Homecoming (36 page)

Shaking her head in frustration, Jill went into her room to get ready for bed. A few minutes later, she went to the switch by the door to turn off the overhead light. The door of the guest room was open, the light blazing. Not wanting to go to bed on such a sour note, Jill went to stand in the doorway. Lizzie was in her tank top and a pair of gray boy-shorts. Her heels were resting on the bed frame, elbows on her knees, chin in her hands, looking as sad and lost as Jill felt. Her gaze traveled slowly up Jill’s body, and when their eyes met she said, “I’m afraid.”

Jill sat next to her and put an arm around her waist. “Talk to me,” she said gently. “Tell me.”

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, like she was giving herself time to clear her head. “Look. I know it’s only been two weeks, and that probably doesn’t seem like much in lesbian time. But in straight time, that’s like a year. I’m terrified that our sex drives aren’t going to match. That I’m going to be chasing you like I had to chase Erica and Jenny. And if I have to do that…” Her hands gripped into fists and she pounded them hard against her knees. “It makes me feel so…small,” she finally said. “So needy. Like I’m obsessed with sex.” She sat up a little straighter and met Jill’s eyes. “I’m not. I’m really not. But it’s important to me, Jill. And I need to know it’s important to you too.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Jill said, tightening her hold and pulling her close. “Nothing. We’ll be great together, Lizzie. I promise you.”

Lizzie tilted her chin, her eyes so full of doubt Jill’s heart skipped a beat. “A guy would have been begging me for sex by now.
Begging.
But I don’t feel any urgency from you at all. You kiss me once or twice and then just walk away. Like you can take it or leave it. And if you’re like that now…”

Jill put a hand on her shoulder and pulled it forward, so they faced each other. Softly, she said, “I’m not good at doing things halfway. I’m in or I’m out. So I’ve tried to keep it casual, but not because I don’t want you.” She took her hand and put it on Lizzie’s cheek, closing her eyes as she stroked it. “I’m so attracted to you, I don’t even have words to express it. I want to make love to you, Lizzie. I want it
so
badly.” She moved towards her and captured her lips. Jill’s hand went to the back of her head and pulled her close, pressing into her hard. Lizzie’s mouth opened and Jill’s tongue slid inside, then gently explored, probing the silky soft warmth until Lizzie let out a low, raspy moan.

Then they were on their sides, holding onto each other tightly as they traded hot, wet kisses that left them both panting. “I want you,” Jill murmured. “More than I’ve ever wanted another woman.” Her hand slid down along Lizzie’s side and stopped abruptly. Gripping her hip, she grit her teeth. “You have to risk to love someone. I’ll take the leap if you want me to. Right now,” she pledged.

“But you’re not ready,” Lizzie said, a furrow forming between her brows.

“It’s more important to reassure you. To show you how much I want you.” She kissed her again, letting all of her desire pour from her body. “I want you to
crave
me for the rest of your life. I’ll do anything to satisfy you in every way. That’s a promise.”

“Kiss me,” she whispered, her eyes tightly closed. “Just kiss me.”

Jill gripped her firmly and easily pushed her onto her back, then lay on top of her, letting Lizzie feel the weight of her body. She lifted up slightly, and gazed at her lovely face for a few heartbeats. Her pulse was thrumming, making her a little weak, and her desire had grown to such a height, she knew she couldn’t turn back. Jill lavished those trembling lips with kisses, pushing against her squirming body until they were both purring with need.

They kissed for so long, Jill’s lips felt swollen and hot. Lizzie lay limp in her arms, looking up at her quizzically. “Are you ready to make love?” she asked.

“That can’t be a serious question.”

“Emotionally,” Lizzie clarified. She ran her hand down Jill’s back, wet with perspiration, then let her fingers tickle across her side to touch an achingly hard nipple. “I can see your body’s ready.”

She couldn’t begin to think clearly. All of her blood was rushing to her breasts and the throbbing pulse that beat between her legs. She had just enough mental acuity left to say, “I only want to make you happy. That’s my only priority.”

Lizzie reached up and ran her fingers along Jill’s hairline, wiping away a bead of sweat. Then she settled her hair against her shoulders, clearly wasting time as she thought. “I don’t understand why it’s so important to you that I talk to my dad.”

