Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) (19 page)

No one spoke on the ride back to the hotel; we were all lost in our own thoughts. I had no clue it had gotten so bad between Kayla and Jamie. I felt bad for my friend. I gnawed on my lips. I felt bad for being so caught up in my own shit I missed what was going on with her.

In college, I didn’t even know she and Jamie had broken up the first time until she came over to babysit Jack hung over and walking funny.

“Hey guys, listen, if you don’t mind, I’m going to order room service and look at some film,” James said.

“No,” Kayla said. “Don’t go. It’s still my birthday.”

He walked over to Kayla and gave her a hug. “You enjoy the rest of your birthday,” he said and kissed her on the cheek. Her cheek turned red and she looked at me and then lowered her head.

“Ms. Carrington.” He hugged me and whispered,” Take care of your friend.”

“Night man,” Jackson said and they hugged and we watched James head off to the elevator.

I glimpsed at Kayla giving James’ backside a onceover. She giggled and waved her hand in front of her face. “Hot,” she mouthed and laughed.

We found a table in the back corner, ordered and sat watching the activity in the lobby. A few people recognized Jackson and pointed, but they didn’t approach the table. He garnered more attention in another city than he did at home.

“Is it weird, being famous?” Kayla asked.

“Really weird.”

“It’s not like this in Phoenix,” I said.

“Yeah it is; we just don’t go out in Phoenix.”

I frowned and thought about it. He’s right; we didn’t really go out much.

“Why don’t we go out much?” I smiled at Jackson, but my expression dropped when I looked at Kayla. Her eyes seemed sad and defeated. Not a good look for my friend.

“Kayla, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, really.”

“Kayla,” Jackson and I said in unison.

“Okay, well. I don’t really know how to explain it. He’s really, really boring.”

“Boring?” I asked.

“Yes, so boring, like mind numbingly boring.”

“What we saw tonight wasn’t boring,” Jackson said.

“He was rude and belligerent but not boring,” I added.

“Oh yeah, maybe I should clarify. The real Jamie is boring. The man you guys saw tonight wasn’t the real Jamie. That was drunk Jamie. Alcoholic Jamie. So socially awkward he needs liquid courage Jamie.”

“Has he always been like that?” I asked.

“Yes and no. I mean, he was sober for a long time. You know when we broke up before, it was because he couldn’t be with me because I drank and partied. When we got back together, he started drinking again, but it wasn’t a problem or I didn’t notice a problem until the last year.”

“You’ve been living with that for a year, and you didn’t tell me.”

“Carrington, I can’t tell you this kind of stuff.”

“Why not?” I asked, raising my voice. Jackson put his hand on my arm. “Seriously, why can’t people talk to me about bad stuff? Why are you all trying to protect me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I could help? That maybe I am the perfect person to help you deal with an alcoholic, narcissistic, lying asshole?”

I looked back and forth between both of them and it hit me. “Oh my God, you guys really don’t think I can handle it.”

“Okay, not wanting to state the obvious, but this is about me.”

“Yeah, right. I’m sorry, but can I say one more thing.”

“Okay.”

“I love you. If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. I want to be there for you the same way you were there for Jack and I. Please let me help.”

“Okay, well, you know when we were talking about having kids this afternoon?”

“Yeah,” I said and looked at Jackson, but he looked at Kayla with his brow furrowed.

“Well, I told him I didn’t want kids when we got married, and he said he understood. But then within in the last year, he has been pressuring me to change my mind. He says that he wants to have a kid so he can feel like he has accomplished something in this world. Isn’t that fucked?”

“What does he mean accomplish something? Isn’t he a researcher or something?” Jackson asked.

“He’s an editor, but basically he’s a fact checker and he lives a comfortable life off my money. At first, it didn’t bother him, but now he resents me for it. It’s so frustrating.”

“Rich people’s problems,” Jackson said, and we all laughed.

