Honest Love (25 page)

I smiled and shook my head.  Hearing about Jon and Jenna’s quirky reactions made the tears finally dry up.  My twins were something else.  “Jon is one of those kids that you really have to keep watch over.  He bottles things up and you think he’s okay, but he’s not.  When he finally exploded on Jake, it was a huge relief to all of us.  He follows Matt’s lead a lot, but he’s a very soulful, thoughtful young man that usually doesn’t know how to tell you what’s rattling around in his head.”

“You’ve done an amazing job with all of them.  They’re good kids…great, actually.  Look at how they’ve accepted me so quickly.”

“Thank you.”  I tiptoed and kissed my handsome guy.  “Thank you for loving me and them.”  Maybe he didn’t ‘love’ them, but I could tell he would if he stuck around long enough.

“It’s easy, you know.  Loving you
and
your kids.  They’re part of you…how could I not.”

“Thank you.  I love you.”

“Ahh, my favorite words.”  Derek kissed the top of my head and said, “I love you, too.  Now, let’s make some breakfast and get the hell out of here.  I want to go to the beach today and lay around drinking weird girly drinks with fruit…or just beer and stare at you in your bikini all day.  You did bring a bikini, right?”

I laughed.  “Yes, baby, I brought a bikini.”

“Thank God.”

*****

We laid on the private beach all day and even called to have the chef come make our lunch and even stay through dinner.  As a matter of fact, we set it up for him to do that every day for our whole stay.  My kids swam in the ocean and laid around with us all day.  About three o’clock, they decided to go up to the club to play water volleyball with some teens they’d met the night before at dinner.  Derek and I stayed on the beach. 

“Need anything?  I’m going to go up to the house and grab some water and some fruit.”

“Water sounds good.  Put lime in mine?”  Derek kissed my forehead.

“Sure, be back in a minute.”  He left me there on the double beach lounger we’d been sharing and tilted the huge umbrella over me as I dozed.  I turned onto my stomach and untied the straps around my neck and back, taking off my bikini top, then slid to the side of the lounger with the sun shining on it to tan my back.  It felt very freeing to be topless, even though nothing was showing.  We had a private beach, the kids were gone and I was on my stomach, so it wasn’t a big deal.

I don’t know how long I’d been there before Derek came back, but apparently I’d fallen asleep because I awoke to a cold stream running down my back.  “Mmm…”

“You have no top on
and
you fell asleep.  What if I were some creeper?” Derek’s voice was a low, growling whisper.

“You
are
a creeper, remember?”  I didn’t open my eyes.

“Ahh, true, but, still…”

“You’d protect me.” 

He kissed down my spine.  “Yes, I would.” 

“Mmm…that feels good.  Are the kids still gone?”

“Yep.” 

I slowly turned over, exposing my bare chest.  Derek made me feel so confident, so secure in my sexuality that I found myself more willing to take risks…in and out of the bedroom. 

With Jake, I was a different person in the bedroom.  New sexual experiences with him made me feel like I was trying too hard to keep him and I hated that feeling.  Truthfully, I enjoyed new experiences and Derek was right there with me.

“Oh, baby…”  I looked up to see him looking all around us to make sure no one could see me.  “…I love you.  But if some other man sees my girl like this, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.” 

I laughed.  “Good.”  I slowly raised my hands to my breasts, cupped them and rubbed slowly.  “I like feeling so free with you.  I can explore and be myself.  I’ve never had that comfort before, Derek.”

“Oh yeah?”  He raised his eyebrows, surprised. 

“Yeah, I like it.  I like the way you test me…push me to try new things.”  I put my hands above my head, closed my eyes and let the sun bake my naked body. 

“Claire…”  It was a warning and I loved it.

“Huh?”

“I can’t let you lay like that.  What if…”

“Derek, just tell me if my kids come back.  I’m taking a nap, right here…just like this.  And just to test
your
limits, you can’t touch me for one hour.”  I smiled at my challenge, still keeping my eyes shut.

“NO! Not. Fair.  You can’t expect that of me woman!”

I opened one eye to see his expression.  The faux pain in his eyes was just too cute.  “Well, maybe a little touching.  But I want to get some sun, okay?”

“Deal.”  He laid beside me on the giant, cushioned lounger and although I’d closed my eyes again, I could feel him staring. 

