Hooked By Love (10 page)

‘Yes, thanks,’ he said as I switched on the lights.

We sat down on the sofa, waiting for the kettle to boil, but the silence between us wasn’t awkward at all. I stared into his enticing eyes, my body pulsated in that long-lost way I thought my nervous system had forgotten.

Josh reached out to me in the timid light of the lamp, and I let him. His fingertips grazed my throat as he ran his hand along my jaw, stopping at my chin. He tilted my head back and I closed my eyes, waiting for that first touch of his lips. And he didn’t disappoint. The scent of his skin and hair overwhelmed me once more as his hard body pushed in against me, and he locked his warm kiss on my open lips. My body flushed with hot passion and my heart raced as his tongue played on mine, but it was his heavy, slow breathing that drove me crazy.

All I wanted to do was rip his clothes off and relish in his affections, but I knew giving in to my desires would backfire on me if I threw myself at him. I didn’t want him to think I was sleeping with him just for his assistance in the eviction problem at the centre.

‘Josh, wait,’ I barely managed to say. My body ached for his, but I had to keep my head on straight.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked tenderly.

‘Nothing. Oh,
nothing
,’ I said breathlessly evoking a snigger from him. ‘But I don’t want to move too quickly. Please, don’t think for a minute I don’t want to—’

He interrupted me gracefully. ‘No need to explain, Amber. I understand completely.’

To my surprise, he stayed for his coffee, engaging me in some light-hearted banter until his taxi arrived shortly before 1:30 a.m.

Putting our dirty cups in the sink, I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before I saw Josh again and what, if anything, would happen between us.

Amber

For the first time since all this trouble started at the centre, I awoke with a feeling of hope and, what the hell, I felt downright happy for once. It was a sensation of excitement, lined by some ill feeling of premonition, but I wrote that off to a lifetime of always having had to fight for what I had. In the past, when I was happy or things were going my way, I found that such elation was simply a trap, the cruel trick of the gods preparing me for what was to come. ‘Nobody rides for free,’ as they say. And I learnt this the hard way.

And yet, this time round, I consciously decided that the past tribulations were of my own doing, due to my mind set and my expectation that things would go wrong. Therefore, when I awoke after my wonderful night with a gracious and sweet man who held as much intelligence as he did morality, I refused to boycott my happiness. I would admit that, finally, I had worked hard enough to deserve good things.

Even the weather played along. For the cool season, the morning was remarkably temperate and pleasant.

‘No rain to dodge today.’

I brought my cold coffee cup to my lips, took a sip and quickly replaced it on the table. The sky was blue, save for a few tiny clouds here and there, but the birds were testifying to the break in the miserable grey. I quickly munched on my single slice of heavily buttered toast. As I pulled on my coat, I inadvertently cast a glance at the sofa. My heart jolted and my legs did that numb thing again. At once, I could smell Josh, feel his touch and revel in that deep kiss we’d shared just before his hand started wandering into my blouse.

‘Stop it. Stop, you have work, you slut,’ I told myself and poured the rest of the bad coffee into the sink.

I had to hurry or I’d be late. Strangely enough, even as close as we’d got the night before, Josh and I hadn’t exchanged mobile numbers. Would he have sent me a sweet morning text if we had, or was I just dreaming ahead? Nevertheless, I expected at least a note from him on my desk when I got to the centre. Before he’d left in his taxi, he’d once more caressed my jaw and kissed me gently in parting.

I would never admit it, but I hoped he would show up at the centre, maybe for lunch or something like that. For that very reason, I wore my sexiest office outfit, one I’d especially mended after Josh had left. It was a pencil skirt I never wore because the hem was frayed, with a silk top with a low neck that stopped short of my cleavage. Stylish, with a touch of class.

I didn’t want to wish too hard, but just maybe this once, it was all real. Why else would he have spent so much time and money on me? I made for my Mini, looking forward to that scent that still permeated my car.

When I arrived at work, I made a conscious choice to switch into professional mode, even just to maintain my composure as the captain of this condemned vessel.

Back to business,
I thought,
so I can carry on the plans for our next move.

But I couldn’t help but feel good about the connection I’d made with Josh on a more personal level. My staff and colleagues didn’t need to know I might have secured our future by getting better acquainted with one of our landlords.

The centre wasn’t as busy as usual and most of the regular volunteers were nowhere in sight.

I hope they’re not so convinced of the demise of the centre that they’ve already upped and left.

I passed Jen’s vacant desk and headed to my office. As I tossed my purse into my desk’s bottom drawer, Christina spoke up behind me. ‘Morning, Amber.’

‘Hey, morning, Chris. Where is everyone?’ I asked cheerfully.

Hard as Christina tried to cover her sullen disposition, she failed terribly.

‘What’s wrong?’

She ignored my question. ‘Can you please come to the meeting room? We need to speak to you urgently.’

Without another word, she walked away towards the conference room.

My stomach sank as though I were a child being summoned to the principal’s office. I was in trouble, I reckoned, but I couldn’t imagine what for.

Walking into the boardroom felt like walking into a wall of negative emotion. They all sat there, grimacing at me. The once smiling, silly people I knew like family resembled a firing squad. As always, I resorted to a bit of an asinine remark to brighten things up.

‘If this is the Spanish Inquisition … I’m innocent,’ I mock pleaded.

‘Thanks for nothing, Amber,’ Jennifer said coldly as I sat.

With a careless hand, she slid a business card from Avant Garde across the polished desk to me. The shot of betrayal echoed from deep in my core and outward into my every nerve, escaping me in an audible gasp.

‘We know you and Josh O’Neil went there last night. We saw the two of you leaving in your car, so obviously it wasn’t difficult to put two and two together,’ Jennifer explained in her mildest bitch voice.

‘What are you talking about?’ I asked, astonished.

‘Oh come on, Amber,’ Harry jumped in, his hands folded between his knees, his face pulled in indifference to my inquiry. ‘My roommate works at Avant Garde as a waiter and he saw you getting all cosy with the bastard who’s selling us out. From what he said about you flirting with Josh, it’s pretty obvious you weren’t there to save the centre.’

‘That spells only one thing, babe,’ Christina added. ‘You’re in cahoots with them, probably siding with them, you know, for when the doors close on us and you need a job. You go out to dinner with him and we get an email first thing this morning reminding us of our eviction date.’ She slid a piece of paper to the edge of the table.

‘Oh Christ, are you lot for real?’ I cried unintentionally. ‘This is bullshit. I’m as shocked as you. I had a business dinner with Josh. If anything—’

‘Give it up, Amber. We know you’re sleeping with the enemy,’ Jennifer said, shaking her head.

‘I’m not sleeping with anyone, Jennifer,’ I retorted, fed up with the false accusations while all I’d done was help. ‘Isn’t that your area?’

My colleagues caught their breath but I didn’t care anymore. If they wanted to make me out to be a traitorous whore, the gloves were coming off.

Jennifer looked stunned at my remark but I ignored her. I’d had to say something in retaliation.

I picked up the printed email and shook it in my fist.

‘I went out for a bloody meal in the hope of getting Josh to talk his brother round, nothing else,’ I said, taking the time to meet everyone’s gazes. ‘And I am tired of people hanging me for trying my hardest for those who don’t trust me. I’ll go and sort this shite out once and for all.’

I sneered as I screwed the notice into a ball and stormed towards the door.

‘Where are you going?’ Christina asked meekly.

I spun around with force, nearly spraining my neck. ‘Berkley-O’Neil is about to get some religion from me. I’m done playing nice. It’s Judgement Day for Josh O’Neil.’

***

I stormed into Josh’s office without even checking in with the pretty young receptionist that didn’t even have the capacity to spell her own name correctly—Gessika, indeed—but it was funny how she managed to sport a forced cleavage that killed her A-cups for the effect.

She’s probably Craig’s lunch every day
.

‘Amber,’ Josh addressed me, perplexed.

‘Before you start flashing that tired little charming smile, I have a few words for you,’ I ranted.

‘Wait, what?’ he asked, rising from his seat. He looked genuinely concerned when I told him about the email his company had sent out this morning.

‘Is this why I was wined and dined? God knows what I almost gave you last night …’ I shouted, holding nothing back.

‘Amber, listen—’

‘I’m done listening. My God, you’re no better than your sick brother, trying to get me in the sack before getting rid of me in the good old red-tape way. I actually believed you were a decent bloke.’

‘I am, Amber,’ he said, as he approached. He sidestepped me and closed the door. ‘Look, take a breather and sit down.’

‘What for? So you can lie to me again?’

‘Amber, I didn’t lie to you. I said I’d try to make him see sense. That’s all. Nothing more.’

‘Nothing more?’ I almost yelled. The anger coursing through my veins had nothing to do with him; it had to do with my team at the centre. It hurt that they could think so little of me, and Josh was the one paying for their disloyalty.

I paced the floor like a caged animal. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if yesterday was a set-up.’

Josh looked at me as if I had two heads. ‘A set-up?’

‘Yes, a set-up. You know, making sure we were seen together at the restaurant so it would get back to my team and make me look like a traitor. God, and there I was thinking you were the perfect gentleman when you didn’t seem bothered when I stopped you—’

‘Amber—’

‘Don’t Amber me. I’ve got your number, Josh O’Neil. You ain’t gonna charm your way out of this one.’

He walked back around his desk and sat down, unfazed by my outburst. When he spoke, a cold edge tinged his voice. ‘This is a family-owned company. You know that. You know I have no power unless the other shareholders agree. And in this instance, I couldn’t oppose Craig, even if I wanted to.’

The words filtered through to my brain. He may well be telling the truth, but the sting of it all was too much.

I opened the door, and stopped. ‘Well, you might be too useless to do something against your brother, but I am not!’

