Honesty - SF8 (13 page)

"I told her to get her head in the game, and she looked like she was going to slam a ball right down my throat," he admitted. "I’ve criticized her plenty of times and she’s always taken it just like I mean it, as a reminder or a suggestion. But today she looked like I’d insulted her. I was actually calling to apologize to her. I try to understand each of my players and never talk to them in a way that insults them, but either I have Ryan figured wrong or something else is bothering her."

"I’m sure it’s something else, Coach. She didn’t want to eat tonight, and she got angry with me over nothing. She just stalked out of the house a minute before you called. I think she might be coming down with something."

"Oh God, I hope she’s not coming down with the flu! It’s been racing through the campus all week. Keep an eye on her, Jamie. And if she is sick, do whatever you have to do to keep her home. I can’t afford to have the rest of the team get sick."

"Okay, Coach. But I might need some assistance to keep her at home. She’s looking forward to her first game so much that it’s amazing."

"If she’s sick, you just call me, and I’ll bar her from returning without a doctor’s note."

"It’s a deal," she agreed, knowing that stopping Ryan from playing would be the fight of her life.

Ryan sulked around Cody’s Books idly looking at magazines and new releases, but nothing held her interest. She knew that she was acting like a big baby, but she didn’t feel able to control herself. The words that had flown out of her mouth earlier felt like they had been spoken by a complete stranger, but she couldn’t stop the tape that kept playing in her head.
Everybody expects so much from me! Damn it! I get tired, just like everybody else does. I let my concentration wander at practice, just like everyone else. Nobody else gets yelled at. Just me!

She flopped down into a chair in the café and surveyed her options. She really wanted to be at home, but now she was afraid to face Jamie since she had been so irritable with her.

Feeling lost and alone and more depressed than she could ever remember, she ordered a hot cocoa and settled into a comfortable chair, hoping that time and distance would allow Jamie to forgive her.

As soon as Jamie hung up from her conversation with the coach, Jordan called. "Hey, Jamie, it’s Jordan. Is grumpy home yet?"

"She was, but I made her mad and she stormed out of here about five minutes ago. Do you have any idea what’s going on with her?"

"Not really," she admitted. "She seemed out of sorts as soon as she got to practice, and Coach really pissed her off when he told her to pay attention. I waited for her by the locker room but one of the assistants grabbed her and asked if she was okay. You should have seen the look he got! Whew!"

"I got the same look at dinner," Jamie conceded. "Did anything else happen?"

"No, nothing. I was going to try to talk to her, but she took one look at me and turned on her heel and stalked out of the gym. She didn’t take a shower or anything."

"I was wondering why she came home in her wet clothes. My only guess is that she’s getting sick, Jordan. She’s the worst patient in the world, so I hope I’m wrong, but it’s the only thing that makes sense."

"If that’s how she gets, you have my sympathies. She was a real bear."

"Yeah, but she’s my little bear, and I love her no matter how grouchy she is," Jamie insisted.

"She’s lucky to have you," Jordan said quietly.

"I’m the lucky one," Jamie corrected her. "A few days of grouchiness don’t put a dent in all the gifts she brings to me."

After she hung up she began to clean the kitchen, musing about Ryan as she did.
When she was sick on the AIDS Ride she tried to make me stay away, but then she felt abandoned when I did. So I think I need to stay close even when she tries to push me away. She doesn’t make that easy, but I’m gonna try my best.
She put the remnants of dinner in some foil and cleared the table as she recalled how Martin had treated Ryan when she had cramps.
He treated her just like she was a small child. Maybe that’s the only way she can let anyone in. I’ll just have to try different things. I think I’ll start with babying her
.

She knew Martin was on duty so she checked the number and called him at the station. "Hi, Martin, it’s Jamie," she announced when he answered.

"Jamie," he said with trepidation. "What’s wrong?"

"Not much. Ryan’s acting funny and I think she might be getting sick."

