Homecoming Day (13 page)

She'd framed a picture of the Martins and Jay on the day he'd been sworn in as a police officer. Both men in pressed uniforms flanking a glowing Mrs. Martin. “I thought, for Christmas, you should have something from Jay and this struck me as perfect. He loved and respected you both. I thought remembering that would make this first Christmas without him easier.”

Easier. She fingered the ring that felt foreign on her finger. Easier but by no means easy.

For a moment she could almost believe that things were back to the way they'd been last Christmas, but an image of Jay in the hospital and the memory of Mrs. Martin's hurtful words ruined her nostalgia. Mrs.
Martin had taken away her ability to honor Jay's last wishes.

Her anger was still there, bubbling beneath the surface. She knew they were hurting, too, and her anger toward them made her feel guilty as well.

It seemed as if her life had become a circle of pain, grief and guilt. She didn't know how to break the cycle. But for today she'd try to set it aside.

She reminded herself that Jay had loved his parents so much, and for his sake, she needed to try harder.

And suddenly, she wanted to do more to ease the pain of their loss. “Mrs. Martin, I wanted to ask if you'd consider watching Jamie on occasion?”

The words came out of her mouth before she'd really thought about them. But watching the Martins look so lovingly at the picture of Jay, watching them interact with Jamie, she knew it was the right thing to do. “There are little things I need to do sometimes that I can't take Jamie to. A haircut, for instance. My hair has started to take on a life of its own. There's no way to juggle a baby at a beauty salon and—”

Mrs. Martin interrupted her, “Oh, Laura, we'd love to watch him. Anytime. For however long you need.”

“I can't think of anyone else I'd trust with him.” Well, anyone other than Seth.

And she realized that was true. Things might not be right between her and Jay's parents, but she knew that they'd look after Jamie with all the love and care that she did.

“There's one more thing,” Mr. Martin, who'd been very quiet, said. “I know Jay took out a life insurance
policy in your name the week after he found out you were pregnant. I went with him when he did.”

Laura had been shocked to find out about the policy after Jay's funeral. The money was a huge boon. It gave her a financial cushion. They'd planned on Laura taking the rest of the school year off after having the baby, and not returning to school until the next year. Jay's life insurance meant she still could. She'd seriously planned on going back after her maternity leave, but had just talked to the principal about staying home until the start of the next school year. It was up to her, she simply hadn't decided yet.

“Well, the department has a small policy for each officer, too,” Mr. Martin continued, “but Jay hadn't changed all his paperwork to your name yet, so it came to us.”

“As it should have,” she said.

“But we don't need or want it,” Mr. Martin said. “So we put it into a college savings program for Jamie.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Martin, I don't know what to say.”

“Say you'll accept it in the spirit it was given. Not only is it what Jay would have wanted, it's what we want. We love this baby. Not because he's a piece of Jay, but because he's our grandson. Knowing he'll be able to go to college and not worry about it, well that's a gift to ourselves as much as a gift to him.”

How could she argue with that? “Thank you.”

Mrs. Martin nodded.

Conflicting feelings warred within her. She couldn't sort them out. Fortunately, the Martins let the subject drop. They stayed and visited for another hour, but when Jamie went down for his nap, they got up to leave.

“You make your hair appointment for whenever you want. Let me know and I'll be here,” Mrs. Martin promised.

“Do you have anything on your schedule that would make it hard?”

“Laura, there's nothing on my schedule now, or ever, that would take precedence over my grandson and you. Not ever.”

Mrs. Martin took a step toward Laura, as if she were going to embrace her, but Laura took a step back, maintaining a distance. “I appreciate that. But it's just a hair appointment. I can make it anytime.”

Mrs. Martin reached out and hugged her before Laura could move out of the way. “Thank you for a beautiful Christmas, Laura.”

Mr. Martin hugged her as well. It was a bit less all-embracing.

As she waved goodbye to them, she realized something had eased. Their relationship had altered since that day in the hospital, and Laura wasn't sure they'd ever get it back to where it had been, but for the first time she felt optimistic that they'd find some footing and build a new relationship.

Less than a half hour after the Martins left, the doorbell rang again. Laura's heart sped up, knowing it was probably Seth. She should be annoyed that he hadn't listened to her request for a Christmas on her own, but instead, she swung back the door with a smile. “Merry Christmas, Seth.”

He didn't reply, but rather scooped her into a hug. This one she didn't pull back from. With her face pressed to his thick winter coat, she could smell a spicy
warmness that she'd never be able to define, but that she recognized instantly as his.

“Merry Christmas, Laura.”

She ushered him inside. He took off his coat and hung it on a hook, very much at home by now.

“My quiet Christmas hasn't been so very quiet.” She told him about JT and the Martins' visit. “JT left you a present.”

“I have one for her, too. I'm sorry I missed her.” He sat down on the couch. “No Jamie?”

“Still napping. I know he's too little to understand Christmas, but he certainly got caught up in the hustle and bustle of it all. He was awake all morning and went down hard.”

She got Seth his gifts and set the small pile on the coffee table in front of him. Seth picked up JT's first. She'd made him a similar sketch of him on the floor playing with Jamie.

Laura reached out to touch it briefly and imagined that it was Jay playing so tenderly with their son. The ring the Martins had given her sparkled next to her engagement ring.

She was hit again with the thought that Jay should be here.

Seth noticed. There was no surprise there—Seth always noticed.

“You okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “It's hard. It's my first Christmas without him.”

“I remember my first Christmas without Allie was the worst. You are not alone, even if that's what you said you wanted.” He offered her an unrepentant smile.
“You'll get through this Christmas and the next one will be easier.”

“Promise?” she asked.

Seth took her hand in his and squeezed. “Promise.”

