Home: A Novel (5 page)

“Well, speak of the devil, look who’s coming up the lane.”

I raced to the patio door to see Justin’s truck pulling under the oak tree. I whirled to Michael with big eyes and a look of panic.

“He’s helping us with a few things around the farm today.”

“Oh,” Mama chimed in. “You should go say hi, Lil. I’m sure you just caught him in a bad mood yesterday.”

“I’m not even dressed,” I reminded them.

“Nonsense, you’re completely covered. Just pop out and say good morning.”

I walked to the door in complete shock. I had no idea what to say to him, and surely he didn’t want to see me this morning. He made it quite clear yesterday where I stood with him.

Opening the front door I noticed Justin still sitting in his truck, staring at my rental SUV with a tight jaw and angry eyes.

Great.
 
T
his is a horrible idea.

As he turned and caught my eye, I offered a small wave and a smile, but Justin simply stared right through me. I wanted to curl up and disappear.

He finally got out of his truck and acknowledged my presence. “Good Morning, Lil.”

“Hey.”

We stood on the sidewalk in front of the house looking everywhere but at each other. I glanced at the door to see Mama and Michael peeking at us through the curtains. Rolling my eyes, I decided to push through the awkwardness and make the first move.

“So, what’s new?” I attempted to sound casual.

Silence.
 
Okay, let’s cut right to the point here then.

“I take it from your silence you’re still mad at me?” I asked.

Justin turned his icy glare my way but still said nothing. I felt like a child being punished, except in my eyes I had done nothing wrong.

“Seriously?
 
W
hat do you want me to do? Look, I’m sorry. I obviously hurt you by leaving. But how was I supposed to know you were so upset by it? All the times we spoke to each other over the years you were never mad at me. But because I’m home now it gives you the right to treat me like shit?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“So enlighten me.”

He pulled in a deep breath but only shook his head.

I felt my lower lip begin to quiver so I turned to walk back into the house. Fine, if he didn’t want to talk to me I wasn’t going to stand out here and beg like a dog.

His hand at my elbow brought me to a halt before I even reached the steps. I couldn’t turn to look at him, not with the tears once again starting to pool in my eyes. Damn it, I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“Bright Eyes,” he said softly.

“No, you said everything you needed to, Justin. Or I guess you didn’t say it.
 
T
hat’s fine. Just let me go.” My voice was husky from the unshed tears.

He released my elbow and I ran into the house. I paused in the entryway to get my emotions in check. Having Mama see me upset would just cause more problems.

Dad came in from the living room to save the day. “You ready to head out, son?” he asked Michael.

“You bet. Justin pulled in just a few minutes ago.” Michael winked at me and headed for the door. Dad followed right behind, stopping to give Mama a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good day, Mag-pie,” he whispered to her. I grinned down at my feet. Even though Dad would do anything possible to drive my mother crazy, he loved her just the same. I looked up, thinking he was already out the door, and witnessed him give her a little love squeeze on her backside. Mama let out a yelp and playfully swatted his arm.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “I did not need to see that shit first thing in the morning.”

Dad gave me a wink of my own and turned for the door. Mama giggled and then said, “Lillian, mouth.”

Rolling my eyes, I went to get dressed. I had to return the rental car today among other things, like figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

Chapter 5

A
fter dropping the Lexus off at the rental place, Mama decided we needed to swing through Glenview and make a grocery store run. Since she didn’t know I was coming, apparently there wasn’t enough food for three people in the house. I thought she was nuts. Her pantry was stocked FULL of food. And the woman had not only the refrigerator in her kitchen, but one in the basement for ‘overflow’ and one out in my Dad’s shop. Her deep freeze in the basement was full of enough frozen meat and vegetables that she technically could get by without shopping for almost a year. It was ridiculous.

“I don’t understand why we have to stop,” I groaned as we pulled into the parking spot in front of the grocery store. “You have enough food in your house to feed the entire town of Glenview.”

Mama just rolled her eyes at me. “I only need to grab a couple things. I swear it won’t take but a minute.”

“Fine,” I said. “But I’m staying in the car.”

“Suit yourself, Baby Girl,” she said as she turned the key back to roll down my window. “I’ll just give you a little air flow while I’m gone. It’s a hot one today.”

“Great,” I muttered. I loved being treated like a dog.

Fifteen minutes rolled by and I was beginning to get nervous. Not that anything had happened to my mom, but the fact that a lot of people walked by and likely saw me sitting in her car. A group of young girls worried me the most. I think they walked past the car at least six times, always going a different direction and slowing to crane their necks at me each time. It wouldn’t be long before--

“OH MY GOD IT’S LILY RAE!!!” I heard a shrill screech coming from the far corner of the block. I looked to my right to see a group of six middle school girls running in my direction.

Oh crap!

I opened the car door as quickly as possible and dashed into the grocery store. I figured Mama had to be at one of the checkout lanes by then. She wasn’t much bigger than I was, but for some reason I felt like she could protect me. Except she wasn’t in a checkout lane. I couldn’t see her anywhere. I rushed over to the woman scanning groceries and asked if she could help me.

