Homewrecker Incorporated (32 page)

"I know you don't understand. I should have told you back then, but I--" He put his fist to his lip, fighting back the tears welling in his eyes.

"You should have told me what?"

"Teresa was gone and you two were so close. I didn't want to take any of that away from you, so I kept her secrets."

What the hell was he talking about? We were close and Mom told me everything. She didn't have secrets from me.

"This was a mistake," I said, searching around my bed for the call button.

"Claudia, please, just a few more minutes."

Even after fifteen years of hating him, I couldn't help feeling the pain in his voice. He seemed so fragile compared to the man who'd been a superhero in my eyes for so long. I let out a heavy sigh and folded my hands on my legs.

"Fine."

His expression washed over with relief before he continued.

"In the years before you were born, Teresa would have these mood swings, which were fairly mild as far as I could tell, but I was gone a lot for work. I knew she was lonely, but I was an ambitious young man, and I thought all the money I was making would soothe her in my absence.

I had no idea what she was really going through. When you were a few months old, your mother's mood swings got worse. She would stay in bed for days at a time and then suddenly be on top of the world, taking you all over the city and showing you off to our friends and family. It was easy for her to hide it from me those first couple of years with me traveling so much but when I was promoted, I stayed home a lot more and I could see something was wrong."

I found myself remembering the unpredictable mood swings Mom would have, which were part of Jessica's reasoning in living with Dad after the divorce. 

"You were almost three when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She wanted to get better for you. She got treatment, took her medication religiously. You were the center of her life, of our lives. Things got so much easier it was easy for me to forget Teresa's condition. She managed it so well up until she got pregnant with Jessica. The doctors recommend she stay on her medication. That the risks of going off it were greater than the risks to the baby, but your mother wasn't having it. Those months were hard and her symptoms were worse than I'd ever seen, but we got through it.

Jessica came and she started taking her meds again. Things went back to normal; we were happy."

"How could I not have known?" I swiped at my tears.

"She didn't want anyone to know. I don't think I wanted anyone to know. It was easier for me to be able to ignore it. I was selfish. I wanted my perfect family and my perfect life. So much so, I failed to realize just how alone she'd been when we were first married."

He placed the envelope he'd been holding next to me on the bed. My name was on it. I recognized the handwriting and broke down again.

"This came a week after your mother passed away," he said quietly, a single tear falling from his eye. "She wrote me as well, saying it was my decision if and when to give this to you. I think it was her way of trying to make amends with me."

"Why, why would she want to make amends with you? You left us; you cheated on her even though you knew she was sick!"

"I did leave, but I never cheated on your mother."

He ran a weathered hand through his mostly silver head of hair. "I'm sure you remember the summer you tore your ACL right after we got back from Italy and had to have surgery."

I nodded. How could I forget? The trip was amazing, but my injury kicked off what turned into the worst year of my life.

"A few days after, I was filing your paperwork and saw your blood-type. You're A positive."

"So what," I said, not knowing why he was bringing up my blood-type of all things.

"I'm O positive, and so was your mother," he continued as if that was supposed to mean something to me. "And so is your sister."

"What are you saying?" I said as understanding started settling in.

"I'm not your biological father."

It wasn't possible. She would have told me, and my mother never would have cheated on my father. She was so in love with him. She would have followed him over a cliff if he asked her to. That's why I hated him so much for leaving. She wouldn't live without him. She couldn't.

I shook my head. It couldn't be true. There had to be another explanation. As if he'd read my thoughts, Robert pulled something else out from the inside pocket of his jacket. The piece of paper was worn, as if it'd been handled a million times. He opened it and laid it next to the envelope.

Paternity results.

It was true.

"Walking away was the biggest mistake I've ever made, but my heart was shattered. At the time, I didn't think I could forgive her. I didn't even consider her illness was a factor. The day you were born changed me, made me a father and seeing these results, I felt as though your mother had stolen that from me. It wasn't until later, when it was too late, I realized how wrong I was."

I'd been so blind, so angry at him for so many years when it was Mom who'd betrayed our family.

"Being a father isn't about blood; it's about showing up, about being there. I will never forgive myself for walking away from you and your mother. She was sick and she was lonely, which was my fault. I failed to see how much she needed me. Her mistake was mine as well, but I let my pride push me away from you both. I will take that regret to my grave, very likely sooner rather than later."

"Why, why didn't you tell me right away?" I asked, my voice shook.

"You loved your mother so much. You'd already lost her and I didn't want to take anything else from you."

"You took yourself from me! I loved you, too, and you left me," I whimpered, my sobs starting anew.

My mother's behavior in the months after he left made so much more sense once I knew the truth.

"Oh, sweetheart," he said, standing and taking my hand. "I'm so sorry. I will never forgive myself for walking away from you. I felt so guilty after your mother was gone, and I knew you blamed me. I just couldn't face you at first. You were so angry and it...it was my fault. I should have known what my leaving would do to her, I just didn't, I--"

I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around my father for the first time in fifteen years. We both cried for all we'd lost.