“Kayla if you’re not happy, why are you staying with him?. He’s miserable and won’t be happy until he makes you as miserable as he is.”

“I know, but that means divorce and lawyers and hearings and I feel like it’s a lot less trouble to avoid each other.”

“What about love?” Jackson asked. 

“What about sex?” I asked and slapped my hand over my mouth.

“Nice, babe,” Jackson said and laughed.

“I take care of things,” Kayla said.

“What about him?” I asked.

“I’m sure he takes care of things, too.”

“Kayla, you need to get out and start fresh. You’re an amazing woman and you deserve to be with someone who adores you,” I said.

“Wow, what have you done to her?” Kayla asked Jackson.

“What?” They both looked at me like I had tentacles sticking out of my years.

“This new positive optimistic love conquers all attitude,” Kayla said as she waved her hands in the air.

“Well, maybe Jamie was right.” I look back at them. “It is that good.” I winked at Jackson.

“Okay, maybe a new start is exactly what I need. Move somewhere and start new.”

“Phoenix has been a good new start for me.” Jackson reached out and grabbed my hand and kissed it. I looked over at Kayla, but her eyes were focused across the lobby.

“Yeah, Phoenix. They have some nice attractions.” Kayla flashed a smile as two of Jackson’s teammate walking toward the table.

By the end of dinner, Kayla received not one, but two birthday kisses. The guy’s curfew came at the perfect time, no telling where this was heading. Kayla had a gleam in her eye that made me think she wanted to relive her college indiscretions.

“You sure you don’t want to stay the night?”

“No, I need to get back home. I don’t have anything to wear for the game tomorrow.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I am quite mature when I want to be.”

“You are.” I hugged her waist and she leaned into me like she hadn’t been hugged in a long time.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I am so happy to see you and Jackson found each other. It gives me hope.”

“Hope in love?”

“No, hope in snagging me a hot football player.” I pushed her away.

“You are so freaking funny.” She climbed in the back of her SUV.

“I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Night.”

I laid awake thinking about Kayla and Jamie, Jackson and I. I received text messages from Jack all day.

I worried about him, too. My mind returned to my earlier conversation with Kayla about waiting for something bad to happen. I couldn’t push that feeling out of my head. I knew Kayla was too smart and had way too much pride to let her issues with Jamie ruin her life. Jackson and I grew closer every day but something lingered on the edge of my consciousness. Something I had forgot or couldn’t predict and I almost wanted it to happen already. The waiting drove me insane.

As I drifted off, my phone buzzed and a soft knock woke me up. I grabbed my phone to check the time; it was four am.

I grinned as I jumped up to open the door.

I peered through the crack in the door, checking out my man standing there with a fitted t-shirt, baggy sweat pants and slippers. I opened the door wide and pulled him in by the bottom of his shirt. He leaned in and grabbed my face in his hands before landing a kiss followed by his tongue in my mouth. We found the bed in the dark and collapsed on it. Jackson’s body on top of mine. I pushed his shirt up and he pulled it over his head and I bit my lip, as my hand traveled down his beautiful chest and down his abs. He sat up on his knees and pushed the bottom of my shirt up.

“Nice,” he said, discovering I had nothing else on as his hands roamed free. He slid his finger between my legs and grinned as he kissed me. “What have you been dreaming about?”

He licked his fingers and grinned. I moaned as he kissed me and I tasted myself on his lips. 

“Dreaming about my hot football player.”

Jackson removed his shorts and laid back on top of me while enjoying the friction we were creating with our bodies, but I wanted more.

“I want you inside of me.”

“What’s the magic word?” Jackson said as his hips moved against mine. His eyes glazed over in bliss.

“I love you,” I said and it must have been the perfect words because he slid in me and said them back to me over and over again.

Jackson and I both came with a shudder and a primal grunt, and I felt bad for the people in the room next to us. I hoped it wasn’t one of his teammates.

“Damn, Carrington.” Jackson rolled on his side and kissed my face and neck and anywhere else his lips could reach.