“Aaaahhhh!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You’re really here! Honey, you look amazing. Joan! Joan, look! It’s Lily Rae.”

Well, she apparently is no help.

The screaming girls barreled through the doors into the grocery store and were getting louder by the minute. I could see my mom making her way to the front of the store now, likely to check out all the noise. Her eyes looked frantic. In no time, people closed in all around me. Some rattled off question after question. Some just simply screamed. One woman grabbed me, giving me a giant hug.

The door chimes went off, indicating someone entering the store. I figured it was people from nearby that heard I was in there.
 
T
o my surprise, I turned to see a few familiar faces. Faces with cameras in front of them, clicking away.

Just fucking great,
 
I thought.

Suddenly, a man grabbed my arm, squeezing a little too tightly. I recognized him. He went to the same church as my parents. I thought maybe he was going to help me get out of the crowd when instead his hold tightened. I tried to pull my arm away but he just held it tighter.

“You turned out so beautiful,” he said in a super creepy voice as he reached out to touch my hair.

Oh dear God,
 
I thought to myself.
 
T
his scary old man is going to kill me.

“Please let me go,” I pleaded. His face was dirty and he smelled of hard liquor.

It felt like watching a tennis match. My head bounced back and forth from questions coming in every direction. I couldn’t even comprehend what everyone was asking.

“Um, I’m sorry,” I said, bumping into people left and right. “I don’t have a pen,” I mumbled when they asked for autographs. “Please, no pictures.” I put my arm up to somewhat shield my face. My breathing was steadily increasing and I knew what was coming. I needed to get out of there before the panic set in.

“Mama!” I yelled over the crowd. I barely heard her yell my name back in response.
 
T
here had to be close to fifty people, including the photographers, surrounding me now in the tiny checkout area of the grocery store.

The darkness was starting to creep in from my peripheral vision.

Please not now.
 
T
his can’t be happening to me now.

I heard the bell chime above the door again.

Oh great, more people coming in to ambush me.

Sucking in giant gulps of air, I tried to focus on something. If I could just see through the people, maybe I could avoid the full on panic attack. But the darkness continued to creep. Closer and closer, it began to overtake my vision.
 
T
he room began to spin and my stomach rapidly became nauseous.

Then, I felt a strong arm slide around my middle from behind. I was pulled back and slammed into a wall. At least I thought it was a wall, and it was in some sense of the word - a wall of muscle.

“I got you, Bright Eyes,” I heard in my ear.

Justin
, I thought to myself,
 
it’s going to be okay
. He put his fingers up to his mouth and let out a sharp whistle.

“Alright, everybody back off and leave her the hell alone,” he yelled over the crowd.
 
T
he people seemed to listen to Justin’s booming voice and scatter back to getting groceries.
 
T
he paparazzi, however, were still snapping away.

I closed my eyes as he pulled me back toward the door. “Maggie!” he called. Mama left her cart and hurried in our direction.

“You guys back the fuck up or I’m calling the police,” he ordered the paparazzi. “And that’ll be
 
after
 
I show you how much I don’t like your motherfucking cameras in my face.”

Most of them stopped as the three of us made our way out the door and to the car. One guy insisted on following us. Justin turned to him, wrapped his hand around the camera and twisted it right out of the man’s hand.

“You fuckin’ want this back, you can go to the Glenview police department to claim it,” he said.

“Hey, you can’t do that!” the photographer exclaimed. “That’s personal property!”

Justin glared him, his eyes a blazing fire of rage. He still had his arm around my waist in a tight hold or he may have decked him. His voice was terrifying when he spoke. “Does it look like I give a flying fuck about your camera?” he snarled to the man. “No?
 
W
ell good, ‘cause I don’t.
 
Y
ou’re just lucky I’m not in the mood for a lawsuit or I’d bust this piece of shit up right now with my fucking boot.”

I stared at the photographer with wide eyes, trying to blink back the darkness. My breathing had not calmed down at all and I knew I only had a few more seconds before the inevitable.

I heard sirens coming in the distance.

“Mama,” I muttered.

“Car,” was the only answer I got back from Justin.

With that, I let the darkness take over and my body went limp in his arms.

“Shit!” Justin hissed.

As I started to come to, I heard Justin’s voice. “Lil. Lily, honey, please wake up.” I felt softness at my legs and back. It registered that I had somehow gotten into Justin’s truck. I imagine he carried me there after I collapsed. He gently shook my shoulders. “Come on honey, I need you to wake up.”

“What?” I whispered as my eyes began to flutter open. “What happened?”

“You passed out. It’s okay, you’re safe.” He continued to lightly rub his hand over my back as he rested his lips against my temple.
 
T
he comfort and warmth of having him so close was reassuring.
 
