Hopelessly Broken (8 page)

“You don’t have to
explain. I get it. You don’t feel the same way I do. It’s okay. I’m a big girl. I can handle the truth.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to say.”
He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, gaze locked to hers.

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying...what the hell am I trying to say?” He rammed his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t know.”

“All I want is the truth, whatever it is.”

“You deserve the truth.” He stared down at his feet. “The truth…is…I’m lonely too. Maybe that’s why I made you think I…I kind of misled you.”

What did that mean?
How had he misled her? “I don’t understand.”

“For me, it’s my work that stands in the way. I have this job tha
t I hate. I move around so much I never get the chance to make a single friend before I’m on to the next place. I’ve been living like this for years, not having anyone to talk to, to share my life with, to laugh with. For a while I was okay with it. If I got lonely, I found a girl…we would hook up for the night and that was enough.” Finally, he looked up. His eyes. They were full of emotion. Intense, raw emotion. “That morning, in the kitchen, when we were throwing flour at each other like a couple of two-year-olds was one of the best times in my life. I’ll never forget it. I wish I could have more times like that. A lot more. But I can’t.”

“Why don’t you just quit
that job and get a new one?”

His sigh was audible.
“It isn’t that easy.”

“Why not? I’m sure you could find another job. What do you do?”

“This boss doesn’t let you quit.”

“What do you mean by that
, won’t let you quit? Slavery was outlawed over a hundred years ago.”

“It isn’t slavery per se, but I still can’t quit.”

What the hell?

“It’s complicated,” he added, as if that might clarify the situation.

Strangely enough, it did. Somehow. “Ah, did he make you sign a non-compete clause? I’ve heard about those.”

Once again his gaze fell to the floor.
“Um, kind of. The fact is I won’t be sticking around here much longer. And I didn’t think it was fair to lead you on, make you think there could be something between us…” His words trailed off as his gaze slowly climbed up to her face. When it reached her eyes, it locked there.

The air became energized agai
n. Dammit, this sucked. There was chemistry between them. Intense chemistry. Just her luck, it was with a guy who lived like a gypsy. “How soon will you be leaving?”

“Before the end of January.”

The end of January? That wasn’t long from now. Her heart twisted. “Where will you go next?” Would she see him again? Or would he be moving too far away? Might he come back someday?

“I won’t know
where I’m going until the day I leave here.”

What kind of job was this? How horrible, to not be able to settle down, to have any kind of stability.
“That seems a little unreasonable that they wait until the last minute to tell you.”

“It’s been that way since the first day.”

“Then I feel for you.” Reaching across the space between them, she inched her hand toward his, allowing the tips of her fingers to barely touch his skin. His gaze dropped to their hands, and she moved hers closer, curving her fingers over his. He twisted his body to face her. “You’re a sweet girl. I wish things were different.”

“Me too.”

“If I didn’t have to go, I would…”

She nodded, understanding.

“You deserve better than what I can give you. You understand now, right?”

“I do.” Not that she was happy about it, bu
t she did understand. It sucked that she had found someone who made her feel alive and happy for the first time in eons, and she would lose him soon. Too soon. “Logan… he’ll be crushed when you go.”

“I’m going to try to prepare him for that day. He isn’t going to stay away
from me, no matter what you tell him.”

Neither would she. Even kno
wing she would suffer for it. Aeron was like a brilliant light. Her whole being was drawn to him. She was powerless to resist. “I know. Maybe we’ll both be sad when you go. But at least you won’t be lonely for the short time you’re here.”

“Don’t get too close, Jenn
ifer. Please. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Leaning in, she brushed her lips over his as she whispered, “It’s too late for that. I’m already too close.”

Groaning, he cupped the back of her head and kissed her. His kiss was deep, passionate. A claiming. She eagerly surrendered to the pleasure, parting her lips to let his tongue plunge inside and stroke hers. With his free hand, he caught her upper arm and pulled her closer. She didn’t fight him; she didn’t fight the need blazing through her. Eagerly she kissed him back, smashing her breasts against his broad chest. Within seconds she was writhing against him, aching need pounding through her body.