“What?”

“God, you’re amazing. And fucking sexy as hell. What got into you tonight?”

“I don’t know. This whole weekend has been messing with my head. Being with you sweating and moaning and making each other feel good, quiets my mind.”

“You’re worried about Kayla?”

“Kayla, Jack, you and me. I’m worried about everything.” I sat up and Jackson collapsed onto his back. “Mainly, I worry about our future.”

“You talking
our
as in you and me or
our
like as in mankind?”

I looked down at him, his chest rising in falling, still trying to catch his breath from our sexy activities a minute before.

I crawled on him, straddling him and laid my hands on my chest. He kissed the top of my head and held me tight.

“Never mind.” I said and squeezed him back.

“Hey.” He tugged on my hair, and I looked up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I laid my head back down. “Do you really think it’s wise to have sex the night before a game? Doesn’t it mess with your leg strength or something?”

“It’s a night game. I have plenty of time to recover. Besides, that’s a myth.”

“Really? Okay, if you go out there and short arm it all day because you have no strength in your follow through, we are never doing it again.”

He yanked on my hair, and I placed my chin on his chest.

“Don’t even joke about something like that.”

I bit my lip and crawled the rest of the way up his chest, so that I could kiss him and feel every ounce of the confidence and certainty he felt in us being together.

While I trusted him about his physical readiness for a game, his mental state worried me. If I told him what was going on in my head, he might not recover in time.

Our trip to New York turned out better than expected. Kayla showed up minutes after Jackson snuck back to his room. Between Jack and his team rules, I wondered if we would ever have the opportunity to sleep in together. 

We spent the day shopping and Mr. Griffin and Jack returned from the backwoods in time to join us for the game.

He told me all about his trip between plays, and it seemed I did the right thing by letting him go. His asthma stayed under control the whole time, he didn’t kill anything, and to top the weekend off, Jackson played the best game of the season and the Cardinals won.

The paper canceled the interview, so that turned out good. I had a feeling Mr. Griffin had something to do with it, but he denied it.

We Griffin’ed them, after all.

I would like to say the sinking feel went away, but it only faded in the background. So when I got a call from Julia that following Tuesday, saying she took Jack to the hospital, I wasn’t surprised. I sent Jackson a text to meet us there.

I entered the emergency room and Jack whimpered as the doctors spoke to him trying to calm him down. I found Jack pale and bug eyed with tears streaming down his face. He alternated between sad whimper and coughing that shook the whole bed. He kept trying to remove the mask. As soon as he saw me, he sat back and stopped fidgeting. Like seeing me calmed him a little, but something else behind his eyes caught my attention. His shoulders slumped and his eyes flickered and closed and his whole body when limp and his lips turned blue.

Call it paranoia or the power of suggestion, but I knew that look. Somehow, he found out about Josh and it devastated him.

The machine regulating his breathing buzzed and an alarm sounded. Doctors and more nurses rushed in. Jack’s whole body shook. A nurse put her arms around my shoulder and pulled me to the far wall and kept rubbing my arm and telling me to calm down.

I tried not to push her away but her words weren’t necessary, I remained calm. I stood there and watched them work on my son, willing him to breathe. 

The doctor screamed commands at nurses and one pushed medicine in his IV while the doctor placed a tube down Jack’s throat. I clutched my neck, feeling the tube entering my throat. Even if it helped him, it felt intrusive and looked scary. 

A sob rang out from the corner and Julia stood by the window crying and praying in Spanish.

As soon as they got the oxygen connected, color returned to his body and his chest rose and fell at a steady pace.

I exhaled. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath, like if my little guy couldn’t breathe, I had no right to breathe either.

Jack’s doctor walked up to me, took my arm, and pulled me into the hall. I looked back at Julia, and she followed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Jack came home from school crying, and he couldn’t catch his breath.”

“Did something happen at school?” the doctor asked.

