Honey Whiskey (A Bastards MC Novel) (15 page)

“
I asked you before, but we were
interrupted before you could answer. How much do you know about the
Bastards, L.K.?”

I felt my forehead wrinkle in
surprised confusion. “Not much more than I’ve told you. Jessie told
me a few things about Matty, but nothing significant.”

He nodded, a look of determination
crossing his rugged face as he lifted one shoulder. “I thought
Mateo would tell you eventually. I think you should know who you’ah
livin’ with, don’t you? Who you ahh spending your time with. And I
don’t want you to heah it from one of my brothahs.” I bit my lip,
nodding. I wouldn’t turn down any information he was willing to
give me, especially if it helped me solve the mystery of Matty. He
and I still needed to have that talk, but maybe with a little
perspective, it would go as well as our last chat. I smiled as I
thought of him and our fire escape conversation.

“To undahstand the Bastahds, you
need to know my history.” He shifted, leaning his elbows onto his
knees. He rolled the bottle between his hands and shook his head.
“I was a wicked wild kid. My parents were shanty Irish and didn’t
give two shits about what happened to us as long as we stayed outta
their way. I was the oldest of four. Katie, Meghan, and little
Colin—he was the tiniest five-yeah old I’d evah seen. We were
hungry all the time, never warm enough, and if we whined or asked
for food, my father would beat us. I’m not talking backhanded
beatings. No, if he came aftah ya, you spent the next few days
lyin’ on a bare mattress in the corner ‘cause ya couldn’t fuckin’
move. I can’t tell you how many times he went aftah one of the
babies only to have me or Katie get in the way. I wanted it to be
me he hit, I could take it, but sometimes I wasn’t
theah.

“I stahted stealing shit when I
was five or six. Just food, at first, that the four of us would eat
once our parents passed out. I was fast, and being as small as I
was, I could get into a store and out before anyone even knew I was
theah. Megs loved melon. She had a piece of watermelon at school
one day, but our parents wouldn’t buy it. Katie liked anything that
was fresh—veggies, fruit—as long as it didn’t come in a can, she
loved it. Colin, well, he wanted peanut butter. I’d make a couplea
runs a week, grabbing some bread and peanut butter, sometimes
jelly, whatever veggies I could, and always a melon for Megs.” My
heart ached for the little boy that had to steal food in order for
his family to eat the most basic meals.

“
Then I got a little boldah, and I
started on the bigger shit. Jackets for us to wear, shoes for the
babies, and this stupid teddy bear that Megs saw one day and swore
she and Colin needed. I told my dad they came from school, but he
was pissed because we’d taken charity. So, he threw everything out.
When I stole more, he beat me worse than he evah had.

“Social services was a fuckin’
joke. They’d come talk to my sisters, brothah, and me at school,
take pictures of aah bruises, but my parents would just move us to
another shithole and we were forgotten. It was a nevah endin’
cycle. Until I was ten.” He set the beer on the table next to him
and sat up, putting palms on his knees as if bracing himself for
what he was about to say. “I had a new baby sistah, Elizabeth, the
prettiest thing you’ve evah seen. Dahk curls, chubby cheeks, and
her smile melted my haht.” He smiled at the memory, and I could see
pure adoration light his face.

“My sistah Katie and I took turns
feedin’ her and makin’ sure she was dry. Kate’s a year youngah than
me, and we did what we could to help little ones. I worried from
the time we left for school until the time we came home, not
trustin’ my parents to be alone with my Lizzie girl. It was a warm
spring day when we came home and found her all alone, sleepin’
peacefully. The fuckers had left her on the couch, under a pile of
blankets, not even a chair propped up to keep her from rollin’
off.” Emotion made his voice crack, and he cleared his
throat.

“I had Katie go pick her up while
I grabbed her bottle. I didn’t know how long the deadbeats had been
gone, so I knew she’d be hungry. I opened it up to rinse it out and
gagged. I knew the smell well enough—dear old Da reeked of it all
the time. Just then, Kate started screaming to me 'cause Lizzie
wasn’t waking up. I ran to them, desperate for Lizzie to open her
eyes, but she wouldn’t. I picked up Megs and Colin, and we ran
straight to the nearest hospital.
“I saw the look in the nurse’s eyes when we ran through the door,
full of pity and disbelief. I set the little ones down and handed
the lady the bottle, begging her to save my Lizzie girl.” He
stopped, clearing his throat again. I wiped at the tears I couldn’t
stop streaming down my face. “We never went back home. Child
services came not long after and took us. They found an uncle I
didn’t know I had in Maine, and took me the up next
day.”

“
Lizzie? Was she ok? Did they save
her?”

He looked away, lost in memories. “She
survived, I know that. I think they pumped her stomach. They told
my uncle later that she was adopted by a good family, one that
would give her the best of everything, even if she had problems
because of the alcohol.”

I was horrified. “You don’t know?”

“
I can’t find her. Colin is now
Colton, and he and Megs were adopted together. Great fuckin’
family. I see ‘em as much as I can. He’s an artist, lives in
Florida with his wife. Works for fuckin’ Disney.” The smile on his
face was full of pride, but his eyes were full of sadness. “Megs is
a school teacher in New Hampshah, she just got engaged and asked me
to walk her down the aisle next fall. Told her adopted dad that she
needed me to do it, because I saved her.” His smile was deep enough
to show his dimples, but his eyes started to glisten.

“Katie was sent to Maine, too, to
another uncle. Turned out her abuse was worse than any of us knew."
He paused biting his lip. "I nevah saw it, she nevah told me. If I
had I had known..." His voice was low, just above a whisper, his
eyes full of hate. Then he cleared his throat. "She’s a
veterinarian. Never married, never had kids because she was afraid
she'd repeat the cycle. So, she spends all her time with animals.
But, we never found Lizzie.”

“I’m so sorry,
Rob.” I didn’t know what else to say. He was barely keeping it
together, and even though I knew how beneficial a good cry was, I
didn’t know how to comfort him or how to make it ok. “You don’t
have to tell me any more.” After everything he’d been through as a
kid, a group like the Bastards, protecting kids and trying to help,
made complete sense. I understood now and didn’t need him to keep
going.

He didn’t act like he’d heard me.
“My uncle Liam was a decent guy, but I was just too pissed off at
the world to care. I missed my brothah, and I missed my girls. I
wanted to be back with them more than anything, even if I had to go
back to the hellhole my parents lived in. I wanted to rock Lizzie
to sleep one more time, to scare the monsters away for Megs, to
knock out the kid bullying Colin, to tell Katie I loved her. I
worried about them all the time, not sure if they were hungry,
cold, scared… not sure who was taking care of them.”

“You were just a kid, Rob. Those
weren’t your responsibilities,” I interrupted, aching to help child
he’d been.

“I know that now. But then? I was
fuckin’ miserable. By the time I was a teenager, drugs were the
only thing that numbed the pain, L.K. They made me forget how much
I missed 'em, how I’d failed ‘em.” He bit his bottom lip, staring
across the room, lost in memory. “I got in a ton of trouble from
the day I moved in with Liam, but as I got older it got worse. He
tried to help and, at first, he was able to cover for me, to make
excuses to the world. By the time I was fourteen, no amount of
money could help me, and I was sent to Longcreek. My uncle came to
see me every visitor’s day. And, every visitor’s day I’d yell, tell
him I hated him, that I didn’t want him theah. He’d still come back
the next time.” Rob smiled at the memory. “He told me once that he
was a bastahd, but that meant that he was passionate, that loved me
more than I loved myself, and he wasn’t gonna stop ‘til he saved
me.

“I got out aftah a few months and
was headed right back to the old me when my uncle made me get in
the car and took me to see Megs and Colton.” His voice broke. “I
hadn’t seen ‘em since the social workah took me from the hospital.
Megs was ten, Colton nine, and they were fuckin’ beautiful! So
fuckin’ healthy. And so fuckin’ happy.” He smiled. “Their house was
huge, with a backyahd and a tree fort, and they had their own rooms
and more toys than fifty fuckin’ kids needed. They remembahd me and
gave me the biggest fuckin’ hugs. It was the happiest day of my
life.” His eyes watered, and I bit my lip to keep from
interrupting, my own tears fighting for release. “That was it for
me. I wanted them to know me, to be proud of me. I promised my
uncle on the way home that I wouldn’t touch another fuckin’ drug.
And, I nevah did.

