Homecoming (43 page)

‘Not at all.' John glanced at the clock. ‘In fact, given the hours you've been putting in lately, I'll be glad to think of you relaxing for once. Go and have fun. Call Katie and Judy and arrange a lunch.'

‘I have a few errands to run and I thought I'd do some shopping.'

‘Even better.'

‘I'll see you tomorrow morning.'

‘Helen …' He began anxiously.

‘I'm fine, Dad,' she interrupted. ‘Really, I'm fine,' she repeated, aware that she hadn't convinced him. She waited until her father went into his office before picking up the telephone on her desk and dialling a number she had asked Directory Enquiries to get her that morning.

‘Good morning, Powell and Ronconi garage.'

Helen pressed her pen down so hard on her notepad she splayed the nib. ‘Could I speak to Jack Clay, please?'

‘I'll see if he's free.' There was a thud as the receptionist dropped the receiver and the sound of a door opening followed by a shout. ‘Jack, telephone.'

She imagined Jack dropping whatever he was doing and running towards the office. The image was very real and agonisingly painful. She could trace every line of his body, knew every nuance of expression on his face …

‘Jack Clay.'

‘It's Helen.'

He hesitated for a few interminable seconds, then said, ‘You're calling off Sunday.'

‘No, I want to help the girls clean Lily and Martin's house this afternoon ready for when she comes home.'

‘I'm driving down to fetch her with Martin.'

‘I'd like to stay in the house until she arrives.'

‘And you don't want me there,' he speculated.

‘I won't find it easy to be in the same room as you,' she admitted.

‘With your father married to my sister, it may not be possible for us to avoid one another for the rest of our lives, Helen.'

‘I know.'

‘We need to talk.'

‘That's why I telephoned.'

He dropped his voice to a whisper. ‘If you want a divorce …'

‘We need to discuss it.'

‘Not on the telephone,' he declared. ‘You really want me out of the house tonight?'

‘I know it's a lot to ask when you are living there.'

‘I can be polite, if you can.'

‘I suppose I could try.'

‘And Sunday is still on?' he questioned urgently.

‘We need to talk before then.'

‘Name the time and the place and I'll be there.' When she remained silent he murmured, ‘Sweetheart, I love you …'

Unable to bear the sound of his whispered endearments, she snapped, ‘Do you get a lunch break?'

‘I can get an hour off whenever suits you.'

She glanced at the clock. ‘Half an hour, that way we can avoid the lunch time rush.'

‘Half past eleven it is. Shall we meet in Castle Gardens?'

‘Too public.'

‘Then where?'

She thought rapidly. ‘Brynmill Park. I don't know anyone who goes there at lunchtime. I'll meet you by the animal cages.'

‘I'll be there.'

‘You'll keep in touch,' Lily pressed. Maggie was packing Lily's case. She coloured in embarrassment when Maggie looked across at her. ‘I suppose that wouldn't be appropriate.'

‘We could exchange Christmas cards,' Maggie suggested, ‘and add a line or two about what we're doing.'

‘I'd like that.' Lily moved her legs over as Maggie set a pile of magazines on the bed. ‘You can keep those if you like.'

‘Are you sure?'

‘I've read them.'

‘The other girls would be grateful.' Maggie stacked them on the chair and looked around the tiny room. ‘That seems to be about it.'

‘You and Emily have both been wonderful. I was so miserable at the beginning of the week, it felt as if I'd have to stay here for ever and now I'm going home …'

Lily winced as a scream echoed along the corridor. High-pitched, panic stricken, it sounded like the cry of a terrified animal.

‘Shouldn't they send for the doctor?' Lily turned to Maggie in alarm.

‘If there were any complications the matron would have sent for him last night.'

‘But that girl, whoever she is, has been in labour since yesterday.'

‘Long labours are common with first babies.'

‘That's normal?' Lily's eyes rounded in fear as another scream rent the air.

‘No,' Maggie replied, ‘but Marilyn's scared. She's been dreading the birth and by the sound of it, she's too frightened to help herself.'

