Home Is Wherever You Are (17 page)

Chapter 29 – Negative Outlook

Thing were going well, too well I think. I should have known better than to let my guard down, but I did. Addy was going to school, Tamera was getting help, Jason was sending Kyle and I work like crazy, Leon and Evette had moved in to their new home, and Daniel had invited me to go fishing. Oh yeah, I also hadn’t seen the Riley’s pussy again, so things were looking up.

Unfortunately, I came home to my wife sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she shoved a little white plastic stick at me. I must have looked confused, because she dropped her hand and started bawling harder. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to our room. “What is it, baby?”

“I’m not…I’m not…” she took a deep breath, trying to get herself together, “I’m not pregnant.”

I kissed her forehead. “So we keep trying, no big deal,” I said with a shrug.

“NO!” she shouted at me. “We’ve been trying for eight months! Nothing is happening! Why am I not getting pregnant?”

“I don’t know, stress maybe? You need to relax, honey. There’s nothing to worry about. I can help out at home more, and your mom is doing fine. Reed’s taking good care of her.”

Daniel had taken Tamera to the reservation and asked Reed to help her clean up. Reed could hold Tamera against her will, because it was a lot of red tape and paperwork to do anything against the Native American nation. Reed got her cleaned up and on to some lighter drugs that kept her off the heavy stuff. She had a constant bodyguard twenty-four-seven, though. She was not left alone. She couldn’t leave. Addy and I had yet to visit her, but Daniel had once or twice and told us she was doing a lot better. I was happy to hear it.

“Why can’t I have a baby?” my girl whimpered.              

I decided to go my mom’s route. “God will send one when we’re ready,” I said.

She looked at me like I had grown a second head. I never spoke of God, but I did believe in one. When it came to making babies, I did believe he was the one to talk to about that.

“God?” she asked, almost appalled.

I shrugged again. If she wasn’t pregnant, she was definitely showing signs of PMS, and I wasn’t going to cross her.

“You think God doesn’t want me to have kids?” she yelled at me. Yup, PMS for sure.

“No, I think God will know when we’re ready for kids. He knows what’s going on and will send them when the time is right. You’ll be a great mother, Addy, I know it. God will send us kids,” I said, sure of myself.

Her stance softened, and she slumped down on the bed. “I just wanted it now, you know. I wanted to have this with you. The house and family, heck, I’d even let you get a dog.”

I chuckled lightly and shrugged. “We’ll see, let’s work on the babies first and then the dog, alright?” I asked.

“I saw some chicks down at the feed store. I was thinking of getting some.”

“Are they egg layers or good lookers?” I teased.

She swatted my arm, “Egg layers, not women!”

“Well, I do like eggs,” I said, kissing her softly. “As for good lookers, I think I got the best looking one, and I’m completely satisfied,” I purred and nuzzled her neck.

“Even if I’m not pregnant?” she asked sadly.

“We’ll have to keep practicing. It’ll happen when the time is right,” I said, smiling at her.

She let out a sigh and held on to me tighter. I knew this was hard on her. I didn’t realize trying to have a baby would end up being so difficult.

She threw herself into her schooling, and I threw myself into work. I thought we had put it behind us, but I started noticing a pattern. She would get antsy and start calling me to come home early a few days a month, and that was when I realized it was when she was ovulating. I wondered why she didn’t tell me. The kicker was finding the boxes of tests that told her the right time in the trash. Unfortunately, those boxes were always followed by a pregnancy test box and a negative test, making my beautiful wife fall apart.

I felt helpless. I wanted to do everything in my power to make her happy, and I felt like a failure, because I wasn’t getting her pregnant. Meanwhile, Kyle told me his wife was pregnant with baby number two. They had just found out, but they weren’t sure if they should say anything around Addy. He knew we were trying without success.

“Why don’t you talk to a doctor? It might be an easy fix or something,” Kyle suggested. “We have Dr. Stewart on the schedule, maybe talk to her and see if she’ll barter or something. She’s who Darlene sees.”

I just nodded dumbly, not sure what to do.

When we got to Dr. Stewart’s home, I spoke with her quietly in her office. She only had about one hundred dollars’ worth of repairs, but she told me to bring my wife by, and she would work her in. I had a feeling I was getting the better end of the deal.

I told Addy about the appointment, and she looked at me nervously, but with hope in her eyes. We made our way to the office the next morning, just as it opened.