“I’m not sure either,” she admitted. “I know it doesn’t make sense. It just feels important.”

“Okay.” She patted Jill’s side as she turned, dislodging her. “I want you to be a hundred percent into this.” She placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “Like I am.”

“I’m into
you
,” Jill said fiercely. “I’m one hundred percent into you.”

“We’ll get there. I’ll try to be a little more patient.”

“Not too much,” Jill said. “I’m patient enough for both of us most of the time. I just need a little bit from you.”

“That’s all I have. A little bit.” She pulled Jill close for a final kiss. “And you can have it.”

The boys, even though
they were besotted by Lizzie, slept with Jill. She didn’t like to admit the truth—that they probably chose her simply because they were more confident of her skills in feeding them. Still, it was nice to have them cuddled up next to her as she worried and puzzled through the night, analyzing her entire dating history. Sleep, when it came, was fitful, and she was happy to get up when the boys started making their demands.

Lizzie wasn’t going to bound out of bed today, that much was clear. But when she was still asleep at nine, Jill went upstairs to wake her.

It was already warm, with high temperatures predicted in the eighties. Lizzie had thrown off the sheet, and was lying, spread-out, across the bed. She’d turned so that she was almost on her belly, with her arms flat on the bed, like she was being robbed.

Jill sat on the edge of the bed and ran a finger down her back, starting at the top of her spine. The thought of doing this every day—finding new ways to wake her, gave Jill a thrill that made her shiver. Lizzie clearly had doubts about Jill’s desire and drive, but those doubts would be short-lived. She had no worries about keeping up in either area, even with a much younger woman.

It took quite a few seconds for Lizzie’s brain to register the light touch, but she finally made a little whimper of complaint and stretched her legs out. Another teasing touch had her shaking her shoulders, like she was trying to dislodge whatever annoying thing was bothering her.

Jill shifted around and lay on her side, then started to stroke Lizzie’s body. It took a while, but she finally gained the ability to speak. “Leave me alone,” she grumbled.

Chuckling at her grouchiness, Jill tucked an arm around her and pulled her close, then peppered her neck and shoulders with kisses.

“Don’t leave me alone,” Lizzie mumbled, finally laughing a little.

“It’s after nine,” Jill said. “If you still want to go to Sugar Hill, we’ve got to get moving.”

She sat up abruptly. “Nine?” Swiping the hair from her eyes she blinked a few times, trying to focus. “Why am I asleep at nine?”

“Was I supposed to wake you up? You didn’t ask me to.”

“I thought I’d hear you. Or that the cats would wake me. God knows they did when I watched your house over Memorial Day.”

“We were all on good behavior.”

“Bad behavior,” Lizzie insisted as she got to her feet. Her tank top was twisted around, the top of a breast peeking out of an arm hole. Frowning, she straightened her shirt, then did the same for her shorts. “Were we wrestling or something? I’m exhausted.”

“Nope. But I feel like I slept for ten minutes. I guess we’re just anxious.”

Lizzie walked around the bed and stood in front of Jill, who opened her arms to relish the comfort and security of holding Lizzie close.

“Do you have any Pepsi?”

“No, but we can stop and get some on the way.”

“Give me ten minutes. I’ll let my hair dry on its own.”

“I’ll be waiting.” As Jill got up to leave, Lizzie grasped her hand and whirled her around. “Next time I spend the night, we’re showering together. Among other things.”

“Can’t wait,” Jill said, grinning happily as she went downstairs to get ready.

It took Lizzie a few more than ten minutes, but they were on the road by nine-thirty. Jill dutifully stopped at the first convenience store they passed and got Lizzie a huge Pepsi with ice. Then one more stop for two donuts, one glazed and one vanilla with multi-colored sprinkles. Jill glanced at Lizzie as she ate her breakfast with gusto, thinking of the plain yogurt with fresh berries she’d consumed. There were definitely benefits to being thirty.

“Guess what I did while I was lying awake for hours?” Jill asked after they were on the freeway.

Lizzie gave her a look so filled with sexual innuendo Jill nearly drifted off the road.

“Something you won’t have to do for yourself when you get off this chastity kick.”

“Not that,” she scoffed, even though she had, in fact, had an orgasm fewer than five minutes after returning to her own bed. “I spent the whole night assessing what I’ve learned from my past relationships.”