Zack

Come on, lighten up. What’s the worst that can happen?
I’d been asking myself the same question for over an hour and I still hadn’t come up with a suitable reply
that would convince me to walk into the centre. I’d been standing around like a Muppet, working up the nerve to go inside. In the end, I resorted to downing the beer in my bag to give myself some Dutch courage. It was too early to have a drink, but what was the alternative? Hightail it home and spend another day in misery, feeling sorry for myself?

Popping a chewing gum into my mouth, I chomped furiously before heading to the entrance of the centre. Before I went inside, I blew a mouthful of breath into my hands to make sure the scent of alcohol had been masked.

As I stepped over the threshold, the woman standing behind the reception desk looked over at me. She was blonde with out of control, frizzy hair. She gave me a welcoming smile, and despite the tension in my shoulders, I relaxed a little.

‘Hello…?’ She cocked her head to one side, waiting for me to complete her sentence with my name.

I said the first name that came to mind, ‘Steve.’

‘Hi, Steve. Come in.’

Like a frightened animal unsure of her intentions, I took one step forward and stopped.

‘I don’t bite, Steve.’

Her voice had a way of putting me at ease.

‘Is Paul around?’ I asked, inching in a few feet farther, my confidence growing with each step.

‘Paul? Sure, of course,’

If she was surprised that I knew someone who volunteered at the centre, her face didn’t show it. I balled my hands into fists as she picked up the phone and pressed a button. Seconds later, she said into the mouthpiece, ‘Jen, can you ask Paul to come to reception please. He has a visitor.’

In that instant, I wanted to run away from the centre as fast as my legs would carry me, but I’d procrastinated for too long; Paul was on his way down the stairs.

‘Hey, you came.’ He beamed as he strode over to me.

I took a step back, wary he might hug me or something in front of the woman. I folded my arms across my chest.

‘Yeah,’ I said.

‘Do you wanna come upstairs or go for a walk?’

‘A walk,’ I mumbled. Just standing inside the centre was a big enough step for one day.

‘Sure.’ He turned to face the woman and after she gave him a nod of approval, we set off down the road, walking toward the park.

‘So have you got a name?’ Paul asked as we walked into the play area. I grabbed hold of a swing and sat down.

‘Zack,’ I said truthfully.

‘It’s nice to meet you, Zack.’ He walked to stand in front of me and held out his hand and this time, I took it. Paul smiled and sat on the swing next to mine.

We pushed ourselves back and forth in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before I glanced over at him. He looked so content, peaceful—a state of being I could only dream of.

‘So what do you do at the centre?’ I asked, genuinely interested.

‘Admin and whatever else needs doing.’

‘Do you talk to … Do you talk to…?’ I couldn’t get the words out. I’d never dared say them out loud before.

‘Do I talk to people like … you?’ He finished for me in a voice laced with compassion and understanding.

‘And who are people like me?’ I wanted the truth to come from his lips, not mine.

‘People who are lost and confused and have no one to turn to.’

‘And why don’t they have anyone to talk to?’ I pressed.

He shrugged. ‘Because they’re scared of rejection and ridicule, of people hating them for being different.’

I remained silent for a few minutes before I spoke again. ‘How did you know? About me, I mean?’

Paul grabbed the chain on my swing, bringing me to an abrupt halt. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. I was scared of what he would see in my eyes.

‘Because I used to wear that very same face when I first came to London.’ He stood and came to stand in front of me again. ‘There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Zack. Once you can face up to the truth, believe me, it gets easier.’

There. He’d said the word and my world hadn’t come crashing down on me. Lightning hadn’t struck me dead. I was still the same person I’d been only seconds ago.

‘Have you told anyone? Family? Friends?’

I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes.

‘You know you’d be surprised to learn how many people you love aren’t raging homophobes. Sometimes I think we just punish ourselves because it’s us who can’t accept that we’re not wired the same as other people. No matter how much we’d like to be.’

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. The last thing I wanted to do was start blubbering on a child’s swing like a baby. But the relief of admitting my true feelings to someone proved too much and hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

Paul gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before pushing his hand into his pocket and offering me a piece of chewing gum.

I half laughed. ‘I thought you were going to give me a tissue.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘That nonsense only happens in the movies. What would a big butch man like me be doing carrying tissues in my pockets?’ He jested and puffing out his chest.

I laughed more loosely and literally felt the darkness around me evaporate.

We stayed in the park talking until the blue sky darkened. I told him everything about me. By the time I’d finished, he knew more about me than anyone else I knew. If my uncle hadn’t called me on my mobile phone, I would have stayed in the park with Paul forever.

‘I’d better go,’ I said reluctantly as I rose to my feet.

I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes and I was happy to know he felt the same way I did.

‘Do you want to swap numbers?’ he asked. ‘The centre might be closing down soon, so I don’t know how much longer I’ll be volunteering there.’

‘I wouldn’t be too worried,’ I said, pulling my rucksack onto my shoulder. I made off towards the park’s entrance.

‘Paul,’ I called back. ‘You’ve helped me and I’m gonna help you in any way I can. Trust me.’

I gave him one last wave before running all the way home as if I were floating on air.