Honey Flavored Tears (8 page)

“Well is she?” I asked
.

“
Do you really want to know?” Pierre asked with a concerned look on his face. He didn’t have to tell me, the look on his face said it all.

“So she is pregnant,
” I said not needing any confirmation from him.

“Jai
, I’m so sorry,” he said as he came over to me and hugged me. The tears were uncontrollable at this point. The feeling of being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back fully is the most painful feeling ever; I would never wish this on anyone.

“Just try to keep your sanity and know things will get better,” Pierre said as he
consoled me but little did he know I was already losing half of my mind.

                                                          Chapter 8

                                       
Jaidyn’s P.O.V.

  A month had passed by since I heard the news about Zariah being pregnant with Quincy’s baby and it was a hard pill to swallow. Every day since I found out about it, Quincy has been blowing my phone up. Instead of answering, I would simply send him a text saying I’m busy and I’ll get back to him as soon as I can. I wasn’t trying to avoid him but I couldn’t fathom that I had to be strictly just friends with him. He was moving on in his life with her and starting a new chapter. A part of me somewhat envied that because I wanted that with him so how could I act like everything was okay? When would it be my turn to show my hurt? When can I stop being the bigger person?

“So I’ll see you
when I get out of this poetry slam with my girls tonight,” Pierre said to someone on the other line, bringing me back to reality.”Alright Boo I’ll see you then,” he said before he hung up the phone.

“
Whaaat he yo Boo now?” Ava asked after Pierre hung up the phone.

“Damn hoe
you kind of nosey, ain’t you?” Pierre asked in return.

“Hey I’m just saying it’s not like you to get…well I haven’t seen you get serious with a man in a long time,” Ava replied back
.

“Well people have the right to change,” Pierre replied.

“True, true, Jaidyn what you got to say about this you’ve been quiet since we left the house,” Ava said looking at me. Without giving any eye contact back I simply replied back with, “Nothing at all.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Ava asked.

“She’s just like that sometimes, quiet and keeps to herself when she has a lot on her mind,” Pierre said for me. I was glad he was so understanding of the situation I was going through instead of being judgmental and so quick to lecture me this time around. People always viewed him as being blunt and too outspoken but deep down inside there was a sweet and gentle side of Pierre as well, he just wasn’t so quick to show everyone that side because people can’t be
trusted.

“Welcome
back everyone. I’m so glad y’all could make it out tonight. We have a very interesting show for you tonight and I must say this list of poets is very long, so sit back and relax and enjoy the smooth ride of soulful poetry,” the host said as the lights dimmed allowing the candles on the tables to glow more. “Our first poet we have coming up to the stage tonight is Jaidyn. As the crowd clapped Pierre and Ava both shot confused looks at me. I looked back at them and pleasantly smiled as I got up to walk over to the stage. “Hello everyone, tonight I’ll be performing a poem I wrote recently called ‘Bitter Sweet Reality.’” I closed my eyes sighed deeply then looked back out at the crowd:

If you looked in my eyes you’d probably see

A vision of a knight in shining armor saving a woman from distress

My mind floats on cloud 9000

Heart skipping beats

Butterflies pinching my stomach

Sweat beads making love to my goose bumps

Every time I feel your touch

Your kisses feel like light rain drops falling in the Sahara desert

That I yearn to dance in

Rushing pure ecstasy chills through my veins

Allowing you to enter me feeling a deeper connection

You put me in positions like I was rehearsing making a baby for you

We were so deep into it

Kisses making me high didn’t want to come down

Your thrusts of lust reassured me you weren’t ready to stop this feeling either

Creative sex is the best and we engraved our signatures into each other

We wanted to make sure people knew we were here

Making love to the wee hours of the morning

I woke up feeling weird

See darkness swallows up the truth

Only for the morning to have its sickness and regurgitate the truth back to us…

I looked in your eyes and I didn’t see my fairytale only a blurry vision of question marks

Crashing me back down to reality

We are just friends how did we get past that stage

I guess
we drowned our pain and emptiness into drunkenness again

And fuck
ed our way back to being sober

This soul tie we have created gets so twisted up in knots from our complications

We are improbable

I want you

You want me

But for some reason we feel like we aren’t worthy of each other

I ask you to trust that I’d always be there

But lately when we hold our hands out our fingertips forget to slip into each other

We use to have trust

Now it’s like I fear you

I gave you something so precious

Yet I still feel empty because when you wrap your arms around me I know

You aren’t fully mine

We are just friends

I put myself into a position so I can feel like I’m wanted

Feeling so high in the middle of the night

I reminisce on that feeling every minute yearning for it to happen again

Only to realize we got so
high in the middle of the night

We forgot to use protection to protect us from sexually touching desires

That society calls STDs

Or that responsibility of being a parent

Because pleasure and responsibility never seem to come on time with each other

They always miss each other’s presence in the heat of the moment

So now we lay here wondering of

Our bitter sweet what ifs

“Thank you,” I said with a small grin upon my face and wiped my tears. I stepped off the stage
and headed back over to my table where Ava and Pierre were sitting and sat down to enjoy the rest of the show with them.

“Wow Jai
, I know that you write poetry but I’ve never heard you perform it like that with so much emotion in it,” Pierre said.

“Yeah
, you were good,” Ava replied.

“Thank you,” I said in return, feeling a huge lump in my throat. The host called up Ava to perform her poem next.

“Alright Pierre, this one is for you,” Ava said then headed up to the stage after the crowd calmed down with the clapping she began performing her poem “Daddy’s Little Girl.” I was happy the lights were very dim in the room so no one would notice me. As the lump in my throat was calming down, my tears were streaming down my face. Ava and Pierre were amazed by my performance but little did they know that poem had truth behind it. Who would’ve thought I would ever be in this position kicking myself and feeling stupid. I was trying to move on from what Quincy and I had but instead I did the opposite. Ever since the last time we met up, all I could think about was how good it felt to have him deep inside of me but now that the moment was over all I wanted was for it to happen again and again and since I knew that wouldn’t happen I just wanted these memories to fade far away…

                                                             

                                         
Author’s P.O.V.

Life
has a way of making funny surprises.
Quincy thought to himself. It had been a month since the last time he heard from Jaidyn and couple
of days since the last time he called her phone only to hear her voicemail instead of her voice.
For some reason, he was starting to be okay with that
.
“Quincy just stop, stop trying to run back to me when things get hard for you and Zariah. Start facing your problems like a man.”
He thought to himself about the last time he talked to Jaidyn and she told him that. Even though what went on that night between them didn’t make things better he was starting to believe that maybe everything that’s been going on lately was a sign that maybe he should grow up and start taking care of his responsibilities likes a man. It wasn’t right to play with people’s hearts and this was something Quincy was coming to understand lately. He lay there in the bed cuddled up next to Zariah. Ever since she told him the news about their unborn child he couldn’t help how excited he was feeling lately. Even though he wasn’t financially ready and fatherhood seemed scary the thought of having a mini me running around brought a smile to his face.

“Can I be honest with you about something
?” Quincy asked Zariah.

“What’s up
, bay?” Zariah asked focusing her attention fully on the TV. Not that anything special was on that could catch her attention; she just couldn’t bring herself to look at him straight in the eye ever since she told him about her false pregnancy. Love was starting to take her on a turbulent ride. She always heard the saying that love can make you do some crazy things but she never knew love would have her so far gone…

“To be honest
, I was scared at first of having a child but ever since you told me….having a future with you is all I can really think about every day now.”

A perplexed look came into
Zariah’s eyes as she slowly looked at Quincy and turned the TV on mute. “Q what are you trying to say?” She asked giving her full attention to him now.

Quincy placed his hand on her thigh and looked her deep in her eyes to show his sincere. “Z I know I’ve put you through a lot for my own selfish reasons. I’ve played with your heart so much because of the fear of really settling down and being content with waking up to someone by my side for the rest of my life. I’m only 24, still trying to get my life in order so commitment was so far from my mind; but it’s time for me to grow up and take care of responsibilities and realize that in life you can’t plan out how you want things to go. We are a prime example of that.” His comment caused Zariah to chuckle a little bit.

“
So what are you trying to tell me Q?” Zariah asked.

“I’m saying no more games
. I’m ready to fully commit to you. I mean that one hundred percent,” he replied. It seemed like forever that Zariah was waiting to hear him say that but now that the words finally came out of his mouth, it gave her a funny feeling, the feeling of guilt. Instead of her listening to her conscious that was telling her to just tell him the truth, she just displayed a pretend smile and said, “I’m glad that we can finally be on the same page together.” With that being said, she leaned in and gave him a kiss. This person that she was becoming, someone who lied and schemed to get what she wanted was something new for Zariah. She was torn in between wanting to tell the truth and saying fuck it why can’t I play with his heart like he has done mine…

                                                                   

The next Monday rolled around pretty quick. Ava was chilling in the living room at Jaidyn and Pierre’s house. Frustration was overwhelming her mind as she was reading a text from someone who wanted to get rid of her although the message wasn’t processing in her head yet. She wouldn’t be able to let go unless she made Jaidyn take the place of the only girl that has had her heart since high school. Until then,
she
hasn’t seen or heard the last of Ava. She sighed deeply and texted back if that’s what you think, you thought wrong.

“Wow I didn’t know you would be up so early,”
Jaidyn said as she came into the living-room causing Ava to jump and toss her phone under a pillow.

“Girl
, you scared me,” Ava said as she placed her hand over her heart trying to calm her heart rate down.

“’I’m sorry
. I should’ve announced myself I just didn’t think you would be up at 8 in the morning,” Jaidyn replied.

“My body is weird, I wake up at different hours all the time it’s crazy.”

“Yeah I can imagine.”

“Why
are you up so early?” Ava asked.

“Got to head into work early today,”
Jaidyn replied.

“
Awww damn, I guess I’m gone be chilling by myself today,” Ava said in a disappointing tone.

“Girl we’ve been hanging since you got here. You’ve been here the whole time since you’ve been back so don’t trip,”
Jaidyn said in a playful matter.

“Yeah I know, I’ve e
njoyed y’all’s company just trying to spend a little bit more time with y’all before I head back down to Georgia,” Ava replied lying right through her teeth. She stood there admiring Jaidyn in her pink and lavender scrubs. It was something about her that drove Ava crazy. Maybe it was those honey brown eyes or that beautiful smile. Ava couldn’t place her finger on it, she just knew for a fact that she wanted Jaidyn and whatever she wanted, she was sure to get.

“Yeah I forgot you are leaving soon, but don’t worry Pierre and I will plan a fun night that you won’t forget before you leave.”
Right then and there Pierre walked through the front door of their apartment.

“Good morning everyone,” he said as he closed the door behind him.

“Good morning, why are you back home so soon?” Ava and Jaidyn asked in unison.

“Well damn, since
y’all must know so badly they sent me home for the day because it was over staffed in there.

“Oh, well lucky you
,” Jaidyn said as she grabbed her purse, lunch bag and keys off the counter. “Alright, I’ll see y’all later.” Without giving them a chance to answer she was out the door with the door closing behind her.

“The bitter sweet hatred of having a job,” Pierre said
as he chuckled and walked over to the couch and plopped down on it.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Ava said as she went and sat on the couch next to Pierre.

Pierre noticed the content smile on Ava’s face and the glow in her face as well. “Hey Ava when was the last time you talked to Promise?” he asked.

“Huh?” Ava asked as she snapped out of her daze of the blissful life
Jaidyn and she could have together.

“I asked when was the last time you
spoke to Promise, you know, your girlfriend?” Pierre repeated himself sitting up now.

“Oh, I
’ve talked to her a couple times now,” Ava said nonchalantly.