"What’s wrong with her?" he asked, immediately concerned.

"I’m not sure. She’s really grouchy and has no appetite. Do you have any advice?"

He laughed a little and said, "For your sake I’d recommend dropping her off at home and getting as far away as possible!"

"Oh, Martin, she can’t be that bad!"

"Oh, yes she can be, Darlin’. It can be a trial to figure out what she needs. I suppose my advice is to treat her about like you would Caitlin. She needs comfort and attention, but she won’t tell you that. As a matter of fact, she generally rejects all of your attempts. But if you hang in there and refuse to let her bully you into leaving, you can generally get past her defenses. Once you do, you find the scared little girl who wants to be held and loved."

"Martin, I swear you are the best father in the world. I don’t know many men who would be so aware of what their daughter needed."

"Believe me, Jamie, it’s not due to some gift on my part. It’s pure trial and error. I had to be mother and father to
Siobhan
and it took me a long, long time to get there."

"Is there anything I can make her as a little treat?"

"She loves tapioca and butterscotch pudding. And if her stomach is upset, she likes flat 7-up. Chicken soup is a big favorite, but you have to use the wide egg noodles or you’ve wasted your time."

"I assume you’ve tried other types of noodles?" she said slowly.

"I once made the grievous mistake of putting in rice instead of noodles, and I almost wore the darn soup!"

"How old was she when this happened?" Jamie asked, hoping that her partner was young enough to be forgiven for such an irrational act.

"Oh my, I’d say she was no more than three. To be honest, Jamie, she hasn’t been ill since she was a toddler. Lord knows she’s been injured more than ten girls her age, but never ill. The only times I’ve had to baby her have been when she’s had cramps."

"I think I get the picture," she said slowly. "It sounds a little bit like nursing a sick cat."

"Perfect analogy, Jamie. Just watch out for the claws!"

"I think we’ll probably stay over here tonight, Martin. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know how she’s doing."

"Best of luck, Jamie. There but for the grace of God, go I!"

It was 10:30 when Ryan slogged back up the front stairs. Jamie met her at the door and wrapped her arms around her before she had even crossed the threshold. "I missed you, Baby," she whispered as she hugged her fiercely. Ryan’s body was tense and unyielding and she did not return the hug, but as Jamie pulled back she got a good look at her face and she saw just a glimpse of the little girl behind the stoic façade. Ryan’s face was drawn and tired and even though her cheeks were flushed, the rest of her skin was quite pale and looked a little clammy. Pulling her into the room, Jamie saw a light brown stain that covered her partner’s shirt from her breasts to the hem. Leaning forward, she smelled chocolate, and looked up at Ryan with an unformed question on her lips.

"I spilled my cocoa," she muttered glumly as she pulled at the still-soggy shirt, unwilling to reveal that she had fallen asleep as soon as she sat down with the steaming mug.

"Come on, Honey, it’s time for bed," Jamie urged as she tried to guide her upstairs.

"I wanna go home!" She was in full pout, and Jamie could tell she was spoiling for a fight.

""I’m too tired, Ryan," she lied, knowing that her partner would never push her to do something she wasn’t in favor of.

Looking like she wanted to argue, but not able to bring herself to do so, Ryan said, "I’m hungry," and tried to get past Jamie to head for the kitchen.

"Let’s get ready for bed, and then I’ll bring you a little something. You look like you’re too tired to stand."

Jamie felt a little of the starch leave Ryan’s sails as she allowed herself to be led up the stairs, with Jamie taking her hand. She pushed her down onto the bed, unlaced her shoes and removed them. As she pulled off her T-shirt she was surprised to find that she had gone out without a bra. She unzipped the jeans and saw that the pajama bottoms were still on, bunched up in a way that had to be uncomfortable.
Boy, she couldn’t wait to get out of here.
Ryan put her hands on Jamie’s shoulders as instructed, and the smaller woman pulled her to her feet to remove her jeans.

