Home From Within (22 page)

Jessica’s grip was tight on Paul’s hand. “Jess, it’s okay. Your dad won’t suspect a thing.”

Jessica gave him a slight smile but could not keep the fear at bay.

While waiting for the play to let out, Jessica grabbed a program so her fingers would have something to fiddle with and her nervousness could take a break. Paul walked out first, turning around under the streetlight, smiling at her despite her father’s presence. Jessica hid her happiness and, just like the year before, her father didn’t even notice.

Warmer days were easing into each other now that summer was peeking around the corner, but Jessica didn’t feel like herself. She opened the window in her bedroom. Usually breathing in outside air would refresh her, make her feel energized, but all she felt this morning was the desire to crawl back into her cocoon of warm blankets.

“Jessica, you don’t look well,” her mother stated at the breakfast table.

“I think I have a cold.”

Her mother got the thermometer to take her temperature. “A little elevated but nothing to be concerned over.”

Jessica’s father walked in from the outside with Jason in tow, looking hot and sweaty.

“What should we not be concerned over?” he asked in perfect step with his breathing.

“Jessica looks sick, don’t you think?”

Her father took a deep look at Jessica, and she felt this was the first time in a long time he paid any attention to her.

“She looks a little peaked. A morning workout regimen would be the best thing for her.”

Jessica almost threw up at that thought. God, now she felt so nauseous.

“I think I have to . . .” Jessica jumped up and ran to the bathroom. There, she dry heaved because she hadn’t had a chance to eat her breakfast. She could hear her mother saying it was the flu she got around this time every year. No school, bed rest, and the garbage can next to the bed.

Jessica felt nauseous all day but did not throw up again. She was able to hold down saltines, 7UP, and clear broth. Despite the fact that she was resting comfortably, she was consumed by the idea that Paul would be wondering where she was and might try to find out where she lived.

In the evening, Jessica asked permission to call Marilee to get the assignments for the day, but she really wanted to know if Marilee talked to Paul. Jessica tried her best to get as far away from her parents as possible, timing the phone call with her mother cleaning up dinner and her father cleaning his guns with Jason.

Jessica was able to get out a few words before she was interrupted by Marilee.

“Paul cut class just to find me. He wanted to know where you were.”

“What did you tell him?” she whispered.

“I figured you were sick so that’s what I said. But he kinda didn’t look convinced. He wanted to know where you lived, but I didn’t tell him . . . Jess, are you still there?”

“Yes. I’m just nervous.”

“He’ll never find out anything from me. I don’t want to see him dead either.”

The next morning, Jessica forced herself to go to school.
You will be all right. You will be all right,
she repeated in order to will herself into not throwing up as she looked at the scrambled eggs sitting in front of her.

“Can I have a pancake instead?” she asked. That sounded more appetizing than the plate of slimy yellowness staring at her.

“All right. Are you sure you’re ready for school?”

“I’m fine. You know how it is when you get the flu and your usual food doesn’t look that appetizing. That’s all it is.”

Jessica met Marilee at their corner spot, and they walked to Heritage slowly because Jessica felt very low on energy. Approaching the school, Jessica spotted Paul sitting on the concrete stairs, looking around the grounds. His friends and brother, along with Alicia, were also there, talking and smoking cigarettes.

“Someone is searching for you,” Marilee said. “How romantic.”

Jessica smiled and watched to see if he’d notice her since she was not one to bring attention to herself, unlike Marilee, who was now yelling in Paul’s direction. Paul turned his head toward them and then jumped off the stairs.

They smiled at each other as he drew closer, and Marilee cleared her throat as a reminder she was still there.

“Hey, Marilee,” Paul said.

“See, she’s fine. She had the flu yesterday.”

“I see,” Paul said, turning back toward Jessica. He reached out for her hand, and she met him halfway.

“I’m fine. All in one piece.”

“So you had the flu?”

“Yep.”

“Come on love birds, or we’re gonna be late,” Marilee said.

In homeroom, Paul again asked what had really happened to her yesterday. Jessica told him again that she was sick with the flu and couldn’t understand why Paul looked so concerned.

“I was worried that maybe your parents found out about us and did something to you.”

Jessica gave him a careful look. “You’re the one who should be worried if we’re discovered. My father would probably kill you.”

Paul laughed out loud, which got Mrs. Daley’s attention, but his quick apology sent her away.

“Kill me?” he whispered.

Jessica realized she said too much and needed to backtrack fast. “Well, not ‘kill’ you but want to hurt you bad. I told you—overprotective.”

Paul seemed to accept that answer but let her know that if there was a problem at home, he wanted to know about it. Jessica appreciated Paul’s attempt to be protective, but it would never work against her father. He was just too dangerous.

Throughout the rest of the school day Jessica crawled from class to class, even her beloved tater tots looked unappealing.