‘But she must be in pain.'

‘Not as much as it sounds.' Maggie made an effort to sound reassuring. ‘I've had four so I should know. Please, I know it's difficult, but try to ignore her. She and her baby will both be fine and,' she glanced at her watch, ‘it can't be much longer now.'

Helen saw Martin's car parked close to the top gates to Brynmill Park in Glanbrydan Avenue. Pulling up behind it, she opened her car door and stepped out. It was a perfect summer's day. Wisps of clouds hung motionless in the sky, tingeing the deep blue with the merest hints of white. Two little girls dressed in pink shorts and blouses hurtled past, hand in hand. They ran through the gates chattering excitedly and all of a sudden she felt old and overdressed. The square-necked, slim-line, beige linen dress and small straw hat that had pleased her so much when she had dressed that morning seemed too elaborate for a walk in the park, and she found herself wishing that she was one of those two little girls running wild, carefree, with no problems that a grown-up couldn't solve for her.

But she wasn't a child any more. She was an adult with adult problems. She took a moment to slip on her black cotton gloves and hang her black patent handbag over her arm. She checked her hat was straight in the wing mirror of her car, set her head high and walked through the gates.

Jack had been watching for her and, as always, his breath caught in his throat when he saw her. She looked cool, beautiful and elegant. A wife any man would be proud of and he'd been stupid enough to hurt.

‘Martin and I used to spend hours here when we were kids,' he said, as she drew close to him. ‘We used to pretend the animals were ours. We gave all of them our own special names, the monkey, the rabbits, the guinea pigs, the birds.'

‘I'm surprised you didn't run out. There are so many of them, especially birds.'

‘There we cheated. All the blue ones were Bluey, followed by a number.'

‘You could tell them apart?' She looked into his eyes, dark, tender and loving. It took all her powers of concentration to remember what he had done.

‘No, but we pretended we could.' He held up a couple of paper bags. ‘I bought a couple of cheese rolls and pasties in Eynon's. We could sit on that bench and eat them.'

‘Snap.' She opened her handbag and extracted a bag containing two rolls that she'd bought in a baker's in the Uplands. ‘I saw Martin's car parked by the gates, I'm surprised he lent it to you.'

‘He offered when I told him I was seeing you.' He wiped the bench over with his handkerchief although it appeared to be perfectly clean. ‘Would you like to sit down?'

‘Why not.' She averted her eyes from his. Although she was dreading the conversation moving from general to more personal topics, she was finding it remarkably easy to talk to him, but once he sat beside her she felt suffocated by his proximity. Unable to look him in the eye, she unwrapped the roll she'd bought and laid it on the paper bag on her lap.

‘If this can be taken as an example, I think it's safe to say that we can be civil to one another in Martin and Lily's house tonight,' he said quietly.

‘I wanted to see you, because I think Martin and Lily will have enough to worry about when she comes home, without you staying with them as well.'

‘I moved in as a temporary measure, but between work and what happened to Lily, there hasn't been much time for me to look for anywhere else. And Martin needed the company.'

‘If he needs company, he has Brian and the boys downstairs.'

‘Brian's moving out two weeks Monday. He's marrying Judy.'

‘Judy told me.'

‘Did you ask me here to tell me that you want a divorce, Helen?' Jack questioned suddenly.

‘Would you blame me if I did?'

‘No.' He looked her in the eye. ‘If that's what you want, you should have it. There's no doubt that you deserve to be shot of me after what I did, but as I said on the telephone, I love you and if there is a chance – no matter how small – that you'll take me back, I'll do whatever it takes.'

‘You know I went to visit Maggie.'

‘Brian told me you were at the house when you telephoned to tell Martin that Lily had collapsed.' He followed her example and unwrapped a roll, but like her, he made no attempt to eat it. ‘Why did you go there?'

‘Because I wanted to see her for myself. She wasn't at all what I expected.'

‘What did you expect?'