“You’re creeping me out.”  I felt his mouth cover one of my breasts and I automatically laid my hand on the back of his head.  “Not.  Helping.”

“Can’t.”  He sucked on one while his other hand groped and twisted the nipple on my other breast.  We were huddled under the giant umbrella with Derek’s body hovering enough to keep me hidden from anyone, but apparently the thought of the chef or the cleaning crew seeing me, had Derek in a snit.

“Hey, stop.”

“No.  You’re tempting me.  And I can’t take the chance on someone seeing you.”

“So, they’ll watch you make love to me instead?”  He pulled his face back, studying me.

“You’re right.”  Derek jumped up, arranged the umbrella just enough to hide us from being seen from the house and climbed on me, covering us with a beach towel.  “Now.  All. Better.”

I wrapped my arms around his back.  “Really?  All better?”

“Yep.”  He kissed the side of my neck, working his way up behind my ear while his hips started grinding against me.  “You make me crazy.  I’m constantly in a state of arousal and insanely jealous about anyone seeing or touching what’s mine.”

“Well, I can do something about the arousal part, but as for being jealous, I sort of like you that way.  Makes me feel wanted.  So, stop worrying about what’s yours.  I’m not going anywhere.  I’m all yours, Derek…for as long as you want me.”

“Claire…”  He had me pinned, his face right in mine.  “I want you forever, sweetheart.  I want you to be mine…only mine.”

I pinched my eyebrows together and said, “I am, Derek.  Don’t you know that?  You’re here with me…with us.  I wouldn’t have asked some random guy I was dating to meet my kids, let alone go on vacation with us.  I’m yours.”  I saw him grind his teeth at my comment.

“I know.  You don’t understand what I’m saying.”

“What, then?”

He let out a long breath and propped himself on his elbows.  “I want you forever as in ‘till death do us part’ forever.  I love you, Claire.  I want to marry you.”

I was shocked.  My mouth hung open and I stared into Derek’s eyes.  He was serious.  “Is this about being jealous?”

“NO!  It’s about finding the woman I’ve always wanted and not wasting one moment living without her.”

“I get that.  I do.  But I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Us…this.  What if we’re just too hot right now and in six months you don’t want me anymore?”

“Baby, I’m not like that and neither are you.  You know that.  Don’t be scared.  I love you.  I’ll always love you and take care of you and your kids.  Trust in me…in us.”

I smiled and took another breath.  I wanted him all to myself.  I couldn’t deny it.  And he was right.  We weren’t some young couple that had never experience the burn out of a relationship.  I kept staring into his handsome face as I spoke.  “I don’t…I just need…I need you, Derek.”

“And I need you, every day for the rest of my life.  I know it’s what’s right for us.” 

I wanted to say yes, but could I?  Was I being selfish keeping him all to myself?  I closed my eyes and struggled not to cry at the thought of Derek with someone else…looking at them the way he looked at me or making love to them the way we made love.  It made me feel sick and I couldn’t stop the feelings that bubbled to the surface.

“Hey, what just happened?”  Derek shifted to lay beside me and gently wiped away the two tears that escaped my closed eyes.

I turned my head to see his face as I opened my eyes.  “I love you, Derek.  I can’t…”

“NO!”  He interrupted me, putting his index finger on my lips.  “Please, God, please don’t say you can’t or won’t.  Don’t do it!  If you need time to figure me out, to figure us out, then I can give it to you.  I’ll wait, but please just don’t say no.”  He leaned down and kissed me right as his finger left my lips.  I stared at his face, his golden eyes open and so full of fear. 

When he pulled away for a second, I put my hand on his chest and said, “Listen to me, okay?”  His jaw flexed as he prepared himself for my answer.  “Hey.”  I held his face.  “I was going to say that I can’t imagine being without you.  These tears?  Well, the thought of you with someone else…doing and saying…well, I can’t go there.  It would completely gut me…destroy me more than Jake ever could because he never looked at me the way you do and we never made love with the unbridled passion that you and I do.  You’re mine, Derek.  You belong to me.  So, yes, I’ll marry you, baby.”

“WHAT?”  Derek leaned up tall, his arms straight and stared at me.  “You will?  Please tell me I heard you right.”  He was shaking, so I pulled him back down on top of me and kissed his open, shocked lips.

“Yes, Derek, I’ll marry you.  I can’t let you go, ever.” 

“Oh my God, you said, ‘yes.’  You said, ‘yes.’  Thank you!”  He was kissing all over my face.  “I’ll never hurt you, Claire.  Never.”

I giggled at his kid-like excitement and held the back of his head as he continued to shower me with kisses.  “I know.”

“I’m so happy, baby.  So fucking happy.  I’ve wanted to make you mine from that first week we spent together, you as my therapist.  I knew it then that we were made for each other.”

“I think I knew it, too.  It just seemed too good to be true.  My feelings for you were so intense and that scared me.”

“I know.  Do you think Matt will be okay with this?  I think if he’s okay then Jon and Jenna will be.  I should have asked him first.”  His last statement was a quiet revelation.

“No.  It’s okay.”  I rubbed his cheek with my thumb.  “Let’s keep this quiet until we go back home.  Let the kids get to know you better, then if you want to talk to Matt, I think that would be really nice.  But Derek?  He’s not the one you’re going to marry.  So his approval isn’t necessary, okay?  I mean, he’s about to graduate and be on his own.  This is about me and you.”

“Thank you for saying that.  It was just what I needed to hear.  See, we were made to be partners, to live this lifetime together.”  He sighed, took a long, slow blink and said, “God, I’m so glad I finally found you.”

His words were perfect and healed the very last wound Jake had left on my soul. 

*****

We spent the next hour making slow, sweet love on the beach.  I was beyond happy. 

Later that evening, as Derek and I were sitting on the balcony outside our room, he took my left hand in his and carefully, with a pen I didn’t know he had, started drawing something on the underside of my ring finger.  When he was done, he kissed his artwork then gave my hand back and let me take a look at what he’d written.  It said, ‘Mrs. London’ in the tiniest letters on the backside of my finger where my wedding ring would go.  It was the most precious thing anyone had ever done for me.  He was marking me again.  This time as his ‘wife,’ while keeping his promise to keep it a secret from the kids and our families.  I loved it and I loved him more for it.

Chapter 29

Derek

I laid awake watching Claire sleep on my chest.

I was still so shocked that I’d proposed and she’d actually said, ‘yes.’  I knew I wanted to be with her, marry her.  But I meant to wait a little longer before I asked, not on the trip with her kids and not so casual.  I’d had other plans for how I wanted it to happen, but when it came right down to it, I guess it was perfect because my girl said yes and I was unbelievably happy. 

I did feel guilty for not talking to Matt first. 
That
conversation would happen soon enough.  Like Claire said, we needed to wait until we were all home…
home
.  That word had a whole new meaning for me.

I carefully picked up Claire’s left hand and flipped it over to see my writing. 

Mrs. London. 

The idea just came to me as we were sitting on the balcony.  And by the beautiful, big smile and tiny little tears in her eyes, she completely approved.

I lifted her hand and pressed my lips to the words one more time.  She stirred so I put her hand back down and laid still.  As much as I wanted to settle myself inside her, we both needed sleep. 

I tucked her even closer to my body.  Claire was mine.  I would do everything in my power to erase the scars and heal the wounds
he
left behind.  I closed my eyes and let the memory of the day’s events rock me back to sleep.

*****

“Come on, guys.  Derek is waiting.”  I was patient, but my fiancé was not. 
Fiancé.

“It’s okay.”  I kissed her on the back of her neck. 

“I know, but I don’t want you gone for too long.  This whole scuba diving thing makes me a little nervous.”

“We’ll be fine.  You said Matt and Jon had done it once before, right?  And we are going with two Certified Scuba dudes.”  Claire turned to look at me.

“Keep my boys safe, okay?”  She laid her left hand on my chest and continued, “All my boys.”  I picked up her hand and kissed the writing on her finger. 

“I promise.  We’ll be careful.  Go enjoy your day with Jenna.”  We kissed good-bye just as Matt and Jon came into the kitchen.

I’d offered to take Claire’s boys out and spend some ‘guy time’ with them.  I was looking forward to it, actually, especially knowing I was about to be a permanent fixture in their lives. 

“See you in a little while.”  I walked toward the door as Matt and Jon hugged Claire.  When I peaked back, she was ringing her hands.  It bothered me that she was so worried.  I hoped it wasn’t because they were with me. 

Once outside, I said, “Your mom is super nervous about us going today.”