He broke the kiss and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her face, his cheeks flushed. “
I can’t keep doing this to you.”

“I want you to.”

“No.” He pushed to his feet, stepping out of reach. “You’ll regret it later.”

Standing too, she moved closer to him again. She had to be near him. Touching him. Kissing him.
“Let me worry about regrets--”

“No, dammit.
You’re not like that. You’re not that type of girl.” With firm hands, he forced her away. “Go find someone else, a guy who will treat you right. A guy who won’t mess with your head.”

“I don’t want another guy. I want you.”

“You can’t have me. Nobody can. So give up. Please. The sooner you understand that, the better.” He pushed past her, yanked open the door, and slammed it shut behind him.

She sat there, stunned, her mind racing. There had to be a way to make this work, if he wanted it to.

If.

Maybe that was w
hat was missing. He didn’t want to. The job was just an excuse.

She dropped her face into her hands. She’d made such a fool of herself, throwing herself at him like that
. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Never again,” she vowed to herself.
“I won’t throw myself at him, or any guy, ever again.”

There was at least a foot of newly-fallen snow out there. Twelve or more inches of heavy, cold snow. It blanketed the streets, hiding the grime and trash collected along the curbs. It blanketed the crispy, frozen grass. It clung to tree limbs, weighing down the branches.

It covered the sidewalks. It covered the driveways, including Jenn’s, making it impossible for the mail carrier to get to the mailbox.
And also making it impossible for Jenn to get her car out.

Granted, it was pretty. It masked all the ugly junk and neglected landscaping in their sad, tired neighborhood. But it was cold. And heavy. And…cold.

Shit, I hate shoveling snow.I want to move to Florida.

Coffee.

Jenn needed caffeine. Lots of it, before she trudged out there to dig her way out. Still wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt she’d slept in, she knotted her hair on the top of her head as she dragged herself to the kitchen to get some brewing. While she waited, she clicked on the TV. Chances were Logan wouldn’t have school today, thanks to the snow. But she had to make sure.

Before she had poured her first cup she knew Logan was home for the day.
So much for working today.
She might sneak in a little time before Logan woke up. The snow could wait. On a mission, she poured her coffee, grabbed a protein bar and headed to the living room where her computer sat, waiting. She reread Friday’s pages as she munched and slurped her breakfast. By the time she’d emptied her cup, she knew where she was going with the story next.

The hero and heroine were about to kiss for the first time
. Zagan had just saved the heroine from the villain’s drones. They were alone. Her emotions were running high after having been terrified. She was breathless, exhilarated, grateful, and he looked sexy and strong.

She started tapping out the scene with her fingers, images flashing in her head.
Danielle, her heroine, was tilting her head up to thank him. Their gazes locked. The air between them sizzled.

A loud knock on the door echoed through the house. Jenn’s heart rate launched into double time.
Crap! Was that the case worker?

Whoever it was knocked again.

Just like she had last time—this was really getting old--Jenn set her computer down and quietly made her way upstairs to check for a car outside. She hadn’t shoveled. Nobody was getting up her driveway. It was a miracle anyone could make it up her walk. She pulled the curtain aside. No car. There were footprints in the snow. A scraping sound cut through the quiet--a snow shovel scuffing over concrete.

Someone was shoveling her walk?

She grabbed some cash from her purse to pay whoever it was, scurried to the front door and opened it.

Aeron was standing at the base of her porch steps. He threw a shovelful into her front yard.

She had been wrong about him. Aeron
was
an angel. “Thank you!” she called out to him.

He looked up, smiled, waved. That smile made her insides
melt.

Dammit, this wasn’t fair.

Her reaction to him made her furious.

Quit being such a fool. He doesn’t want you.

“I have hot coffee if you need some to warm up,” she yelled.

“No thanks.”

“Wow!” a little voice behind her said. “Look at all that snow! Is it a snow day?”

“It is.”
Jenn turned around to find her brother stuffing his feet into his boots. He was still wearing his pajamas, but he had his coat in a fist. “Wait a minute, Logan! You can’t go outside like that.”

“Wh
y not? There’s no school,” he said, hopping up and down.

“
Sure, there’s no school,” she said. “But you still need to eat some breakfast and get dressed before you go out to play.”