Dr. Stewart greeted us with a smile. “My first appointment called to reschedule to later this afternoon, so I can get you in right now.” She took my wife’s weight herself, and I noticed she didn’t have a nurse this morning. “Just change into this paper gown, and I’ll come in and start the exam.”

She slipped out, and I looked at my wife worried. “So, have you ever seen a woman’s doctor?” I asked.

She shook her head no, making me more nervous. “I hope she says we’re okay,” my love mumbled. There was a tentative knock on the door, and we called for her to come in.

“I usually don’t see patients alone, but my nurse called in sick. Could you sign a waiver, please?” she asked worried.

Addy nodded yes and quickly took the paper from Dr. Stewart, signing it right away. Dr. Stewart pulled up her rolling chair to the counter, and wrote down a few notes. “Mrs. Martin, do you have a previous gynecologist I can request records from?”

“No,” Addy all but whispered. “I’ve never been before.”

“Matthew here tells me you’re trying for a baby?”

“Yes, for almost a year now.”

“Any chance you’ve miscarried?”

Addy shook her head no. “I take a test every month, it never comes back positive.” She was fighting back tears, and Dr. Stewart reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Let’s take a look and see what we’re dealing with. Is there any history of infertility?” she asked.

I shook my head no. “Not on my side.”

“No, I was an accident, and then my mother had her tubes tied. She never wanted children,” Addy said quietly.

“Alright,” Dr. Stewart said and slid her seat toward the table.  She pulled out a couple of bars with stirrup-looking things on the ends of them. “Feet up and bum to the end of the table,” she said, and Addy did as she was told.

Dr. Stewart pulled out a gun-looking thing and told us she was going to do something called a pap smear and make sure everything was in place. “Look up at the butterfly and relax, hon,” Dr. Stewart said, and I wondered what butterfly she was talking about, but then I noticed some fake ones tacked to the ceiling. My girl gripped my hand and cringed. “So, are you pretty regular?” the doctor asked.

“Yes,” Addy said, through gritted teeth.

“Deep breath, if you relax, this isn’t so uncomfortable,” she said, as she poked and prodded my girl, pressing down on her stomach, feeling around and then finally backed away with a tight smile. “Well, you seem to check out okay. I’ll get this pap smear done, but I think I know what your problem is,” she said getting up, peeling her gloves off and washing her hands.

“Your cervix is tipped. You’re not infertile from what I can tell. Matthew said you were using ovulation tests, and they were coming back positive, so I believe it’s your tipped cervix that’s slowing things down for you. People with tipped cervixes tend to have a little more difficult time conceiving, but it’s still possible. Maybe change your position to missionary and elevate your hips afterwards. Also, if your husband is well endowed, having him only enter shallowly will help as well. He might be passing up the cervix altogether and not even know it.”

I looked over at Addy, squeezing her hand. “See, baby, we can do this. We were just having sex wrong. Who would’ve thought?” I said and kissed her forehead.

“If in another year you don’t conceive, I think we should look into your husband’s reproductive organs.”

I had to admit, I wasn’t looking forward to that idea at all.

Of course, once we were home and back to our lives, some major issues ended up changing our plans. My father became very sick. My mother said it was something to do with his liver and kidneys. They weren’t being very open about it. All I knew was the constant use of pain medicine had done some damage to his kidneys, liver and stomach.

Work started slowing down, because Jason was taking time off from work to spend time with the Christianson’s daughter, Kelly, and the family. Unfortunately, I had been right. They had moved away from the big city and had their daughter come home, because Evette, Leon’s wife, was also very ill. I didn’t know the whole story, since I wasn’t as close to the Christianson’s as Kyle, but it was some kind of cancer, and Evette only had months left to live.

It was shocking to find out she had been fighting it for a long time, and her perfect platinum hair was actually a wig she had been wearing for years, as she underwent treatment after treatment, trying to prolong her life a little longer.

Business slowed, and a sad haze seemed to fall over Woodville.

I had just come home, when Addy handed me a couple of envelopes. I opened the one from the Christianson’s. As suspected, Jason and Kelly were getting married. They were doing it in two weeks. I was guessing they were rushing to get it done before her mother passed.

The second envelope was from my mother. I opened it and read it nervously. I could see where her writing had smudged from tears, making her happy words seem wrong. They were coming to visit. I hoped they were tears of joy and not of sadness.

I passed them both to my wife, not telling her what they were, and I watched her smile grow, when she saw my parents were coming. She ran to the guestroom with the duster and pulled the bedding off to “freshen it up.”