“I don’t know, he said he was fine, but I got scared and brought him in anyway.”

“You did the right thing.” I grabbed Julia’s hand.

“This was the worse one I’ve seen from him."

"His doctor in Florida had to intubate him once before," I said.

"What triggered it that time?”

“He was at the beach and got stung by a jelly fish.”

“He was allergic?” Dr. Marshall asked.

“No, it just freaked him out that it induced an asthma attack. He stopped breathing as the ambulance arrived. Could stress do that? Like if he got really upset about something, it could trigger this kind of reaction?” I asked.

“Yes, if something weakened his system first. Stress could exacerbate it to this level.” Doctor Marshall flipped through Jack's file on his iPad,

“Maybe something happened on the hunting trip. I'd have to ask his grandfather."

“Even if he had an attack that he controlled with his inhaler, he might not have recovered enough. Let’s let him sleep a while, and we’ll talk more about it when he wakes up.”

“Can you take the tube out of his throat before he wakes up?”

The doctor reached for my arm and squeezed it. “Let’s see how he does in the next couple of hours.”

I headed back into the room. I sent Julia to the cafeteria to get us some coffee.

Jack laid still. I watched his chest rise and fall and didn’t realize anyone else had walked into the room until Jackson gasped.

“Jackson, he’s fine,” I said as I pushed him out into the hall.

“What the fuck is going on? What happened? He was fine this morning.”

“I know. He had an asthma attack and it was really bad, but they needed to help him breathe because he wasn’t doing it on his own.”

“What happened?” Jackson asked as he looked over my head. I turned back as the nurse checked his machine and patted Jack on his leg. 

I walked over to a row of chairs against the wall outside of Jack’s room. I sat down and placed my head in my hands.

Jackson sat next to me, his hand on my back, rubbing it in small circles.

“Tell me I’m more freaked out then I need to be?” I turned to face him. “I mean, you’ve dealt with this before. But he looked so small, so helpless.”

“This one was bad, and it never gets easy to see him struggle like that, but Dr. Marshall is the best and has been treating Jack since we moved to Arizona.”

“What caused it?” 

“Most likely stress or anxiety.” I turned in the chair to take Jackson’s hand. “This has to do with Josh. I don’t know how I know it, but I can feel it.”

“You think someone told him. Who?”

“I don’t know. But you should have seen the way he looked at me. Like he couldn’t believe I would keep something so important from him.” 

“Baby, come on. I think you’re reading way too much into this. Let’s just wait until he wakes up and see what he says.” 

“No and have him get sick all over again? He’s not ready.”

“Carrington, you have to tell him the whole truth. He has to hear it from us or he’s going to think he did something wrong.”

“Jackson, I can’t. Not now.” He tried to grab my arm, but I pushed his hand away and went back into Jack’s hospital room.

I walked over to him and held his hand. His chest rose and fell with long deep breaths and except for the tube down his throat, he looked fine. Jackson walked up behind me and held me to him.

The doctor came back a couple hours later and removed the breathing tube. He gave Jack some more medicine through his IV and his eyes fluttered open a few minutes later. He could only keep them open for a minute, but when he saw Jackson and I standing over him, he smiled at us and drifted back to sleep.

The next time he woke up, he had a coughing fit that shook his whole body, but he got it under control and breathed fine on his own.

“You’re okay.” I sat on the bed behind him and rubbed his back as he coughed up the liquid in his lungs. He spit into a little plastic cube.

“They put a tube in me.” He spoke as he rubbed his throat. 

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. They had to.” I pointed to a bottle of water on the nightstand and motioned for Jackson to bring it to me.

Jack took small sips, and his coughing reduced. He leaned back against me and took deep determined breaths.

“You okay, little man?" Jackson said. 

Jack nodded.

“You scared Jackson. He’d never seen you like that before.”

“It looks worse than it is,” Jack said and reached for more water.

Jackson laughed, but his heart wasn’t in it. He wore a worried expression, and he had me freaked out. 