After school, Paul gave her a piggyback ride to his house as she was still feeling ill. Jessica burst with laughter when he galloped across the overpass like she was on the back of a racehorse.

Upon arriving at his home they both fell onto the couch in the living room. Paul was panting and sweating and Jessica poked fun at his obvious need to get into shape. After drinking some water and resting, they folded into each other, kissing at length. Jessica stopped protesting Paul kissing her, due to her just having the flu, after he kissed her what seemed like twenty times.

Eventually they took a breather and talked about their relationship. What was going to happen in the summer which was approaching quickly?

“It’ll be difficult but if there’s any way, I’ll try to see you,” Jessica said.

“I’m gonna need that. I don’t think I can handle going from five days a week to cold turkey.”

“I know. I’m really going to miss you. I kind of need to see you, to feel you every day just to be normal.”

Paul smiled. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“If we can’t see each other, what will you do?”

Paul hesitated for a moment. “I’m in a bad place with my friends. They’re pissed that I’m with you every day after school.”

“But you can go out with them after I leave.”

“True, but I usually don’t. Not because of you, because I don’t feel like doing the same stupid shit. I want something better, you know. I want outta here.” He started looking around his house. “This place is a shit hole, I mean, sure, we cleaned it up, but it’s not where I want to be the rest of my life.” Paul took a moment. “I want to be better than any of the men I have known.”

Jessica’s heart skipped a beat because she felt he wanted to be a better man for her.

“I think you already are.”

“Thanks,” he said, looking away. “But you’re a little biased.” Eventually he returned her gaze with a grin. “I have time to work on that. I mean, you’re gonna be with me till at least twenty-one. I can’t wait to meet your parents. I’ll be thinkin’ the whole time we really pulled one over on them.”

Before leaving his home, Jessica grabbed Paul extra hard and looked tenderly into his eyes.

“I love you, Paul. I will love you always.”

Paul smiled. “You are my true love, Jessica Turner—now and forever.”

Despite her exhaustion, Jessica walked home on her tiptoes. Paul’s words ran through her head over and over,
now and forever, now and forever, now and forever.
They were meant to be together. It was absolute.

Entering her house, Jessica was met at the door by her mother.

“Hi, Mom,” she said, then looked up at her face. It was twisted with anger.

“I need to speak with you immediately. In your room.”

Jessica started to swoon; she felt like daggers were being jammed into her.

“What’s wrong?” Jessica asked.

“And be quiet. Jason is sick and sleeping in his room.”

Oh no,
Jessica thought.
If Jason’s home now, Mom drove past Heritage.

“Did he get sick at Ms. Carter’s?” Jessica needed to know.

Her mother stared her down. “Yes. I picked him up early. The same time as dismissal. Oh, but I forgot. You go to study hall.”

Jessica’s head swished as she grabbed onto the railing that would support her walking up the stairs to her bedroom. She took deep breaths to extinguish the fire running through her body and her vision blurred as she hung onto the railing and pulled herself toward her room. She dropped onto her bed, backpack slumped to the side. The blood that was racing inside of her was now rushing to her face and chest, and she could feel hives blooming on her skin.

Her mother pushed in behind her. “Damn it, I forgot you have no door.” She stood above Jessica’s slumped body. “Your brother is sleeping. For his sake, keep your voice low.”

Jessica nodded feebly.

“I saw you, so do not deny it. You were on the back of a boy, and he carried you to his home. You were in there for well over fifteen minutes. It looks like a homeless person lives there. Jessica, what have you been doing?”

A whirlwind of lies blew through Jessica’s mind, but it was difficult to catch one. Plus her energy level was being tested and was failing miserably. She felt herself crumble, unable to keep up the façade, but not ready for the whole truth to be uncovered.

“That boy is a friend, and sometimes I go to his house to study.”

“He is not a friend. He is a boyfriend. Do not take me for a fool.”

Jessica watched her mother study her face. “And I don’t think you have the flu. I think you’re pregnant.”

That word—pregnant—shocked Jessica as much as hearing her mother say it out loud. Jessica’s body started to shake; she could barely lift her hands.

“No,” she said, surprised by how weak her voice sounded.

“You’ve had sex, haven’t you?”

Jessica’s head fell onto her pillow.

Her mother made a muffled sound and after a minute said, “There is a pregnancy test in the bathroom waiting for you.”

Jessica’s frail and trembling body followed her mother to the bathroom. She was then instructed to urinate on the stick and to open the door when she was done. They sat as far apart from each other as possible, Jessica hunched on the toilet seat, her mother perched on the bathtub’s edge, waiting for the results.

After fifteen minutes, her mother picked up the stick showing a vibrant pink line and placed her hand over her mouth. Jessica followed suit, not yet fully understanding why.

Her mother finally broke the silence. “Jessica, what did you do? What did you do?”