Chapter 20 

When my father left, we promised to see each other the following week. Fifteen years was a long time, and there was a lot of pain between us, but we both needed to let go of the past and move forward. I slipped the envelope he gave me into my bag. The final letter from my mother apparently revealed the identity of my biological father and I imagined a lot more my mom wanted to say to me in her final hours.

I didn't know how to feel about any of it. It was all so complicated and I needed time to process it all. I knew I would open it someday, but I just wasn't ready yet. 

The one thing I did feel was shame. After so many years never trusting men, I'd become as untrustworthy as I believed they were. I deserved the pain I felt when Ashley opened that door. 

The next morning, after a scan, the doctor cleared me for discharge.

"Knock, knock," Elsa said from the doorway as I slipped on my shoes. Grace had brought me some fresh clothes from home. I was happy to be leaving the hospital, although I wasn't quite sure how I felt going home after what happened there. I found myself wondering if Grey's blood was still on my floor or if there would be police tape across my bedroom door. I shivered and shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind.

"How are you feeling?" she said with a small smile.

"I've been better, but I'm happy to finally be getting out of here. How's Grey?" I said, sitting down on the bed.

"Getting stronger, eager to see you. The doctors practically had to strap him down to keep him from trying to get down here to see you were okay with his own eyes."

"He may not be so concerned when I tell him the truth about everything," I said with a sigh.

Elsa glanced at me sheepishly. "Actually, I kind of already told him, accidentally," she said softly.

"Oh," I said surprised but relieved.

Him already knowing the truth made things simpler for me. I could thank him for saving my life and be on my way. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful. Hell, I even knew I was still in love with him, but the image of Ashley opening his door half naked was in the loop of nightmares that plagued me every time I closed my eyes. Maybe he'd just made a mistake, or maybe he'd decided to work things out with her. Both possibilities were devastating and with everything that happened and what I learned about my parents, I just didn't have the strength to deal with Grey yet.

"He wasn't mad." She leaned down to meet my eyes. "At least not at you. He was a little pissed at me for being so gullible." 

She laughed. "Gregory and I had been with the family in the waiting room until they let us go back to see Grey, and I couldn't really tell him about everything in front of his parents. When Grey was out of surgery and they finally let us see him, I thought he was still unconscious so I took the opportunity to confess everything to Gregory. Turns out Grey was awake, sneaky bastard."

I didn't want to smile, but I couldn't help it. That seemed like something he would do.

"You are going to go see him before you leave, aren't you?" Elsa said, looking at me curiously.

"Yes, the least I can do is thank him for saving my life," I replied seriously.

"That's all you have to say to him?" she asked, sounding irritated. "What's going on, Claudia?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now." I grabbed my bag to leave.

I'd insisted Jessica and all my friends go home and I would call them when I was ready to be discharged, but I had no intention of doing that. I would stop to see Grey, very briefly, and then take a taxi home, or wherever the hell I was going.

"Claudia, don't do this," she pleaded. "Grey told me how hard you've fought what's between you, and I don't believe for a minute it was just because of your responsibility to me. He loves you. He was willing to die to save you. Don't walk away from that."

Clutching my bag to me, I took a step toward the door. Elsa stepped in front of me.

"Look, I'm sorry, Elsa, but you're wrong about how he feels. If he loves me so much, why did he fuck Ashley just a few hours after he crawled out of my bed?"

"What?" Elsa winced, her forehead tight. "He would never. He can barely stand to look at her when you're not around."

"After I left our lunch, I went straight to his house to tell him everything. I was so fucking excited. Until Ashley greeted me at the door wearing his shirt and nothing else."

"I can't believe it," Elsa said quietly.

"She's here, isn't she?" I asked, knowing she had to be.

"Yes, but the whole family has been here on and off."

"That's just it, Elsa. She's already a part of his family. She fits, and it was so easy for her to slip right back into her place in his life. I will always be the woman who was being paid to try and ruin his brother. It's as simple as that."

"I just don't understand." She sat down on the chair by the door.

"I do. Finally, I understand it all too clearly," I said and walked out the door.

❖

With the way Grey's face lit up when I stepped through the door, for a second, I almost forgot about Ashley. Almost.

"Claudia, thank God. I've been trying to get them to let me come see you all day," he said, grimacing as he struggled to sit up.

"Please, don't try to get up, Grey. I just wanted to stop by to let you know I'm fine and I'm being discharged. And to say thank you for what you did for me. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't show up when you did."

"I'd do anything for you." He patted his bed for me to sit. I took a few steps toward him but stopped short. He looked confused at first.

"About all of that other stuff with Elsa and my brother, I don't care about any of it. It was actually a relief to hear. It explained so much about the way you were. I'm not going to pretend I like or understand the choices you made before, but I love you. I see
you,
not your past."

He smiled up at me, even pale and lying in an unflattering hospital gown, he was still sexy. I was so tempted to take the next step and sit with him, just to feel his warmth one more time. I knew if I did, I'd only end up shattering my heart even more.