They sat like that for a few seconds, or maybe minutes. Laura wasn't sure. She simply knew that Seth being here helped.

He finally broke the silence. “Think about it, next Christmas Jamie will be on the move. Probably tearing all the ornaments off the tree every time you turn your back.”

“I should probably invest in some plastic ones. I can hit the after-Christmas sales. I bet Mrs. Martin would watch Jamie for a few hours.”

She could see that Seth understood it was a big deal. “You've decided to let them watch Jamie?”

“We're going to try. I know eventually I'll be back at work and I'll have to leave him.”

“When is your maternity leave over?”

“I was supposed to go back in February, but I've been talking to the principal about taking off the rest of the year and starting back in the fall. I'm torn between missing my students, and knowing that leaving Jamie will be a hard thing to do.” She could feel herself on the verge of tears, so she changed the subject. “How was it at your parents? You did go, right?”

“Yes, I went and it was better. Things have been…easier.”

She didn't press, but simply asked, “How was Ebony?”

“She's already a real heartbreaker. She's twisted every male family member around her little finger.
She walked up to Dom and tapped one of his braces and asked him about it. He started to give her a watered down medical explanation, and she shook her head and said, ‘No, Uncle Dom, you're like Iron Man. A hero.'”

“Iron Man?” Laura asked.

“Comic series, now a movie, plus sequel. Robert Downey, Jr.?”

She shook her head.

“Let's just say, it was a compliment. And because she didn't want me feeling bad, she said, police officers were heroes, too, just not as much as Iron Man.”

“What did happen to Dom's legs?”

“A spine injury when he was a baby. Before my parents adopted him.”

“Speaking of heroes.” She retrieved the last wrapped gift under her tree and handed it to him. Seth opened it slowly. It was a framed photo of him holding Jamie minutes after he was born. “I thought the moment should be immortalized. You were my hero that night. I thought I wanted to go it alone, but I needed you. Sort of like today.”

“Laura, you'll never be alone. You've got me, Jamie and a host of other people.” He studied the picture. “You know, I've been called out to hairy domestic calls, and we had dealt with men with weapons on more than one occasion, but that day, being there when you gave birth, I was never so scared. And afterward, holding Jamie, I'd never been so proud of being part of something. Thank you for that moment, and for the picture. My sisters will be pleased with this and JT's picture.”

“Oh?”

“They complain that my apartment is a bit under decorated. These will make it practically homey.”

She laughed. “Is it really that bad?”

“Well, I'd say it was functional. That is not how they put it, however. Your house is definitely a home.” He hurried out to his coat and came back with a small box. “I got you something, too. Well, you and Jamie.”

She opened it and found a book.
Memories.

“It's like a diary. I thought you could write Jamie notes. Notes about his father. Maybe even ask the chief and Mrs. Martin to add some. That way, Jamie will have something more than pictures of his father. I got a second one. I thought I'd take it to the station and ask the guys who worked with Jay to do the same thing. I know it's not—”

Laura interrupted him, ran over and hugged him. “That was the most considerate gift I ever…” Her tears were coming too rapidly for her to finish the sentence.

“Hey, I should give credit where credit is due. My mom did something along those lines for us.”

“Yes, but this wasn't your mom. It was all you. Thank you, Seth. And I hope that you'll consider putting in some entries.”

“Sure.” He looked his watch. “I've got to go. I'm working tonight to help out. I always feel bad for guys with families during the holidays. Sorry, I did know you wanted to be alone.”

She shook her head. “I thought I did, but now I'm glad I wasn't. You, the Martins and JT all came over and helped make today…special. Thank you for that.”

He kissed her forehead platonically. “Anytime.”

She followed him to the door. “Merry Christmas, Seth.”

“Merry Christmas, Laura.” He looked up and pointed.

Laura looked up, too, and saw a sprig of mistletoe. “How did you get that there?”

“Not me. Maybe Santa.” He leaned down and kissed her. It was platonic…almost. Maybe his lips lingered a fraction too long.

Maybe hers softened a little too much under the pressure of his.

“Should we talk about it?” he asked.

“Not today,” she said.

He nodded. “I should let you go.”

“Seth?” He stopped. Laura stood on tiptoe and kissed him again. “I'm not ready to talk, and I'm not sure exactly what this is, but I like doing that.”

“Me, too.” He leaned down and kissed her again. “Merry Christmas, Laura.”

“Merry Christmas, Seth.”

 

A
T THE STATION, COMPLETING
a report, Seth felt a semblance of normalcy. Lately, work was the only place where he felt this way.

He hadn't intended on kissing Laura again. He understood it was too soon for her. Hell, there was a very good chance it was too soon for him.

Two damaged people coming together…

There was every possibility that it wouldn't end well, and one or both of them might get hurt.

Laura had said he was a hero. A hero would pull back and give her room.

He'd tried that before and hadn't managed it. He couldn't seem to stay away.

When he was with Laura he felt happy, content. He felt alive.

And he thought when she was with him, she felt the same.

Maybe they could help each other.

Maybe. It was a word that spoke of hope.

It had been a long time since Seth was hopeful, but he was that and so many other things now…thanks to Laura.

 

T
HAT NIGHT, AFTER
J
AMIE
went to bed, Laura got ready for bed. She took off her rings as she lotioned her hands. And for the first time, she didn't put her engagement ring back on. She put it, and the ring the Martins had given her, in a small bowl on her dresser. She'd save them for Jamie.

“Goodbye, Jay,” she whispered out loud.

She stared at them for a while and then thought about kissing Seth.

She hadn't been ready before, and she wasn't sure she was ready for it now, but she definitely thought she might be someday.

Laura found the leather-bound notebook Seth had given her and stared at the rich pages for a moment, then wrote: