Hopeless Vows (5 page)

Looking down at her, I grin when I see her eyes are still closed. When she opens them, she looks up and there’s this spark, this electricity coursing between us. It’s almost tangible, and it settles my nerves while accelerating my pulse. After a moment, she reaches up and runs her thumb across my lips.

“I got lipstick on you,” she says quietly.

I wink at her. “It’s all good.” That’s when I notice all the hollering and clapping coming from our audience. Her cheeks redden as we turn to face the crowd.

“It is with great pleasure, I give you Mr. and Mrs. Austin James.” Our family and friends cheer again as we make our way down the aisle with her arm looped through mine.

Once we’re out of the doors, the moment is broken by the set of cameras in my face, waiting for us at the exit. “This is going to get old,” I mutter on a sigh. “So . . .” I start. Man, this is awkward. I’m married to this girl and I don’t know a thing about her other than her name.

“So . . .” she replies.

“Did you think this would be so uncomfortable?” I ask as we walk side by side down the hall.

“Nope.”

“Where are you from?”

“North Carolina.”

I never would’ve placed her as being from the South since she has no trace of an accent. But maybe she’s been away long enough it’s faded. “You live in New York now, right?” She nods. “What brought you up north?” I lead us over to a couch so we can sit down and talk some more.

“My career. There really aren’t many opportunities to work for huge fashion magazines where I’m from.” I admire her for chasing her dreams and going after what she wanted. That takes guts to move to a big city like that. “What about you? Are you from here?” she asks.

“Yep, grew up in the New Rochelle area. I’m still there actually.”

“Nice, and that’s not far from me, which is good. I was afraid they paired me with someone who lived in a different state.” She smiles again while letting some of the tension roll off of her.

“What do you do for the magazine?”

“I’m a columnist. What about you?”

“I run my own business.”

“Impressive,” she states. I shrug in response. Truth is, it is something I’m proud of. When I became old enough, the company my father started was passed down to me. He did well, but I’ve grown it into something he never thought was possible.

“Okay, newlyweds, we’re going to set up for some pictures,” a photographer tells us.

“Shall we, Mrs. James?” I ask as I hold my arm out to her.

“We shall.” Her smile is enough to make me speechless. I can’t get over how stunning she is.

We’ve been taking pictures for about five minutes. They all feel very posed and stiff. I swear these will look identical to my prom pictures. Her back is to my front with my arms wrapped around her. Her shoulders are slightly elevated toward her ears, showing how tense she still is.

“Relax,” I whisper into her ear. “I won’t bite.” Goose bumps race down her neck and spine. She looks over her shoulder and gives me a smirk.

“Sorry, I’m just a little nervous.”

“How about a kiss from the happy couple?” This photographer is so cheesy, but he’s probably used to overly-happy couples who have known each other longer than fifteen minutes.

She looks over her shoulder at me again, waiting for me to kiss her. Instead, I grab her arm, quickly spin her away from me, catch her by the small of her back, pull her to me again, and dip her. She yelps out in surprise, but then throws her head back and laughs. It’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. When she looks back up at me, I lean down and seal my lips over hers. She responds immediately, kissing me back slowly. All too soon, I pull away and look deep into her eyes. They darken and fill with lust, but beneath that is a layer of fear. Of what, I don’t know, but I hope to find out soon.

Jillian

I’M RELIEVED HE
doesn’t know who I am. As much as I try to enjoy the moment, I just can’t. What should be the happiest day of my life has been tainted by the one thing that haunts me. The one thing that no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape.

“You did it!” Janey exclaims as she approaches me. Austin and I just finished taking pictures, so this is the first opportunity I’ve had to see my friend since saying I do.

“I know!” I try to match her enthusiasm, but I know she sees through it.

Giving me a hug, she whispers in my ear so the cameras can’t hear. “Is that who I think it is?”

“Yes,” I whisper back. “I can’t talk right now though.”

“Later.” She pulls away, her hands grasping my shoulders. “It’ll be okay.” I hope she’s right. I just need to push through the next eight weeks and put this all behind me. There’s no way we can stay together with what’s at stake.

Austin has been super sweet and attentive throughout the night. He seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. I just hate I can’t reciprocate the effort. It’s not that I don’t want to. I just think doing so will break me.

“You sure you’re okay?” Austin asks me for the second time. I need to do a better job of hiding my feelings. It’s just hard since I could’ve never prepared for this turn of events.

“Yeah, I’m so sorry if I seem distant or distracted. I’m just a little nervous.”

He searches my face for what feels like an eternity. I’m terrified he’ll see the ugliness that lives in me—the ugliness I was born into—but I don’t break eye contact. “If you’re worried about tonight or think I have certain expectations about what will happen when we go up to our hotel room, don’t. We can take it slow, okay?”

Seeing the sincerity in his eyes puts me at ease even though that’s not what’s been on my mind. I give him a small smile. “Thanks.” There he goes with that damn wink again. It’s disarming and chips away at my defenses. He’s so damn sexy when he does it and I’m powerless against it.

Austin has a way of relaxing me as the night goes on. There’s a calmness about him despite my internal freak out. I decide the only way to deal with this is to push it to the back of my mind like I have so many times and live in the present.