As she pushed her back down onto the bed, Ryan looked up at her and Jamie saw another brief flash of her youthful persona. She looked so fragile and guileless that the blonde’s heart just melted and she was unable to resist cradling Ryan’s head to her chest. She was dismayed to feel the heat radiating from her back as she stroked the smooth surface, but she decided to withhold comment for the time being. Ryan gave in to the hug and leaned limply against her. They remained in that position for a long while as Jamie continued to stroke the overly warm body and run her fingers through lank hair. Finally she pulled away as she asked, "Bathroom?"

A small nod was her answer, and Jamie lifted her as best she could and guided her into the bath. "I’m gonna go get you something to eat. Will you be okay?"

A smirk and a nod were all she got, but it was enough. Before Jamie left the room, she turned down the covers and tossed the soiled clothes into the hamper. Five minutes later she was back, carrying a tray laden with a big mug of tea with honey, a bowl of tapioca pudding, and half a dozen vanilla wafers. Ryan took one look at her little snack and broke into tears, sobbing uncontrollably as Jamie put the tray down and climbed up on the bed next to her. Again, Ryan fought the comfort but Jamie held firm and would not allow her partner's reticence to dissuade her.

She grasped her firmly and rocked her slowly back and forth, finally murmuring, "You feel sick, don’t you, Baby?" Through her sobs Ryan nodded weakly. "It’ll be okay. I’ll take care of you, I promise." After a while, Ryan quieted down and Jamie brought the tray over.

"How did you know?" her weak little five-year-old voice asked.

"I called your father and asked him what you liked to eat when you were sick," she explained, hoping that wouldn’t set her off again. Ryan seemed pleased that Jamie had gone out of her way to figure out a way to comfort her, and she gave her a very grateful, completely endearing smile.

"How did you know I was sick?"

"Well," she began, knowing she had to tread carefully. "You just looked a little sick. You didn’t have any appetite and your color was bad. I could just tell," she explained, leaving out the grouchy parts.

Ryan nodded, seemingly satisfied with this explanation. She dug into the tapioca and closed her eyes in pleasure. "This is so good," she enthused. "Just like my Mama…" she started to explain, but was cut off by her own sobs as she collapsed once more.

As Jamie pulled the tray away, she was struck with the answer to her lover’s plight. She must need to be comforted just like her mother comforted her. Obviously that’s the issue! That must be why the soup has to be a certain way, and why she likes tapioca and butterscotch. I’ve never seen her eat either of those things when she’s healthy. Her mother must have made them especially for her when she was ill. It must make her miss her terribly, and being sick on top of it makes it worse.

Ryan cried for a long time, and Jamie could feel her fever rising precipitously. The poor woman was burning up by the time she quieted down, so Jamie went into the bath and came back with a cool cloth that she used to wash her face and neck. Ryan’s skin was blotchy and flushed, and Jamie noticed a little rash on her chest and sides.
God, don’t tell me she’s got the measles!

She got her into a sitting position and managed to get the cooled tea down her to replenish some of her fluids. "Can you eat a little more tapioca to have something in your tummy?" she asked gently. Ryan looked doubtful but she allowed Jamie to push a few spoonfuls into her mouth. "Did you eat lunch today?"

Pursed lips and a short shake of the head confirmed her suspicions. "Try to take a few more bites, Baby. You need some calories to help you fight this."

"What’s wrong with me?" she wailed plaintively.

"I think you might have the flu," Jamie ventured. "It’s going around school, you know."

Ryan shot up and stared at her in terror. "I don’t have the flu! I don’t! I just have a cold or some little virus! I’ll be fine by tomorrow!"

"Okay, Baby," she soothed her. "I’m sure you’re right. Let’s just get you all better by tomorrow, okay?"

Ryan looked at her very suspiciously but allowed herself to be lowered to the bed. Jamie said, "I’m going downstairs to get you some ice chips to suck on to help keep you cool. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

A sad little nod combined with a pouty lower lip responded to her query.