“I admit. I freaked out, but I’ll be okay.” Jackson said. “How about you? You need anything?”

Jack nodded. “Do I get to skip school for the rest of the week?”

“Uhm, probably," I said.

“What about the game?” Jack asked Jackson.

“Let’s just see how you feel, okay,” I said.

Jack sighed and relaxed against me.

By the time the nurses were ready to move Jack to a private room, he had figured out what all the buttons and light meant on the wall behind him. He tested the electric bed to see how far it would move and he flipped through all the channels on the small television.

We got him settled in his room and Julia sat with him, while Jackson and I walked out to the waiting room.

“I don’t understand what’s going on? It’s like nothing happened.”

“He may not remember what triggered it. I think it’s his body’s way of protecting itself.”

“Yeah, but doesn’t that mean, he’ll freak out again? If it happens again.”

I nodded my head.

“You have to tell him.”

My eyes cut to Jackson and I stared up at him. “What exactly should I tell him?”

“The truth, Carrington. He is going to find out anyway, better it should come from you.”

“No, what words exactly? I have spent his life protecting him from bad things. So how do I explain to him that his father is one of those bad things? He had some great examples of fathers in his life, and I don’t want to ruin that for him.”

“Yeah, but what happened to you. What Josh did to you isn’t a secret. Obviously, someone already knows.”

“No one knows the truth.”

“Even more reason why you need to tell him the truth. Whoever is telling him something won’t give him the right information. I have a feeling he hasn’t forgot about it, he’s trying to protect you.”

“Listen, I can’t do anything tonight. So, can we just drop it?”

“Where is my grandson?”

We both look up and a frantic Mr. Griffin stood at the end of the hall, yelling at the nurses. 

Jackson and I look at each other and then back at Mr. Griffin.

He ran over to us.

“Is he okay? Is my grandson okay?”

“Mr. Griffin. Calm down. He’s fine.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“How did you know?”

“I called him from the plane to tell him I was flying over his house, and Julia told me. We landed and here I am.”

“Unbelievable,” I said under my breath.

“So what happened?”

I went to sit down and nodded to Jackson to go ahead and tell him.

“We don’t know for sure, but we think someone told him about Josh and he had a panic attack, which triggered his asthma, and he stopped breathing.”

“What the fuck?”

I never heard Mr. Griffin swear. It unnerved me.

“Once he woke up, he didn’t mention it and we thought it’s best to let him get some rest.”

I appreciated Jackson being on my side. It felt weird watching him and Mr. Griffin discussing my son. They were both a part of my son’s life and cared about him, but it was weird.

“Okay, so what are we going to do?” Mr. Griffin asked.

I grunted.

“We?” I whispered.

“When the time is right, we’ll tell him the truth,” Jackson said.

“He has to know that we are here to love and protect him,” Mr. Griffin said.

I rubbed my forehead.

“We agree that Josh was sick and he made bad decisions because of it, but it had nothing to do with how much he loved him,” Mr. Griffin continued.

“And, do we talk about your role in what happened? Or do we just gloss over that?” I asked, and they both turned to look.

“What do you mean, my role?” Mr. Griffin asked.

“You said tell the truth, tell him everything. You two have it all figured out. So please tell me what exactly it is we are going to tell him.”

“Carr, we’re trying to help.”

“I know. I get that, but he’s still my son and it’s my responsibility to help him through this, so excuse me if I don’t need everyone’s opinion on this subject at the moment. “

I wanted to take it back as soon as it left my mouth, because the hurt in Jackson's eyes made my stomach tighten.  His shoulders slumped and he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. I didn’t mean it.

I found someone who loved my son as much as he loved me. Even before we got together, I knew Jackson would do anything to protect Jack.

What I hadn’t explained to anyone was the real reason I didn’t want to tell Jack the truth, the whole truth. In the saga of Josh, Carrington and Jackson, I was the one who fucked it up for all of us.