“Wow
for you two to be so dangerously in love with each other I didn’t expect you to be away from her this long.” Promise and Ava were always joined at the hip. They had an obsession towards one another. Their love was almost dangerous for one another but at the end of it all love was what kept them together. Hearing Pierre say that made Ava sigh deeply and toss her head back and close her eyes. Pierre waited for her to say something because the pregnant pause she was giving, twins could be born within that time frame of silence.

“I guess things have changed between us,” Ava finally said as her eyes focused up at the ceiling. 

“Why do you say that?” Pierre asked.

“We fell in love at such a young age, so fast and so quick. When you move in with someone…that’s when you see them fo
r who they really are. I guess Promise and I thought that we were ready to settle down but in reality we really weren’t,” Ava explained.

“Well maybe you
shouldn’t be here right now. You need to be at home working things out with her.”

“How can I do that when I just received a te
xt from her saying she doesn’t want me anymore and thinks it’s best if I stay up here in Michigan?” Ava sighed deeply again.

At that moment Pierre received a text from Kevin saying he wanted to take him out on a date to
Bahama Breeze tonight. A huge smile rushed across Pierre’s face. “Now this man knows how to treat a brother,” Pierre said as he replied back to the message.

“Let me guess
, that’s Kevin,” Ava said smiling now.

“You know it,” Pierre said.

“I see you are really falling for him,” Ava said.

“If he keeps playing his cards like this
, I just may fall for him,” Pierre said. Ava sucked her teeth in return but she knew why Pierre was so scared to give his heart away. The last guy he fell in love with was ashamed to show his love for Pierre to the world. Pierre couldn’t fathom the truth of someone he loved being content with keeping him in the crack of their closet.

“Why you suck your teeth, you know how I feel about falling for someone so hard,” Pierre said in return.

“I know Pierre but dang give the man a chance, don’t hold a wall up forever. Live life to the fullest. Give him a chance. Do it so you won’t look back on life and wonder what if.”

Pierre gave what Ava said some thought
. “I guess you’re right. I’m working my way up to loving again but I can say Kevin makes me happy and comfortable.”

“Well that’s good,” Ava said placing her hand on Pierre’s shoulder.

“So back to this whole you and Promise thing, what are you going to do?”

“Right now I’m just going to give her some more space until she’s ready for me to come back. I was hoping I could stay here a little bit longer if that’s okay with you.”

“Girl you know I’m not tripping about you staying here. You are family, besides someone has to stay around and keep Jaidyn’s mind off of her problems since I’m always over at Kevin’s house now.”

“What’s going on with her?” Ava asked.

“Men problems. that’s all I’m going to say,” Pierre said. He was usually the type to join into some juicy gossip, but Jaidyn had a special place in his heart. He didn’t want to spread her business around, what stayed between them was their business.

“Oh,” Ava said not really interested in that category of
Jaidyn’s life.

“Well if you don’t mind
I’m about to catch up on my beauty’s rest for tonight. I got to be looking fresh to the left and fine as champagne just so Kevin can know if he ever left me it would be a major loss in his life,” Pierre said being his silly self but somewhat serious. Ava laughed and shook her head, knowing Pierre could be too much at times.

“Alright get you some rest and thank you for talking to me,” Ava said.

“Girl, no problem. I’m always here for you,” Pierre said as he pulled Ava in for a tight hug.

Once Pierre was out of the room Ava laid there on the couch plotting on how she could make
Jaidyn hers. If Promise didn’t want her anymore, Ava was fine with that. It was on to the next…

                                               
Chapter 9

                                         
Jaidyn’s P.O.V.

  
I came into the apartment that night to find the TV on and all the lights out. As I closed the front door, I noticed a body lying on the couch. I walked slowly over to the couch thinking it was Pierre laying there but when I got close I realized it was Ava.
Damn that girl knows how to make herself feel welcome
I thought to myself. I placed my belongings on the glass table behind the couch and walked around to plop down on the little space that Ava wasn’t taking up. She jumped up suddenly looking around. I couldn’t help but to laugh at her. When she finally realized it was me, she sighed a sigh of relief and held her heart.