Lizzie’s eyebrow rose dubiously. “You waited until
now
to do that?”

“No, I’ve done it a lot. But I felt clearer about some things after I talked about the whole string. It was like seeing a highlight reel.”

“Don’t keep me waiting,” Lizzie said while poking Jill in the ribs. “I’m definitely interested.”

“Well,” Jill said, clearing her throat. “I realized that all of my relationships had something critical missing. Something that I didn’t notice, or didn’t want to notice. I can complain all I want about my partners, but I’m the one who accepted less than I needed. My fault,” she insisted, patting herself on the chest.

“I think that’s true,” Lizzie said thoughtfully. “That’s one reason I’m vaguely glad we’re going slowly. I want you to have room to pull the plug if there’s something you need that I can’t give you.”

“Nothing,” Jill said, totally confident in her belief. “You’re the right woman for me. I’m sure of it.”

Lizzie gazed at the side of her face for a long time, her focus so intent Jill felt it as a touch.

“Once we tell my whole family, we’re locked in. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

Jill turned and met her gaze. “I’m positive. No doubts.”

“Okay.” She gripped her leg tightly and gave it a shake. “After today you’re truly a member of the family.” She leaned all the way over and managed to reach far enough to kiss Jill’s cheek. “The thought of having you by my side at Christmas dinner is really, really appealing.” She started to rub the muscles in Jill’s shoulder. “How are you going to handle your family? Are you going to tell them today?”

“No. That wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“You’re waiting for…what?”

“They don’t know I’m gay.” She flinched, assuming Lizzie would, at best, slug her. But when she turned to take a look at her expression, it was simply one of puzzlement.

“Why not?’

“We don’t have that kind of relationship,” Jill said, unable to think of a better way to explain it. “We just don’t.”

“You’re forty years old,” Lizzie said, now moving her hand up and down Jill’s arm. “You’ve been with women your whole adult life. Neither of your parents have asked about that?”

“Not a word. They don’t ask personal questions. Heck, I’m not sure they know what I do for a living.”

“What?” Lizzie’s voice echoed in the confines of the coupe.

“They know I work for the U. I think,” she added, having to give that a moment’s thought.

“God damn, Jill. What… I don’t even know how to follow that up with a question.”

“We’re not close. I don’t have any better way to explain it.”

Lizzie let her hand slide down until it rested on Jill’s leg. For the next hour, she stroked it, patted it and massaged it, but she didn’t say another word.

Jill thought about her situation as Lizzie was clearly doing the same thing. They were about an hour away from Sugar Hill when Lizzie asked, “Do you want to have a better relationship with your parents? Or have you given up?”

“I…” She took a moment to consider her answer. “I like to believe that one day we’ll grow closer. But I think that’s wishful thinking.”

“Then we’ll just share my family. God knows there are enough of us to go around.”

Jill grasped her hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed it tenderly. “I’d really like that.”

“And if you change your mind, and want to tell your family about us—I’ll support you in any way you want. Promise.”

“I don’t think I will, but it’s nice to know you’re behind me.”

“I am,” Lizzie said, her voice full of concern. “I want your parents to realize what they’re missing by not knowing you better, but I trust you to know whether or not they’re able to change.”

“Thanks.” A lump formed in her throat. “I’ll think about it some more. It might be a good idea to talk to them, even if it’s not something they want to know.”

“No rush. We’ve got time,” Lizzie said as she leaned over to place a soft kiss on Jill’s cheek.

***

They sat in the driveway of the Davis house for a few minutes, with Lizzie giving every indication she was about to vomit. Jill had nothing but sympathy for her, but there was truly nothing she could do or say to make it better. This was Lizzie’s dilemma.

That thought must have hit her at the same time, for she reached for the door handle, flipped it open and stepped onto the drive. “I’ll call you,” she said, then marched right up to the house.

As Jill drove away, she thought about Lizzie and her courage. As anxious as she was, she just got it over with. That was a fantastic trait that Jill could stand to copy. Maybe being an honorary Davis would rub off on her.

The drive to her parents’ house only took four minutes. It was so close she should have walked, but she didn’t want Lisa, the town crier, to see her car at the Davis house.