Honesty - SF8 (3 page)

Ryan was right on her heels, leaping over a cowering Duffy, who was trying to find a safe place to hide.

Jamie was standing in the middle of their room, looking like she had no idea of what to do. Her face was both flushed and deathly pale, small patches of bright red on an otherwise chalk-colored canvas. Her hands clenched and released as her entire body shook with rage.

Approaching her partner as gently as she could, Ryan placed a hand on her shoulder, only to have it roughly pushed away. That one small act felt like a stake driving into her heart, and Ryan had to bite her lip hard not to collapse in tears. "Don’t you touch me!" The voice bore no resemblance to Jamie's usual loving tone, and Ryan’s heart clenched again as the thought flashed through her mind that Jamie might actually be unable to forgive her.

Feeling desperate, Ryan begged, "Jamie, please let me explain. Please!"

Glaring at her with a face full of contempt, Jamie spat, "Did you know that my father had an affair?"

"Yes, I did, but…"

Holding up a hand, she asked the follow-up. "Did you tell him that you would keep it a secret from me?"

"Yes, but it’s not like it…"

"QUIET!" She clapped her hands over her ears, unable to hear another word from the woman that she had trusted completely, who had now betrayed her. "I can’t stand to hear another word from you!" Groping roughly through her pockets, she found the keys to the Lexus and made for the door.

"Jamie, please, please don’t leave when you’re this angry." Ryan leapt in front of her, blocking her way. She was on the verge of physically restraining her, but recognized that such an act might make the situation even worse.

"Get out of my way." The tone was low, and so very cold that a chill settled in Ryan’s guts as soon as the words were out.

"Please," she begged. "I’ll go. I’ll go back to Berkeley so you can have the house to yourself. Just, please don’t leave when you’re this angry. It’s not safe to drive!"

"It’s not safe to be with you," Jamie replied, an ice-cold emptiness in her normally bright eyes.

Ryan hesitated just an instant, then once again put her hand on her lover’s shoulder.

With a look of sheer disgust, the smaller woman removed the hand and turned to spit out, "You think you know what’s best for me. You don’t! You think you can make my decisions for me. You can’t! I’m an adult, Ryan O’Flaherty, and you and every other person who wants to stay in my life had better learn that!"

Ryan was shocked into inactivity just long enough for the livid woman to run up the stairs and slam the door once again. Making her way to the door, Ryan opened it and stood on the deck, watching her partner get into the Lexus and peel out of her illegal parking space, leaving a patch of rubber on the pavement.

Conor approached his sister, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Wanna talk about it?" he asked softly. He was loath to get involved in her private affairs, but he was unable to act like he hadn’t heard most of the fight.

She turned and fell into his strong embrace, burying her head in his neck as she sobbed pitifully. "I can’t," she muttered, wishing with all of her heart that she could unburden herself, but knowing that she could not commit such a betrayal of Jamie's privacy.

As angry as Jamie was, she knew that her partner was right and that she should not drive, so she went up the hill and pulled into the nearly empty parking lot at St. Phil’s. The church was open for Friday night confessions, and she went into the cool, dark space to allow some of the anger to drain from her body before she made any decisions about how to proceed.

"Are you sure you don’t want to go with us, Sis?" Conor asked for the third time.

Privately thinking that this was one of the big differences between men and woman, Ryan thanked him again and declined.
Conor would think it’s okay to go to the baseball game in this situation
, she mused.
He would reason that going out would take his mind off his troubles and allow Jamie to calm down, but I could never enjoy myself knowing that my beloved was driving around San Francisco so angry that she barely knows where she is. I kinda envy guys for being able to compartmentalize things like this, but I know that going out with the boys would be the first act of my new single life.
She shuddered at the mere thought, and tried to chase all such gloom and doom scenarios from her mind.

Her hands were still shaking so much that she had a hard time opening another beer. She sat on the deck, watching the sunset, thinking about Jamie and wondering where she could possibly be. The cordless phone was on her lap and after a few minutes she started to dial. She called their house in Berkeley, and luckily Mia was home, but she had not heard from Jamie. Ryan didn’t tell her what was going on, reasoning that Jamie would fill her in if she wished. The house in Hillsborough was next, but there was no answer. She knew that Jamie would not answer her cell, but she dialed it anyway, and when it immediately went to voice mail she knew that it was turned off.

Scrolling through the stored numbers, she hit the one for Reverend Evans, pleased when he answered the phone. "Hi, Charlie, it’s Ryan O’Flaherty," she announced.

"Ryan! What a nice surprise!"

He doesn’t know anything
, she decided, trying to figure out how to get off the phone without worrying him. "Uhh, Jamie’s not home and I thought maybe she had come to see you this afternoon," she said, thinking that was a reasonable lie.

"No, I haven’t heard from her," he said slowly. Sensing something was wrong, he asked, "Is everything okay, Ryan?"

"Sure. I’m sure everything will be okay," she said with more conviction than she felt.

The filtered rays of a lovely sunset had just begun to paint the floor of the deck when Ryan heard footsteps on the staircase. Duffy ran for the stairs, cocking his head curiously, glancing back at his mistress and then at the visitor, trying to determine if it was friend or foe. His tail was low and wagged hesitantly, his ears set low as well.
It’s clearly not Jamie
, Ryan mused, knowing that Duffy would be in heaven to have his favorite home.

Getting to her feet, Ryan reached the top of the stairs just as Jim’s head popped into view. "Oh great," she muttered, turning her back on him. She walked back to her seat, picked up her beer, and chugged the remainder, hoping the alcohol would calm her jangled nerves.

"Where is she?" he demanded, his eyes narrowed and intense.