W
hile I slowly came back to reality, the horror that I’d blacked out again sat in my gut like a brick. Damn it, I needed to get past this fear. I just didn’t
 
know how.

The sirens were getting closer, and soon a police cruiser angled in and my brother Alan stepped out of the car.

“Jesus, you’re here one damn day and I’m gettin’ calls,” he said to me.

I shrugged but felt Justin’s body go stiff next to me. Alan took note of the change in his body language and tried to hide his smirk. “I see your guard dog is trained to protect.”

Justin stayed silent. His jaw clamped so tight I could hear his teeth grind together.

“Um, yeah, so this guy physically took my camera out of my hands and won’t give it back,” the photographer came over to tattle on Justin.

Alan’s gaze turned to the photographer. “I suggest,” he said to him, “that you shut your trap. I’ll let you have your camera back
 
this one time
,” he leaned in to hiss the last three words. “Next time, it’s mine, you’re arrested, and sit a few days at County jail. Understood?
 
Y
ou need to leave my fucking sister ALONE!” he shouted.

The photographer quickly grabbed his camera and muttered, “Jeez, you’re all freaking related to each other in this town,” as he walked away.

I looked down to where Justin rested his strong hand on my thigh.
 
W
ith his other arm, he continued to rub my back in gentle, soothing strokes. As nice as it felt I needed to remove myself from this situation pronto.

“Justin, thank you,” I said wiggling out from his hold, “but I need to get back to the farm. It’s not smart for me to be out on the street like this.”

He turned to Alan. “I’m taking her home.
 
W
e’ll follow Maggie and make sure she gets there okay.”

I looked back to see Alan grinning.
 
W
hat was up with my brothers
?

“Wait!” I shouted. “I haven’t seen my brother in over a year. Can I at least give him a hug first?”

Justin sighed. “Lil, you just passed out. Maybe you should sit here a minute and relax.”

“She passed out?”

“Alan, it’s not as bad as it sounds. I just got freaked out by too many people in my space. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”

“Fine,” he clipped. “But keep your ass where it is. I can walk over there and give you a damn hug.”

Leaning into the truck to wrap his arms around his little sister, I decided now was as good of time as any to drive him crazy. “Thank God you didn’t search me and find the drugs in my pocket,” I whispered.

“Damn it, Lillian,” he muttered.

“I’m totally kidding.”

“Good to have you home,” he said in a soft voice as he squeezed me tightly. “Even though you’re still a brat.” My brothers. God, they loved me a lot.

I pulled back, gave him a small kiss on the cheek and turned back to Justin. “Listen, Mama is already heading home. I’ll just ride with her so I don’t inconvenience you,” I said.

He gave me a murderous glare. “You’re not an
 
inconvenience
 
Lil. I just need to talk to you.”

“I’ll make sure Ma gets home okay.
 
T
ake your time with your talk,” Alan said from behind me. “You go on with Justin, honey.” He gave me a wink and a grin and walked back to the cruiser.

I sat there wondering what was up with my family trying to push me to Justin, when he grabbed my legs and swung them around the rest of the way into the truck. I was about turn snotty and let him know I was fully capable of taking care of myself. Except the scene back at the grocery store was still a little too fresh. Maybe I actually wasn’t as capable as I thought.

Justin slammed my door and stalked around the front of the truck. Jeez he was so angry again. I guess I really couldn’t do anything right in his eyes. He pulled himself up, slammed his door as well and turned the key. I expected him to back up and head out, but he just sat there staring out the windshield.

Growing up with three brothers, I knew when to flip on the sass and when to keep my mouth shut.
 
T
his was one of those occasions where my lips were sealed. I gave him time to get himself under control before I started to speak.

“Justin,” was all I got out. He shot me a glare and put his hand out to stop me from speaking. I felt my blood start to boil. “What is your problem?” I shouted. “Why are you so mad at me?”

“Is that shit normal?” he asked.

Um, what
?

“What?”

“In the grocery store, Lillian.
 
Y
ou passed out. Does this happen a lot?
 
W
hy would you think it was okay to go out in public alone?”

“I wasn’t alone,” I stated, clearly ignoring his other question. “Mama was inside.”

“Your mom is not going to keep you safe in a crowd of people,” he answered. “I know Glenview isn’t a very big town, but you still need to be careful.”

“I’m sorry. I was in the car and some young girls recognized me and started going ballistic screaming my name. I freaked out and ran inside thinking it was safer than being alone in Mama’s car.”

“And what was with the fucking photographers?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and let it out. He put the truck in reverse to back out. Good, at least we were on the way and this would be over soon.

“I talked to my assistant, Sarah, this morning.
 
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ord around Nashville is that I’m in rehab. Someone who saw me yesterday, either at the airport or in town must have tipped them off and they showed up.” I shook my head. I didn’t understand. It was like these people had spies planted everywhere to let them know where celebrities were. Right then it hit me – the lady who rented me the car. She was so excited when I upgraded, I thought she was just happy about her commission. She must’ve been the one to call the tabloids.