“Fine.” He
kicked off the boots and zoomed past her at (almost) the speed of light, rocketing up the stairs. No more than two minutes later he was back at the front door, his mouth full of something. He grabbed a boot.

“Snow pants,” Jenn said as she returned to the couch.

Logan grimaced. “Snow pants are for babies.”

“
Snow pants,” she repeated.

Logan grumbled som
ething as he stepped into his snow pants and yanked them up. A few seconds later a big gust of winter-scented wind blasted through the house as he opened the front door and launched himself outside, shouting, “Aeron, I wanna help!”

He’d never been so eager to shovel the walk before.

Jenn settled back down with her computer and tried to concentrate on her story. But the instant she started to focus, Logan’s laughter distracted her. She went to the front window and peered out. He was lying on his back, arms and legs stretched out. Aeron was next to him, doing the same thing. Aeron stood and helped Logan up, leaving two perfect snow angels in the front yard.

Logan hopped up and down several times then shouted, “A snowman! Help me make a snowman!”

Aeron grinned at him then looked right at her. Somehow he’d known she was watching.

Feeling as if she’d been caught spying, she ducked away and returned to her seat.

They were having fun. Logan deserved to have some fun. It was good to see him smiling, to hear him laughing.

That magical sound cut through the quiet again. Yes, it was a wonderful thing to hear him laughing. But what would happen when Aeron left? Would
Logan be even worse off than he was before?

She set her computer aside.

He might be worse if she didn’t do something about it.

She couldn’t keep Aeron away from Logan.
He wasn’t staying away. It appeared that Aeron wasn’t as worried about Logan’s hurt feelings when he moved as he was hers. So she would have to do what she could to lessen the blow. She ran upstairs, dabbed on a little bit of makeup, tidied her hair and dressed in warm clothes. They were still rolling snowballs across the front yard when she had bundled herself into her coat, gloves, hat and scarf. She stepped into her boots and headed out to join them.

“Jenny! Look! We made snow angels. And now Aeron is helping me make a snowman. He’s going to be a giant.”

“It looked like you might need some help,” she said as she stomped through the knee-deep snow. “How about I help you with that snowball and Aeron can start a new one?” she suggested, stepping up to them.

Aeron straightened up. “Sounds like a plan.
” Moving aside, he let her take his place. She bent over, placed her hands on the large snowball, and gave it a shove.

It didn’t budge.

She squatted a little and tried again.

“Why aren’t you pushing it?” Logan asked
, next to her, pushing too.

“I’m trying. It won’t move.”

A deep chuckle behind her stabbed at her pride. She squatted lower still, to use her leg muscles, and pushed again. Her feet slid on the slick snow, and in a heartbeat she was lying flat on her stomach, her face planted in a fresh patch of snow.

Strong hands grabbed her arms and yanked her up. Slightly disorientated—since her eyes were closed—and extremely embarrassed, she clawed at the snow on her face. She blinked
open her eyes to find Logan grinning at her.

“Jenny, that was funny!” he said, laughing.

Her pride stung a little. So did her skin, thanks to the cold. But seeing her brother’s eyes sparkling with joy warmed her heart. “You little snot.” She scooped up a handful of snow, packed it into a loose snowball and flung it at him. It smacked him in the chest, and he let out a whoop of glee, gathered some snow in his gloves and flung it at her. The guy behind her started laughing, and so she made a nice, big snowball and threw it at him. It struck him in the belly. Within seconds, a serious snow fight was in full swing. Snow was flying everywhere. Jenn’s eyes were blinking as she tried—and often failed—to duck out of the trajectory of sailing snowballs. She laughed when hers made contact with their targets, and yelped when she was hit.

She felt so energized. Laughing. Breathing. Playing. Jumping. This was what life once was. It was what life should be. She grabbed her brother’s coat and caught him in her arms, giving him a big bear hug. He wriggled away, scooped up some snow and flung it at her.

“You little twirp. You’ll pay for that!” She armed herself and sprinted toward him. Just as she was about to lob her ammo, Aeron stepped in the way. The snow struck him just before her body did. Her feet slid and she toppled forward. They both fell. He landed on his back, and she lay on top, winded and laughing.