When my parent showed up three days later, I could see my father’s failing health had taken its toll on the both of them. My father looked much thinner and sickly, and my mother had dark circles under her eyes.

“Matthew, dear, may I speak with you in your office?” she asked quietly and looked away from my father, who was talking animatedly with my wife, as if nothing was wrong.

I pulled my mother in and closed the door. Once the door was shut, she burst into tears. I tugged her into my arms, hugging her tightly.

“We need help. I can’t take care of him alone anymore. I just can’t. I’ve found him on the floor more than once. His bills are covered by the factory, but things are getting bad. I don’t have the means to hire a nurse for him.”

“It’s fine, Mom.”

“No, it’s not. The last thing you need is your parents interrupting your lives. I know you’re busy trying for a baby,” she said, turning away.

I grabbed her shoulders and made her look me in the eye. “You guys are not going anywhere.  We’ll all pitch in and take care of dad. I know Addy would be happy to help, and you know it, too. She loves you both.”

My mother looked down and nodded her head okay.

“Is there someone you can call back home and have them ship your stuff here?”

“Yeah, Adonna across the hall would help out. She has two boys she could have help her pack things up.”

“Good, now go get settled in your room. You’ll be staying permanently,” I said with finality. “Can you ask Addy to come in when you go out?”

“Of course,” she said, already sounding like her burden had been lifted a little.

She stepped out, and I closed my eyes, trying to come up with an easy way to break it to my girl that we needed to take care of my parents.

I heard the door close and her soft voice ask, “Matthew, please tell me they’re moving here for good. They look like they need help so badly. You can’t let them leave,” my beautiful wife insisted.

I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. I pulled my sweet, wonderful wife into my arms. “I love you so much,” I said kissing her. “Thank you. They do need to stay.”

She squeezed me tighter. “We’ll take good care of them, Matthew. It’s going to be okay.”

I knew she hoped they would be alright, but in truth, I knew my father’s days were numbered. My mother would soon be falling apart, once he was gone. The challenges of our perfect life seemed to be stacking against us fast. I just hoped we would be up for it and come out on top.

Chapter 30 - Family, Friends and Neighbors

Mom’s neighbor, Adonna, was a lifesaver. She sounded relieved, when she found out my parents were moving in with us. She spoke with me personally, telling me I was a good son, and that my parents needed me.  She worried about them, because they had been living across from her for close to twenty years, and she could see the stress taking its toll on my mother. They were good friends, and I knew she would be sorely missed.

Mom spent the first week getting all of my dad’s records transferred and setting up doctor’s appointments. I went with her to talk with the doctors and finally got an idea of what was going on with my dad. It was worse than I had thought. He had been bad for a long time. They had just been really good at hiding it.

My mom was surprised the doctors here in Woodville wanted to take a more aggressive stance on treating my father. It gave her some hope that maybe things would get better for him.

Kelly and Jason were married. Addy and I went, and we gave them an electric can opener. I was sure they would have several to spare. Word had gotten around that Kelly couldn’t cook. It also had gotten around that Jason loved canned ravioli. Kyle bought him a case of that crap, making me laugh.

Their wedding was much bigger than ours. They had it in the Christianson’s backyard. I had to admit, I liked ours better. I think the town did, too. It was all a little too pretentious for my liking, but Kelly had grown up as a rich city girl, and her parents wanted her to have her dream wedding. At least that was the excuse Addy gave me, when I called it pretentious and said ours was better. She might have giggled a little, kissing me as well. Did I mention my girl had dressed up for this wedding and looked amazingly hot?

Having sex with my parents in the house was awkward. We were still trying for a baby, but now we were also
trying
to try for a baby and be quiet at the same time. My parents were no help. My mom could really kill a mood by talking about ovulating in front of me. My dad would occasionally tell me dirty jokes to help me out. It didn’t. I didn’t know why he thought me hearing about “The Man from Nantucket” would help me. When I told him that was sick, he burst out laughing. That did help me relax. It felt good to hear my dad laugh and see my mom smile.

My dad started doing better, and my mom wanted to get a part-time job down at the library. She and Addy would carpool, because Addy was taking some classes online down there. She really had thrown herself into her schoolwork and had earned her Associate’s degree already.

When I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, she said a social worker. I think the woman who had taken her from her mother had really made a good impression on her. I had yet to meet her, but Addy spoke with her more often now on the phone. Ms. Jordan was the mother Addy didn’t have, but had always wanted.

I came home for lunch one day to find my wife sitting at the table, staring at some papers she had in front of her. “Hey, babe, where are mom and dad?” I asked.