“Can we get the newlyweds onto the dancefloor, please?” the DJ says into the microphone.

Austin stands and extends his hand out to me. “You ready for our first dance as husband and wife?”

“You mean our first dance period?”

“Eh,” he says with a shrug, “that’s just a minor detail. Come on, let me spin you around for a bit.”

Placing my hand in his, there’s a quiet hum that passes through my body. I don’t know what it means, but it sends my heart racing. I need a distraction from this feeling. “Are we going to sway like a couple of kids at an eighth grade dance, or do you know how to dance?”

“I can get through the basics.” He grins at me as he leads me to the middle of the floor. All eyes are on us and I become extremely anxious. “Relax,” he says close to my ear as he places his hand snug against the small of my back. Pulling back, he continues. “Look into my eyes. It’s you and me, no one else. Forget the cameras, our friends and family, it’s just us. Let loose and have some fun while I stumble through this, okay?”

I can see why they paired me with him. I’ve always cared way too much about what people think, always afraid I’ll make a fool of myself. I had told the panel of experts that before. But with those few words, all of my anxiety washes away.

I do as I’m told and stare into his chocolate brown eyes. There’s so much kindness and life within them that I find myself getting lost. The beginning strings of Daniel Grey’s “This Year’s Love” starts to play. “I hope you don’t mind I picked this song. It was the only part of this whole thing I wanted a say in, but if you listen to the words, I think it fits us perfectly.”

A smile tugs at my lips. I actually love this song. “And how’s that?”

“This love’s gonna last.”

“What makes you so sure of that?” I joke with an arched eyebrow.

He shrugs. “I believe in the process and in the experts.”

I’m momentarily struck speechless. That’s the exact same thing I told Janey when she asked why I was going through with this. Before I can respond, he leads me through the first steps. He’s graceful, confident, and completely in control of our movements as we glide across the dance floor.

“Stumble through my ass.” I narrow my eyes at him teasingly for leading on he wasn’t that good of a dancer. He’s amazing.

“I can’t tell you all my secrets on the first day, now can I?” His boyish grin is so at odds with the strong, masculine man he is.

“You can keep your secrets for now.”
And I’ll hold mine forever.

He spins me effortlessly before resuming the steps. The song begins to come to an end, and on the last string he dips me back as our audience claps and cheers. Giving me a chaste kiss on the lips, he pulls me upright and extends his arm out while holding on to my hand. He kisses the back of my hand as a fast song comes on.

“Let me show you my moves.” He removes his jacket and hands it to one of his friends. He does a little stretching and I can’t help but laugh. You’d think he was preparing for a marathon. With a few exaggerated breaths and roll of his shoulders and neck, he puts one hand behind his head, and raises the other one up. He pauses as if he’s building anticipation. Then, busts out with the sprinkler. Between the seriousness of his face and the ridiculousness of this move, I can’t hold in my laughter. He continues on with the running man and several other horrible dance moves from the 80’s that should never resurface again.

Right when I think he’s done and has nothing else up his sleeve, he winks at me and does a back flip. Everyone cheers while my mouth hangs wide open in surprise. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. He drops down to the floor and starts doing the worm before busting out into full on break dancing. He spins, twists, and flips. I’m mesmerized and can’t peel my eyes away from this man.

Holy hell, he’s hot!

The song ends, and he does this cheesy pose with his arms crossed over his chest like he’s a wannabe badass, but he is. That was the most impressive dancing I’ve ever seen in person.

He walks the few steps separating us with a knowing smile. “Someone likes to show off,” I state with a roll of my eyes, pretending like I’m not enthralled.

“If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?”

I don’t know what comes over me, but I grab the sides of his face and seal his lips to mine. It’s the first time I’ve initiated intimate contact, which isn’t saying much since we just met today, but this time feels different. I feel different. I can’t put my finger on it, but for some reason I sense this is a turning point. For what or who, I don’t know yet.

When I find the strength to pry my lips off of his, he leads me back off the dance floor and to the bar. I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face even if I tried. This right here is probably the most fun I’ve had in my entire life.

The night progresses like I assume any other wedding would. Well, minus the awkwardness of not knowing the groom or his family, but he puts a lot of effort into making me feel comfortable in a room full of strangers.

His immediate family is really small, consisting of only his uncle. I learn his uncle never married and has no children, so it’s just the two of them. But what he lacks in family, he makes up for with friends. They’re a fun-loving, boisterous crowd who mimics Austin’s positive energy. Considering I only had four people show up for me, I’d expect seeing so many who love and support Austin would make me feel lonely, but it has the opposite effect. I don’t get a chance to dwell on the few people in my life because his friends make me feel like one of them. Without question they welcome me with open arms and pull me into their circle. There’s loud laughter, looks of approval, and hugs of acceptance. It’s weird and disarming at the same time, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starving for it.

Austin talks to my friends transparently, letting them see who he is. Other than my best friend Janey, a couple girls from work showed up. To be honest, I’m not all that close with them and we never hang out, but when I gave the producer my guest list with one name on it, she informed me that wasn’t good enough and I was forced to invite a few more. My boss, Mrs. Van der Boor, is also in attending, shocking the hell out of me. Although she doesn’t stay long, her being here means a lot to me.