She felt something hit her back, and then the hood of her coat flipped up over her head. Icy wetness contacted her neck. “Logan!” she squealed, squirming on top of Aeron’s bulky body. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“He didn’t.” Aeron said, his lips curling into a wicked smile. “I did.”

Her gaze jumped from that bone-melting smile to his hand then back again. “Oh, really?” She hooked her hand, gathered as much snow as she could—which wasn’t hardly any, thanks to their footsteps having trampled most of it, and rubbed it in his hair
. Then, fearing retribution, she tried to climb off before he armed himself.

He laughed, clamped
his arms around her, and rolled her onto her back. Now she was pinned to the ground, dizzy, cold, hot, and staring into his dark eyes. His face was pink, his eyes gleaming. His mouth was close enough to kiss. Trying not to think about kissing him, she reached out with her hands, blindly rooting for some ammunition.

He grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the ground. “There, now I’ve got you.”

He did. Literally. Figuratively. In every way imaginable. “And what are you going to do with me now that you have me?” she asked, gasping.

His brows scrunched. His gaze locked on her mouth, and a wave of heat blazed through her body. Would he kiss her?
Please, please!

She wriggled her hands. “What are you going to do?” she whispered.

He angled lower. “Didn’t anyone tell you it’s dangerous playing with fire?”

“Sure, but I’m not afraid.”

He inched lower still. “You should be.”

Her heart thumped against her breastbone. “Maybe you should be afraid, not me.”

His lips curled, and a deep chuckle rumbled in his chest. She literally felt the vibrations. They echoed through her body like the deep, pounding throb of a heavy bass beat at a rock concert. “If I kiss you again, Jenn, I’m not going to stop. I’ll tear your clothes off and take you. Right here. In front of everyone.”

Her heart literally skipped a beat. His threat thrilled her. Did she want him to make love to her in the middle of her front yard? In front of her little brother? No. But still, he looked and sounded just like her Zagan. So strong and sexy and alpha.

His crooked smile turned wicked. He dropped lower yet. His face was now so close she couldn’t see anything else. It was so close that his sweet breath warmed her skin. “That shut you up, didn’t it? See? You’re afraid.”

She jerked her chin up.
Afraid? Hell no. “No, I’m not. It isn’t me who’s been saying we can’t do this. It isn’t me begging you to stop. You’re the one who keeps leaving.”

“That’s because I care, dammit.
I care about you and your brother.” Moving suddenly, he jerked backward. He turned left, right. “Where’s Logan?” He pushed himself upright then stood.

Suddenly feeling very self-conscious, not to mention shaky, Jenn did the same. Her knees had never felt so squishy before. “He probably went inside.” She slipped and wobbled to the house, opened the door, and shouted, “Logan?”

“I’m in here,” he responded.

Jenn gave Aeron a relieved nod over her shoulder.

“I should be going,” Aeron said.

Logan came galloping to the door, holding a coffee mug. “I made you hot chocolate.”

Aeron, standing behind Jenn, said, “That’s really nice of you, buddy. But I have to go.”

“But I made this for you! And I put in extra marshmallows.”

“I’ll drink it,” Jenn offered, trying to help Aeron make the hasty getaway he seemed so determined to make. Trying to hide her feelings, knowing if she appeared upset that would only make things worse, she stepped inside, taking the mug from Logan and taking a sip. “Mmmm. Delicious.”

“That was for Aeron. You don’t
even like marshmallows, Jenny.” Logan leveled a hurt look at Aeron.

Jenn was hurt, thanks to Aeron’s hot and cold treatment of her, but even she had to feel bad for Aeron right now. Logan had t
he most pitiful pleading look on his face. Nobody could resist it.

Aeron yanked off one glove and shoved his fingers through his hair.
“Okay. You win, Logan. I’ll come in for one cup. But then I have to go.”

Logan gave a whoop of glee. “I have cookies too! Jenny made them. Come on!” He swung an arm in a wide arc.

Jenn handed the mug of hot cocoa to Aeron after he shrugged out of his coat and pulled off his wet, snow-packed boots.