She looked startled and put her hand over the top of them. “They went to an appointment.”

Her covering the papers made me more curious. If she hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have glanced at them twice. “What do you have there, an assignment?” I asked.

She glanced at them and shifted uncomfortably. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I quickly dropped down next to her and pulled her into my arms. I peeked over her shoulder at the papers and was confused. They were for some sort of home study. I didn’t even know what that meant.

“Matthew, I think I want to stop trying for a baby,” she whispered so softly, I almost missed it.

“We can do whatever you want, honey.”

She sniffled and nodded. She pushed the papers to me, and I still was confused.  “What are these?” I finally asked.

She took a deep breath before speaking. “It’s the first step to adopting.”

The words didn’t seem to sink into my head. They were foreign. “What?” I asked shocked.

“I want to stop trying to have a baby and adopt one instead.”

I sat back and pulled on my hair nervously. I wasn’t big on having a kid in the first place, and now she wanted to go pick one up and bam, I was a dad? “How, um, we…I…huh?” Yeah, not my best moment.

She stood up and started pacing. I quickly calculated that she was not due for her period for another four days, so hopefully she wouldn’t hit me. “I want to adopt, Matthew. I’m not getting pregnant,” she said, a little more upset.

“Can we even do that, I mean, legally? Don’t we have to be rich or, I don’t know, something? I don’t know if I’d qualify to be an adoptive dad, honey.” There, I had said it. It was one thing to have a kid on your own. It was another for someone to give you one. I wouldn’t feel so bad if I messed up my own kid, but I didn’t want to mess up someone else’s. Didn’t people give their babies up to have a better life? I looked at my house. I knew it was well taken care of, and I provided for my family, but we were barely making it.  “What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not good enough?”

Her angry face turned soft, and she kneeled down in front of me. “They’ll love you, just like I do. Matthew, you’re such a good man,” she said and kissed my lips softly. “We can do this. Ms. Jordan will help us. Please, can we at least try?” she begged.

I finally broke down and said what I feared the most. “If they say no, because I was homeless, will you still love me? Will you still love me if we can’t have any kids at all?”

She jumped into my arms and was squeezing me tightly. I heard her sob softly. “Would you love
me
if we couldn’t have kids?” she asked.

“Of course,” I answered instantly, like the notion was stupid, because it was.

She laughed. “I feel the same way, baby.  Let’s just fill out the paperwork and see what happens.”

We turned it in, and Ms. Jordan sent us a list of what we needed to do, so we could pass the home inspection. I realized there was probably a whole market in doing this kind of work, and I decided to add it to my list of things we could be hired for. Ms. Jordan absolutely loved the idea and took some of my new cards.

Not only did I do my house, but I did a few houses in neighboring towns as well. It was a couple of hours to drive one way, but the pay and the chance to connect with other people trying to adopt made me feel better about it all. Turned out they were not rich, either.

Ms. Jordan let us know we had been approved for fostering after six months of paperwork, interviews and background checks. Tamera counted against us, but she was not in our lives. Daniel, being sheriff and our neighbor, counted in our favor. My parents checked out as well. They looked deeper into them, because they were living with us. Turned out them being married for thirty-five years looked good. The fact that we owned the house was a positive thing as well. We had only been married for two years, but Ms. Jordan didn’t think that would be a problem with fostering at first. We would foster, and then we would adopt. That was how it worked. At least, that was how it was going to work for us.

We met with Ms. Jordan, and I couldn’t help but love her. She was sweet and soft-spoken, but I had a feeling she would kick your butt if you messed with her kids. She just put off that vibe. She hugged Addy, who held onto her a moment longer. Ms. Jordan held Addy’s face in her hands and smiled. “You’re beautiful in love,” she said and then turned to me. “Matthew, it’s wonderful to meet you. I know we’ve talked over the phone a lot, and I have a couple of other workers handling your case, but when I saw these little girls,” she looked over at Addy, “I knew they’d be perfect for you. I know you wanted younger and only one, but please, just look at the file, and you’ll know just what I mean,” she said, sliding the file across the table to us.

We opened it to see two little girls hugging each other. They both had very pale skin, brown hair and big brown eyes. They were named Genevieve and Gabriella. They went by Genny and Gabby. One would be turning two in six months, and the other was about to turn three. I was nervous. We had never talked about having a boy or girl, but seeing these little girls kind of freaked me out.