“I met Allison that summer.” He
paused, and I held my breath, not knowing who he was talking about,
but sure it was going to be another devastating story. He turned
his eyes back to me, and the sadness I could see broke my heart.
“She was perfect—a straight A student, beautiful, funny, tons of
friends, and I couldn’t believe she wanted a loser like me as much
as I wanted her. My uncle tried to warn me, told me she came from a
rough family, but all I cared about was her. I started writing to
Katie, got to see Megs and Colton every month, and Ali filled the
rest of my time. I was happy.” The way he said the words made my
hair stand on end, and I knew something awful was coming. I shook
my head. I didn’t want him to tell me more. I didn’t want to hear
how this story would turn any more horrific. He didn’t stop,
though.

“
I’d seen bruises on her, but she
always laughed ‘em off. We were so close that I knew she’d tell me
if something was wrong, but she never did. We’d been together for
almost a yeah when she came to me, crying. She was pregnant, almost
four months. We were fifteen, both just kids ourselves, no idea how
to be parents. We talked about running away, but I couldn’t leave
my family, not when I’d just gotten ‘em back. So, we talked to Liam
and he told us we could live with him, that he’d help us. Ali’s dad
had other plans, though, and decided since it was too late for her
to have an abortion, he’d beat the baby out of her.” I gasped.
“Turned out that she’d been his punching bag for yeahs. I never
would have let her go home if I’d known.

“It didn’t work. Hannah was a
fightah, even in the womb. Ali, though, wasn’t as strong as our
dottah. Her dad got put away, and when she got released from the
hospital, her family wouldn’t let her go home. It was a small town,
and a fifteen-year-old pregnant girl was the not the kinda kid most
parents wanted their dottah's around. Suddenly she was the shunned
girl, not the shining stah. I watched as she drifted away from me,
hoping after the baby came that Ali’d be ok. She wasn’t. I knew she
was using as soon as she started. I was terrified for Hannah,
pissed off that Ali’d do that shit aftah I told her about my
childhood. The day I caught her dealer in my house, with my very
pregnant girlfriend shooting up, I snapped. I fuckin’ came unspun.
If my uncle hadn’t come home and stopped me, I’da killed
him.

“I was sent back to the youth
centah. This time, as a violent criminal. I missed Hannah bein’
born, missed her first cry, her first smile.” He swallowed hard as
the memories became too much for him to bear. “I only got to hold
her a handful of times, but I loved that little girl with every
paht of my soul. Liam had her for a few yeahs, and would bring her
when he came to visit. She reminded me so much of Lizzie, dahk
curly hair and chubby cheeks. The most beautiful baby girl on the
fuckin’ planet.

“I was
determined to be a great dad, to be everything mine wasn’t. More
like my uncle. I had this need to be someone my baby girl could be
proud of, to right othah’s wrongs, and stand up for the kids that
couldn’t stand up for themselves. There’s a lot of shitty stuff
that happens in a correctional facility, L.K., even when you’ah in
theah with kids as young as ten. Matty and I had become friends,
and he always had my back, even when he thought I should mind my
own fuckin’ business. But, everything good I was doin’ didn’t
matter ‘cause I was still stuck inside. And when Ali came to take
Hannah, after two yeahs of being a fuckin’ low life, my uncle had
to give her back ‘cause she was the mom. She had the fuckin' nerve
to come to Longcreek and gloat. Told me I'd ruined her life and
that I'd nevah see Hannah again.

“I was in the
middle of a fuckin’ science class when the guahds and my counsellah
pulled me out, haulin’ me to the office. They brought Matty in,
figurin’ it would soften the blow.” His voice broke again and tears
rolled down his cheeks as he brought a fisted hand to his mouth.
“There is nothin’ in this world that will help you when someone
tells you that your dottah is dead, that her mother’s boyfriend
killed her, and that both her mother and the boyfriend are missing.
There is no pain that comes close to knowing you failed the people
you love again, that you didn’t save her.”

I didn’t think, just pushed myself
off the couch and flew at him, pulling him against me so hard that
he didn’t have a chance to resist. Even sitting, he was almost as
tall as I was standing, and I could feel the tears as they soaked
through the shoulder of my shirt. I held my arms tight around him,
letting him know that he wasn’t alone in this terrible memory. My
own tears slid down my face and I bit my lip. Jesus, this evening
had not gone as I planned it. I had no idea that this is where our
conversation would take us. If I had, I would have stopped it
before it started. I don’t know how long I stood there, but I
waited until his body stopped shaking and his breathing had
returned to normal before I eased my grip.