Honor (42 page)

“No, I ain’t gonna say that. A man who’s got a good wife should count himself lucky and treat her right.”

Grateful, she turned her face to Zeb. “Thank thee, Zeb. She was a good wife. It’s been very upsetting. And I’m so exhausted from traveling.”

“And you might be in the family way. Women get emotional then. More than usual, that is.”

Still uncertain about this, Honor went over all she’d gone through in the past days. Expecting or not, she’d had plenty to be emotional about. She’d thought that she and Samuel had come to an understanding of each other. But learning the truth from Darah had upset everything.
After her grandfather’s death, she and Royale had been hard-pressed to find a way to survive with some dignity. No time for reflection or acceptance. Finding a way to live, a safe place and provision, had overwhelmed them. They were secure now, but the turmoil of Darah’s arrival had thrown Honor back into that awful time.

Honor knew that Samuel was a good man, that Alec could not begin to compare. But even if she tried to frame this into a defense, she wondered whether her husband would believe her after her hasty words about Alec’s courtship.
His suspicions may start all over again. God, help me.
She and Samuel had been married for months and might have conceived a child together—a true blessing—but in her distress, she feared she had done harm to their marriage, lasting harm.

The journey home went easier and faster than expected. Samuel didn’t like being in the company of the catchers, but he said nothing. Honor seemed at ease with them, something he couldn’t understand. Dan, the young one, took over driving the Cathwell wagon so Honor could walk or ride. When they reached Dayton, the older one saw a poster about a runaway, and the two wagons separated.

Now Honor sat beside Samuel on the wagon bench, again driving their team. Since they’d had company most of the way home, they had interacted very little. Trying to reconcile himself to Honor’s past with Alec Martin, Samuel had not wanted to engage with her. And evidently
his wife had been of the same mind. They had only communicated about the merest practicalities.

Finding out that the man had courted Honor had reignited a trace of Samuel’s former jealousy, though when he thought about their situation rationally, he could not imagine Honor possessing feelings for a man who had betrayed her and mistreated her cousin. Yet the revelation had cut Samuel deeply, and the wound didn’t go away. Honor had pressed her hand to her heart and said,
“I hurt,”
and Samuel felt the same.

Honor was an upright woman and a praiseworthy wife, but she’d only married him out of necessity. That was the sticking point. Would she ever feel any love for him?

MAY 5, 1820

In the weathered building where the African church met, Honor sat between Samuel and Caleb, Eli on Samuel’s other side. Over her shoulder, Honor glimpsed Royale and Judah in the open door at the rear. The wedding couple’s radiant faces told the truth. Royale loved Judah, and he loved her. Everyone rose in honor of the bride and groom as they entered.

Tears rolled down Honor’s face. She could not stanch the flow and did not try. Beside her stood the husband who had barely spoken to her since they had returned from Canada. Not even when she revealed she was probably expecting their first child, though she’d hoped this good news would break the impasse between them. Samuel had said the right words but with no emotion or spontaneous gladness. He had guarded himself as he always did. He was
extra careful of her and concerned about her overdoing it, but that was all.

From the rear of the room, a woman with a rich, melodious voice began singing a song familiar to Honor, bringing her back to this special event.

“Fare thee well, fare thee well.

In that great gettin’ up mornin’

Fare thee well, fare thee well.”

Holding hands and dressed in their best clothes, Judah and Royale walked—no, nearly danced—down the aisle together. The whole congregation clapped and joined in the song.

“In that great gettin’ up mornin’

Fare thee well, fare thee well.”

In her memory, Honor heard Royale’s mother’s rich voice, lifted, singing the same song. Emotion raced through her. Face forward, Honor hid within her bonnet and made no telltale move to wipe away her tears.

An image from her own very different wedding, of Samuel’s closed face as he’d affirmed his commitment to her, released long-denied despair, welling up inside her. Every day since they’d returned, she had tried to smooth matters over, but he remained aloof. All the headway she’d made in her marriage had evaporated, mostly because of her rash words on the drive home. Would the child she carried be born into a house empty of love between its parents?

After the song died down, everyone sat, and Judah’s father, Brother Ezekiel, stood between Royale and his son, speaking to them of love and commitment. Honor’s mind raced with flashes of memory of her home in Maryland, the green fields of tobacco, and the sad faces of her people—faces she would probably never see again in this life. The images felt as sharp as pinpricks, and her tears rolled downward. She’d wanted to free her people, but now they lived under a master more unfeeling and volatile than his predecessor.

Judah and Royale said their vows loud and strong.

Honor’s own vows echoed in her head.
“I promise, with God’s help, to be unto thee a loving and faithful wife until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.”
She’d made that promise and would live up to it, but she hadn’t counted on how difficult the road would be. Just weeks ago, she and Samuel had been united by something near to love. Would it ever return? She wanted what everyone wanted: to love and be loved by someone.

Brother Ezekiel tied Royale’s and Judah’s wrists together with a rough cord. Then Judah kissed his bride.

Following a round of cheers and applause, the wedding couple turned unexpectedly to Honor, who was sitting in the front row as requested. “I got something more to say,” Royale announced.

Royale drew Honor up to stand beside her. “This lady is Mrs. Samuel Cathwell, the woman who freed me. Mrs. Cathwell wanted to free all her people, and because of that, she lost everything. I just wanted all of you to know what kind of lady she is.”

Honor could no longer hide that her face was drenched in tears. Maybe tears at a wedding would be overlooked. Still, she pressed her handkerchief to her mouth, hiding her quivering lips. Royale still did not want to reveal their blood tie in public, and that was her prerogative, but Honor felt their bond more than ever.

Drawing up Judah’s hand, still tied to hers, Royale motioned for quiet, until silence loomed over them, broken only by a baby’s cry.

A man with a rich, deep voice began singing.

“The Lord, by Moses, to Pharaoh said:

Oh! Let my people go.

If not, I’ll smite your firstborn dead—

Oh! Let my people go.

“Oh! Go down, Moses,

Away down to Egypt’s land,

And tell King Pharaoh to let my people go.”

Emotion electrified the room. Honor felt the thrill vibrate through her, and the hairs on her neck prickled. She’d never before realized that this song meant freedom to these people. Royale drew nearer, and Honor wept again with her friend’s arm around her.

The song ended, and Royale released her. Honor returned to Samuel’s side and watched as Royale and Judah walked up the aisle to jump the broom at the door of the church.

A thorn pierced Honor’s heart. Unlike Royale, she’d
married a man who didn’t wed her out of love. She rose and left the church on Samuel’s arm, Eli and Caleb alongside. She knew that Samuel was capable of faithfulness, goodness, and kindness. Maybe it would have to be enough.

After the wedding and luncheon, Judah and Royale stayed at his father’s home. They planned to spend their two-day honeymoon visiting friends and shopping to furnish the new cabin that would soon be built between the barn and the kitchen. Perlie had also decided to spend the days visiting friends. She had taught Honor how to cook a few simple dishes in recent months, and Honor assured her she could manage on her own.

As Samuel and Honor passed Thad’s place in Sharpesburg, Eli and Caleb asked to stay behind to play with Thad’s son, who was starting to crawl. Honor declined to linger for conversation with Charity and her daughter-in-law. She insisted upon returning home. She didn’t feel ill, just tired, as she told Charity.

At last, she and Samuel approached their house. Samuel signed that he was going to check on the cow in the meadow before heading inside.

Being alone like this only accentuated the barrier between them. She nodded, realizing that he did not want to join her in the cabin any more than she wanted to be with him. She wondered if, for him, the wedding had stirred up all the undercurrents that she had felt. Untying her bonnet ribbons, Honor walked into the cabin.

And halted. Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t move.

Alec Martin turned. His handsome face was flushed in the heat, yet he wore an impeccable riding suit, his white cravat still stiff and perfectly tied. He rushed to her and clasped her hands in his. “Honor, you’re more beautiful than I had remembered.”

She fell back, bumping up against the wall. “Alec!” she finally gasped. “Why is thee here?”

He had released her and now stood and stared at her. “My wife’s been here! I can see it in your eyes. That deranged woman has been here, telling her lies about me!”

Honor could not think. She recalled that Darah and Sally had both testified to Alec’s rages. His fury ignited before her, and cold fear trickled through her.

“Darah is insane!” he ranted, pacing up and down. “How could I have been so deceived by her? She falls and hurts herself and then blames me!”

Every exculpatory word he uttered only convinced Honor that Darah had been telling the truth. Alec was the one who appeared deranged. Alarm ignited in the pit of her stomach. Would he vent his anger on her?

They were alone. She could call for help, but Samuel could not hear. She must run to him. She edged toward the door.

Alec blocked her way. “Tell me you believe me. I can’t bear for you, my sweet Honor, to think ill of me. It’s all lies! I am going to find Darah and take her home and lock her up. She’s a danger to others! To herself!”

Honor skirted to the side, trying to ease past him to
the door. She nearly said,
I don’t know where she is.
But she couldn’t tell him a lie, nor would she tell him the truth. “Alec, I cannot help thee.”

He ignored her. “I should have married you and been happy. I could have talked you out of freeing your people. Darah . . . You don’t know the way she threw herself at me. If I had been older, more experienced, I would have seen her stratagems. You cannot imagine how I’ve regretted my actions that hurt you, my dear Honor.”