“Matthew,” my wife said my name softly and pointed down a little further. I read that their mother was a drug addict, and they were homeless. I was scared for what the little girls might have had to go through. I didn’t want them to be homeless, and heaven forbid, if a freak like Tamera got their hands on these precious babies. I didn’t realize it, but I was shaking.  My hand pressed down into the file, and I wanted to hug them and tell them they were safe.

“Where are they?” I asked, with more force than I meant to. I was practically demanding it.

Ms. Jordan just smiled, like she knew a secret. “They’ll be here in the playroom in a few minutes. They were just released from the hospital.”

It was then I realized the stark white walls in the picture and the animal prints on their clothes were standard hospital fare, they were wearing hospital gowns.

“We’ll need to get beds for them. We only have a crib,” I said, and Addy was suddenly squeezing my middle hard. She was crying, but when I looked down at her, she was smiling huge.

“The crib will be fine for Genny. If you sign them out, then I can get the paperwork started. By the end of the visit, I should be able to get you a check, so you can get a bed for Gabby.”

“We can call my dad. He still has my old bed.  He can bring it over and set it up, so it’ll be ready when we get home,” Addy offered. Before I could say anything, she was on the phone making the arrangements.

Ms. Jordan reached over the file and squeezed my hand. “They’re going to be alright, Matthew.”

I didn’t realize it, but I had let out a breath of relief and nodded okay. We were led into a room with all sorts of toys for all different ages. Addy was reading over a thick stack of papers talking about child development at eighteen to twenty-four-months-old. She had another stack for development between three and four years as well.

The girls were brought in by Ms. Jordan. Gabby was holding her sister, even though she herself wasn’t much bigger than Genny. You could tell she had been taking care of her little sister for a long time. Genny wiggled out of her arms when she saw the toys and started to play, ignoring us completely. We did see her making sure Gabby was nearby. Gabby just watched us, as if she was waiting for something bad to happen.

Ms. Jordan grabbed a couple of toys and handed them to Addy and me. It was a tea set.  She suggested we have a tea party. I was confused at first, but I followed my girl’s lead. I had never been to a tea party. Ms. Jordan came back with cookies and juice boxes. Addy carefully squeezed some juice into my cup.

“Top of the morning to ya,” I said, holding my cup up with my pinky out.

Addy laughed. “Top of the morning?” she said in some posh accent. “Don’t be ridiculous, Matthew, it’s afternoon.” She reached behind me and put a feather boa on my shoulders. I was about to protest, but Gabby smirked at me.

I smiled and flipped it over my shoulder. I could do this. I could make that little girl smile. “Well,” I said, primping my hair, “This tea is rather strong. What is this, apple?” I asked.

“Yes, though grape is my favorite, I knew you loved apple.” She was right. I loved apple juice.

Addy put a huge floppy hat on her head. “Do you like my new hat? It’s the latest fashion in Paris.”

“Oh, you’re absolutely beautiful. You know what I saw on my way over here? I saw the cutest pair of little girls. They were just darling. We should invite them to tea sometime.”

“Do you think they’d like apple juice tea?” she asked.

I flipped my boa. “Well, if they don’t, they’d love the cookies.”

I must have said the magic word, because suddenly, Genny was by our side. “Cookies!” she squealed in a cute toddler voice.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Addy pulled out the little seat next to her and pushed a plate of cookies and a box of juice in front of her. Genny looked over at Gabby, waiting for approval, so Gabby stomped over and plopped down next to me.

I pushed a plate of cookies and a cup of juice to her. “Have you seen Ms. Addy’s hat?” I asked in a girly voice, “It’s the latest fashion from Paris. Oh, is your sweater the latest fashion from Paris as well?” I asked, flipping my feather boa at her.

“It’s divine,” Addy added.

Gabby cracked and giggled, and I felt like I had just won an Olympic Gold medal. My chest ached with so much love and protectiveness for these little girls already. I knew we were doing the right thing by taking them home. I would do everything in my power to keep them happy and safe for the rest of their lives.

Addy must have been thinking the same thing, because she smiled at me and squeezed my hand. We talked with the girls a little more and introduced ourselves. Genny seemed to be warming up to Addy, because she climbed into her lap and snuggled with her.

Gabby was a little more reserved, but when I asked if she would mind coming to live with us, because we couldn’t have kids and would really like it if they would come be our kids, she took me seriously. She actually stopped and thought about it. “At your house?” she asked, and I nodded. She let out a breath. “Okay, but Genny stays with me.”

“Of course,” Addy added. “You’ll be sharing a room, and it’s right across the hall from ours, if you need us for anything.”