"I have no idea," Ryan drawled. "All I know is that it’s a flip for who she’s angrier with. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Her anger at me will dissipate when she comes to understand that I’m just trying to protect her," he declared.

Cocking her head, Ryan gazed at him for a long moment, finally asking, "Do you really know her so little, or do you just refuse to let yourself see her? Can’t you understand that even if I was using her, she’d never forgive you for being the one to point it out? For God’s sake, Jim, use your brain!"

"Brain! You tell me to use mine! What about yours? How could you be so stupid as to think that telling Jamie about my affair could possibly work in your favor?"

"I didn’t tell her," Ryan spat, her arms now crossed against her chest.

"Then who did?" he demanded.

Ryan would not reply. She merely stared him down.

"You’re the only one who knows about Kayla," he fumed, still at the boiling point.

Ryan remained silent, slowly shaking her head. Eventually she repeated her original statement. "I have never told anyone about what I saw. I would never do that."

"Then who--?" he thundered, causing Duffy to move right next to Ryan, his hackles rising dangerously. As the words left his mouth, a look of stark realization hit the man, and he grabbed the edge of a chair, lowering himself into it heavily. "Catherine," he whispered, feeling perversely betrayed by his wife.

Ryan looked away, not wanting him to see the confirmation in her eyes. "You had a marriage that was limping along but functional, and a daughter that thought you were a great guy. What have you got now?" she demanded, cutting him to the core.

"Thanks to you!" he yelled, causing Duffy to bare his teeth and growl. Jim realized that he was about to be attacked, so he backed off and said, "Everything that I’ve done, I’ve done with Jamie’s best interests in mind. That is my duty as her father."

Barking out a bitter laugh, Ryan narrowed her eyes and asked, "Does that include Kayla? I would think that part of your duty as a father is to treat your wife with respect."

He stood up, for just a moment looking as if he would strike her. Duffy sensed the danger and growled menacingly, causing Jim to lower his hands. Strangely, Ryan felt almost nothing when he was looming over her. At this point she was so grief-stricken over the entire situation that she hardly cared if he did hit her. He could see that all of the fight had gone out of her, and he knew he had nothing to gain by staying, so he turned and stalked off without another word spoken between them.

"Hi Poppa," Jamie said dully when the gray-haired man opened the door of his house at around eight o’clock.

"Jamie!" He reached out and wrapped her in an embrace, realizing from her desperate hug that she was very upset. "What’s wrong, Honey?"

She stood tall and pushed her hair from her face, wiping her eyes again as she did so. "Can I have a drink?" she asked as she moved into his small sitting room.

"Certainly," he said, going into the kitchen to fetch her a bottle of sparkling water.

When he returned she looked askance at the bottle, having had something alcoholic in mind. Reverend Evans knew what she had been looking for, but he could tell how upset she was and he didn’t think that alcohol was a good idea at the moment.

"Thanks," she said as he handed her the beverage. She took a long drink and let her head roll back against her shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension that was knotting in her neck and back.

"Ryan called earlier, looking for you," he said, slightly stunned when he saw the angry set of her face.

"I don’t want to see her," she said, shaking her head decisively.

His eyes shot open at that, but he decided to let his granddaughter tell her tale as she saw fit. "Start anywhere you wish, Jamie."

Letting her head drop to the back of her chair, Jamie sighed heavily and said, "Daddy betrayed our family." She took in another shuddering breath and added, "Ryan betrayed me."

Over the next hour, the young woman unburdened herself, revealing everything that she had learned about her father’s affair, his threatening encounter with Ryan, her partner’s decision to wait almost a week to tell her of Jim’s visit, her own confrontation with her father, and finally, Ryan's collusion with Jim to keep the secret of his adultery.

Reverend Evans had stayed quiet during her recollection, only asking for an occasional point to be clarified. Now that he'd heard the story in a linear fashion, he tried to address the issues that were wounding his granddaughter so badly. "What was Ryan’s explanation for keeping this a secret?" he asked, sensing that Jamie was angrier with Ryan than she was with her father.

The young woman blushed slightly as she allowed, "I um…didn’t let her give me one."

He nodded, having realized that was probably the case. "Don’t you think you owe it to her to at least hear her out?"

"No, I don’t," she sniffed, feeling more than a little self-righteous. "There is no valid excuse. She knew something that she should have told me. Not only doesn’t she tell me, she conspires with Daddy to keep it from me. Why would she do that?" Her voice was starting to rise again, and Reverend Evans tried to calm her down.

"I can’t know that, Jamie, but neither can you. Only Ryan can tell you why she did it, and knowing her, I’m certain that she had her reasons."

"I’m sure she just didn’t want to upset me," she scoffed. "Everybody knows what’s best for me! Everybody wants to decide what I know and when I know it." Her mouth was pursed in a hard line as she demanded, "Did you know that my mother was pregnant when they got married?"

"Yes, yes I did," he replied immediately. "It was a very difficult time for both of your parents, Jamie, and I did my best to help them through it."

Her eyes narrowed as she asked, "Did you know that my father has had affairs?"

"That’s not something I’m willing to discuss," he said. "I think that is between your parents alone."

"Fine," she grumbled, understanding that he wouldn’t feel comfortable revealing confidences. "It just feels like everybody knows all of these secrets and everyone is conspiring to keep them from me. I am so bloody sick of being treated like a child!"

He gazed at her for a long moment, thinking that she was acting more childish than she had in a long while. "Maybe they didn’t tell you these things because they were none of your business," he suggested, trying to keep the sting from his words by adding a warm smile.

She looked up at him with her mouth hanging open. "How can you say that? I should have known that my parents had to get married, I should have known that their marriage was on the rocks, I should have known that Ryan knew about his affair. Of course it’s my business!"