‘A beautiful young girl,' she said simply. ‘I'd imagined you cavorting on the beach with her, swimming, picnicking, you in trunks, her in a revealing two-piece …'

‘I told you what Maggie was like and how it happened between us. Didn't you believe me?'

‘I can't explain it, I just had to see her for myself.' She opened her roll and peered at the slice of cheese it contained. ‘She told me that you wanted to adopt her baby.'

‘I did.'

‘You really think that you can bring it up on your own?'

‘I hoped to, but everyone has quashed any ideas I had in that direction. A separated man without a home or money, whose wife has solid grounds for divorcing him, has absolutely no chance of adopting a child, even when it's his. I saw a solicitor earlier this week and he confirmed what everyone had been telling me.' He broke a piece of bread from his roll and tossed it to a pigeon scavenging beneath a litterbin.

‘The baby is that important to you.'

‘Yes.'

‘More important than me.'

He glanced across and saw that she was watching him intently. ‘No.'

‘Then if I took you back … and that is an “if”,' she warned, as his eyes lit up, ‘you'd give up any idea you had of adopting the baby.'

‘I'd like to say yes, but there wouldn't be any element of sacrifice on my part,' he confessed candidly. ‘The solicitor told me that I had no chance of adopting the child and Maggie didn't want me to have the baby either. She's hoping that he will go to a settled home with a mother and a father who can give him all the love and attention he deserves, not a single man without a home, who'd have to rely on babysitters and outside help.'

‘Sensible woman, Maggie.'

‘Yes, she is.' He fell silent and she sensed that he was bracing himself to tell her something. ‘If there is any chance that you will take me back, Helen, I meant what I said. I'd do anything to make you happy. And I swear I'll never as much as look at another woman again …'

‘No, don't swear,' she cut in. ‘None of us know what lies in the future.'

‘Do you think there'll ever come a time when you would consider taking me back?' he asked.

‘Not as my husband – not yet anyway,' she qualified. ‘At the moment I don't even know how I feel about you and what you've done, much less make a decision as to how I can deal with it. But if you want, you can come back home.'

‘Home – you mean to your house?'

‘I'm not doing this for you, Jack, but for Marty and Lily. With everything that's going on in their lives at the moment, I think it's a bit much to expect them to cope with you and our problems as well.'

‘Thank you,' he murmured humbly.

‘You can have whichever one of the three spare bedrooms you want. And with both of us back under one roof it will be easier for us to make a decision about our future without involving your brother and sister, my father and half our friends.'

‘As I said, I'll do anything.'

‘You can start by not overwhelming me,' she warned. ‘You hurt me – and badly. I feel as though I'm only just coming back to life and it's a slow and painful process. Day-to-day living is difficult enough without trying to analyse my feelings towards you, so let's just take it as it comes, one day at a time. Agreed?' She looked at him.

‘Yes.'

‘And if I think it's not working out between us and ask you to leave again, the next time it will be for good.'

‘I understand.'

‘You can come back with me tonight after I leave Lily and Martin's.'

‘I'll ride my bike over. I'll need transport for work.'

She nodded. Breaking her roll into smaller pieces, she threw the crumbs among the pigeons that had gathered at their feet. She crumpled the paper bag, put it in a litterbin and rose to her feet. ‘I'll see you later.'

‘Yes.' As she walked away, Jack felt something he hadn't experienced since she'd ordered him out of the house. A tiny spark of hope.

‘You will remember – the slightest sign of any pain or any problem and you drive your wife straight to the nearest hospital,' the doctor warned Martin sombrely.

‘I will.' Martin shook the doctor's hand.

‘And you have arranged for your own doctor to visit Lily first thing tomorrow morning as I asked you to?'

‘He said he'd be over straight after morning surgery,' Martin confirmed.

‘By rights I should send her to the nearest hospital, but …' The doctor shrugged his shoulders. ‘I can see that your wife will be much happier once she is closer to her home, and the more stress and anxiety we can avoid, the better it will be for mother and baby. It is less than an hour's drive,' he added, as though he were still trying to convince himself that he had made the right decision in allowing Martin to take Lily back to Swansea.