Hopeful (15 page)

And then she laughed and he couldn’t look away.

In spite of his best efforts to remain detached, he found himself being just as charmed by her as the couple she was chatting with was.

He was still staring at her, thinking about what Levi had said about her, and about how a girl he’d known forever could suddenly be a person he couldn’t seem to stop staring at, when Joe nudged him in the ribs. Hard.

He jerked. “What was that for?”

“I had to do something to get your attention.”

“I was paying attention. Sort of.”

Claire’s lips curved upward. “Junior, are you ever going to join the conversation . . . or do you intend to only sit and stare at Miriam Zehr?”

That brought him up short. “I haven’t been staring at her.”

Beverly smirked. “Oh, yes you have.”

“What’s going on?” Joe asked. “You’re going to her house, talking with her at church, and watching her work. I’m starting to think you don’t just want her help catching Mary Kate’s attention.”

His collar was beginning to feel a little snug.

Irritated that he was the focus of their humor, he mentally rolled his eyes. Why had the four of them even decided to go out for lunch, anyway? It wasn’t like he had much time for it. He had more than enough work to do on the farm. He should have just eaten a plate of leftovers instead of letting himself be talked into a meal of fresh soup.

“You sure seem pretty closemouthed. Cat got your tongue,
bruder
?” Claire teased.

Sipping his water, he was just about to firmly put their antics behind him when the three of them exchanged glances and chuckled again.

Then he lost his patience. “What,
exactly
, is so amusing?”

Joe and Beverly looked away. But Claire, being Claire, met his gaze head-on.

“You are.” She held up a hand. “And don’t be so touchy. I simply find it amusing that after all these years, you’ve suddenly become aware of someone who has been right under your nose all along.”

Beverly’s eyes twinkled with what could only be described as sisterly glee. “It’s sweet.”

“I don’t do anything ‘sweet.’ ”

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you suddenly developing an affection for Miriam. I think it would be wonderful,” Claire murmured, looking as full of herself as ever. “She’s a wonderful person. She would also fit in very well with our family. I approve.”

“And we all know she’s always had a bit of a crush on you,” Beverly added.

One sister teasing him was irritating. Two? It was making him annoyed. “
Nee
. No, she has not.”

“I’m afraid she has,
bruder
. For pretty much all our lives, Miriam has had her eye on you. Heaven knows why.” Two years older, Claire loved being right and always had. She also loved to tease him about everything and anything.

“You know how much she’s done for Kaylene. Plus, she’s helping me get to know Mary Kate. That’s why we’ve been talking so much,” he said.

“Too bad your visit with Mary Kate went so poorly after church,” Joe snickered. “Either Miriam didn’t describe you well to Mary Kate or Mary Kate wasn’t as interested in you as you hoped.”

“Mary Kate had to do a lot of schoolwork on Sunday. That’s all.”

His sisters exchanged looks again.

Beverly spoke, almost maintaining a straight face. “And you had to go over to Miriam’s house again to get that information, didn’t you?”

Now he felt himself flushing, too. “What’s wrong with you guys? We’re just friends.” Raising his chin a bit, he said, “Men and women can be friends without there being anything romantic, you know. It’s not like we’re teenagers. We are, after all, in our twenties.”

Joe coughed. “You’re right. And if it looked like that was all you had in common I wouldn’t think a thing about your new friendship.” He lowered his voice. “But I’ve seen the way you are looking at her today, Junior. You may have started a friendship with Miriam to get to Mary Kate, but there’s something different in your eyes when you look at Miriam now.”

“Miriam is a nice person,” he pointed out.

“Yes, she is. Mighty nice.” Joe folded his arms over his chest. “I never said she wasn’t.”

Tired of being their source of amusement, he continued, “She’s smart, too. And a
gut
friend. Why, she’s the type of person to bend over backward to help someone in need.”

“She’s the best,” Beverly agreed.

“Wunderbaa
r
!”
Claire grinned.

Yes, Junior realized, Miriam Zehr was
wunderbaar
.

So much so, that it was kind of too bad that he was sure they were only meant to be friends.

Beverly must have sensed his dismay. She sighed. “We’re only teasin’ you, Junior. We don’t mean any harm. Don’t be so touchy.”

Now thoroughly irritated, he glared at his sister.

He knew he should just keep his mouth shut but he didn’t want to take a chance that this line of teasing would continue. “Miriam has been a good friend to me, even though she knows I never had any interest in her. I mean, it’s not her fault that I like her friend a whole lot more than her. And even though she’s not the prettiest girl in town, I’m sure she’ll find someone suitable someday.”

But even as he said the words, he flushed. That wasn’t really what he’d told Levi. And it wasn’t exactly what he’d been thinking either.

He sat up straighter when he noticed his sisters and Joe staring at him with matching horrified expressions.

Then wished he’d kept his big mouth shut when he saw why they were staring.

Miriam stood right behind him, holding a blasted basket of rolls—the rolls he’d once told her he liked so much.

It was painfully obvious that she’d heard every word he’d said.

Closing his eyes, Junior asked the Lord to give him a quick burst of strength. He hoped the Lord was of a mind to give him his wish quickly, too.

Because at the moment, he had no idea how he was ever going to make this situation better.

Standing in the middle of the restaurant, a basket of rolls in her hands, Miriam wished she were absolutely anywhere else in the world.

And if that wasn’t possible, she wished she could have at least wished the rest of the customers away.

Because at the moment, it felt as if pretty much everyone in Sugarcreek, Ohio, now knew exactly what Junior Beiler thought of her.

Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure it was going to pop out of her chest. Her hands were shaking. But from somewhere deep inside herself, she found a secret storage of strength. And used that to make herself look at Junior. And at his sisters. Then, finally, at Joe.

Junior scrambled to his feet. “Miriam, ignore what I just said, would ya? It, ah, didn’t come out the right way. . . .”

“And what, do you think, would have been the right way?”

His cheeks flushed. “I mean, I didn’t realize you were standing there. I mean . . . I mean I’m really sorry.”

“We were teasing him about something,” Claire said, her voice contrite. “We were teasing him and I’m afraid he spoke without thinking.”

Miriam supposed that should make her feel better, but it didn’t.

Now Joe stood up. “Miriam, please ignore all of us and try to forget it. I know I will.”

Miriam spied Jana looking at their group curiously from over at the hostess table. It was time to smooth things over, and she knew instinctively that she was going to have to be the person to do it.

She didn’t know why she was so upset and embarrassed anyway. She’d overheard Junior say she wasn’t pretty. And that was true, she supposed. She would be the first person to admit she needed to eat less baked goods and put on her tennis shoes a bit more. But it still hurt.

“I, um, I came to give you these rolls,” she blurted before handing them to Joe. Then she turned on her heel and strode back to the kitchen, taking care to keep her face an expressionless mask.

By the time she walked through the wide swinging doors, she’d drawn blood on her lip. She’d been biting her bottom lip as hard as she could in order to hold off the tears.

She was so irritated with herself.

Perhaps she should have known better by now. Here she was, a grown woman in her twenties, and she was still acting as dumb as a doorknob where Junior was concerned. After a couple of conversations, she’d assumed they were truly friends now.

But obviously only she thought of him that way.

A smarter woman would have learned by now to keep her distance from him.

The simple truth was that if he hadn’t taken a shine to her by now, he surely wasn’t ever going to. Junior Beiler was never going to like her in the way she’d fantasized about.

Luckily, the other women in the kitchen were working hard so they didn’t see how distressed she was. Happy to keep to herself, she pulled the canisters of flour and sugar closer and set to make sugar cookies. As she beat in the eggs and vanilla, then finally the flour mixture, her mind focused on her new goal: she needed a change. She needed something to look forward to, something to be excited about. Something new.

Because it was painfully apparent that her current situation was never going to change. At least, not anytime soon.

Looking up from the batch of bread she was kneading, Ruth frowned. “Miriam, I think you look a bit pale. Do you think you’re getting sick?”

“I’m not sure.”

“If you’re not sure, you probably are. You know what? Maybe you should go home and take a break. Everyone needs a break now and then.”

In the five years that she’d worked at the Inn, Miriam had never once gone home sick. It wasn’t in her nature to shirk her responsibilities. It wasn’t in her nature to run. But maybe she did need a break.

If she stayed, she was going to have to face Junior again. Maybe have to talk to his sisters and pretend that nothing was wrong at all. If she left, she wouldn’t.

Suddenly, it was the easiest decision she’d made in weeks. She grabbed her cloak, slipped it over her shoulders, then hastily wrote Jana a note. After placing it neatly in the middle of Jana’s desk, she darted out the back door.

And instantly felt relief.

Feeling like Junior’s words were biting her heels, she walked briskly through the maze of parked cars on the lot. Past the pair of buggies hitched near the field, the two horses nickering a bit as she walked by.

As she picked up her pace, felt the muscles in her thighs burn a bit from the unaccustomed exercise, Miriam made a new vow. At last, she was going to stop mooning over Junior. She was going to stop fancying herself in love with him. Some way or somehow. Yes. She was going to do that, if it was the very last thing she ever did.

T
he next day, right after he finished his chores, Junior told Micah that he had an important errand to run. Then, with a new resolve, he walked to Miriam’s. He was dreading the visit, but not as much as he dreaded another hour feeling guilty. All night long he’d tossed and turned. Both the things he’d said at the restaurant and Miriam’s reaction to them reverberated in his head. No matter how many ways he tried to excuse his slip of the tongue, he knew there was no excuse. He owed Miriam an apology.

As the sun continued its rise over the horizon, signaling the start to another day, he practiced his apology. He hoped she would find it in her heart to forgive him, though he wasn’t sure if he deserved her forgiveness or not. His words had been unkind—and had been said out loud in her place of work.

Yes, it had been an especially bad moment.

When he approached the house he spied her immediately.

She was holding a watering can and looked to be watering a set of hanging baskets filled with bright pink and purple petunias. Every time she stretched on her tiptoes, she wore a look of irritation, like she wished she were two inches taller.

Or maybe she was simply irritated about his visit.

As he watched her, Junior couldn’t help but compare it to the expression she’d worn on his first visit. Then, her eyes had glowed with happiness and she’d smiled softly at him.

Now it was obvious that she’d wished he would turn around and go.

Had he actually hoped she’d easily forgive him with a smile, and let him go on his way, his conscience alleviated?

To his shame, yes, he had.

Before she had the chance to send him on his way, he started his speech. “Miriam, we need to talk.”

She set her watering can down. “I’m not so sure about that.”

“Listen, yesterday, my sisters kept teasing me,” he said quickly. “And though I know better, they started getting the best of me. Some of the things I said didn’t come out the way I had meant for them to. I wasn’t thinking.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Junior, let’s be honest. It hardly matters what you think about me. I mean, it’s not like we’ve ever been anything to each other.”

“No, we’ve been friends—”

She cut him off. “Junior, we’ve never been
gut
friends. Not really. You and I both know that.”

“But we could be good friends now.” Thinking about how he felt about her, about how far they’d already come, he added, “I mean, I think we are friends now.”

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, just as if she was trying to gather her patience. “You know what? You came over, and I appreciate that. But I think it’s time we said good-bye. I’ve got a lot of other things to do besides chat with you.” And with that, she turned on her heel and reached for the door handle.

Without thinking, he stepped forward and grabbed her hand. Wrapped his palm around hers. “Wait a minute, wouldja?”

She stared down at their linked hands like he’d just given her a bad case of poison ivy. With one fierce tug, she freed her hand.

Of course he let her go. But he still wasn’t ready to say good-bye just yet. “Can’t we sit for a moment and talk? Please?”

For a second, she looked tempted. Her eyes turned languid, almost warm.

He, in turn, felt that new, almost familiar pull toward her that now seemed to be a part of his life. Hope filled him. Reminding him that everything could work out.