The energy change was swift. She felt their thoughts merge.

I’m here.

Ellie stroked his neck, her eyes closed still.
You’re sick, maybe really sick.

Yes.

His simple acceptance brought the tears to her eyes again.
Why didn’t you say?

Because there is nothing you can do.

Spirit!

He didn’t say anything else. She probed deeper into his feelings, looking for anxiety, worry, panic. But instead all she found was a feeling of deep calm.

Aren’t you scared?
she asked.

No
. She could feel his surprise now.

But…
She could hardly bring herself to think it, but she had to.
But you might have cancer—you might die.

As she voiced the thought, she felt sick.

I’m here now
.
We must walk in the present.
The simplicity of his thought was clear. She opened her eyes. All that mattered to him was that he was here now and so was she. She hugged him, not knowing quite what to say, comforted by his calm, but also with a million questions and fears buzzing around in her head.

If you are really sick, I’ll help you,
she promised him.
I’ll do everything I can.

I know. You always do.
He nuzzled her and Ellie’s heart clenched painfully as she saw the absolute trust in his eyes.

WHEN ELLIE LEFT
the stable, she felt calmer, determined. She went into the house to change out of her school clothes. Her uncle was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Luke and Joe. He broke off as she came in. “John’s told me about that gray of yours,” he grunted.

Ellie didn’t want to talk about it—least of all with her uncle. She saw Joe and Luke both give her a look of sympathy.

“So, the tests will be back in a few days then?”

She nodded.

“You’ll decide what to do then.”

“Decide?” Ellie realized what her uncle meant. “You mean decide whether to put him to sleep or not?” Her voice rose.

Len huffed out a breath. “Well, you’re not going to keep a dying horse, are you?”

“Dad!” Joe protested.

Len looked surprised. “What?”

“Don’t say things like that. Spirit might not have cancer anyway.”

Len pointed at Ellie. “There’s no point pussyfooting around this. If that horse of hers isn’t going to get better, then he’s going to have to be shot.”

“Spirit’s isn’t going to be shot!” Ellie struggled to control her anger.

“It’ll be the only thing for it. Put him out of his misery. The sooner, the better.”

Ellie’s temper snapped. “What? Just give up on him? Like you did on Merlin, you mean? No. Even if Spirit has cancer I’m not having him shot. I’m not like you!”

Len pushed his chair back, his face darkening. “I won’t be spoken to like that.”

“Well, then don’t talk about Spirit,” Ellie shouted. “You’ve got no say in what happens to him. No say at all so keep out of it!”

“That’s enough! Be quiet!” Len roared.

“Or what?” Ellie retorted furiously. “You’ll hit me like you’d hit Joe?”

Ellie heard Joe’s intake of breath and was aware of Luke leaping to his feet.

Len’s fists clenched but Luke was suddenly in front of her. “Len! She’s a fourteen-year-old girl and she’s upset. Don’t be stupid!”

Len and Luke stared at each other, the air bristling between them. Ellie was reminded of the moment of stillness before two dogs fight.

A sob burst out of her. The sound punctured the tension and both Len and Luke seemed to breathe out. Luke took a half-step back so he was beside Ellie, his eyes still on Len. Len watched him for a moment, his fists relaxing. Ellie could see the rage fading from his face, sense returning to him.

As if in mutual agreement, they both turned away. Ellie just wanted to get out of there. She could feel hot tears at the back of her eyes and she didn’t want to cry in front of her uncle. She swung around and ran through the door to the hall.

“Ellie!” she heard Joe’s voice.

“Don’t you dare go after her!” Len ground out. Ellie wondered for a moment if Joe would defy Len, but he didn’t. She ran up the stairs and didn’t hear any more. Reaching her bedroom, she shut the door and sank down against it, her face in her hands as she gave way to the tears.

“I’m sorry to hear about Spirit.” Helen came over to her with Sasha when Ellie eventually returned to the yard, her face washed but her eyes still red. “Joe told us what John said.”

“Yeah,” Sasha added. “Hopefully, the tests will come back OK and it’ll just be something minor, Ellie.”

“Thanks.” The two grooms’ concern for Spirit made her uncle’s lack of sympathy stand out even more. Even Sasha looked genuinely worried for her.

“You’ve got Gem and Picasso to ride tonight, haven’t you?” said Helen. “We’ve groomed them for you. You just need their tack.”

Ellie smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

She went to fetch Picasso’s saddle and bridle. Luke was in the tackroom, taking a saddle off a rack. She stopped awkwardly when she saw him, remembering the scene in the kitchen.

“How are you doing?” he asked her.

“OK,” she answered automatically, then swallowed. “Well, you know.”

He nodded. “I hope Spirit’s OK.”

“Thanks. And thanks for earlier. I kind of lost it.” Ellie sighed.

“Anyone would. Len can be a real…” Luke broke off. “Just don’t make a habit of yelling at him like that—at least if I’m not there.”

As she looked into his eyes, she felt suddenly comforted. “I won’t have Spirit shot.”

“Let’s just hope he’s all right, that the tests show something that can be cured.” Luke smiled. “I’d put money on the fact that if anything can be done to help him, you’ll do it.”

Ellie thought the days before hearing the test results would never pass. Everyone on the yard, apart from her uncle, was supportive. Even Sasha helped her with her other chores so Ellie would have more time with Spirit. Sasha had already started seeing a new boyfriend, and from what Ellie overheard her saying to Helen, she really liked him. So, although Sasha was still cool with Luke, she wasn’t too angry or upset.

Ellie spent every second she could with Spirit, grooming him, hand-feeding him, leading him out down the lane to graze on the bank of lush grass there. She was up early every morning and often stayed out in the stables until ten o’clock, only coming in when the light finally faded. Even the arrival of the mare Fern and her three-week-old foal on the yard didn’t distract her.